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Strong-willed toddler tantrums

Janelle - posted on 10/18/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Our nearly 2 year old is incredibly strong willed. She is advanced in her speech and understanding and is usually very reasonable. However, she's pretty OCD about some stuff, especially doing things all by herself, and sometimes something will set her off and she'll fly into a raging tantrum. Example: tonight she wanted to find her pillow downstairs, but DH found it upstairs. She blew up because she wanted to find it herself. We are sometimes able to defuse the tantrum before it starts, but if we can't there's no consoling her for 20-40 minutes. Any suggestions on how to handle these or diffuse her?

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Sylvia - posted on 10/18/2009

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With a 2-year-old, I think the most important thing to remember is that they're not doing it on purpose to drive you crazy. Honestly, they're not ;^).



I've just spent a whole weekend with a 2-year-old who was exactly like this, and my daughter (who's now 7) was exactly like this at that age, too -- as were most of her daycare classmates. Some of them are less verbal and get frustrated easily by their inability to communicate, and some, like my daughter and yours, are VERY verbal and get frustrated anyway ... 2-year-olds have a lot going on in their heads and a lot of big feelings that they're just not equipped to deal with yet. And they really, really want to do things themselves, but sometimes they can't, and sometimes we forget and give them help they didn't want. Believe me, you're not alone!!



In my experience, the single biggest triggers are being hungry and being tired. So making sure she gets enough sleep and eats at regular (and not too long) intervals goes a long way toward reducing the number of meltdowns. (This is still true when they're older, as I've discovered ...) And allowing extra time for ... whatever (getting dressed, getting out of the house, eating lunch ...) can help, too. I found that I could sometimes head off a meltdown with "meh-mehs" (my daughter's word for nursing), though not always.



A couple of sites I find useful: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T063300... http://aolff.com/quick-reference/tantrum...



Honestly, though, I'm not sure it's possible to get through ages 2-4 without the occasional meltdown or freak-out. The best you can do is defuse when possible, and help her cope when you can't head it off.

Abbie - posted on 10/18/2009

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My son does that, he will freak over little stuff. I try various things, I try laughter, song, getting him on a different track or doing something else. Its hard when they get so mad, but I would just say keep trying other things. And talking to them and explaining

Laura - posted on 10/18/2009

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o yes.. my 2 yr old boy is starting to get a little over the edge too.. mostly he is sweet and calm, sometimes something will set him off.. usually doesnt last too long, i do the same, if he starts that, i put him in time out and tell him he can speak to me when he calms down, ususlly works.. other times i've had to completely ignore him b/c it starts ticking me off lol.. he will stop though, and then hes happy and fine and i tell him that its not ok for him to yell at mommy, he needs to be a nice boy

Sheree - posted on 10/18/2009

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Do not give in to these tantrums. My son is the same way, he's 4 y.o. now. Once they know how to get to you they will in a second. Just tell her to go to her room until she can learn to be nice. Or put her in the corner. If she runs out of the corner or screams, repeatedly put her in the corner until she gives up. This will drive you nuts, but she will learn that she can't act this way. If she gets your attention then she knows that will get your attention, that's the whole point of a tantrum.

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