Teens should not be having sex!!!

Whitney - posted on 03/24/2011

I got pregnant with my son around Thanksgiving in '05, turned 16 in January, got married in July, and had him September 1, 2006. I knew that I loved my husband and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him [yes I figured this out at 15]. I didn't get married because I was pregnant, as many people assume, and we actually planned on having Michael. Sure, I graduated high school a year late [2009 instead of 2008], but I had the most important person there to tell me "Mommy, I'm so proud of you because you graduated!!" Some people ask me if I could go back and change things would I? I don't even hesitate, "Hell no because then I wouldn't have my precious little man!" [99% I'd keep my husband too, lol.]
He's my life, my joy, my soul, just like God is.

Sorry if it sounds like I'm all defensive; it just really irritates me that just because some teen moms/parents give us a bad name most people judge us.

But it doesn't matter how old we are, as long as we love our children with everything in us and provide for them, that's all that matters.

Megan - posted on 12/09/2009

Quoting Karrington:

Quoting Sharon:

LOL at 15 she planned to get pregnant - she didn't plan to be a mother. She still isn't being a real mom with all the "help". good god it makes me want to hurl.

What kind of parents can someone have that allows that happen???

I am very offended by your remarks about teen mothers. I got pregnant at eighteen and had my son at nineteen, he is now ten months old and I am a good Mom. I am twenty now and although I do live with my parents still I do my part. My parents support both of us while I attend college, this was their decision because I was willing to get a job in order to support him. My parents would rather see me go to college and get a degree over working a dead end job for the rest of my life. I believe that this makes them wonderful parents. I did recently start a part time job in order to relieve some of the financial burden from my parents but they would do anything for me and for my son. My son is loved and he knows that and he knows that Mommy is there every morning when he wakes up and that Mommy is going to feed him, and change him, and bathe him. It breaks my heart every night that I work because I do not get home until ten thirty that I did not get to see him off to bed. I also tell him everytime I leave for school that Mommy has to go to school so that she can get a wonderful job and take care of him and everytime he smiles and gives me a kiss (he is my drive) The only "government" help we receive is WIC. It is not about who pays for diapers or wipes instead it is about that precious, innocent child be loved and taken care of the way they deserve to be. In all honesty for all the teen mothers who do end up leaving their babies with the grandparents, one must consider how the baby could be better off this way, stress and tension can cause people to do malicious things and perhaps a grandmother who has more patience than her 13 year old daughter is the best option. My son was not planned in fact I was on birth control and I got pregnant. Are there times that I regret not being able to go and buy his winter coat with MY own money, yes. Is he going to have one either way, yes. Are there things that I would be more capable of five or ten years down the road, perhaps. Do I regret him and all the joy and happiness he has brought to my life, absolutely not.

i do agree with your points on not all teen moms being bad moms. like ive said before and will again, alot of teen moms give their all for their kids and would do anything for them. just like the rest of us would for our own kids. some dont..actually, alot dont and those are who are giving you guys bad names. you turn on the news and you see a story about a teen mom who shook her kid to death because he wouldnt shut up. a story about a teen mom putting rum in her kids bottle because he was cramping her style. the teen moms who do this and teen moms who do that. we never hear about the good teen moms. thats why there are so many teen pregnancies. do i agree with teens that young having sex? no i dont. i dont condone it but its still gonna happen whether i like it or not whether anyone else here likes it or not, its still going to happen. so i am VERY sorry that you got the short end of the stick b/c you seem like a good mom and i commend you for trying to raise your son. im not a teen but i am epileptic and have arthritis in my back(i have big boobs and falling down due to my seizures didnt help) so its hard to find a job. after my ex left us my son and i went to stay with my parents and its the same story. im going to college trying to get a good job so i can support my son.

Lydia - posted on 12/08/2009

Quoting Krista:

Quoting Lydia:

Quoting Iysha:

"If you don't want a baby DON'T HAVE SEX" is kind of a dumb piece of advice. lol. A lot of people have sex with no intention of haveng a baby. lol. I have sex...with my Fiance... and we have no intention of having a baby right now. The message you should be trying to get across is "If you don't want a baby and are going to have sex, take the proper precautions so that you do not have a baby."

just putting it out there....

There is no other garunteed method of contraception other than abstinence. I have multiple friends who have fallen pregnant (at various ages) using multiple forms of contraception. Proper precautions only lower the risk but at the end of the day if you have sex there is always the possibility of pregnancy. That is what people need to realise - especially when they are young. Its easy to say having sex?use a condom! but the truth is that wont necessarily prevent pregnancy. My thought is that I was just dammed lucky that I never fell prenant before I was ready - I would say Im in the minority of women I know who can say that...

The problem is that a lot of parents (and Presidents) are wont to say "If you don't want to get pregnant, don't have sex." And they leave it at that.

They don't give the other half of the equation, which is that if you ARE going to choose to have sex, that you really need to understand your body, how pregnancy works, how contraception works (and yes, that sometimes it does fail, especially if not used properly), and the physical and emotional aspects of sexual intimacy.  My mom was the school nurse, and saw a lot of girls fall pregnant because their parents didn't tell them a damned thing about birth control. She made sure my sister and I were well-educated on these matters, and neither of us ever had a pregnancy scare or contracted an STI.  

By preaching abstinence, and by refusing to even talk about anything else, you wind up with girls who marry at 18 because they're hormone-riddled teenagers who just can't wait any longer, but they're in no way ready for marriage. And, like Lysha said, a lot of people have sex with no intention of having a baby. I just HAD a baby -- I don't want another one just yet. But, if it was up to the abstinence-only nutbars, I'd have no idea how to prevent another pregnancy, other than refusing to have sex with my husband. 

So, to get back to the OP, yes, it is obviously ideal that teenagers wait until they are emotionally ready for sex, and emotionally and financially capable of caring for a child, should something happen.

However, this is not an ideal world -- human beings were breeding as teenagers for centuries. It's only in recent history that we're now expected to wait until we're out of our teens. Biology has not caught up to societal mores, meaning that physically, teenagers are MORE than ready for sex, even if emotionally, they're not. In other words, we can preach abstinence all we want, and some teenagers might be able to follow that, but many, many, won't.

So, instead of getting on our collective high horse and saying, "Well, you had sex so now you have to pay the price! Shame on you!", we could be more mature about things and try to make sure that those teenagers are well enough educated that they'll have a much higher chance of preventing an unwanted pregnancy, in their teens AND beyond. And at the end of the day, isn't preventing unwanted pregnancies something that we can pretty much all agree upon?

LOL - I do agree. Education is the key.I wouldnt waste my breathe preaching abstinence only - theres no point in preaching anything if you dont educate people with a backup plan (contraception). Although Im also with you on the fact that it isnt just because of the possibility of pregnancy - but also because a vast majority of young teens are emotionally unprepared for sex.

I also feel the "Shame on you" approach is counterproductive. If teens think that is the response they are going to get then how do we expect them to come forward about their situation for support and guidance? Whatever the circumstances noone should ever go through an unexpected pregnancy alone...

Karrington - posted on 12/07/2009

Quoting Sharon:

LOL at 15 she planned to get pregnant - she didn't plan to be a mother. She still isn't being a real mom with all the "help". good god it makes me want to hurl.

What kind of parents can someone have that allows that happen???

I am very offended by your remarks about teen mothers. I got pregnant at eighteen and had my son at nineteen, he is now ten months old and I am a good Mom. I am twenty now and although I do live with my parents still I do my part. My parents support both of us while I attend college, this was their decision because I was willing to get a job in order to support him. My parents would rather see me go to college and get a degree over working a dead end job for the rest of my life. I believe that this makes them wonderful parents. I did recently start a part time job in order to relieve some of the financial burden from my parents but they would do anything for me and for my son. My son is loved and he knows that and he knows that Mommy is there every morning when he wakes up and that Mommy is going to feed him, and change him, and bathe him. It breaks my heart every night that I work because I do not get home until ten thirty that I did not get to see him off to bed. I also tell him everytime I leave for school that Mommy has to go to school so that she can get a wonderful job and take care of him and everytime he smiles and gives me a kiss (he is my drive) The only "government" help we receive is WIC. It is not about who pays for diapers or wipes instead it is about that precious, innocent child be loved and taken care of the way they deserve to be. In all honesty for all the teen mothers who do end up leaving their babies with the grandparents, one must consider how the baby could be better off this way, stress and tension can cause people to do malicious things and perhaps a grandmother who has more patience than her 13 year old daughter is the best option. My son was not planned in fact I was on birth control and I got pregnant. Are there times that I regret not being able to go and buy his winter coat with MY own money, yes. Is he going to have one either way, yes. Are there things that I would be more capable of five or ten years down the road, perhaps. Do I regret him and all the joy and happiness he has brought to my life, absolutely not.

Megan - posted on 12/07/2009

Quoting Megan:

Quoting Christina:

Quoting Betsy:

Quoting Christina:

Quoting Erin:

Quoting Christina:

Quoting Megan:

Quoting Sharon:

Psh no worries.

Like most of us said - you now see how unplanned and initially - unwanted most of those babies were.

