Strangest thing you've heard yourself say to your kids....

Jackie - posted on 12/19/2010

" You have a pink elephant in your ear and a purple squirell in your nose"

Stephanie - posted on 12/19/2010

Don't put mommys knickers on your head, (they were out of the dirty laundry)

Stephanie - posted on 12/19/2010

Some of tehse have had me in stitches. And im so glad its not just me having to tell my daughter, no don't lick the cat/window/bin/shopping trolley etc.

Shes always climbing and standin on chairs, and I tell her to 'sit' and my sister said shes not a dog

Nicole - posted on 04/28/2010

hmm, my favorite so far was "Alex, stop putting your vegetables in your sneaker!!!"

Isobel - posted on 04/27/2010

"We don't stab each other at the table"- and no, we don't do it anywhere else!
"Please don't eat the frogs" - they were toys!

Tarra - posted on 04/26/2010

lol wow glad i dont use those cuz my cat would b in trouble. o heres another 1 i find myself sayin almost all the time. U CANT EAT MY NOSE, so stop it.lol

Rebecca - posted on 04/26/2010

Mine isnt neccessarily funny, my daughter is only 10 week old but i find myself asking her questions that she so obviously cannot reply to and i am sure all you other mums have done the same. I seem to go a step further and continue asking her the question and my partner always says do you really think she is going to reply to that. i just cant help it.

Amanda - posted on 04/26/2010

Who put the kitten in the fridge?

Why is there a cup of dirt in your bedroom?

Why is the dog walking around with a maxi pad on her back?

Tarra - posted on 04/26/2010

i've been haven 2 tell my daughter don't lick/bite the animals, n stop tryen 2 lick my eye, or stop given my nose wet willies. yhea i know ewwwwwwwww that's a gross 1 but every time she's around she tries 2 do it's n sometimes she sucsseeds. lol

Heather - posted on 04/25/2010

The shopping cart is Not a teether!

When you throw something on the floor it its not and "uh-Oh" (he's 1 y/o and says this anytime something falls/drops/or is thrown where it shouldnt go)

The power button is NOT a toy (He thinks its funny to turn off the computer while I'm on it)

No Hunny, You dont need to share that with Tristan (Other baby at his daycare)

I'm glad you're learning to share but I really wish you wouldn't

Mommy wants to stay decent in the store! (He now pulls down my top when he's in the shopping cart and wants my attention, I bought cute bras just because of this) (OH! and he was never breastfed so no exscuse!)

Do NOT bit the dogs nose!

The dog does not need to lick inside your mouth!

Dont drop that here! There isnt a doggie to clean up after you!

Stop staring at the other people (in the restraunt) they are not going to share their food with you

Kirsten - posted on 04/25/2010

LOL! Glad to see I'm not alone!

"My bra is not your personal backpack" I carried my youngest everywhere and he would store all of his "stuff" in the front of my shirt - candy, toys, binky.....

"You have to clean your butt or the bugs will find you" Usually, said when they refused to take a bath.

"Don't play with that (his winkie), you'll break it - and, then what?"

"Put that apple down - you have to finish your dinner" Then, realized that the apple was WAY more healthy than the dinner!

There are so many! We could all write the funniest book!

Serena - posted on 04/25/2010

lol these are so funny. Some things I have said to my 3 year old. Please take spongebob out of your pants.
No the dog dog doesn't want you to ride him.
That is not a pocket.

Tracey - posted on 04/25/2010

Go and play with your balls (ping pong balls.. he loves them)

Taylor - posted on 04/23/2010

I had to tell my 2 year old the other day to stop throwing his fish(goldfish Crakers) out the window. HE has just realized that things disappear out the window when it is down

Brandi - posted on 04/20/2010

No! I have had similar things happen with my kids. I had one similar to yours. I had to tell my daughter not to lick the cat. She licks everything! She's almost 3 and she will walk up behind you and lick you when you get out of the shower and then run away giggling. What's up with that?! Ever had to tell your kid not to stick his for up his nose? Why did that seem like a good idea?

