Tantrums

Shannon - posted on 11/26/2008

Thank you ladies very much, your advice has been great and things are actually getting better. I have been trying the method of until you can act like a big girl and stop throwing a fit, you need a time out from mommy and daddy. She hates this so the tantrums have lessened quite a bit. She hates not being able to talk to us, so she nips it in the bud really fast now :)

Vicki - posted on 11/18/2008

I go through the same thing with my twins, and I know it's not easy. However, I have found a way to at least deal with it. You have to look at why she's throwing the fit...because she is not getting her way. She does it to get attention. So, the best thing you can do, I have found, is to just ignore it. I know it sounds mean, but when my son was a toddler he threw a fit right in the middle of a shopping mall. I just kept walking, of course without ever taking my eye off of him. He did not now what to do. I told him that I do not pay attention to that behavior and that it wasn't going to get him anywhere. At home, I would just send him to his room and tell him to work it out. If she comes out of her room, then just keep putting her back in...or wherever you send her for punishment, i.e., the thinking chair, etc. I prefer corners. That is how I was raised. If you need to keep your cool, obviously counting backwards is a start, but sometimes you just need to walk away, compose yourself and get back to it. You are not doing her any good if she sees your frustration. When she stops throwing a temper tantrum, tell her that she must apologize and then hug her to let her know that you still love her; it's just her behavior that you don't like. Hope this helps.

Patricia - posted on 11/18/2008

When my children tried this, I would just stand there and ignore the behavior. Once they realized they were not getting the attention, they would stop and look to see what was going on. If they threw a tantrum in public I did the same thing. Once the tantrum was over, I would tell my child that I loved him/her very much, but the behavior was not acceptable--even when they were babies. Being consistent is the key to this, and it is very hard emotionally at times. As they got older, I rarely had to deal with tantrums.

Kandy - posted on 11/18/2008

On church days, give her extra time just in case...if she looses her cool, walk out and tell her to come see you when she wants to act like a big girl. Sometimes it only takes a few minutes, and sometimes a half hour, but it will get less and less. Tell her you know she wants to be a big girl, but sometimes she needs Mommy's help to make good decisions so that she looks and acts like a big girl....but really, walking away and ignoring the tantrum has been the best thing for mine. I even shut the door. At 4 1/2, they won't do too much to hurt themselves, they are just trying to keep your attention, but that is where you have the control whether to let her have your attention while she's acting out or when she's being a "big girl" and you're just trying to help her look and act like one. Hope this helps....I know it's hard and we Mom's tend to blame ourselves...there is no blame...remember "It takes a village to raise a child"...take care!

Shannon - posted on 11/18/2008

Thank you so much for your advice. Usually she will dress herself, but for instance she didn't want to wear tights with her dress for church and she threw a tantrum. If it wouldn't have been so cold outside I would have just left it, but as our pastor says be quick to listen and slow to speak and anger. His other thing was kids need to know two things they are loved and they can't always get their way. We have to put our foot down, but when is it ok to give in? Because I don't want her to always get her way.

Lucille - posted on 11/18/2008

You aren't doing a thing wrong momma.

I agree with Brenda about letting her pick out her clothes. We have a 4.5 yr old little boy and I have found that just letting him feel in control a little more really helps. He picked out his outfit last week and it wasn't pretty. ;) It was a blue and red gap sweater with orange and gray track pants. lol I put a coat on him and away we went to Giant Eagle. I figure if three out of four of us look presentable people will catch on to why he looks a little off. If they don't? Oh well. I get a kick out of seeing him stand on his own two feet.

I do feel for you. Tantrums leave everyone feeling drained. Have you looked for common triggers?

Brenda - posted on 11/18/2008

If it's possible, let her pick her clothes. When my son was younger, I had one of those closet organizers with a slot for everyday of the week. I would full it with matched outits (everything: pants, shirt, socks, undies, & shoes). Then when it was time for my son to get dresses he could pick any slot and dress it himself.



If the tantrum is at home, I'd just leave the room (stay close enough to hear) and then let her figure out that the tantrum won't do her any good. If you're in public--good luck, I hated that too. I usually just tried to leave the store or wherever we were.



Have fun, Brenda