I hate reading a mom saying she's going to help her teen daughter raise the baby because its the right thing to do. You pick kittens off street corners because its the right thing to do. You have a baby because its an expression of love and hope full on demonstration of love between two people. You don't grow to love the baby because you're pregnant - you'd love to have a baby.

I'm guessing you have no idea of the twaddle I've heard from teens...

"I want to have a baby because then it will love me"
"If I have a baby he can't leave me ever - we'll be tied together forever"
"I get more foodstamps if I have ANOTHER baby"

AND here in the USA if you have a baby, you're not expected to go back to work and our welfare system will carry you for several months, then you pretend to look for a job or get a job and get fired and you have more time the system gives you.

There is nothing like seeing a girl wearing enough gold to sink a small boat stroll into a welfare office with perfectly manicured nails holding the keys to a cadillac to piss you the fk off.

i agree. i am still looking for another job because i refuse to take gov assistance.

as for the teens my moms a nurse at a childrens hospital. i agree with her on someting..some of you may think its stupid but its just my opinion.. i dont think teens should be allowed pain medication during child birth. if they dont feel the pain then how do they know what it really is. like you said picking up kittens, some grandparents do the same with the babies. now, of course as to any opinion there are if ands or buts to it. i do believe if a teen is raped and becomes preg and decides to see the preg. hrough she should be able to choose meds or not b/c it wasnt her decision to become pregnant in the first place. some may think thats cruel or stupid, but thats my opinion.

Megan I completely agree with what your mom said about the pain medication!!!!!

i agree that there or way too many teen pregnancies out there, but please tell me the point of NO PAIN MEDS, why????

I can only answer on my part, Megan can answer on hers when and if she wants to. The way I see it is if a teenager went out, had sex and got pregnant, maybe having them go through the pain of delivery would make them not want another one for a while. Therefore giving them more time to mature before the next one comes along.

I don't think that is what works. I had our son at 17, with days of hard labor in a completely natural birth. Our next child came 7 yrs later. It wasn't the pain of the birth that made us wait until we were settled and financially stable, but the pain of exhaustion from juggling 3 jobs, skipping meals so we could pay the rent and electric bills, etc. They are either going to wait due to the pain of reality or they just don't get it, whether because they haven't had to work hard or had to be completely responsible.

Well, I have to say you make a great point. I don't think I can find one thing to argue over..

 

let me make this clear as i know i may not have before. it is my OPINION. my cousin got pregnant at 16. she is now on govt assistance. i think honestly she is trying to get a job. she kept saying she wanted a baby b/c "it would always love her", that her boyfriend would stick around, etc. my whole deal with the meds is this. yeah it may be mean and cruel but the pain is "natural" right? if she was big girl enough to take off her panties and spread her legs she should FEEL the reprecussions of her actions. why? b/c as previously stated, alot of teen moms DONT take care of their kids (NOT ALL TEEN MOMS ARE LIKE THAT) but most are. the whole point is if theyre NOT spending the nights awake b/c the baby is colicky, if theyre NOT up at all hr of the nite feeding, if theyre NOT making the sacrifices then what are they learning? NOTHING.
but in many cases im sure, the pain of something the size of a friggin watermelon is squeezing out of that lil bitty hole, will wake them up. sex is fun but the reprecussions? not so fun. i love my son and would lie/die for him. he came from an oops preg. not b/c we were'nt careful, we used condoms and birth control, but again i was 23, hes a plumber and i worked at target.
as i said before not all teen moms are irresponsable little monsters unloading their baby on the nearest relative alot of them are great moms who are giving their all to raise their kids. they make sacrifices and bleed, sweat and cry over it all like the rest of us. BUT i in my OPINION think they should feel what pain is really like during childbirth. in many cases it may not hinder them from having another baby, but will probably make them think twice about spreading their legs for the next hairy legged boy who comes knocking on the door.
like i said, its my opinio.l take what you will from it. ignore it, debate it, whatever you want to do with it, its just an opinion. it is the legal right of all women to take meds or not. but this is my take on the subject thats all.

Rebecca - posted on 12/07/2009

Here is something for you to swallow...

When i got my first period at12yrs old i was in horriable pain. I could not walk, sleep or eat. I could not go to school during this time also. Every month my mother and i would be in the ER waiting for medication to take the pain away and it would always return. No Dr could tell me what was wrong with me.(this was only 12 years ago...) At 17 I as rushed to the ER and the Dr on finally told me what was wrong! After 5yrs of being in pain every month i had an answer...Endometreosis! I had surgery at 17yrs old, right after i graduated high school and was told it was so bad the pains would most likely come back within 3-4 yrs and if they did i would need a complete histo. I was also told i would never be able to have a child...

I have a sister who is 2yrs older then me. She had her first child at age 18...which made me 16 and i still had no clue about my future as a motherless women. My sister was a runaway, a drug addict and at times sold her body to get drugs. My mother spent countless nights looking for her and calling the cops but they woudln't help find her. Her childs father is now in jail for first degree murder. She was put on welfare and got everything handed to her on a silver platter. I was working at14 to pay for cheerleading costs in highschool...2yrs later she had another child,different guy...still just as bad. 10 months later she had another one with the same guy at least. Again she was still on welfare and i had by this point knew my fate and hated her to my core for having kids and not raising them.



When i was 16 i met a great guy and we stayed together for 3yrs and he learned the same time as me that i would never be able to have a child. after 3yrs of dating i found out i was pregnant and we were estatic! After 4 months, i lost the baby and it killed me. My sisters response was that i was just not ment to have kids and to deal with it. It broke my relationship with my boyfriend and i moved away and we went our seperate ways. It was too hard for me to look at him everyday knowing i couldn't give him the family he wanted and thinking of our child we had lost,i know it sounds pathetic but it was the msot idfficult thing i had every gone through.



When i was 19...about 5 months after i had left my BF of 3 years i met a great guy! We were together for a year when i told him about my pains as they started to come back and i was just prepairing him if he wanted a future with me. We went to see a specialist and after months of trying we were able to concieve. I was so scared i would again lose the baby and i was deathly sick! I lost 25lbs in 4 days and couldn't eat or drink anything for 4 months. We were blessed with a beautiful baby boy in Sept 07 and he was our everything! IS our everything! When he was 13 months i conceived again and in July 09 gave birth to our next miracle, our baby girl.

Meanwhile...my sister has lost custody of her oldest son to my mother. My mother has been raising him since he was about 3yrs old and he is better off. My sister had custody of her 2 other sons until recently when the cops took them out of her disgusting apartment and brought them to their father. The father ahs since lost his house adn the kids are now is foster care...my sister is still collecting welfare for the 3 kids...even though she ahs NEVER been a mother of 3! She collects ALL the baby benefits...i thinhk most have run out becuase 2 are over the age of 6. I wish in this Country they required people to get a job after 6 months of being on welfare. It should not be a free ride unless you have medical reason fro not working! In my province there are thousands of people living in low income houseing and pay...get this...$80 a MONTH on rent and yet can't afford to pay their power,cable,phone. My sister gets over $1500 with everything that she gets from the government and it is just plain sick! I had a business until iw as 5 months pregnant with our daughter and i sold the business as i didn't feel it would be best for me to work that much and not be able to see my kids grow. I was told i would not be able to get maternity leave becuas ei was a business owner and my husband made too much money!

I fought for 7 months! I got back pay, paid off my bills that i still had and i no longer talk to my sister.



If i was a single mother in this Country with 2 kids i would get well over $1000 a month plus the bonuses! But because i am in the MINORITY and am still with my partner i am punished and can't get any help.



My sister is still on drugs and doesn't care to see her kids. She jsut cares about gettign ehr cheque every month so she can get more drugs.



I am by no means saying that EVERY person on the system is liek my sister, i am jsut stating that it is F$&@ED that someone who has WORKED since 14 can't get maternity leave but someone who has worked a total of 2yrs in their WHOLE LIFE is entitled to $1500 a month! Some people need assistance yes, but i think they should do checks on them once in a while and make sure the money si being spent where it should be. The governemtn has paid off my sisters bills over a dozen times already and guess where the moeny comes from to pay for those bills...MY tax dollars! My husbands tax dollars! ALL of our tax dollars!!!

Teen moms who step up to the plate adn take responsibility need to be applauded! The ones who don't care about their kids and just have more to get more money need a swift kick in the butt! Give the child up for adoption if you wont change your life! There are thousands of people out there who can't have kids and would love to have them! Adoption is still an option for me and we are considering it for our next addition to our family becasue no child should have to be punished for their parents actions.

Megan - posted on 12/07/2009

Quoting Christina:

Quoting Betsy:

Quoting Christina:

Quoting Erin:

Quoting Christina:

Quoting Megan:

Quoting Sharon:

Psh no worries.

Like most of us said - you now see how unplanned and initially - unwanted most of those babies were.

I hate reading a mom saying she's going to help her teen daughter raise the baby because its the right thing to do. You pick kittens off street corners because its the right thing to do. You have a baby because its an expression of love and hope full on demonstration of love between two people. You don't grow to love the baby because you're pregnant - you'd love to have a baby.

I'm guessing you have no idea of the twaddle I've heard from teens...