Carrie - posted on 04/20/2010

I said to my 8 year old daughter the other night " May I borrow your nightlight?" LoL! She has an extra one and the one we use in my bedroom burned out. Yes I sleep with a nightlight. It started with my childhood and it's a long story. SHHH! :-)

Ashley - posted on 04/20/2010

My son thinks that a band aid means something is broken- well he went to his 18 month check up and they gave him all of his shots. The nurse put two band aids on(one on each leg) and told him he was good to go. Jay stood up on the table and looked down at his legs and said "mom me broke" The nurse and I were laughing so hard. The next day we were driving down the road and he was yelling non stop so I yelled to him to stop screaming.. he did and what he said about made me pull over because I was laughing too hard. He looked at me and said "say peas" as I always do to him when he wants me to do something.

Tara - posted on 04/17/2010

"Mama's bra is not a hat"

"Yes, everybody poops"

"Hair clips do not go in your diaper"

"We do not put our hands in our poop"

Veronica - posted on 04/17/2010

"Don't dance with your food."

"Let me finish wiping you off (diaper change) before you start playing with yourself, ok?"

"Why is there a kiss print on my (shirt)boob, made of cheesey goodness?" (toddler+ mac and cheese)

"If you don't stop begging to paint your toes, I will start dressing you like a boy!"

"Well, crayons ARE non-toxic..." (in response to an impatiently waiting toddler at the restaurant

"Stop pooping or I'm going to set you free to fertilize the yard!"

Brittany - posted on 04/17/2010

to my 2 year old and 10 month old (both boys)

"quit being naughty or you cannot take a bath!" (my kids love baths!)

"no honey...mommy cannot kiss your peepee" (i have to kiss all the booboos away...and he doesnt understand why i cant kiss that one!)

i know there are plenty more...but this is a great post! i needed a good laugh!

Laura - posted on 04/17/2010

get mommys tampon (not used lol) out of your mouth

Cheryl - posted on 04/17/2010

How about.... "No, I don't make grape juice on one side and milk on the other." My oldest son referring to me nursing his younger brother.

Stephanie - posted on 04/17/2010

To our 2yr old
"Why is there applesauce on your ears?"
"How did you find ONE sprinkle on the floor? No you can't eat it!!"
"If you don't go play with all those toys, I'm gonna give them to swiper" (he's a dora fan)
"Joshua! No you can't help vacuum. No dishes. No laundry. Just go play like a kid"
"Get all of those trucks outta your pants RIGHT NOW"

Ashley - posted on 04/17/2010

Some of the funniest things I have seen/ heard around my son

" we don't hit" than my sister hit my son's arm-- I about fell over laughing
" Really I am going to have to stop this car and leave you on the side of the road for the next person who wants a kid" My son was being so bad
" Why don't you eat?" his response "eat?" Me "no we are not eating now"
"Stop eating the candle wax.. or the wicks.. come on man that's gross" He just laughed at me.
The dog is not a couch.. or a horse.. get off him now.. don't try to pull his tongue.

Fiona - posted on 04/17/2010

"Of course princesses fart darling."
It was at the end of a long day...!

Jessi - posted on 04/17/2010

My twins r still too young but working Ina daycare I had one boy n particular that always required strange resonses like " we do not eat cookies frm between our toes"

" donot put that straw in yor armpit and make farting noises"

" if u fall asleep I am going to put make up on u take pics and show ur friends"

" just drink the rest from the carton no need to dirty a cup" ( there wasn't much left)

" if you pick ur nose and wipe it on the couch again I will make you pick yours and your sisters and eat it" ( discusting I know but. I never saw him pick his nose again).

