Kelly - posted on 08/06/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )
First I'd like to say that I have no issue with the fact that her mother *has* a girlfriend.
My step-daughter is a pretty blunt child. She's never been one to hold her feelings or opinions in. That said, she was vague, pensive, and generally shut down when I asked her about her mom's girlfriend.
Her father and I have never been allowed to meet the girlfriend. They have been living together for 6 months. When we finally got SD back (after a custody battle), she went several weeks without mentioning the girlfriend, even during relevant conversations. I found it odd, so I asked her about it. I know they had some issues getting along several months ago because her mother mentioned it at the time.
When I asked SD if she was getting along okay with Girlfriend, her very pensive, somewhat uncomfortable response was "We get along okay, but there's something about her that my heart doesn't like". So I was floored. I was expecting a flippant "yeah, we get along, but I get in trouble sometimes because I don't listen" or maybe a specific example of an argument they had.
I asked her what she meant and she just said "I don't know...There's just something about her that my heart...she just doesn't like. But I haven't said anything about it because I didn't want to hurt her feelings". She said she still listens to Girlfriend and follows her instructions because she's a grown up, but qualified it with the same "my heart doesn't like her" statement again.
I like to think that it's nothing and that I'm overreacting because I haven't met Girlfriend and that makes me nervous. At the same time, I feel like we as parents are charged with protecting the child and that something this out of character needs to be addressed. I've talked it over with my husband (who wasn't there when the conversation occurred) and he agrees that this is something we should investigate a little further.
I'm hoping that someone on here will be able to help me figure out how to ask SD about it and try to get further information without it being traumatic or uncomfortable for her. Any ideas?