"I want to have a baby because then it will love me"
"If I have a baby he can't leave me ever - we'll be tied together forever"
"I get more foodstamps if I have ANOTHER baby"

AND here in the USA if you have a baby, you're not expected to go back to work and our welfare system will carry you for several months, then you pretend to look for a job or get a job and get fired and you have more time the system gives you.

There is nothing like seeing a girl wearing enough gold to sink a small boat stroll into a welfare office with perfectly manicured nails holding the keys to a cadillac to piss you the fk off.

i agree. i am still looking for another job because i refuse to take gov assistance.

as for the teens my moms a nurse at a childrens hospital. i agree with her on someting..some of you may think its stupid but its just my opinion.. i dont think teens should be allowed pain medication during child birth. if they dont feel the pain then how do they know what it really is. like you said picking up kittens, some grandparents do the same with the babies. now, of course as to any opinion there are if ands or buts to it. i do believe if a teen is raped and becomes preg and decides to see the preg. hrough she should be able to choose meds or not b/c it wasnt her decision to become pregnant in the first place. some may think thats cruel or stupid, but thats my opinion.

Megan I completely agree with what your mom said about the pain medication!!!!!

i agree that there or way too many teen pregnancies out there, but please tell me the point of NO PAIN MEDS, why????

I can only answer on my part, Megan can answer on hers when and if she wants to. The way I see it is if a teenager went out, had sex and got pregnant, maybe having them go through the pain of delivery would make them not want another one for a while. Therefore giving them more time to mature before the next one comes along.

I don't think that is what works. I had our son at 17, with days of hard labor in a completely natural birth. Our next child came 7 yrs later. It wasn't the pain of the birth that made us wait until we were settled and financially stable, but the pain of exhaustion from juggling 3 jobs, skipping meals so we could pay the rent and electric bills, etc. They are either going to wait due to the pain of reality or they just don't get it, whether because they haven't had to work hard or had to be completely responsible.

Well, I have to say you make a great point. I don't think I can find one thing to argue over..

Megan - posted on 12/07/2009

Quoting Tanya:

So true - I have a 12year old daughter who is fully developed and already getting men/teenage boys looking at her. I speak very openly with my daughter about sex but what makes her think twice about having sex outside marriage or a very serious relationship when she is older is - I took her to a sexual transmitted disease centre and let her talk to the girls there with AIDS/Herpes etc and besides getting pregnant which some where on top of their diseases it was the stories of how they lost their virignity to guys who are not around now!
I would also like to say I have no hard feelings towards single mothers just find it very sad for both mother/father and baby. Why my mum and dad were teenage parents and emotionally I do not think they were ready and no they are not together broke up when I was 11years old.

same here. i have a 12yr and 13 yr bro. they are both already physically matured tall and muscle. girls throw themselves at them. THANKFULLY my mom is a nurse in a women/children hosp. they know the stories, theyve seen the stories AND the pics of nearly every std out there, and they have seen how much of a struggle i have daily dealing with my son. (im 24) needless to say they arent having sex any time soon. theyre terrified of the stuff that comes with it. they see what not having a dad is with me and my son and they dont like it. they dont want to be "sperm donors". both plan on college one also wants to be a Marine. neither need or want the extra baggage that is a baby. but just in case, they know the options of protection AND also to not EVER take a condom from a girl. now i now not ALL women/girls do it but some want a baby reeeeeeeally bad. and if any of yall have sons, you know its not just the bots who are irresponsable pricks.

Michelle - posted on 12/07/2009

There are so many different opinions out there. I personally am glad that I didn't have my first baby until I was 27, and then had my twins at nearly 35. Even though I wasn't a party girl in my teens and early 20's, it gave me the chance to have some freedom get an education and spend time with my friends. Not saying that you can't do any of those things if you are a young mum. But you have to do all those things aswell as having the responsibility of looking after and raising a child/children. It is not at all easy, as we all know. My oldest daughter is 11 and is not at all interested in boys, thank goodness. I know that will change in a few years time. But she is not interested in having children at a young age. As she is 8 years older than her twin sisters and has seen all the joys, frustration, effort and money it takes to bring a baby (in our case 2) into the world and nuture and love them. I have had a number of friends that have had their children young. We are the same age, and their kids are almost adults and mine are still young. They did a good job and were great parents. But all found it to be a difficult road to travel. Many of their relationships broke up because of lack of maturity, experience and patience. I applaud all mums that take motherhood seriously, regardless if you are 17 or 37 having your first child. All we can do is do the best we are able to.

Krista - posted on 12/07/2009

Quoting Lydia:

Quoting Iysha:

"If you don't want a baby DON'T HAVE SEX" is kind of a dumb piece of advice. lol. A lot of people have sex with no intention of haveng a baby. lol. I have sex...with my Fiance... and we have no intention of having a baby right now. The message you should be trying to get across is "If you don't want a baby and are going to have sex, take the proper precautions so that you do not have a baby."

just putting it out there....

There is no other garunteed method of contraception other than abstinence. I have multiple friends who have fallen pregnant (at various ages) using multiple forms of contraception. Proper precautions only lower the risk but at the end of the day if you have sex there is always the possibility of pregnancy. That is what people need to realise - especially when they are young. Its easy to say having sex?use a condom! but the truth is that wont necessarily prevent pregnancy. My thought is that I was just dammed lucky that I never fell prenant before I was ready - I would say Im in the minority of women I know who can say that...

The problem is that a lot of parents (and Presidents) are wont to say "If you don't want to get pregnant, don't have sex." And they leave it at that.

They don't give the other half of the equation, which is that if you ARE going to choose to have sex, that you really need to understand your body, how pregnancy works, how contraception works (and yes, that sometimes it does fail, especially if not used properly), and the physical and emotional aspects of sexual intimacy.  My mom was the school nurse, and saw a lot of girls fall pregnant because their parents didn't tell them a damned thing about birth control. She made sure my sister and I were well-educated on these matters, and neither of us ever had a pregnancy scare or contracted an STI.  

By preaching abstinence, and by refusing to even talk about anything else, you wind up with girls who marry at 18 because they're hormone-riddled teenagers who just can't wait any longer, but they're in no way ready for marriage. And, like Lysha said, a lot of people have sex with no intention of having a baby. I just HAD a baby -- I don't want another one just yet. But, if it was up to the abstinence-only nutbars, I'd have no idea how to prevent another pregnancy, other than refusing to have sex with my husband. 

So, to get back to the OP, yes, it is obviously ideal that teenagers wait until they are emotionally ready for sex, and emotionally and financially capable of caring for a child, should something happen.

However, this is not an ideal world -- human beings were breeding as teenagers for centuries. It's only in recent history that we're now expected to wait until we're out of our teens. Biology has not caught up to societal mores, meaning that physically, teenagers are MORE than ready for sex, even if emotionally, they're not. In other words, we can preach abstinence all we want, and some teenagers might be able to follow that, but many, many, won't.

So, instead of getting on our collective high horse and saying, "Well, you had sex so now you have to pay the price! Shame on you!", we could be more mature about things and try to make sure that those teenagers are well enough educated that they'll have a much higher chance of preventing an unwanted pregnancy, in their teens AND beyond. And at the end of the day, isn't preventing unwanted pregnancies something that we can pretty much all agree upon?

Mel - posted on 12/07/2009

Quoting Betsy:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Betsy:

I agree as a former teen mom, having our oldest at 17. I was on the pill, but took an antibiotic...this was back in 1989 when that no no wasn't well known. It is a tough road no one should ever encourage, and we did have an happy ending, still married (oldest is now 19 and in college), worked hard to get our educations and made it without any benefits or assistance working A LOT, but it's so much hard work and a big struggle to make it so I will never tell any young person it's a smart decision. I can't fathom why anyone who choose to make their life the most difficult. Things have worked out well, but if we could have been settled when we had him, like we were with the other children, everything would have been so much easier for all. I have mentored teen moms, and my biggest frustration is so many seeing having a baby gives them an excuse from hard work and responsibility. Having a child should mean they have all the responsibility and have to work like their peers, plus all the added responsibility of self-sufficiency and supporting a child, just like any other family. Some teen moms really step up and amaze me, but for anyone who wants a child, they should make sure they are out on their own, independent and self-supporting, plus putting money away each month for what babyand daycare costs are, then if they can handle that for a year, then decide if they can handle all the other aspects of having and raising a child on top of that. Even with a man there helping, juggling jobs, school, baby care, etc is not an easy way to begin a relationship, especially when both partners are so young with little to no life experience. We are honest with our kids about the realities of it, and it is not romantic to be deciding whether to pay for electricity or food when you're 18 yrs old. They see us now in our current position, but we want them to have a clear picture what the reality was to get us here.

You imply that raising children isnt a job in itself. Having 3 children is equivilent to 2.5 full time jobs. I am 20 and expecting my second child and we couldn't be happier. My job is being a stay at home mum. My responsibility is looking after my girl during the day cleaning and getting dinner on the table. Right now I do very little due to a risky pregnancy my fiance does it all because he wants his bub to be safe and healthy.

