staying with your spouse because of children

Sophie - posted on 08/05/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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hi ladies,
Should a woman stay with her husband for the sake of the children.. even if she doesnt love him anymore?... what if the kids are very young?.
I personally dont think you should stay with someone if you are not happy. the children will feel the resentment between you and hubby. and it will make matters worse. if you have tried all options , including help from outside the family. ( advice from a professional) and you have tried to work things out then. do what you must. what do you think?

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JuLeah - posted on 08/05/2010

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I think it depends on the relationship. If you co-parent well, respect and like one another, enjoy each others company .... are just not in love.

Maybe. Divorce is soooo hard on kids.

I knew a couple that did this, but they could not make it last. When she had to up her antidepressants for the second time, she called an end.

Kids usually grow to have the relationship they watched in their youth.

Is the relationship you have they one you want for your child? If yes, then stay.

My folks stayed together for the sake of the children. I grew to marry someone very like my father, and (sigh) turned into my mother.

I didn't want my kids to see the violence, or live with the daily fear I knew as a child and they were growing use to living with, so I left.

I would prefer to model healthy, whole, grounded, and single then battered and abused.

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Rashmi - posted on 08/05/2010

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Abie, leslie, nikki----totally totally agree with you. I saw my parents fight all the time and it left a very bitter impression on my mind. To this date they cant talk to each other without sounding resentful. But, here in India the society is very conservative and divorces are not seen and taken in a very healthy way (though things have started to change a bit now...but still there is a long way to go). And I am sure I wouldn't want my daughter to go through what I went through as a kid. I don't want her to grow up with the same feelings as I did.

Nikki - posted on 08/05/2010

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PLEASE DONT STAY TOGETHER FOR THE CHILDREN. The first 25 years of my life my parents fought every single day, never once did you see love or respect between them, my brother and I lived through hell, my dad had a 7 year affair, my mom became an alcoholic, then FINALLY when I was 25 and my brother was 21 they split, they said we were no longer children anymore........but yet we never got to enjoy being children we never go to be in a house where my parents were happy, where we could have dinner together. I will NEVER ever put my children through the HELL we lived through

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I think it would be worse to teach your kids to live a lie. As a child, I went through 2! divorces with my mom......and people feel soooo sorry for me. but I tell them, No...it would be far worse living in a house with no love. that's not a home. Did divorce leave a lasting affect on me? absolutely. and still, here I am happily married for 8 years now and 3 kids of my own. Because my mama brought the love that made the house a home. and that is what I remember. that is the foundation I carry to my home.

Abbie - posted on 08/05/2010

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My parents stayed together til I was 21, then my mom left, all of us kids knew there was NO love there. It taught us nothing but to be leary of relationships! I said get out and teach them that sometimes its better to walk away

Vanessa - posted on 08/05/2010

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I couldn't have said it better than JuLeah! My parents have also stayed together for the sake of the kids ---- they are now in their 70's. i think if mum could do it over she would have bailed - but they've reached a kind of acceptance with each other. Not so much love, more of companionship.

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