TANTRUMS

Amber - posted on 01/21/2009

If my daugher is having a fit because I can't understand her I tell her to use her words.  She'll be 2 in June, but she's understanding.  "Use your words" is the norm around our house.  If she's freaking over something silly, cool down/time out time. You'd swear we were beating her if you could hear how she screams when she can't have a cookie at midnight.  She's got a little temper, but we put her on the naught mat and let her "express herself" until she gets over it.   And if all else fails, I get the vacuum and roll it past her.  That snaps her out of the zone and gets her talking.  Good luck.  I'm definitely right there with ya.

Tamara - posted on 01/21/2009

ignoring is the go. I know its hard. Instead of telling him not to do something give him a choice, if he is getting chips from the cupboard for an example, say to him you can not have chips at the moment but you can have some .... tomorrow or later etc, would you like a piece of cheese or toast..

another if he wants to climb on a bench try please dont climb on the bence, why dont you climb on your step/chair/ etc or would you like me to pass something to you....

i find avoiding saying no avoids conflict, then if he has his tantrum, say when you finish i will talk to you, .. if he carries on let him go making sure no siblings chan watch him.

Try to keep him busy at home, if you see he is starting to turn, get out some paper and pencils, get a ball and roll it, find something before he has a fit, then he will realise, you loose things if you have a tantrum... worth trying it... dont threten and not carry though with things though, if you say you cant do something never back down. even if it is easier. consoling a child gets the attention they want IGNOORE hope that helps

Rennie - posted on 01/21/2009

First of all let me begin with I HEAR YA! My son was a temper tantrum thrower like no other! He never became aggressive towards me- or anyone else for that matter, But he would throw some doosies! Well I did it all. I felt like the one that worked the best in public was when he pitched one in the store and I was so shocked that I just walked away and stood out of his view. Once he realized I "THE AUDIENCE" was not around he stopped and cried- now yes it made me feel terrible but you know what? I let him cry for a minute or 2 and then walked right up to him and put my hand down and he grabbed it and we went on our merry way- once he calmed down I squatted and VERRRRRRY quietly I said I will always love you but I will never allow that to happen again. He just stared at me and not ever again did that happen.

Now for tantrums at home- oh my. Some people told me kids only do that because they feel so comfortable with you....blah, blah, blah! Whatever! I learned from a friend whom is a child psychologist that children listen very well when they are whispered to. SO that is my advice- whisper everything to him when he is gearing up for a tantrum. Give him the choice- in a whisper or very low voice at that- he can stop and control himself or mommy will have to leave the room because she does not like to listen, it hurts her ears- I would also recommend leaving the room and busying yourself. Sing out loud, do whatever you need to do to allow him to have his tantrum AND not get a reaction out of you. Best of luck and honestly.....this shall pass.

Trelawney - posted on 01/21/2009

Have you watched "Happiest Toddler on the Block"? He has a book, which will give you more thorough info, but the video is a good, quick (30min), visual tutorial. I thought it made a lot of sense and is stuff you can start doing NOW. You can get the video on Netflix and maybe your local library or video rental store. Good luck!

Laura - posted on 01/21/2009

This is the age where you need to start teaching him what consequences are.  Set a limit, and stick to it. For my children I count to 5. But it's more - because you have to be consistant.

For example. Trying to get my daughter (now just turned 3) to dress herself. She has a choice, to do it herself, or mommy does it (mommy doesn't do it nice - that was for when she was a baby - she needs to figure it out for herself now)

I tell her to put her pants on, Give them to her and remind her the tag goes in the back. If she plays, or ignores me I start counting slowly. ONE, put on your pants. Two, put on your pants.

I have found it's important to repeat what you want after each count (eventually you won't have to do this as they get older - it's no longer an issue w/ my 6 year old son)

counts 1, 2, and 3 are her chance to make a decision. Count 4 is when I start moving and her LAST chance to make up her mind. Count 5 ends it, and I move. I take her pants, put them on. Then give her a chance at putting on her shirt.

It will take awhile, for him to realize what you want. In the case of behavior correcting - what you choose for a consequence is up to you, whether you use time out, spanking, or whatever. I have used "swats" firm smacks on the behind - enough to get point, but never enough to leave a red mark. I have used the "naugty step" (2nd step up in the stairwell to our upper level - it's just enough to block thier veiw of everything fun!) and standing in corners. The idea is that the punishment has to be equal to the misbehavior. You don't put them in a quite time out or whatever when they are screaming their head off. It won't work. They will continue to scream.

I've used the corner for screaming, and the step. I tell them they can sit/stand there and scream and cry all they want. When they are done, and ready to behave, they may come out.

Dolcie - posted on 01/21/2009

I am in the same club.  My youngest will be 3 in may and things have gotten to the point that i don't like to take him to the store.  the grabbing of things on the shelf and the tantrums.  At home he jumps up and down, throws himself to the floor, and today he has started to growl and hit me.  The dr said that it would pass and to just continue to be consistent with the disipline.  All i know is that the other 3 never acted like this.  I have started time outs.  sometimes that takes 30 min just to get him to sit still on his spot for 2 min.  All i can say is stay strong and consistent.  That is what the nanny on TV says and those kids straighten up in an hour.  LOL.  There has to be light at the end of the tunnel.  stay strong.

Jolene - posted on 01/21/2009

What I have been told is when they are having their tantrum to hold them, as if restraining them. Let them throw their fit in your arms. I know my mom had to do that with my sister a few times...she said at times it was really hard to keep ahold of her but it was the only thing that ended up working. Apparently when it's over it still makes them feel loved instead of just constant disaplining while at the same time knowing they cannot behave like that.

Dana - posted on 01/21/2009

We read some advice online..."isolate and ignore"  When our son has a tantrum we place him in the car in his car seat, buckled in.  He is safe, but no one can hear him or see him.  Now all we have to say to him is, "you have a choice, to stop your tantrum, or go in the car."  He usually stops.  Our reasoning with him is that we don't allow tantrums in our home for our family.  It is not a pleasing sound to our ears like kind works or singing.  Most kids I think have tantrums for the attention and to see us as parents get all worked up.  They key when putting your child in the car is to be very calm and not emotional, very matter of fact.  Somehting like, "I'm sorry you've chosen to display your dislike for my wishes.  You can choose to stop having a tantrum, or have it by yourself int he car".  etc.  Obviously, at a time before a tantrum occurs explain the new way of dealing with it.  Hope this helps.  Godd luck!