 

to Brooke I know you planned your pregnancy I have seen you around Coms for a long time and respect you for it. You are very much like me and family orientated I think. You sound like a great mother. When I hear about girls from school, one I remember when we were 15 was pregnant didnt come to school even before she was showing, now 19 yrs old 2 children and her and babys daddy moved interstate because of drug charges and friends tell me they leave thier newborn alseep face down on the floor. I feel so sad for the kids. So many girls from school I wonder why they had children. Hopefully in the future teens make better decisions if they dont want kids. Or be damn greatful when you do get them. I was over the moon. It took us 2 years to get our daughter and 13 months for baby #2 and we went to fertility treatments just before finding out.

No, you misread what what was written. The hard work  is holding all the responsiblity of the family and being self-sufficient. That means all the financial responsibility of the family. Now that can be varying by family. If a family decides one will stay home and the other will shoulder the income earning, that is a personal decision with the couple, but they are still being independent and self-supporting as a family. That is a very acceptable choice that couples of all ages make within their family structure. If someone is having family members or taxpayers support their family, housing costs, etc. that all adults/parents are responsible for, that is not independently raising a family so they may not have the "pain of reality"  play a factor in decising whether to have another child because they have others shouldering that weight of responsibility. They are not worrying about if we have another, we can't afford to house, feed, provide heat, etc for this family because someone else is paying the bills to provide for them and their kids. When you are doing that and shouldering that responsibility on your own, that does play a huge part in making the decison to have another child. Some felt not giving pain meds during birth would deter another teen pregnancy, and I believe for those being truly responsible for their family, that reality is more of a deterrent than labor pain.

I think not giving them pain meds is cruel. They are entitled to it just as much as everyone else, just because they make a mistake doesnt mean they should have to go through that without assistance especially since some dont have partners. I gave birth without meds but I had a supposedly easy birth so I cant imagine what others went through who had it worse

Lydia - posted on 12/07/2009

Quoting Iysha:

"If you don't want a baby DON'T HAVE SEX" is kind of a dumb piece of advice. lol. A lot of people have sex with no intention of haveng a baby. lol. I have sex...with my Fiance... and we have no intention of having a baby right now. The message you should be trying to get across is "If you don't want a baby and are going to have sex, take the proper precautions so that you do not have a baby."

just putting it out there....

There is no other garunteed method of contraception other than abstinence. I have multiple friends who have fallen pregnant (at various ages) using multiple forms of contraception. Proper precautions only lower the risk but at the end of the day if you have sex there is always the possibility of pregnancy. That is what people need to realise - especially when they are young. Its easy to say having sex?use a condom! but the truth is that wont necessarily prevent pregnancy. My thought is that I was just dammed lucky that I never fell prenant before I was ready - I would say Im in the minority of women I know who can say that...

Cynthia - posted on 12/07/2009

Quoting Ann:

when you have an unplanned pregnancy whether a teen or older you are more then likely not ready or able to take care of the child without help from family, friends or even welfare. It's really in everyones best interest if you wait and be able to afford proper care, clothes,and home then have a child when it's planned its a much happier event.

You know Ann, I just started reading this and I agree with you. I am 25 and I had a baby 9 months ago. I was in a 2 year realtionship and as soon as I found out I was expecting...The guy bailed on not only me, but the baby as well. It does not matter if you are 15 or 25 having a baby is hard! Its even harder, when you have to go back to your parents after being on your own and gone for so long, because now one cant make ends meet. So I cant imagine being 10 years younger and in this situation. I think at 15 the responsibilities are a lot larger due to the fact that they must go to school, and for the sake of the child, get a job that will make them a little responsible to maybe even buy diapers for the child. I thank god for what is given to me and am now in a new relationship, and even though he is 38(big difference from babies daddy) and I 25...we are now planning a wedding and waiting until so to have any kind of intimacy. Teens and adults in single parent situations should learn from thier mistakes, or unplanned surprises! Cynthia

Betsy - posted on 12/07/2009

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Betsy:

I agree as a former teen mom, having our oldest at 17. I was on the pill, but took an antibiotic...this was back in 1989 when that no no wasn't well known. It is a tough road no one should ever encourage, and we did have an happy ending, still married (oldest is now 19 and in college), worked hard to get our educations and made it without any benefits or assistance working A LOT, but it's so much hard work and a big struggle to make it so I will never tell any young person it's a smart decision. I can't fathom why anyone who choose to make their life the most difficult. Things have worked out well, but if we could have been settled when we had him, like we were with the other children, everything would have been so much easier for all. I have mentored teen moms, and my biggest frustration is so many seeing having a baby gives them an excuse from hard work and responsibility. Having a child should mean they have all the responsibility and have to work like their peers, plus all the added responsibility of self-sufficiency and supporting a child, just like any other family. Some teen moms really step up and amaze me, but for anyone who wants a child, they should make sure they are out on their own, independent and self-supporting, plus putting money away each month for what babyand daycare costs are, then if they can handle that for a year, then decide if they can handle all the other aspects of having and raising a child on top of that. Even with a man there helping, juggling jobs, school, baby care, etc is not an easy way to begin a relationship, especially when both partners are so young with little to no life experience. We are honest with our kids about the realities of it, and it is not romantic to be deciding whether to pay for electricity or food when you're 18 yrs old. They see us now in our current position, but we want them to have a clear picture what the reality was to get us here.

You imply that raising children isnt a job in itself. Having 3 children is equivilent to 2.5 full time jobs. I am 20 and expecting my second child and we couldn't be happier. My job is being a stay at home mum. My responsibility is looking after my girl during the day cleaning and getting dinner on the table. Right now I do very little due to a risky pregnancy my fiance does it all because he wants his bub to be safe and healthy.

 

to Brooke I know you planned your pregnancy I have seen you around Coms for a long time and respect you for it. You are very much like me and family orientated I think. You sound like a great mother. When I hear about girls from school, one I remember when we were 15 was pregnant didnt come to school even before she was showing, now 19 yrs old 2 children and her and babys daddy moved interstate because of drug charges and friends tell me they leave thier newborn alseep face down on the floor. I feel so sad for the kids. So many girls from school I wonder why they had children. Hopefully in the future teens make better decisions if they dont want kids. Or be damn greatful when you do get them. I was over the moon. It took us 2 years to get our daughter and 13 months for baby #2 and we went to fertility treatments just before finding out.

No, you misread what what was written. The hard work  is holding all the responsiblity of the family and being self-sufficient. That means all the financial responsibility of the family. Now that can be varying by family. If a family decides one will stay home and the other will shoulder the income earning, that is a personal decision with the couple, but they are still being independent and self-supporting as a family. That is a very acceptable choice that couples of all ages make within their family structure. If someone is having family members or taxpayers support their family, housing costs, etc. that all adults/parents are responsible for, that is not independently raising a family so they may not have the "pain of reality"  play a factor in decising whether to have another child because they have others shouldering that weight of responsibility. They are not worrying about if we have another, we can't afford to house, feed, provide heat, etc for this family because someone else is paying the bills to provide for them and their kids. When you are doing that and shouldering that responsibility on your own, that does play a huge part in making the decison to have another child. Some felt not giving pain meds during birth would deter another teen pregnancy, and I believe for those being truly responsible for their family, that reality is more of a deterrent than labor pain.

Madi - posted on 12/07/2009

ok this is ridiculous. I am a teen mum and that in no way makes me a bad mum. Wether my pregnancy was planned or not has nothing to do with how much i love and care for my daughter and i know lots of young mums who put some of the older mums to shame. I don't think age has much to do with it as much as just who the person is. I live with my partner, not my parents and my baby girl has everything she could want and need. I don't feed her junk food and she is still breastfed (she is 11 and a half months) and ive never spent a night away from her. Shes never been to daycare and my partner works 6-7 days a week. I'm sick of people putting down young mums when there is even worse older mums out there. My daughter is the best thing thats ever happened to me.

Mel - posted on 12/07/2009

Quoting Betsy:

I agree as a former teen mom, having our oldest at 17. I was on the pill, but took an antibiotic...this was back in 1989 when that no no wasn't well known. It is a tough road no one should ever encourage, and we did have an happy ending, still married (oldest is now 19 and in college), worked hard to get our educations and made it without any benefits or assistance working A LOT, but it's so much hard work and a big struggle to make it so I will never tell any young person it's a smart decision. I can't fathom why anyone who choose to make their life the most difficult. Things have worked out well, but if we could have been settled when we had him, like we were with the other children, everything would have been so much easier for all. I have mentored teen moms, and my biggest frustration is so many seeing having a baby gives them an excuse from hard work and responsibility. Having a child should mean they have all the responsibility and have to work like their peers, plus all the added responsibility of self-sufficiency and supporting a child, just like any other family. Some teen moms really step up and amaze me, but for anyone who wants a child, they should make sure they are out on their own, independent and self-supporting, plus putting money away each month for what babyand daycare costs are, then if they can handle that for a year, then decide if they can handle all the other aspects of having and raising a child on top of that. Even with a man there helping, juggling jobs, school, baby care, etc is not an easy way to begin a relationship, especially when both partners are so young with little to no life experience. We are honest with our kids about the realities of it, and it is not romantic to be deciding whether to pay for electricity or food when you're 18 yrs old. They see us now in our current position, but we want them to have a clear picture what the reality was to get us here.

