Teenage daughter drama

Alexandra De - posted on 07/27/2011 ( 63 moms have responded )

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Hi everyone, just joined, desperatly looking for help!! ( like many of you for my surprise) my 13 yr old daughter has become very distant and critical towards me, I'm a single mum of 2. Last weekend I asked why is she being like this and she confirm that she doesn't like me, is this normal???

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Shane - posted on 07/28/2011

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When I was that age (pretty much all through teenage years) I was the most horrible person to my Mu, I would tell her I hated her at least once a day, ignore her completely, call her names, I absolutely HATE myself now, thinking back, but thankfully, my Mum and I have the best relationship now that I'm older. It is just a stage, and as Juleah said, don't take anything personally. xxx

Kim - posted on 07/28/2011

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Yes they all go through a stage where they hate us. My daughter did it and now my soon to be 12 year old is like it. I think it's because mine can't get away with things that others can .

Roxanne - posted on 07/28/2011

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I have a son and praying for twins by next year and I refuse to act like I'm on the Brady bunch. Sometimes listening and talking don't work and usually the teenager is testing to see how far she can push you. Don't do the tit for tat game with her but u put ur foot down and don't give her the impression that everything is up for negotiation cuz ur the boss u make the rules her job as a child is to be respectful as ur job is to protect and nurture her in every way. And if that don't work there are other alternatives.

Crystal - posted on 07/28/2011

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This is very normal....my mom always says this saying she heard...God made them babies for you to love them and teenagers for you to let go. It hard but you have to step back a little and not hover but still keep a close distance.

Angela - posted on 07/28/2011

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You need to listen to her without interrupting so she knows that she matters. You might talk to her about when you were a teenager and crazy or disrespectful things you did and what happened. Let her know that you are open to any questions she might have and be honest about giving answers. Be truthful, she can handle it and needs to know that you were once her age too so that she can learn from you. I have 2 boys, 11 and 14. So far, so good:) You have to be willing to hear what you don't want to know and pick your battles of when to discipline verses getting on the inside.

Roxanne - posted on 07/28/2011

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Im not the pretend to be nice mom so if my daughter told me she didnt like me I would tell her I didn't like her either. I love you but the way ir behaving I don't like you. I'm so sick of ppl giving these kids free reign to act an ass. Ur the mom u pay the bills and yes there's growing pains where they feel its them against the world but Oh well. U pay the bills U make sure she's protected and safe so guess what you make the rules and of those rules make her dislike you oh well tell her when she's actually mature enough to understand life then she can be audacious enough to dislike you until then be quiet and be respectable.

Sandra - posted on 07/28/2011

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Normal. But just let her know she must show respect and fillow thru on consequences or she will play you bad. Tell her your the mom and your job is not done based on if she likes you or not. And confirm you love her no matter what her mood is for the day. Good luck from a single mom of a 17 yr ikd girl

Christina - posted on 07/28/2011

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Of course she doesn't like you!!! You are her mom, not her friend. You give her rules, boundaries, restrictions, ect! Would you like you either if you were bossing you around and not letting you do whatever you want? Of course not!!! Welcome to teenage years! Stay firm, stay consistent.

Kim - posted on 07/28/2011

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There is nothing wrong with being a friend to your children.I have a 12girl & 14 boy & we do alot of friend things like going to the movies, playing games, hanging out ,talking but they also respect that I am their mother & I'm the boss. They don't always like the rules or follow them, I've gotten a few " I hate you" over the years but I've also been honest & said " I don't like you very much right now, but I still love you". It's all about respect & communication and being a single mom for most of their lives we have made it work. I'm very close with both my children & I will always be their for them as a mom & a friend

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Of course it is. It's not required that she like you. You aren't her friend, nor should you be trying to be. You are in charge. My children used to tell me they hated me. I'd say, that's fine. I still love you. Your jobs now are to hold firm and expect her to be a help to you, and to keep your sense of humor & not let her get to you. My 4 daughters are now grown, and we all love and like and appreciate each other. This is just a phase. She'll outgrow it.

Jerry - posted on 07/28/2011

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This is no abnormal for girls or boys that age, they think they know more than we do and that our ideas are out dated, they will find out some day that we are right. The only thing I can suggest having raised three sons as a single mom is to tell her you are sorry she doesn't like you as you love her very much and if you make choices or tell her to do somehting she doesn't like it is because of that love. Also, be honest I am sure there are times you don't like her very much either but love is always there.

Sam - posted on 07/27/2011

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I totally agree with JuLeah. I remember being a total beeoch to my mom, I couldn't even give you a reason why. I remember telling her that I hated her and we totally get along now. I have two girls 10 and almost 9 and let me tell you I am already scared, you know what they say payback is a b*tch! Yikes

JuLeah - posted on 07/27/2011

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yup. She might even tell you she hates you from time to time. Take NOTHING your children do or say personally.

Build relationship where you can, set limits on her 'self expression' and let the rest go. Don't try to be her friend, understand she will get mad at you, will hate you, and (in her eyes) you will be a bad parent and a bad person. There are times you actually will fail her, let her down, but in that smae moment, you will love her and be there for her. Many lessons in that. Conflict is not bad. We can argue in healthy ways, we can disagree, and agree to disagree ... many lessons to be learned in that too.

Good luck!

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