Step son who doesn't want to do anything

Naomi - posted on 11/22/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My stepson lives with us.He is 8. We have primary custody of him. His mother gets to see him on the first third and fifth weekend of every month. She also gets him for 42 days out of the summer. she gets him alot.He doesn't want to do school work. He doesn't bring his homework home at all. We have tried giving him incentives, he could care less. We have tried to ground him, he could care less. He has started putting things in his mouth like a baby does. and he doesn't care about hygeine. He would go to school without fixing his hair. Point is we are out of ideas can anyone help.

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Beth - posted on 11/22/2009

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My parents split for a lil while, and I had the same probs too. My dad was military and when I acted like that, he put me to work. I had no idea why, but I eventually begged to do kids things so that I wouldn't have to rake, cut grass, and the like. Luckily they got back together...of course that's after I was grown, married and a mom but still LOL. Give it a shot. It's productive and he will take his own initiative. Keep in mind I was never told why on earth I was doing all these chores, and if I asked my dad would tell me he isn't having me sit inside and eat his food for free or that his house isn't a hotel and I'm earning my keep..answers kids hate, but still. Now I have my own house I never let it get nasty and cleanliness is a habit. He told me this when I got older. Plus he was a medic in the airforce, and told me that physical activity is the best treatment for depression. He's probably upset about his family having such a drastic change and feels he has no say in things or has no control. Sounds like he's just trying to take control of what he feels he can. I do truly wish you luck.



Beth McManus

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Naomi - posted on 11/23/2009

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I have had him in couseling and I have had the school counselor talk to him. His BM and dad have been divorced since he was 6 months old. So this is all he knows. My husband and I have been together since SS was 3. We have sat him down and talked to him but he says that nothing is wrong. I just had a conference with his teachers in Oct. and they don't know what to do either. He is just being very rebellious. The two older children are nothing like this. They are not perfect but they do not give us near as many problems. SS mother and I are getting along now. We have been for about a year now. She has been helping also to see what his problem is and she doesn't know either.

Heather - posted on 11/22/2009

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if you and the other parent dont get a long it might have something to with it as well. my stepsons mom use to say bad things about me to get the kids to act up around me and it was horrible to have to deal with the outcome of it. all i can say is that step children take a lot of extra work and its better to start off as friends and slowly more to the parent figure and also let your step son know although you are his parent your not his mom and you are not trying to replace her.

Susan - posted on 11/22/2009

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It's possible that he is still grappling with issues left from the divorce between his parents or your subsequent introduction into his family. There is a great group called Kids In the Middle that deals with kids who are adjusting to life after divorce. Their website is www.kidsinthemiddle.org. Check them out and give them a call. If nothing else they might be able to give you a suggestion on how to support your stepson. I know they did wonders for my daughter and meI after my divorce. Good luck.

Michelle - posted on 11/22/2009

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Try having him have sessions with a school counsilor. Sometimes children will open up to others besides their parents. They me be able to help you find the root cause of the behavior. You may also want to contact your pediatrition.

Cami - posted on 11/22/2009

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Well, find out if there is a neurological problem first, if not that then, try talking to his mom about how you should discipline him and come to an agreement, if that doesnt work you need to get way more hard core, i know good cop bad cop may not be your thing but it works for me and my husband. Take some of his fun things away. Good Luck

Mavis - posted on 11/22/2009

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have you asked your docter weather there is a problem as my son was a bit like that when he was younger now he is 14 and he was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome.your step son might not have this problem but when you said about putting things in his mouth just reminded me of my son when he was younger.

Naomi - posted on 11/22/2009

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Try not ordering him around and talk to him, so as to get to the bottom of his problems.

Cristy - posted on 11/22/2009

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sounds like something is bothering him...you have to get to the root of the problem before you can help him. as for school work you should set up a conference with his teacher..sometimes they have some good ideas about homework......

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