You imply that raising children isnt a job in itself. Having 3 children is equivilent to 2.5 full time jobs. I am 20 and expecting my second child and we couldn't be happier. My job is being a stay at home mum. My responsibility is looking after my girl during the day cleaning and getting dinner on the table. Right now I do very little due to a risky pregnancy my fiance does it all because he wants his bub to be safe and healthy.

to Brooke I know you planned your pregnancy I have seen you around Coms for a long time and respect you for it. You are very much like me and family orientated I think. You sound like a great mother. When I hear about girls from school, one I remember when we were 15 was pregnant didnt come to school even before she was showing, now 19 yrs old 2 children and her and babys daddy moved interstate because of drug charges and friends tell me they leave thier newborn alseep face down on the floor. I feel so sad for the kids. So many girls from school I wonder why they had children. Hopefully in the future teens make better decisions if they dont want kids. Or be damn greatful when you do get them. I was over the moon. It took us 2 years to get our daughter and 13 months for baby #2 and we went to fertility treatments just before finding out.

C. - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Betsy:

Quoting Christina:

Quoting Erin:

Quoting Christina:

Quoting Megan:

Quoting Sharon:

Psh no worries.

Like most of us said - you now see how unplanned and initially - unwanted most of those babies were.

I hate reading a mom saying she's going to help her teen daughter raise the baby because its the right thing to do. You pick kittens off street corners because its the right thing to do. You have a baby because its an expression of love and hope full on demonstration of love between two people. You don't grow to love the baby because you're pregnant - you'd love to have a baby.

I'm guessing you have no idea of the twaddle I've heard from teens...

"I want to have a baby because then it will love me"
"If I have a baby he can't leave me ever - we'll be tied together forever"
"I get more foodstamps if I have ANOTHER baby"

AND here in the USA if you have a baby, you're not expected to go back to work and our welfare system will carry you for several months, then you pretend to look for a job or get a job and get fired and you have more time the system gives you.

There is nothing like seeing a girl wearing enough gold to sink a small boat stroll into a welfare office with perfectly manicured nails holding the keys to a cadillac to piss you the fk off.

i agree. i am still looking for another job because i refuse to take gov assistance.

as for the teens my moms a nurse at a childrens hospital. i agree with her on someting..some of you may think its stupid but its just my opinion.. i dont think teens should be allowed pain medication during child birth. if they dont feel the pain then how do they know what it really is. like you said picking up kittens, some grandparents do the same with the babies. now, of course as to any opinion there are if ands or buts to it. i do believe if a teen is raped and becomes preg and decides to see the preg. hrough she should be able to choose meds or not b/c it wasnt her decision to become pregnant in the first place. some may think thats cruel or stupid, but thats my opinion.

Megan I completely agree with what your mom said about the pain medication!!!!!

i agree that there or way too many teen pregnancies out there, but please tell me the point of NO PAIN MEDS, why????

I can only answer on my part, Megan can answer on hers when and if she wants to. The way I see it is if a teenager went out, had sex and got pregnant, maybe having them go through the pain of delivery would make them not want another one for a while. Therefore giving them more time to mature before the next one comes along.

I don't think that is what works. I had our son at 17, with days of hard labor in a completely natural birth. Our next child came 7 yrs later. It wasn't the pain of the birth that made us wait until we were settled and financially stable, but the pain of exhaustion from juggling 3 jobs, skipping meals so we could pay the rent and electric bills, etc. They are either going to wait due to the pain of reality or they just don't get it, whether because they haven't had to work hard or had to be completely responsible.

Well, I have to say you make a great point. I don't think I can find one thing to argue over..

Charlie - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Loureen:

Quoting Iysha:

"If you don't want a baby DON'T HAVE SEX" is kind of a dumb piece of advice. lol. A lot of people have sex with no intention of haveng a baby. lol. I have sex...with my Fiance... and we have no intention of having a baby right now. The message you should be trying to get across is "If you don't want a baby and are going to have sex, take the proper precautions so that you do not have a baby."

just putting it out there....

I agree abstinence would work if people actually followed it , but it is far more responsible to make sure people know all methods of contraception and the consequences of sex without it , if they choose to have sex then to just assume all people withhold until ready to bear children because we all know in most cases that isnt reality .

Charlie - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Iysha:

"If you don't want a baby DON'T HAVE SEX" is kind of a dumb piece of advice. lol. A lot of people have sex with no intention of haveng a baby. lol. I have sex...with my Fiance... and we have no intention of having a baby right now. The message you should be trying to get across is "If you don't want a baby and are going to have sex, take the proper precautions so that you do not have a baby."

just putting it out there....

I agree abstinence would work if people actually followed it but it is far more responsible to make sure people know all methods of contraception and the consequences of sex without it , if they choose to have sex then just assume all people withhold until ready to bear children .

Betsy - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Christina:

Quoting Erin:

Quoting Christina:

Quoting Megan:

Quoting Sharon:

Psh no worries.

Like most of us said - you now see how unplanned and initially - unwanted most of those babies were.

I hate reading a mom saying she's going to help her teen daughter raise the baby because its the right thing to do. You pick kittens off street corners because its the right thing to do. You have a baby because its an expression of love and hope full on demonstration of love between two people. You don't grow to love the baby because you're pregnant - you'd love to have a baby.

I'm guessing you have no idea of the twaddle I've heard from teens...

"I want to have a baby because then it will love me"
"If I have a baby he can't leave me ever - we'll be tied together forever"
"I get more foodstamps if I have ANOTHER baby"

AND here in the USA if you have a baby, you're not expected to go back to work and our welfare system will carry you for several months, then you pretend to look for a job or get a job and get fired and you have more time the system gives you.

There is nothing like seeing a girl wearing enough gold to sink a small boat stroll into a welfare office with perfectly manicured nails holding the keys to a cadillac to piss you the fk off.

i agree. i am still looking for another job because i refuse to take gov assistance.

as for the teens my moms a nurse at a childrens hospital. i agree with her on someting..some of you may think its stupid but its just my opinion.. i dont think teens should be allowed pain medication during child birth. if they dont feel the pain then how do they know what it really is. like you said picking up kittens, some grandparents do the same with the babies. now, of course as to any opinion there are if ands or buts to it. i do believe if a teen is raped and becomes preg and decides to see the preg. hrough she should be able to choose meds or not b/c it wasnt her decision to become pregnant in the first place. some may think thats cruel or stupid, but thats my opinion.

Megan I completely agree with what your mom said about the pain medication!!!!!

i agree that there or way too many teen pregnancies out there, but please tell me the point of NO PAIN MEDS, why????

I can only answer on my part, Megan can answer on hers when and if she wants to. The way I see it is if a teenager went out, had sex and got pregnant, maybe having them go through the pain of delivery would make them not want another one for a while. Therefore giving them more time to mature before the next one comes along.

I don't think that is what works. I had our son at 17, with days of hard labor in a completely natural birth. Our next child came 7 yrs later. It wasn't the pain of the birth that made us wait until we were settled and financially stable, but the pain of exhaustion from juggling 3 jobs, skipping meals so we could pay the rent and electric bills, etc. They are either going to wait due to the pain of reality or they just don't get it, whether because they haven't had to work hard or had to be completely responsible.

Betsy - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Iysha:

"If you don't want a baby DON'T HAVE SEX" is kind of a dumb piece of advice. lol. A lot of people have sex with no intention of haveng a baby. lol. I have sex...with my Fiance... and we have no intention of having a baby right now. The message you should be trying to get across is "If you don't want a baby and are going to have sex, take the proper precautions so that you do not have a baby."

just putting it out there....

It's not dumb advice because adults know, and teens should know, that every time you have sex, you are risking a pregnancy, with birth control or not. We know no birth control, even sterilization, isn't 100% effective. We use it to REDUCE our chances of pregnancy, and STDS if not in a long-term committed relationship, but it's not a guarantee. Every adult knows if they have sex, even with bc, they may have a pregnancy as a result and there are basic consequences to sex, so why shouldn't every teen have that knowledge if they are going to make the adult decision to have sex? Making that decision, at any age, means taking on the responsibility that comes with it sometimes, even with the most faithful birth control usage. If we tell teens that if they use bc, they won't have a baby guaranteed, we will have some pretty shocked kids out there with positive tests!

C. - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Erin:

Quoting Christina:

Quoting Megan:

Quoting Sharon:

Psh no worries.

Like most of us said - you now see how unplanned and initially - unwanted most of those babies were.

I hate reading a mom saying she's going to help her teen daughter raise the baby because its the right thing to do. You pick kittens off street corners because its the right thing to do. You have a baby because its an expression of love and hope full on demonstration of love between two people. You don't grow to love the baby because you're pregnant - you'd love to have a baby.

I'm guessing you have no idea of the twaddle I've heard from teens...

"I want to have a baby because then it will love me"
"If I have a baby he can't leave me ever - we'll be tied together forever"
"I get more foodstamps if I have ANOTHER baby"

AND here in the USA if you have a baby, you're not expected to go back to work and our welfare system will carry you for several months, then you pretend to look for a job or get a job and get fired and you have more time the system gives you.

