talking to my 10 year old son about sex

Jennifer - posted on 01/15/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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my son is 10 and is about to watch a development video about the changes in his body he will experience.when i asked him about it he told me he thinks its going to be about making babies and he knows you do that by having sex!! ok makes me a little nervous that his mind go straight to that subject. so i know its time to talk to him about that subject. but i dont know where to start and exactly how much to explain to him. HELP!!! any advice would be appreciated!!

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First, you need to use proper terminology. Use the correct words for body parts, not 'nick names'. I agree with the suggestion to ask him what he knows first and then correct any misconceptions he may have. If he asks questions, answer them matter of factly and directly. Try your best to be at ease. if you can establish an open line of communication about sex now, it will be A LOT easier when he's 16!

Carolee - posted on 01/15/2010

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Ask him what he know so far, and what else he would like to know. If he asks for specifics, go to the library and check out a few books on the subject. Be open and honest with him, but only be graphic when he asks for it. Make sure you also tell him what your views are about WHEN and why people should have sex... you could also substitute the phrase "make love" for "sex" if it makes you feel more comfortable.

Jolene - posted on 01/15/2010

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My 4 boys have all had that talk about 6-8 years old. The Boys Scouts of America has a pamphlet that talks about sexual abuse and it leads into that very easily. Just basic information at younger ages.. This allows them to know they can talk to you about it as questions arise because you have already opened the door for them. Try to talk about it without feeling guilty or embarrassed. I think this helps them to view it as you would like them to. It also is the time to express your personal views and beliefs. ie...waiting until married or not.....etc.

My husband had this talk with my oldest at 5 years old, because he asked a questions about something he heard on the school bus from 6th graders. It broke my heart when I got home and my husband had to tell me about it. So remember whether you are talking or not to them some one is. It is better they hear it from someone who knows, then from a school mate who is just stating things they heard. I would guess that is where your son got his information from. It is a normal, although sad, that they hear about that from other kids. I guess like hearing about Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. It happens. I wanted it to be from me and not someone else.

Remember though explain it to your child's understanding. They do not need details just the basic how. Like it takes a man and a women. The women has an egg and the mans sperm fertilize it and it develops into a baby that grows inside a mom's tummy until it is big enough to be born and live outside her protection. You give them the how without details. That will normally be just enough that their curiosity is satisfied.

One of my day care parents told her little boy (age 5) this story, Once you were a little egg and a tad pole swam up the stream to fertilize the egg and now you are a boy. That was all she said and he was so excited to think he had once been an egg that a tad pole changed into a baby. :) Keep it simple and basic.

Good luck

Joanne - posted on 01/15/2010

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i wouldnt be to concered. with my oldest son, i went to the libray and borrowed a video. i think it was called Knowing your body. he thought it was good. it was done where he could understand it and it was in cartoon. afterwards talked to him about it and spoke about respecting his body and the girls body. after that it was easy to talk about the subject.

Quatia - posted on 01/15/2010

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I think that is the first subject to mind b/c the creation of another person is a fascinating subject for children. ... They are curious to know where they came from and how they were made, so now that he has the knowledge I would elaborate further as PP stated about how its not just "sex" that makes a baby. Many other things have to happen as well... and some of those things have no answer at all. We know how to make them, but that doesnt always "make babies" ;)

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Andrea - posted on 01/24/2010

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Get a book. They have plenty of books that speak directly to these subjects. It's best to be open and honest from the beginning. This is a great time to show him that he can talk to you about anything and everything which is very important these days. If this talk goes well then he will probably be open to discuss a lot of different things with you.
Be Blessed.

Colleen - posted on 01/15/2010

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So glad I found this thread and thanks for asking the question Jennifer....my boys will be 10 in Feb and I've been dreading how to handle this subject. I like the idea of asking first and then keeping the answers short and simple with just enough information to satisfy the curiosity. I heard a joke once where a little boy asks his mother where he came from and she proceeds with this long and involved explaination on sex and body parts. When she's finished her son simply says..."Oh! My friend Jared says he comes from Johannesburg (in South Africa)".

The Tadpole and egg story is lovely and I think that may be a good ice-breaker. I know there is a DVD in cartoon form called "Where did I come From" so I may just track it down and see if it's appropriate to watch too.

Goodluck Jennifer, I'm right behind you!

Gina - posted on 01/15/2010

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Everyone has such different views on what to say but you are the best judge since you know your son the best. Tell him you would like to explain some things about sex to him. You can get as detailed as you feel comfortable and you can recognise his comfort level as youre talking. You can also ask someone close to you to explain if this is out of your comfort zone.



I explained to my kids that God made a man and woman to fit together pefectly so the "sex" topic can become as matter-of-fact as possible and that it is not dirty, the things that will happen with his body has happened to every man and it is what is expected by us but since he is young he doesnt know what to expect.



I also agree with others to use proper terms instead of nicknames for body parts.



One of my kids at one point said he'd heard enough and I could stop now. Two others really wanted to know how babies were made. One is 8 now and he says he doesnt want to know yet, he thinks he's still too young, pretty funny, but they will let you know when you keep your conversation "open" for discussion and encourage him to ask you questions too.



The 5th grade- they watch those videos at school, you can opt out too but my opinion is let them have the knowledge if they dont already know. Plus you know they hear stuff from peers and it would be better to clear up the facts by watching the video and to hear it directly from an adult they trust.

Jennifer - posted on 01/15/2010

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thank you all so much. this is all wonderful advice and i plan to incoporate all of it in our discussion.it is a lot less frightening knowing i can ask for advice from people who have gone thru this and also to know there are other moms with the same worries as me.:) wish me luck:)

Kristin - posted on 01/15/2010

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i dont have much advice im dreading that!!! my step daughter is 8, her moms not around, SO i guess that would be my job soon. Im Scared!!! My mom told me she took my sister to the library and showed her a book. Apparently they have books to explain it to different age groups how they can understand and what they need to know for their age. GOOD LUCK!

Amanda - posted on 01/15/2010

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Been there, done that. My son ask what sex was at the age of 9. I explained without too much detail and let him ask questions. He is 10 and a half now and will ask his daddy questions every now and then. We let him inquire and just let him know that we will answer anything he has questions on. Don't tell more than they ask for, they still need to be little as long as possible. This is just my opinion, and how we handled it.

Christina - posted on 01/15/2010

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I have a 11 year old and well in our family we are very open about life. I wanted to teach my kids about life before some one at school or a stranger did. Dont be scared to talk to your child about thing, take a few days to think about what you want to talk with him about, bring a book to look at if you need to. But the more you are open with him he will be open with you as he grows!

Zoe - posted on 01/15/2010

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ask him what he knows 1st and try to elaberate on what he does know then ask him if there is anything he would like to know. its better to be up front and honest not saying your son will be one of them but so many teens end up in trouble by not fully understanding everything with regards to protection not only pregnancy but stds and sti as well.

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