Taking Baby Overnight w/o Mom/Dad

?? - posted on 06/14/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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After I had my son I had a couple people say "I'M TAKING HIM FOR THE NIGHT!" they were serious, and I've avoided it / said no everytime they've brought it up. I seem to get kind of an annoyed response from the people I tell no too, not that I care that they are annoyed at me not wanting to be away from my child but they act almost as though I am being selfish for not wanting my chid away from me - or they act insulted like they think I wouldn't trust them with my boy. When in all reality, I'm just that attached to my son and don't want to be away from him.



I've had some friends, who live farther away from me, that expect me and my son to go visit and leave his daddy at home while we go there overnight or for extended periods of time. They get upset with me when I say no because my partner doesn't want to be away from Gabriel any longer than he has to be (cause he works long hours) and I wouldn't even ask him to be okay with it. Or they act like my partner is being unreasonable for not wanting to be away from his son for a couple nights cause I would be there with him. I tell them they can't expect a daddy to be comfortable with being away from his lil boy, and they can't expect me to force my partner into a situation I already know he wouldn't be comfortable with.



I hate being away from Gabriel, who is 7 months, for longer than a couple hours let alone over night. I have some friends who are perfectly ok leaving their baby with a friend overnight for whatever reason.



How are you with your child(ren)? Do you leave your baby over night with friends/family? Have you ever gotten negative responses when you've come home early or just plain said no? Have you ever had friends/family get upset at your partner or you for not wanting to be away from your baby for extended periods of time?

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8 Comments

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Michele - posted on 09/03/2012

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I have 20 month old twin boys and have never spent a night away from them and dont expect to anytime soon. I'm sure your friends and family are offering to take him for the night to help you out or they are just so happy to be around a baby, but to me it's a bit odd to ask to have someone elses baby for the night. Like I said I don't mean anything bad by saying it, I just would never ask someone to take their baby overnight and I certainly wouldn't let anyone take my babies overnight. Tell them to come in the morning and spend the whole day, but they are going home alone! LOL

Natalie - posted on 06/15/2009

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these friends who expect you to go and leave your partner or the a couple of nights, bet they don't have kids !!!! it's up to you, don't let any one make your feel bad.........and if they do then their not real friends...why don't they come to you ? my daughter 6 months and i'm not sure when i would let anyone abbysit her, she wakes up a lot still !!!

Sabrina - posted on 06/14/2009

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I lost two of my best friends from high school. because i wanted my sons dad to have a relationship with him and they were causing trouble. so we cut off communiction and went our seperate ways. but as far as losing a friend over the fact of my choice that i make for my kids no i havent. my friends respect my choices. and to me that is an example of a TRUE friend. and if she is your friend she will understand. dont let her boyfriend speak for her. sit down and talk to her one on one about the situation and see how she really feels.

?? - posted on 06/14/2009

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The way I see it is if my friends can't respect that I don't want to be away from my son and my partner doesn't want to be away from his son then they aren't being much of a friend. I understand friendships are important - but who wants a friend who wants you to be uncomfortable and disliking the situation you`re in just for their benefit.



My best friend - literally the first girl that I have ever had a real friendship with - is moving up north at the end of the month and it's very hard for me right now coming to terms with her moving. She's been my rock for almost 2 years now, besides my boyfriend she's pretty much the only friend I have here where I live and at the end of the month... she'll be gone.



Yesterday was her "going away party" and at the end of the night I gave her a hug and we ended up standing in the livingroom crying in each others arms for about 15 minutes before we heard one of the other girls say "ok everyone stay out of the livingroom unless you wanna cry".



After they left, I changed my status to something about her leaving and being sad and her boyfriend made a comment about it being ok and that I had to cheer up... and I kinda wished he was here so I could punch him in the face for that one... and that they would fly me and my son out there and we could always go visit them and they will come visit us and I explained that I wasn`t going to ask Dev if it would be ok that I take our son away from him for a week or so to go up north while he stays here and works cause we couldn`t afford for him to take time off work to go visit them and Dev doesn`t like driving 20 minutes let alone the 18 hour drive to where she`s moving... etc etc etc and he told me we`d have to figure something out. My initial thought was ``yeaaaaaaaa. you guys can move closer to civilization!``



Anyways, I got to thinking about it and wanted to see how other moms handle being away from their kids or if they even leave their kids with others. Has anyone lost a friend because they chose their kids over them?

Sabrina - posted on 06/14/2009

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The only time my kids have been away form us at night is when I was in the hospital having their sibling. My husband was aloowed to stay with me. Except for the last one. If we would go out for the night and would be back late we would just make arrangements to sleep over at grandmas. After our night out we would just come to her house and sleep there so we wouldnt have to wake the kids. As for me and the kids going away. My husband says go. We have 6 kids so he likes the break. We have gone to Other states to visit family and stayed there. Since his job doesnt allow for vacations only at the holidays he would have to stay home. But everyone is different. And like the other moms said it is YOUR choice and YOUR partners choice. And poeple need to learn to respect that.

Janiel - posted on 06/14/2009

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I agree with what Sian said about it being YOUR baby and YOUR choice. I personally have left my kids overnight many times starting at different times for each of them depending on need and circumstance and the girls' individual temperment. For me it's a great thing to be able to leave them with family during an emergency or for a brief get away for hubby and me! I have close friends however that have waited until their children are 3, 4, or 5years old before ever leaving them...and that's okay too! It's all about what works best for you and your family. That said...be patient with your friends. They just want to see you and don't understand your feelings about this. Make the effort to be sure they know they are still important to you, regardless of whether or not you make an overnight visit! Friendships are SO important for mommies...they help keep us sane:) You obviously can't please everyone, but by making the effort to let them know you appreciate how much they care (of course they do or they wouldn't want to see you so badly!) you stand a better chance of them (hopefully) learning to respect your decision even if they don't understand it. (but that is all jmo..hope it may help!)

Mel - posted on 06/14/2009

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i had many friends say the same thing but i just never took them up on it i couldnt leave my newborn overnight. i had people saying it from when she was 2 weeks old. the hospital used to take her though when she was 2-4 months she was in and most nights later i would not stay i got depressed severely in the hospital and i was ringing counselling help lines, so in the end we left sometimes midnight and got back at 7. yes i got a hell of alot less time to sleep and it was hard but at the end of the day i felt more comfortable at home i jus rang them all the time to check she was ok. when she got older say to around 6-8 months because she was tube fed , they would say to bring her in for the night to give us a break which was really good. so i felt fairly comfortable there but probably woudlnt leave her with anyone else. shes 14 months now but when she was 11 months i would not leave her overnight at hospital i thought if she woke up she'd get scared

[deleted account]

Jo, Ive never spent a night away from my little boy (22 months) - I dont want to be parted from him, can see no reason why he would enjoy being parted from me and have no idea why anyone would think that spending the night with a miserable little boy would be fun for anyone!

I find it hard enough to leave him (with his Daddy) while I go to my evening job, so I treasure my time at home with him because I have to go to work 5 nights a week.

Having said that, my granddaughter is 15 months and my daughter who is a single parent likes to have a break from her baby, which I fully understand even though I dont feel that way myself. She has no problem leaving her baby overnight with relatives and her baby is very cool about it too - they are all different!



This is YOUR life, YOUR baby and therefore YOUR choice - your friends and relations should accept that without making you feel bad about it.

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