There is nothing like seeing a girl wearing enough gold to sink a small boat stroll into a welfare office with perfectly manicured nails holding the keys to a cadillac to piss you the fk off.

i agree. i am still looking for another job because i refuse to take gov assistance.

as for the teens my moms a nurse at a childrens hospital. i agree with her on someting..some of you may think its stupid but its just my opinion.. i dont think teens should be allowed pain medication during child birth. if they dont feel the pain then how do they know what it really is. like you said picking up kittens, some grandparents do the same with the babies. now, of course as to any opinion there are if ands or buts to it. i do believe if a teen is raped and becomes preg and decides to see the preg. hrough she should be able to choose meds or not b/c it wasnt her decision to become pregnant in the first place. some may think thats cruel or stupid, but thats my opinion.

Megan I completely agree with what your mom said about the pain medication!!!!!

i agree that there or way too many teen pregnancies out there, but please tell me the point of NO PAIN MEDS, why????

I can only answer on my part, Megan can answer on hers when and if she wants to. The way I see it is if a teenager went out, had sex and got pregnant, maybe having them go through the pain of delivery would make them not want another one for a while. Therefore giving them more time to mature before the next one comes along.

C. - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Duja:

You're right the maturity level has a lot to do with it...but as far as abortions go women of all ages get abortions for unplanned pregnancies......I have not encouraged my kids or any that I know, to go out and get pregnant but i would not turn my back on them if they did either.....I was pregnant at 19 and had my first child a week after i turned 20...I have not been a bad mother and have always done the best that i can....Just because we are supporting them in these issues, does not mean that we are encouraging them to go out and have sex or get pregnant...

I know that there are women of all ages that get abortions, but many of them ARE teenagers. Some teenagers that get abortions feel like the baby has "ruined" their life, when it's the other way around.

Erin - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Christina:

Quoting Megan:

Quoting Sharon:

Psh no worries.

Like most of us said - you now see how unplanned and initially - unwanted most of those babies were.

I hate reading a mom saying she's going to help her teen daughter raise the baby because its the right thing to do. You pick kittens off street corners because its the right thing to do. You have a baby because its an expression of love and hope full on demonstration of love between two people. You don't grow to love the baby because you're pregnant - you'd love to have a baby.

I'm guessing you have no idea of the twaddle I've heard from teens...

"I want to have a baby because then it will love me"
"If I have a baby he can't leave me ever - we'll be tied together forever"
"I get more foodstamps if I have ANOTHER baby"

AND here in the USA if you have a baby, you're not expected to go back to work and our welfare system will carry you for several months, then you pretend to look for a job or get a job and get fired and you have more time the system gives you.

There is nothing like seeing a girl wearing enough gold to sink a small boat stroll into a welfare office with perfectly manicured nails holding the keys to a cadillac to piss you the fk off.

i agree. i am still looking for another job because i refuse to take gov assistance.

as for the teens my moms a nurse at a childrens hospital. i agree with her on someting..some of you may think its stupid but its just my opinion.. i dont think teens should be allowed pain medication during child birth. if they dont feel the pain then how do they know what it really is. like you said picking up kittens, some grandparents do the same with the babies. now, of course as to any opinion there are if ands or buts to it. i do believe if a teen is raped and becomes preg and decides to see the preg. hrough she should be able to choose meds or not b/c it wasnt her decision to become pregnant in the first place. some may think thats cruel or stupid, but thats my opinion.

Megan I completely agree with what your mom said about the pain medication!!!!!

i agree that there or way too many teen pregnancies out there, but please tell me the point of NO PAIN MEDS, why????

Iysha - posted on 12/06/2009

"If you don't want a baby DON'T HAVE SEX" is kind of a dumb piece of advice. lol. A lot of people have sex with no intention of haveng a baby. lol. I have sex...with my Fiance... and we have no intention of having a baby right now. The message you should be trying to get across is "If you don't want a baby and are going to have sex, take the proper precautions so that you do not have a baby."



just putting it out there....

Duja - posted on 12/06/2009

You're right the maturity level has a lot to do with it...but as far as abortions go women of all ages get abortions for unplanned pregnancies......I have not encouraged my kids or any that I know, to go out and get pregnant but i would not turn my back on them if they did either.....I was pregnant at 19 and had my first child a week after i turned 20...I have not been a bad mother and have always done the best that i can....Just because we are supporting them in these issues, does not mean that we are encouraging them to go out and have sex or get pregnant...

C. - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Megan:

Quoting Sharon:

Psh no worries.

Like most of us said - you now see how unplanned and initially - unwanted most of those babies were.

I hate reading a mom saying she's going to help her teen daughter raise the baby because its the right thing to do. You pick kittens off street corners because its the right thing to do. You have a baby because its an expression of love and hope full on demonstration of love between two people. You don't grow to love the baby because you're pregnant - you'd love to have a baby.

I'm guessing you have no idea of the twaddle I've heard from teens...

"I want to have a baby because then it will love me"
"If I have a baby he can't leave me ever - we'll be tied together forever"
"I get more foodstamps if I have ANOTHER baby"

AND here in the USA if you have a baby, you're not expected to go back to work and our welfare system will carry you for several months, then you pretend to look for a job or get a job and get fired and you have more time the system gives you.

There is nothing like seeing a girl wearing enough gold to sink a small boat stroll into a welfare office with perfectly manicured nails holding the keys to a cadillac to piss you the fk off.

i agree. i am still looking for another job because i refuse to take gov assistance.

as for the teens my moms a nurse at a childrens hospital. i agree with her on someting..some of you may think its stupid but its just my opinion.. i dont think teens should be allowed pain medication during child birth. if they dont feel the pain then how do they know what it really is. like you said picking up kittens, some grandparents do the same with the babies. now, of course as to any opinion there are if ands or buts to it. i do believe if a teen is raped and becomes preg and decides to see the preg. hrough she should be able to choose meds or not b/c it wasnt her decision to become pregnant in the first place. some may think thats cruel or stupid, but thats my opinion.

Megan I completely agree with what your mom said about the pain medication!!!!!

Megan - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Sharon:

Psh no worries.

Like most of us said - you now see how unplanned and initially - unwanted most of those babies were.

I hate reading a mom saying she's going to help her teen daughter raise the baby because its the right thing to do. You pick kittens off street corners because its the right thing to do. You have a baby because its an expression of love and hope full on demonstration of love between two people. You don't grow to love the baby because you're pregnant - you'd love to have a baby.

I'm guessing you have no idea of the twaddle I've heard from teens...

"I want to have a baby because then it will love me"
"If I have a baby he can't leave me ever - we'll be tied together forever"
"I get more foodstamps if I have ANOTHER baby"

AND here in the USA if you have a baby, you're not expected to go back to work and our welfare system will carry you for several months, then you pretend to look for a job or get a job and get fired and you have more time the system gives you.

There is nothing like seeing a girl wearing enough gold to sink a small boat stroll into a welfare office with perfectly manicured nails holding the keys to a cadillac to piss you the fk off.

i agree. i am still looking for another job because i refuse to take gov assistance.

as for the teens my moms a nurse at a childrens hospital. i agree with her on someting..some of you may think its stupid but its just my opinion.. i dont think teens should be allowed pain medication during child birth. if they dont feel the pain then how do they know what it really is. like you said picking up kittens, some grandparents do the same with the babies. now, of course as to any opinion there are if ands or buts to it. i do believe if a teen is raped and becomes preg and decides to see the preg. hrough she should be able to choose meds or not b/c it wasnt her decision to become pregnant in the first place. some may think thats cruel or stupid, but thats my opinion.

C. - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Madi:

ok this is ridiculous. I am a teen mum and that in no way makes me a bad mum. Wether my pregnancy was planned or not has nothing to do with how much i love and care for my daughter and i know lots of young mums who put some of the older mums to shame. I don't think age has much to do with it as much as just who the person is. I live with my partner, not my parents and my baby girl has everything she could want and need. I don't feed her junk food and she is still breastfed (she is 11 and a half months) and ive never spent a night away from her. Shes never been to daycare and my partner works 6-7 days a week. I'm sick of people putting down young mums when there is even worse older mums out there. My daughter is the best thing thats ever happened to me.

You're right, it has nothing to do with how much you love your baby. But it does have to do with your maturity level. I got pregnant right before my 19th birthday. But that still doesn't make it right for teens to have sex and/or get pregnant!!! By you justifying this, you make it sound like every teen should go out and get pregnant. Just b/c your baby was the best thing to ever happen to you (and that's wonderful) but it does not mean other teen moms would feel the same way. There are countless abortions performed daily, MOST of which could have been avoided if the teen mother had refrained from having sex!

Madi - posted on 12/06/2009

ok this is ridiculous. I am a teen mum and that in no way makes me a bad mum. Wether my pregnancy was planned or not has nothing to do with how much i love and care for my daughter and i know lots of young mums who put some of the older mums to shame. I don't think age has much to do with it as much as just who the person is. I live with my partner, not my parents and my baby girl has everything she could want and need. I don't feed her junk food and she is still breastfed (she is 11 and a half months) and ive never spent a night away from her. Shes never been to daycare and my partner works 6-7 days a week. I'm sick of people putting down young mums when there is even worse older mums out there. My daughter is the best thing thats ever happened to me.

