Taking my baby daddy to court?

Alice - posted on 01/05/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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The father and I havent spoken since august and my son is turning 7 months now, he and his hole family believe I was cheating on him while we were together and dont believe the child is his. The last we talked he threatened to take me to court ( I realize he was bluffing) but I got scared and said if he didnt believe my son was his I would leave an never come back. I pretty much took the chicken way out but now I feel God is moving me to take him to court and do the right thing by allowing him to see his son. He was a complete jerk, throu my pregnancy an left me mean messages on facebook while his aunt openly claimed her hatred of me on there as well. I got all the evidence of it, but the only thing I'm afraid of is I don't want him taking my child up north with him if I do, he lives over 2 hrs away and I cannot bare to have my child away from me for even a night, he sleeps in bed with me each night and wont sleep with out me so we'd both have fitful nights. Would I be able to get full rights, if I don't ask for child support and be given the authority to be the one to decide when and where visitations would be and have them supervised? He's not on the birth certificate btw and my son does not have his last name.

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I start to roll my eyes when I see the phrase "Baby Daddy", but maybe that's me and maybe I'm showing an "advanced age". In the future, I would use the phrase "baby's father" to refer to the father of your child. Baby Daddy gives the connotation of low-income, trashy, uneducated, etc. and this very well may be the completel opposite. It's just that this phrase "baby daddy" gives that impression. So please do change up that phrase!



1st red flag- Facebook harrassment. Document everything. Copy, paste, print things ups. But in many instances, mean words are simply that: mean words. Unless there is an outright threat, then you may or may not have Facebook harrassment as a tool.



2nd- Is there a court-ordered paternity test? If not, that is the first priority in order to establish parental rights, visitation, and child support.



3rd- If he is deemed to be the chld's parent, the courts will assist you in how to gain child support and visitation.



4th- If the guy genuinely WANTS to be a part of the child's life, (after he is deemed to be the fahter), don't deny him the chance to bond and actually BE a father.



5th- If he truly does NOT want to be the father, seek assistance in legally severing paternal rights away. In the future, you may meet someone who would be head-over-heels in love with your child and you may consider adoption.



Best of luck to you.

Sherri - posted on 01/08/2012

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Courts are most likely going to demand a paternity test and when that comes back if he is the dad most likely you will get joint custody and honestly he will be allowed to take your son every other weekend, possibly more and he will be required to pay child support whether you want it or not. You also will not be given the authority to be able to dictate visitations that will all be done and set through the courts.

Kay - posted on 01/08/2012

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Why would you be afraid for him to take you to court? If you are providing a stable, loving environment for the child, and are a capable provider, your worst case scenario would be that the courts allowed visitation and awarded you child support. For a child that small, I don't think that it would be unreasonable to ask for supervised visitation. I doubt they will accommodate all of the requests that you mentioned because that would seriously limit the father's rights, which wouldn't be fair if he is paying support and adhering to visitation guidelines.

Alice - posted on 01/05/2012

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After I had my son he completely changed and wanted to be involved, which I was perfectly fine with, until his family started switching around my words saying I didn't want any of them to see my son and his aunt claimed she hated both me and him. She even went as far as to call him a little pisser, after that he just flipped out on me and we havent spoken since and he continues to bash me to this day. An ok Sharon, I'll remember that next time, growing up with that term around my friends, it just kinda stuck with me. I just wanna do the right thing because its my sons feelings that matter, if I keep his father out, he'll just end up hating me when he gets older and I don't want that.

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Alice - posted on 01/12/2012

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Kayla, to your post, I'm only afraid because I love my son so much, I don't want to be seperated from him at all, even for a day. The thought of his father taking him away for a few days just breaks my heart and I wanna cry at the thought. I would gladly allow supervised visits, even his family and aunt could come down with God's help I've already forgiven them for everything, but I just don't want him being taken up north and away from me. He's such a happy child and his dad has such terrible anger issues and temper tantrums, I don't want him getting those from him and not have me there to tell him what is right from wrong. I don't want child support either just because I want HIM to make the desicion to help support his son.

Christine, Thank you so much for sharing your story and your post was very helpful. I don't plan on talking bad about his father, in fact if he doesn't come around soon, I plan on making a video for him so he can see all the important phases of his son's life he missed, and I'm making an album for my son of his father. I just want to be a good parent. Thanks ladies, I plan on talking to my attorneys soon. GOD BLESS EVERYONE!

Christine - posted on 01/06/2012

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When I was 18 my kids dad left when I was pregnant. 3 years later the state came in and forced visitations on me and him along with $75 child support. My daughter was only 2 at the time and she went from happy tot to a very sad mad baby. I hated it so in a very mean spirit I decided to take him to court for back child support. When I was talking to my lawer I told him he could offer the father a way out for him to give up his rights. Long story short he did it took him less than 2 months. From start of the lawer to the day she was totally mine. Now you know my story let me give you some advice.

Never speak bad of his dad only tell him good stories and be honest with why you guys are not together " he was not ready to be your daddy but I was ready to be your mommy" type of thing you can share the bad without being a butt about the dad. When your son gets older you can share more



Your son will not hate you for the dad not being in his life. Because he will know how much you tried and you were honest with him about his dad.



Also until and if he gives up his rights take your hurt feelings out of it. This is easier said than done but the more you do it the better mom you become





And most important never stop fighting for your and your kids happiness



It's a hard road but one that in the end is worth it.



Good luck and God bless your heart and mind. Let you find the right road.

Michelle - posted on 01/05/2012

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I don't understand completely. Is the father wanting to see his son?
You would probably be best to get some visitation orders in place beforehand if that is the case, but if he has denied paternity for this long why is he all of sudden wanting to accept it?

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