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Step daughter Boundries where to stop

Nicole - posted on 11/13/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Recently my step daughter has come to live with my husband and I. She is 15. At her Moms house she was having problems and basically her Mom was neglecting her. I have a 13 year old son with my husband, whom I have devoted my life to. I just don't know where the boundries should be with her. I want to treat her as I do my own son. I want her to feel completely loved and taken care of. At the same time I worry that I will overstep my bounds and make her feel as if her own Mom wasn't good enough for her. What do I do? If I treat her as I do my son she will see all the ways her own Mother went wrong, but if I don't aren't I just as guilty?? Help what do u think?

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Mary Lynne - posted on 11/14/2009

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My sister raised her two step kids and she was the only parent they ever had. They still keep in touch with her and she's been divorced from their father for almost 20 years. They call her for talks when big things are happening in their life, not their mother or father. I agree, being a parent is difficult but it will pay for itself in the end in the pride that bursts from the seams when you see what you’ve helped create!

Jodi - posted on 11/13/2009

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Nicole, I have a 17 year old stepdaughter and 10 year old step-son. Neither of them live with us, but they are here alternate weekends, and often over school holidays. They are treated in exactly the same way as my son (12), and our daughter (4). Obviously we have different rules for each of them that are age appropriate, but our expectations, and also our care of them, is basically as a member of this family and this household.



My step daughter is having issues with her mother (normal teen stuff actually, curfews, lots of fighting, etc) and she has indicated that she should come and live here. We have told her she is welcome anytime, but to understand that if she were to live here full time, there would also be similar rules she would have to live by, and that she would be expected to pull her weight every day, just as she is at home!!!

LISA - posted on 11/13/2009

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I have a step mom and coming from my experience as her step daughter I would say she is a teen she may hate you a little more for acting like a parent but that is what you are... me and my stepmom never got along once I hit my teenage years... and now I respect her for what she choose to do... to be a mom that I didn't have in my real mom... even if you feel she hates you do just as you would by your son... and if a topic comes up that is confusing for you discuss it with her father to make sure you aren't over stepping his boundaries because honestly teens don't have their own boundaries... if that were true i wouldn't have been grounded for years over my diary when I was young... all in all one day when she is a mom she will realize that you CHOSE to be there for her and love her... and maybe in that she will learn on her own what kind of parent she will want to be... parenting is not blood it is love and that alone... and my stepmom is gods way of making me at peace with the mother I didn't have in my real one... just do your best and she will understand in the end.

Nicole - posted on 11/13/2009

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You are so right! Thank you!!

Sharon - posted on 11/13/2009

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I agree with Kate. Do what comes natural. She can tell when you're faking. and by restraining yourself - the feelings you attempt to project may seem stilted and she might take them to be fake.

Kate CP - posted on 11/13/2009

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She is your daughter, just not by blood. Treat her like the family member she is. :)

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