Antoinette - posted on 12/06/2009

Yes I agree teens shouldn't be having sex, as once being a teen my self , my mother told me not to have sex. but didn't talk to be about it. Looking for something out side myself to make me feel good about me, I had many sex partners.Also had children as a teen. What I'm trying to say , as mothers we must talk openly to our son or daughters about life and sex. We must be there for our teens. Lets give them the attention and unconditional love they're searching for.We don't have to reward them for their bad behavior, also we don't have to put them down for the bad choices or decision they made. Life is about growing from mistakes. Let's give our teens what was so freely giving to us , that is our experience, strength and hope. Most of all keep God in everything you teach your children.

Latrese - posted on 12/06/2009

While I am not one to encourage teen pregnancy, I must say that some of you are very judgmental. While I was NOT a teen mom, when I was in 10th grade there was a baby boom at my school... and most of the girls turn out to be great moms holding it down on their own. And your teen years are when you are suppose to party and enjoy life, We just need to teach our kids to do this responsible. And most pregnanies are unplanned... I've been with my man since I was 19 years old, we had our first son at 25, no he was not planned, but nonetheless, I welcomed the suprise, yes we were shocked, and discussed our option, but it was welcomed. And I know I was not a teenage but babies are life changing at any age. And I don't care how old you are raising kids is always a struggle, My sister is 19 right now, I encourage her to stay in school buid a career, travel and wait to have babies...but if she happens to have a baby, I will give her my love and support...all babies, planned and unplanned are a gift from god.

Mapplelean - posted on 12/06/2009

I would like to add my two cent, and that is just about how much it is worth if not less. I don't think anyone should have sex if they are not williing to deal with the consequences. I say that because I am presently raising my grandson. His mother was 18 when she had him. She immediately had another one that just turned a year today. I got custody of him from CPS. He was taken from her at three months, given to his biological grandmother. I am her stepmother, her dad's wife. Her mother had him for three months and CPS took custody from her. He was in Foster care for about two weeks. He had a bald spot in his head, excema on his face really bad and stomach ailments that would not allow him to hold down formula. His mother was diagnosed, during the time her mother had him, as bipolar. She and the mother refuse to accept the fact that she is bipolar. She has been in and out of jail, and psychiatric facilities. She is still very sexually active. I fear for the safety of the other baby. Sex, I believe is a huge personal decision, that should not be experienced without serious thought as to the consequences. The children brought about as a result of this carelessness are paying the price and society later on pays the price. I just hope that somewhere in the near future, there are more opportunities for young adults and teens to get more information. A lot of teens are a result of unplanned pregnancies themselves. That is just what I think, I am a teacher and I see more and more girls thinking that it is a great thing having a baby early, or that it is no big thing. Most of their parents or rather mothers were parents at an early age,. The cycle is growing more and more instead of stopping.

Brittany - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Sharon:

Psh no worries.

Like most of us said - you now see how unplanned and initially - unwanted most of those babies were.

I hate reading a mom saying she's going to help her teen daughter raise the baby because its the right thing to do. You pick kittens off street corners because its the right thing to do. You have a baby because its an expression of love and hope full on demonstration of love between two people. You don't grow to love the baby because you're pregnant - you'd love to have a baby.

I'm guessing you have no idea of the twaddle I've heard from teens...

"I want to have a baby because then it will love me"
"If I have a baby he can't leave me ever - we'll be tied together forever"
"I get more foodstamps if I have ANOTHER baby"

AND here in the USA if you have a baby, you're not expected to go back to work and our welfare system will carry you for several months, then you pretend to look for a job or get a job and get fired and you have more time the system gives you.

There is nothing like seeing a girl wearing enough gold to sink a small boat stroll into a welfare office with perfectly manicured nails holding the keys to a cadillac to piss you the fk off.

It all depends on the person...I don't disagree with you..I just get so angry at these teens because they should be raising their own babies...It's not that they can't, it's that they WON"T. they choose to be lazy, and stay uneducated, and not want more for their children. I was 16 when I got pregnant. I didn't do everything right, but I learned . I finished high school, went to college, dropped out of college, became a police officer ect ect.. I am now 21 happily married rasing my now 3 year old. I have a successful career, and think maybe it's time to go back to school. I think I'd like to teach....We are now trying for our second, and if you don't know me or my story you would think Ah she's to young. My point is I guess I don't get it. The day I had her my whole world changed, and it's not like that for every "mom" out there and I don't understand how there isn't a change..

Duja - posted on 12/06/2009

One of my best friends was a teenage mother. She had her first child at 15. I am not encouraging kids having kids, but, you couldn't have asked for a better mother. She worked most of the time that they were growing up. She has been married to the kids father for nearly 15 yrs and they are very happy. Their kids are now 20 & 16 and they are great kids and very well brought up...So you can't put all teenage mothers down..and no her mother did not raise her kids but she was very supportive....both mothers were...some teenagers, are more responsible than some adults, who have their kids in their 20's and 30's....I know, I am looking after a child that is a product of mother who had a child for all the wrong reasons and now hardly has anything to do with him, and she is now in her late 20's, the child is 5,....she calls him once in a blue moon....I am also the mother of 3 teenage girls, I had my first child at 20 , and you just have to be supportive...I am in no way am i encouraging them to have kids...They have seen from the younger kids how hard it is and how much pressure they can put on a family when you don't expect them....I have 2 stepchildren who are 5 & 6 and it was never the plan to have them in fulltime care, but we have had to adjust and it is hard work everyday...in every way.....financially & emotionally......It has affected all the relationships in the house, but we are all learning to cope....It has been very challenging.....You have teach them right from wrong and hope that you have taught your kids well....nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes...and anybody who thinks they are perfect is deluding themselves....I have seen the most well raised kids go bad...It has nothing to do with age it is the maturity of the person....But the kids need to live a little before going down this road..

Sarah-Jayne - posted on 12/06/2009

Brooke i am also a teen mum and my son was not planned but this is not through my lack of knowledge or my negligence it was through a medical & mental condition which is agrivated through contraception drugs i had tried many different forms of contraception but all had the same affect they all made me very ill. So as my last resort i turned to condoms but even that didnt work as i got my son out it. when i discoverd i was pregnant i was deverstated and shocked at how it had happened when i was so careful even in my situation but i wouldnt change it for the world i have a beautiful son and am so proud how i have made my life for myself my partner and my son i do not go out partying i stay in as i have done since i was pregnant and i was one of the most mature teens at school and college and it just goes to show.

Dawn - posted on 12/06/2009

Some teens have most teens have no clue?? sad to say they wont listen, so as parents we are called to be on there backs. Not friends to all teens but to those who chose self. Parents friends give birth control love them enough to stop them. Males seem to think that makes them a man. They need to know it makes them a butt head not a man. Are we teaching our young man what it takes to be a man. It is on our hands mom what and how do you train your boys?????

Betsy - posted on 12/05/2009

I agree as a former teen mom, having our oldest at 17. I was on the pill, but took an antibiotic...this was back in 1989 when that no no wasn't well known. It is a tough road no one should ever encourage, and we did have an happy ending, still married (oldest is now 19 and in college), worked hard to get our educations and made it without any benefits or assistance working A LOT, but it's so much hard work and a big struggle to make it so I will never tell any young person it's a smart decision. I can't fathom why anyone who choose to make their life the most difficult. Things have worked out well, but if we could have been settled when we had him, like we were with the other children, everything would have been so much easier for all. I have mentored teen moms, and my biggest frustration is so many seeing having a baby gives them an excuse from hard work and responsibility. Having a child should mean they have all the responsibility and have to work like their peers, plus all the added responsibility of self-sufficiency and supporting a child, just like any other family. Some teen moms really step up and amaze me, but for anyone who wants a child, they should make sure they are out on their own, independent and self-supporting, plus putting money away each month for what babyand daycare costs are, then if they can handle that for a year, then decide if they can handle all the other aspects of having and raising a child on top of that. Even with a man there helping, juggling jobs, school, baby care, etc is not an easy way to begin a relationship, especially when both partners are so young with little to no life experience. We are honest with our kids about the realities of it, and it is not romantic to be deciding whether to pay for electricity or food when you're 18 yrs old. They see us now in our current position, but we want them to have a clear picture what the reality was to get us here.

Stacey - posted on 12/05/2009

by the way I was a teen mum I had my son when I was 19 but as soon as me and my partener found I out was pregnant (due to a let down off BC) we got our own place so that we wasnt a burden on any1 but ourselves. We both worked an struggled like mad. Its not untill recently when I got made redundant that we had to suppliment our income with housing benefits WHICH by the way is a short term fix till I find a job I even turned down job seekers allowance because in my eyes thats an incentive for someone NOT to bother looking for work. Me and my partener are grateful for what we have because we have earnt and paid for it. not all teens shld be tarred with the same brush. but common sense doesnt cost nothing and neither does BC in the uk!!

Stacey - posted on 12/05/2009

Quoting Sharon:

Psh no worries.

Like most of us said - you now see how unplanned and initially - unwanted most of those babies were.

I hate reading a mom saying she's going to help her teen daughter raise the baby because its the right thing to do. You pick kittens off street corners because its the right thing to do. You have a baby because its an expression of love and hope full on demonstration of love between two people. You don't grow to love the baby because you're pregnant - you'd love to have a baby.

