Teenagers and Homework

Catherine - posted on 06/18/2010

As a high school teacher, I deal with this a lot from the other side. I'm assuming from your post that she's doing homework and then not turning it in, which is particularly frustrating for both teacher and parent. When I've seen that behavior in the past, it's usually associated with the student wanting to fail (why anyone would want that, I can't understand myself, but sometimes they do). One problem I've seen over the years are that kids who never do their work and then are allowed to do a bunch of catch-up to pass at the end (as it sounds like has happened with your daughter) are rewarded for their behavior and don't learn that it's unacceptable. I know this sounds harsh, but sometimes failure is a very good teacher. I'm not sure how her school program is set up (full-year courses/semester courses, etc), but I sometimes find that students who do nothing and fail a term learn a lesson and work harder for the rest of the year and then pass the course for the year. If she hasn't ever seen the true consequences of her choices, that might be the only thing that will really speak to her.

JuLeah - posted on 06/18/2010

Yup.



My roommate has a 13 yr old and this exact problem.



The child does not understand cause and effect. She does not understand that if she watches TV on Wed night, she won't pass the test on Thurs.



She doesn't understand that if she failes to turn in the homework, she won't get credit and that will impact her grade.



She really, developmentally, does not get the concept.



She is not able to take a big project and break it down into smaller bits, and work on it over time. A five page paper she starts on the night before with no idea of what she will write and seldom pays attention to what has been asked for.



This kid can't see past next week, so she can not understand how her grades today will impact her future. She doesn't get college and then career - she says she wants to be a judge, and work for NASA, and ..... she dosn't understand you don't just get to do such jobs; it takes more then wishing for it.



So, her grades come out and she is so mad. She gets D's only because the teachers hate her; she can see no other reason.



So, her Mom set up a system. Everyday we checked in about homework turned in, tests coming up that need to be studied for, big projects that had been assigned ..... she was able to track from week to week on a chart. Her grade was a 'B', but is now a 'C' because she didn't in two assignments. She would say, "But it was just two stupid assignments and they were not worth many points. It didn't matter"



But, she was able to see on the chart (graph) her mom kept up, that it did matter. A 'C' on this test moved her grade from a 'C' to a 'D' in the class.



She was able to watch cause and effect in action. She was able to see how much that ten point quiz mattered.



There were stickers for good work, rewards for great work. Her mom told her a 'B' average would land her a lap top and she pulled off a 'B' average - the highest she has ever received.



She learned a lot too about the importance of turning in homework, keeping things orginized, understanding the assignment - how stupid is it to get points taken off for no title when the teacher asked for a title?



Should someone her age be able to do this herself, should someone her age have these skill already .... maybe, but she doesn't. So, her mother set out to teach her the skills she needed, fill in the gaps in her understanding - that's the key.



So many parents punish, take away friends and phones, yell and scream, but none of that will work if the child trully does not understand - you can't punish someone into understanding, you have to teach.



Good luck, you are not alone and when your daughter has a teen, you will likely get a call from her asking for help -

Emily - posted on 06/18/2010

If she's not doing her homework, you may very well have to "stand over her" in order to make sure it's done. Yes, she is 14 and needs to learn responsibility, but it sounds like she could use some guidance as well. If you sit down with her while she does it, this shows her that you're interested in her succeeding, and you are willing to help her. Doesn't mean you'll have to do it forever. When you say you're "constantly on her," what does that mean exactly? I don't know about you, but I hate to be nagged about stuff.. it actually makes me not want to do it. She may be rebelling simply from the way you're approaching it. When you talk to her about it, don't yell or speak down on her about it. You are there to guide her, not to be her drill sergeant. Talk to her (calmly) about why getting her homework is important to you, and why it should be important to her too. Having a rational conversation with her may help you understand what's going on with her.