Step moms can be best moms

Jean - posted on 05/05/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I'm a step mom who loves our son as though he were my flesh and blood. But, because he has a biological mom that he visits on weekends, it is often hard for him to see me as the only real person that mothers him. When he's with her, it is all fun and games and then he has to come home to rules, chores and expectations. I don't want to take his love away from his "real" mom, but I'd love to get some of the adoration.

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Iridescent - posted on 05/05/2010

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I agree. I have two kids that aren't mine biologically. Everyone sees me as their mother, and people comment on how much one looks like me! Their mother hasn't seen them at all in nearly a year now. Chances are, she will never see them again. She doesn't care. She was abusing them. She nearly killed her first. She's neglected all four of her kids. She lost all parental rights to the first two. These two, she has rights to but cannot see them, even supervised, because her probation officer agrees it is not in their best interest. She is a pedophile and was just released from prison for the FOURTH time last month.

Even on bad days, I'm the one that kisses the owies, and gets the hugs, and cuddles, and hears "Mom". I tuck them in, I take the photos, and I write in the baby books. You get the same! :)

Sharon - posted on 05/05/2010

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Some appreciation would be nice I'm sure but its hard to beat the "disneyland" parent issue.



That will come later. As long as the bio parent doesn't ruin them. I have a friend whose ex-husband is doing this. He has one of their kids convinced that he doesn't have to finish school in order to have a good life. The kid is NINE YEARS OLD. The dad goes to church, tells everyone he's a great christian, blah blah blah, then screws with his own child like this.



She can't fight that. The dad gives him no chores, no rules, doesn't make him take his meds, doesn't make him do his homework, never scolds him for getting in trouble, the kid is living THE LIFE all kids think they want.



She isn't a stepmom, she's the bio mom, he's the bio dad and she's still screwed.



Counseling, medication, mediation, repeated trips to court... nothing has changed, he's just getting to be a better liar and the kid is getting more and more out of hand.



You may think you don't have his adoration but you probably have his respect. Disneyland parents almost never hold up when the shit hits the fan. That would take discipline they don't have. Wait and see who he turns to when he really needs help.

Rebecca - posted on 05/05/2010

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I didn't like my step mum. I still don't like her. I think the best thing you can do is what your doing. Be a mum.

My step mother isn't a very good roll model and she use to hit me for very small things and my father use to let her. They said it was because of all the little things I did wrong and that they all build up and that's why I got punished. (not good enough)

I was older though, about 10 years. I wished she would have been a sportive person but she acted very jealous all the time and spiteful.

With my step father on the other hand I look to him as my father. He use to be strict but for good reason. He helped me with my homework and never hit me. Instead he would take my things when I did something wrong. Something large, not small things like not cleaning the table correctly!

We had our ups and downs but in the end he was more of a father to me than mine would ever be. He gives me advice and I listen (sometimes). He is a hard worker and is a really good roll model. I wouldn't have the life I have today if he wasn't in my life. My mum and he are split up but we keep in touch and he still helps her and me out.

Ok that was my rant. But I think you are doing the right thing. He will realise that later if he doesn't realise it now. Keep up the good work. also do bonding stuff like going to the beach and the movies together. I loved that with any of my parents. Don't buy fancy expensive things because in the end it's what you do not what you buy. (from experience).

If it looks like he doesn't appreciate what you do buy for him I can grantee he does. With me I just didn't know how to express my gratitude.

Isobel - posted on 05/05/2010

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plus...both sides are always jealous of each other...I'm sure she wishes she could put him to bed every night too.

Isobel - posted on 05/05/2010

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I'm sure my boyfriend feels the exact same way...don't worry, they'll see it when they are older.

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