I'm guessing you have no idea of the twaddle I've heard from teens...

"I want to have a baby because then it will love me"
"If I have a baby he can't leave me ever - we'll be tied together forever"
"I get more foodstamps if I have ANOTHER baby"

AND here in the USA if you have a baby, you're not expected to go back to work and our welfare system will carry you for several months, then you pretend to look for a job or get a job and get fired and you have more time the system gives you.

There is nothing like seeing a girl wearing enough gold to sink a small boat stroll into a welfare office with perfectly manicured nails holding the keys to a cadillac to piss you the fk off.

I totally agree with you about the girls claiming benifits part, BUT who are the stupid ones us struggling to make ends meet or the ppl who sit on there ass allday watching daytime TV and getting paid for it. I know what I would be doing if I was lazy, had no ambition or self worth.

What a great role model these kids must have!! Roll on the future!!

Kelsea - posted on 10/13/2009

Im not saying i disagree, but i think the problem is respect aswell as understanding the responsibility of sex. Girls need to respect them selfs enough not to sleep around and understand that sex is about love and commitment, if a guy really caares about you or loves you he wont pressure you to have sex . I dont think it is right to say everyone should kept it till marriage, and i dont think it cheapens you! i know girls from good religious families who think they have fallen in love and want to have sex but there family dont belive in it untill marriage, so they get married! than 3 months later they are divorced at 18! All because they werent allowed out on dates they hadnt had attention from boys and when they go out in the real world they think its like the movies and love and marriage is easy. I think it all has to do with the teenagers and the parants i was always close to my mum we talked about everything, boys friends school and she woudl never tell me what to do, she she would tell me what she think was right and why and we woudl talk about why i wanted to do what ever it was, threw this i learnt to listen and understand other people i learnt to think about everything before i did it.

Anyone can be a good mum age has nothing to with it, its the person! I had an unexpected pregnacy at 18 and had my daughter at 19 its hard but any age you are being a new mum isnt easy, I dont get any help from family, my sister inlaw who is in her late 30's with her first child had a much harder time than i ever did, she needed alot more help from the family than i did, some people's motherly insincts come naturaly and others need help, but saying that some teenage girls are giving us all a bad name, the one planning pregnacys.

Could you imagaine being a young teenager and making a mistake with someone you thought cared about you, what would you do what woudl your family and friends have said, it wouldnt be an easy situation. Family helping a teenager have a baby isnt like picking a stray kitten of the street, thats what family does help each other and i know if i was 13 or 40 and i had a baby my family would help me because life is about what you have and what you make of it, no matter what job you have or how much mone you have family is what matters.

Julie - posted on 10/13/2009

The answer to the question Should Teens Be Having Sex is NO!!! It's not just about the risk of disease and pregnancy. Sure those are huge concerns especially because every child deserves to be born to a home with a mother and a father who are married and prepared to provide that child with financial and emotional security. Beyond that though, sex is a big deal that teenagers are not emotionally mature enough for. Too many girls give that most precious part of themselves to a boy who tells her he loves her just to get what he wants and then moves on leaving the girl feeling bad about herself and sometimes even suicidal. Girls are made to feel they have to have sex with a boy to keep him. Boys that really care about girl will treat her with the utmost respect which includes keeping his hands to himself. Teenagers are not emotionally ready for such seriousness. Teenagers need to wait to date until age 16 and even then they should hang out in groups so they aren't getting into trouble. By the time they reach adulthood they will have had a couple years of dating and seeing what kind of person they are compatible with. Then when they find that special someone and have made a commitment of marriage to one another they can share that most intimate part of themselves without fear or regret and it will be a beautiful thing that they will be so glad they waited for. Even then they should talk about having children and make sure both mother and father are ready before proceeding to start a family. I speak from experience. I was lucky that none of the mistakes of my youth resulted in a child or other serious consequences, but it very well could have. I did however feel bad about myself all the time and even wanted to take my life because instead of a beautiful experience it was dirty and without the commitment of marriage left me feeling empty and alone. Thankfully I learned my lesson before it was too late and was blessed to have my husband come into my life when I was 18 and loved me unconditionally and sharing that with him on our wedding night was what sex is supposed to be; becoming one as husband and wife, an expression of true, committed love. Having our children has been hard enough as a married couple, and I've watched 4 sister-in-laws, 2 nieces and 1 great niece who had out of wedlock pregnancies most of them as teenagers, struggle every day of their lives and every single one of them if you ask them regrets having sex as teenagers and wishes they had waited and held out for a good man and had children when they were ready. My poor mother-in-law wishes they had too. I have 6 daughters myself and I have been stricter with them than my parents were with me and I talk very openly with them about sex and their dating experiences to make sure they will not go through the heartache so many of their friends and cousins have. If teenagers could only realize that you will have so many years to experience adult things. Don't rush into those things now. Enjoy being a kid because soon enough you'll be working hard and have the responsibility of little lives in your hands. Hang out with all your friends watching movies, playing video games, skating, sledding, playing night games, whatever is fun that doesn't involve sex, drugs or alcohol or anything else illegal. Partaking in these substances just leads to making BAD decisions. Anyway I've gone on long enough. All I can say in closing is not one of my friends in high school who had sex as a teen is glad that she did and none of them became teenage mothers either, so food for thought!

Kourtney - posted on 10/12/2009

i have to agree with you guys on the teen sex thing, of course my husband was only 19 when we got pregnant and it was 2 weeks before our wedding..I am 3 1/2 years older than him though and i was 4 months from graduating college...when i was in high school my best friend had a little girl right before ou junior year and it was not easy b/c the dad did leave her and never had anything to do with the little girl at least not most of the time....i don't know how many times that i talked to my younger sister about no having sex..i'm not trying to be a judgemental at all b/c i didn't wait, i experimented when i was 18 but not irresponsibly...and i completely understand the moat and dragon thing :) i thought i was protective of my lil sis,that was nothing compared to me now that i have a baby girl of my own

Sharon - posted on 10/12/2009

Maybe I can help you get a komodo dragon.... close as we can get I think.

Jodi - posted on 10/11/2009

Quoting Sharon:

Makes you want to invest in chastity belts don't it?

Hmm, it does, but hubby has already started on the moat and is searching the planet for a dragon right now.........

Sharon - posted on 10/11/2009

Makes you want to invest in chastity belts don't it?

Jodi - posted on 10/11/2009

Quoting kelsea:

so you never had sex untill you were in your 40 married with a house and you were planning on having kids? One girl said she still parties! so you have never left your kids with a babysitter or the grandparants whilie you went out? you never wanted to get out of the house for a few hours with your friends? i would find that very hard to belive, i think you need to wake up and relise the world isnt perfect, people arent perfect.

Kelsea, there is a LOT of difference between having sex when you are through with school and have a job, a STEADY boyfriend (and that is someone you have been seeing for more than a few months), and having sex at 15.  Ok, we can't necessarily STOP young teens having sex, but we sure as heck have the opportunity to educate them better about the responsibility that comes with having sex, and appropriate use of contraception.  

Kelsea - posted on 10/11/2009

so you never had sex untill you were in your 40 married with a house and you were planning on having kids? One girl said she still parties! so you have never left your kids with a babysitter or the grandparants whilie you went out? you never wanted to get out of the house for a few hours with your friends? i would find that very hard to belive, i think you need to wake up and relise the world isnt perfect, people arent perfect.

Jodi - posted on 10/11/2009

Quoting Sharon:

What kind of parents can someone have that allows that happen???

I was wondering that too.  It's disgusting!!  I wasn't even allowed on dates until I was 16, and you know what?  It didn't bother me!!!  I was educated enough to not start having sex until I could take responsibility for using contraception PROPERLY and RESPONSIBLY.  Maybe I was backward or something, but the very thought of getting pregnant scared the crap out of me so much, I waited for sex until I had finished school.  Okay, so the thought of AIDS scared the crap out of me too, and in the mid-80's that was the scariest thing on the planet!!

And PLEEEEZ don't give me this BS about contraception fails sometimes.  Yes it does.....in 1-5% of cases where it is used properly.  From the number of people who go on about the mistakes/unplanned pregnancies/accidents (whatever you want to call them or is politically correct these days), it must fail 50% of the time.......give me a break, in most cases, it just isn't being used properly.  Either that or you are using the rhythm or withdrawal methods, in which case, you seriously need a better education and possibly a kick in the backside!!

Charlie - posted on 10/11/2009

GAWD , i cant believe what i am reading , a 15 year old planning a pregnancy , you are a CHILD !! your body hasn't even developed properly yet , a 15 year old brain hasn't fully developed yet , sheesh !

Here was i thinking i was too young at 24 , honestly i know being a mum is the best thing in the world but what life experience have you had as a grown adult ? NONE .
Babies aren't fashion accessories or pay checks they are living , breathing people.
stop being so selfish , finish your education , get a job , find a loving , committed and MATURE partner , live a little ( worldly experience is golden education ) AND THEN HAVE A BABY .

GOLDEN RULE : if you are not fully developed physically or mentally you are not old enough to have a child because you still ARE a child .
Weather you like it or not , i know you will probably say " i am mature "
Yeah that's what ALL teens think until you grow up , live life as an adult and realize what being a REAL mature adult is.