" nooo that's a knee high not a giant condom ...... Yes giants use condoms ")

how do u know about condomns? " mom said it's so daddys peepee don't grow anymore"

what's this miss Jessica? ( he found a pantylinr) it's a big bandaid ". Oooh" ( three days later ) " I cut my arm on paper I want to use your big bandaid " ummmmmm I didn't bring it today" " that stinks".

This particular day they got their first LCD tv he told everyone he went with his daddy and two big guys helped them load thier LSD I had alot of explaining that day lol I could go on but u know lol I miss that kid he made me laugh

Stacey - posted on 04/16/2010

My boy's like hitting each other in the balls this started at a young age with my oldest and it continues and i constantly have to tell my kid'a stop kicking hitting and smacking each other in the ball i want grand kid's some day and i won't get em if you 2 keep hittin each other in the nuts.

Christin - posted on 04/16/2010

I am drawing a blank for the crazy things I have said, I am sure there have been some over the past 12 years! I do remember one thing that wasn't really strange until my 3 y/o daughter responded and then I realized how it had sounded to her! While eating dinner one night I was reprimanding my middle daughter and my 3 y/o decided to chime in and "be the mommy too". I said, "you be quiet and eat yourself". To which she responded, "mommy, I can't eat myself"! Needless to say my husband and I were fighting to keep a straight face! :D

Firebird - posted on 04/15/2010

Just today: Rhiannon, the puppy does not go in the dryer! And, we don't lock the puppy in your toy box.

Anna - posted on 04/15/2010

Peas DO NOT go in your ear!

Don't touch that, it's dirty! You're gonna get scurvy!

Stop that, it's just wrong to motorboat your own mother!

No, wedgies are not funny! Wanna see!

Stop sniffing the dog's butt. No I don't care if he sniffed yours first!

There's nothing under my dress that you need to see so get out of there.

No I will NOT buy you a bra. (to my son)

Let the cat out of the toilet! And if he scratches you, you deserve it!

Jessica - posted on 04/15/2010

Today it was "don't put your fingers in your butt and wipe it on things!!!" gross

Christina - posted on 04/15/2010

BOTH of my kids drink their bath water.. and my daughter is the type of person that throws everything off of her plate.. and then when I put her down thats when she wants to eat.. Glad I am not the only parent that deals with this!

Kristina - posted on 04/15/2010

To Zoe, who was 6 at the time, lol, "Why'd you put a seashell in your nose?", and recently, to Vincent, who's 2, "Ewwwwww! Don't touch that! That's the doggie's peeper!". Never know with kids....

Iridescent - posted on 04/15/2010

Lol! The wedgie one!
I told my sons that boys have penises, and girls were boys that got wedgies too hard, so they had to stop giving wedgies that ripped underwear or they'd turn each other into girls.

Jennifer - posted on 04/15/2010

well, just hearing myself sing the "songs" my mom used to sing for example:..."Time marches on time waits for no one!" ha ha ha

Heidi - posted on 04/15/2010

okay so i may be the only one ever to use this as a motivational tool. my oldest daughter, hannah, was about 4 yrs old, and hated when she got a wedgie, so whenever she didnt listen to me, i told her "if you dont do what i say, i will give you a wedgie. it always worked.

Rebecca - posted on 04/15/2010

my kidz,the girl is 12 and the boy is 8, are always fighting,so the other day their fighting got into my nerves and i just shouted"you two monkeys iam going to send you to the mountains where you belong"

Lauren Louise - posted on 04/15/2010

i dont think i have ever said anythin if i have i havnt realised

Michelle - posted on 04/15/2010

You cant put lotion on the cat!!!!
Crayons are not a snack!!!!!


this one is a conversation between my friend and her daughter....
Daughter: crying
Mom: What happend?
Daughter: i bit my thumb
Mom: y was your thumb in your mouth
Daughter: it wasnt in my mouth
Mom: (trying not to laugh ) how did you bite your thumb if it wasnt in your mouth?

