Teenagers and the silent treatment

[deleted account] ( 18 moms have responded )

OK, so I've done the right thing and told my 15 yr old daughter 'no' to something. Now she's not speaking to me. Her boyfriend and his entire family have invited my daughter to go to CA with them to attend a family member's wedding. My daughter and her bf have only been dating for 7 weeks. We live in AZ. They wanted to leave on Thursday, the wedding is Friday, and then they'd all come home on Saturday. I said 'no' because I felt that they're just too new of a couple. The family is real nice, and my gut actually says things will be fine..... but I still feel like the relationship is too new; they're only 15 years old. She spend a little time trying to persuade me, in a very mature manner I must admit, but I held to my beliefs and still said 'no.' Now, we're walking around the house not speaking and it's making me sad...and pissed off too.

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Amanda - posted on 06/25/2010

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think of it this way... Its not really YOUR relationship to judge tho, is it? You are still her mother, but if she will be with his family & not alone with him, i see no reason why she cant go. Youre reason for not letting her go is b/c theyre relationship is "too new"... not a very valid reason, honestly.

if they were going alone together, I would completely understand.. but his entire family is going to be with them.. & its only for ONE day? let her live a little, jeez..

Angie - posted on 06/24/2010

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She'll have to talk eventually - she'll want money for something - LOL! Give her some time. She doesn't understand why you're not letting her go. We as adults know you did the right thing but she'll need time to accept it and move on.

Iridescent - posted on 06/23/2010

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You're the parent and you have a very good reason for the decision you made. Make certain you compliment her ability to debate an issue so important to her maturely, while also stating that her reaction could use improvement (the immature silent treatment). I'm certain you'd like for her to continue to be able to debate her cause maturely with you in the future. Also let her know that you are the mom, and your decision will stand.

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18 Comments

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Nicola - posted on 07/02/2010

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Personally I'd rather have a silent teenager than a mouthy one!! ;-)

Alex - posted on 07/02/2010

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Don't feel guilty, you are doing the right thing for her. Just ignore her attitude and do everything like nothing is happening she won't be expecting this, and she will start talking to you.

Josie - posted on 06/25/2010

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I think you did the right thing in saying no. She's 15 and that is just innapropriate. She's upset and I'm glad she's giving you the silent treatment instead of running away or doing something dumb like other 15 year old girls sometimes do. If you want to break the silence maybe you should sit her down and say I love you and this is the reason I am saying no. I'm sure she will come around soon.

Danielle - posted on 06/25/2010

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When I was 15 I don't think I spoke to my mom much other than to tell her I hated her. Today I'm 23 and now she's my best friend. Your daughter will get over it and she'll come around. I'd also like to say I think you made the right choice as a parent. 15 is too young to go off on an overnight with a boyfriend (particularly one that hasn't been a long term relationship) in my opinion and I would've made the same decision as you.

Salina - posted on 06/24/2010

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First of all if you are not comfortable with it then no! Second she don't pay bills around there! Why should you be worried about if she is giving you the silent treatment! So what! Because she is going to need you before you need her. If you give in now she will try the silent treatment again and this will just repeat itself.

Minnie - posted on 06/24/2010

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Ok...she's angry, and this is how she's dealing with her emotions. She's allowed to have them, correct?

[deleted account]

What's funny.....but not...is that at this point, she's cool. She's moved on and is trying to talk to me, and has dropped it.....but mama hasn't! *ashamed of self* I'm the one who still wont talk. So shame on me now....I guess.

Kristina - posted on 06/23/2010

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I agree with your decision. She's to young I think to be going outta state with her bf. Rather its with his family or not. Tell her your reasons are justified and when she is an adult that she can make her own decisons but until then she has to follow your rules. Rather she likes them or not your her mother and she needs to respect your rules. Theres no reason to be upset about not being able to go. When shes a mother she will understand.

[deleted account]

Amy...thanks for the heads up! haha

Yea, if my daughters did HALF the stuff I did, went through half the things I went through.... I don't even know what I'd do. I'm just trying to open their eyes to 'what ifs', opportunities, reading through people, and a whole bunch more. I came full circle in my years.... I'm sure my kids will too. It's those in-between years that're grueling! haha.....and great ;)

Iridescent - posted on 06/23/2010

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It is hard! I dread my children being as emotionally out of control as I was as a teen, and honestly hope to help them through it and teach them to cope (I was left on my own to struggle through, and had to learn coping over the course of the next decade). Mine are really good children, but still push my buttons every single day. Sometimes it's hard to remember they are children, they are learning, they don't know what it's like to look at the same situation from a parent's view.

I'm so glad you posted! This can be a really positive group, and even when posts are annoying or hurtful, they're through ignorance or differing views more than anything. I have a hard time remembering that sometimes! :)

[deleted account]

Laura...haha... you're funny and right. I have no problem being a tough mom. Just am not diggin the silence. Like I said though, it's me too (yikes!)

[deleted account]

Amy, you're right. I love the fact that she calmly tried to point out the 'plus' of the situation. She also took in and accepted the 'minus.' I realize she's upset and disappointed, ergo the silent treatment (I guess) This is the first time she's ever done this. To be honest........ it's been me too. I'm a single mom and it's hard to always be the bad guy. We'll both get over it though. She's really a good kid. I'm just a little sad, mad, and this is my first Circle of Moms posting ;)

[deleted account]

hell no i wouldnt let her go lol.. shes 15! if the wedding was in town, maybe .. you are right. shes just being typical teenager, stand ur ground she'll get over it and prob apologize later.. just the beginning.. keep standing ur ground she'll appreciate it later

[deleted account]

Thanks JuLeah, it's things like this that make it hard. I know I'm doing the right thing, but wouldn't it be nice if we could just put smiles on their faces? LOL
I agree with you too. I'm always telling people that if you're trying to give your kid a 'step up' on life, then you gotta let them own up to stuff, fail, fall, and pitch in with the household too. Nothing should be all on one person.

JuLeah - posted on 06/23/2010

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I agree with you. She will grow up and get over it, even if it takes her until she has a 15 year old of her own :)

She is a child, not an adult. Parents that treat their teens like adults are abusive in my opinion.

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