Temper tantrums....HELP!!!

Vanessa - posted on 02/25/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have a 2 week old baby and a 2 year old. My eldest son is an absolute sweet heart....UNTIL we brought home his brother. I am trying so so hard to split my time between the two of them but nothing is working. I feel that I spend more time putting him in his "naughty chair" and saying no then i get to spend the time i want with him. Its not just temper tantrums he has become violent as well but it is only towards myself and the new baby?? Any help would be greatly appreciated!!

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Beth - posted on 02/25/2010

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I think all mothers face the challenge of bringing home baby number 2. I think the other 2 moms had great advice. It hurts a mother's heart to know one of her babies is struggling. He is so young and cannot express what he is feeling or his needs in any other way. Let him get through the tantrum and afterwards maybe you could give him the words so he will be able to express it to you in time. Hang in there, it does get better. My older sister wanted my mom to take me back and get her brother. hahaha. Now we are best friends, even working together. I tell my 2 children, "You will spend the most years of your life with each other. When you grow up you will always know you can count on each other."

Diana - posted on 02/25/2010

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Hi, My daughters are grown now but I remember well the temper tantrums that my youngest daughter used to throw. When she would have a tantrum she was totally out of control. She would kick and scratch and I often would feel like I was not strong enough to hold her down. Fortunately she outgrew this. It was a matter of her learning to control her emotions and also realizing that a tantrum did not get her what she wanted.
While the tantrums are happening, you must make sure that your son stays safe and that he does not hurt himself or ever get the chance to harm the baby or you. He may be jealous, after all, he was your one and only for almost two years. My parents told me that when my younger brother was born, ( we are two years apart), I was jealous and that I actually said we should throw him in the garbage can. I think I even was kind enough to open the door. lol Right now he is expressing his anger, probably with regards to his having to share you with the "new man in town." Plus he sees all of the attention the baby is getting. Tantrums are a way of getting attention. Make sure he learns that a tantrum does not get him what he wants, as I said earlier. Even if you are in public do not give in to a tantrum, ever.
The best thing you can do is to reaasure him, through hugs and by having time that is just between the two of you. Have Dad watch the baby and maybe take your eldest son somewhere special. Tell him, also, how lucky his little brother is to have him as a big brother. That is a biggie. Also tell him that he knows many things, that his little brother does not, and that his little brother feels special having HIM as his big brother. Let him put the baby's socks on or something simple like that. Remind him that the baby cannot do anything for himself and that he, as the big brother, can do many things.

Hope this helps a bit.

Diana R.

Charlene - posted on 02/25/2010

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Sounds like he is definitly jealous of the new baby, my two are 23 months apart, he didn't have to much jealously towards the baby. I found that if you get him to help you with the baby like getting you a diaper, rocking the baby in a bassinet, or singing a song to the baby or anything you need, he will like to help mommy and when you praise him for all the wonderful things he is doing to help, he will feel good about himself. Don't forget to let him know that he is a good big brother and the baby loves him so much and you do too. Sometimes alittle more hugs and kisses and good praise and helpping mommy with stuff around the house will hopefully cut down on the temper tantrums, but him being a 2 yr old its going to be hard to stop them all together, best is not to pay attention to him when he is throwing his fits, and more attention when he doesn't. You could also reward him with a new toy ie. hot wheel car, something small and doesn't cost to much. I find now Dylan (my oldest 2 1/2 yrs) starts to copy the baby (Kyle 9 months) when Kyle stands, Dylan will go "look I'm standing" even though he has being standing for a long time. Same with the potty training, I've given up on that right now, he has no interest. Good luck, things will get better soon enough :)

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