Jordan - posted on 04/15/2010

"Kaem spit that toilet paper out!" i

Myriah - posted on 04/15/2010

Well I can't remember any of the crazy things I've said to my son and I don't think I want to remember, because I remember stopping and thinking "did I really just say that?"



What I will always remember is what my aunt told me in high school,



"You're GROUNDED!!! Go to the MALL!!!!!"

(I liked my room, loved music & books, didn't talk on the phone and rarely watched tv.)



That was one of the BEST punishments I ever had, I went to the mall, the movies, the arcade, the bookstore AND the library.

Nicola - posted on 04/15/2010

Ohh too many.. My daughter is a classic.



Quote..' Ellie please stop chewing your toe nails'



'Ellie, just because Jackson locked you out of the tennis court doesn't mean you are allowed to scale the net, swing your legs over the top and climb down the inside of the court!'



'Ellie in this restaurant I don't want to find you under the table eating chewing gum that someone has left under the table' .. (this one was a fair while ago)



' Ellie, unless your bleeding out your eye balls your not having another day off school'



' Jackson and Ellie, I've discovered that your hiding your lunch box at school and telling the canteen staff that mummy doesn't feed you in order to get a canteen food! Well... I've just been going through the photo album and have pulled out a picture of both of you. If I hear of this happening again, these pictures will be discreetely placed on the canteen wall next to a sign saying ' please ring mum before giving canteen pass to these children.

Casi - posted on 04/14/2010

-get your fist out of the horses nose
-no my nose is clean, pick your own
-little boy, your gonna rip that thing off and you'll never be able to peepee on my tires
-there is nothing up my nightgown for you so quit peeking
-chew on your own toes
-stop drinking the bath water
-quit cleaning the rocks with your mouth
-don't suck the spilled water off the floor
-quit drinking out of the dog water
-quit eating the plants, you've had enough veggies
-quit dragging the cat
-quit eating my makeup, no you can't wear it eaither(my son)
-my baby ate my homework
-your going back to the pound, im getting a good puppy (yes i say this to my son)
-don't eat my hair
-don't bite my nipples, im not your cow anymore

Isobel - posted on 04/14/2010

"don't pull your brother's head off!" - to his slightly older sister.
"leave Harry's willy alone - that's for him to play with" - to same sister, in the bath.
"Don't lick the shopping trolley"
"we don't answer the door in the nude"
And darned if I can get their names right in heated moments - even teh dog gets a guernsey then!

Soleil - posted on 04/14/2010

at Soup Plantation, I told my then 2 tear old "You do not put macaroni in your pockets!"

Jennifer - posted on 04/14/2010

These are TOO funny! It gave me quite a laugh at the end of a few rough days!

My favorites that I've had to say to my son is : "No tonguing the window."
and "no licking the dog",
Also, "get your hand out of the toilet!"

And then of course, "No, I can feed myself,thank you", as he is trying to force food into my mouth
and "The dog can feed herself too." (when he was standing in front of the dog pushing food into her mouth as she was trying to get away)

I've also surprised myself at telling him he didn't HAVE to eat bread (or pasta, or cake, or whatever for carbs) if he didn't want to, and giving vegetables like broccoli, peas, or corn to him to make sure he will at least eat SOMETHING on his plate! ( he will almost always eat the veggies, raw or cooked, but we have had such a hard time convincing him to even TRY brownies, cookies, cake, bread, etc.)

Naza - posted on 04/14/2010

'don't put the cat in the freezer!', don't play around with my bras,..don't stuff you nose with beans..well, welcome to the club.

Julia - posted on 04/14/2010

When my son was still in elementary school I told him to "stop being so childish".

Jennifer - posted on 04/14/2010

we dont flush bannanas down the toilet

Firebird - posted on 04/14/2010

If you don't stop acting like this, I'm going to feed you to that dog over there. Our puppy is not a hat! Don't say hello then hang up the phone when it isn't for you! Don't eat the hand lotion.... no it isn't yummy. Starving kids all over the world would kill to be able to eat that so stop whining!