the ratty hour before bed

Renjini - posted on 11/27/2010

try getting a rocker which looks like a toy, maybe a toy duck rocker, etc. make her sit on it first and then try rocking her to sleep. start doing it when she starts to look sleepy,don't wait till she is completely sleepy, make her play on the rocker for sometime and then slowly rock her to sleep.... i don't know if it will work... it worked with my son, when he was the same age... all the best go ahead and try it.

Marie - posted on 11/27/2010

She is only 2 months old so I would definitely NOT let her cry it out. She is way too young for that. She's still pretty young so I wouldn't worry too much about it. I also have a two month old and this is our third child. If she's waking up the moment you put her down then she may not be that sleepy or you may want to try putting her down in a different position. Or try rocking her longer to make sure she's really asleep. She's going to go through a lot of changes in the first year so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Mary - posted on 11/27/2010

Hi Joanne, One of the most important things for an infant is to feel safe and secure and to feel loved and cherished. You sensed this need while your daughter was in the incubator and you were unable to give her what she needed most from you as her Mother. You're correct to follow your instincts to not let her cry. It's important that you give her that sense of safety, security and deep connection and love that you naturally feel as her Mother. Being her Mother is the most important role you have right now above all else so listen to your inner voice and let your daughter also tell you what she needs now. Rock her to sleep, sing her lull-a-byes, hold her close, whisper to her all your love for her. If you let her sleep with you for that security she needs that is good too. Don't worry about rolling over on to her as you are very tuned into her and you won't. Simply focus into your love for your sweet baby and you will do what's best for both of you.

Barb - posted on 11/27/2010

I would say your best bet would be to start at 6 pm giving her a bath with Johnson & Johnson's lavander bath. It calms them down and is great for promoting sleepiness. If that fails, try wrapping her like they did in the hospital using a receiving blanket. Sometimes they just want to be cuddled and this is a great way to do it. Good luck. It does get easier.

Barbara - posted on 11/27/2010

Your Baby is still on hospital time. Start by setting a schedule. If you want her to sleep by 6, then start at 5 pm with a feeding (10 - 15 min). Next is a warm bath (10 - 15 min) give her a rub down (head to toe) in baby oil or lotion; dress her warmly and wrap her tight in swaddling clothes(receiving blanket). Finally, rock your baby, sing to her, and tell her a story while she falls asleep. It worked for 5 children...it will work for you.

Dana - posted on 11/27/2010

hi .. i hava lil one too & i got her into a routine before bed .. to give her a nice bath & a massage, put baby in warm clothes & give her a feed .. if she still awake to burp her but over your shoulder .. i've tried it with all my 5 kids & 6pm was there sleeping time too BUT if that doesn't work for you then maybe its colic .. with all my 5 children they have been stomach babies. even though it wasn't recommended & word was to not let your babies sleep on there tummies WRONG!!! its whatever suits the baby AS LONG AS U CHECK & that mummy is comfortable with it too. if your watchin tv or reading etc put her on her tummy & motherly instincts will tell ya & its up to you to give it a go but if not then i'm sure there are other ideas from other mum's that you can try .. hope any of these idea's will help you in some way ..

Anne - posted on 11/27/2010

I found putting on a nice soft music tape in her room helped my kids to quiten down

Crickett - posted on 11/27/2010

i wonder why you are making her sleep at 6. maybe that is not her natural schedule. i was one to let them set their own schedule. when they are so young sleep pattern are changing quite often... and maybe she is colic seems about that time i would consider this. and lay off on putting her to bed at that time.

i would suggest you start putting her in her bed awake when you are picking up in her room or when you just sit and read. play soft music things like that. children need to feel safe in their bed. so make it a safe place for being awake then falling asleep their wont be so hard later. ps no play in bed such as tickles or such. make it a quite peaceful place.

Lisa - posted on 11/27/2010

oh bless your heart. I just saw that you have three other children too. If they are also little bless your heart again. Hang in there mommy! You are doing a great job I am sure. The fact that you have three other children tells me you know exactly what you are doing. If she was a premie he digestive system my just still be developing. If your kids are older like mine. 14, 12 and 9 ask them for help. They will help hold a sleeping baby. Mine helped and they are all boys. "Your brother needs help boys and mommy does too" Bless your heart hang in there! I don't do the cry it out method either...she is soo little. Enlist the help of dad or grandma for bed time if you can. Best of luck to you.

Lisa - posted on 11/27/2010

This is a common around 6-7. You may actually need to lay her down sooner. She may be overly tired. You won't ever regret holding her. I would hold her all the time too. Who would not want to be held after all of that. aww Poor thing. Hold her and try putting your face next to hers and make a nice little repetative "shh" noise to calm her. She has probably gotten used to you holding her and wants your smell and fabric outfit as a comfort. She may need extra attachment. I wear a very light weight scarf through the day and then hold it next to my baby as I rock him or lay next to him on the bed as he falls asleep. Pretty soon he gets attached to the feel and comfort of the scarf and so when it gets close to nap time I put it next to him. He plays with it and cuddles it and then fall asleep and I quietly remove the scarf. Just be sure to not leave it in the crib with her. I also had a friend with this problem and she would lay her daughter down on a bean bag instead of a crib so she still felt "held." But don't leave her alone and be sure she is on her BACK. I also invested in a big cumfy recliner in front of the tv set. I rock my bbby and then slowly move him down to laying across my legs on his BACK. Once he is into a deep sleep I can lay him down. The best advice I ever got was "sleep when your baby sleeps" and "rock them as much as you can" Blink a few times and she will be a High School Senior. They grow up sooooo fast.

Khadija - posted on 11/26/2010

i can understand what you are talking about when you said you just cant lave her crying cause it's the same how i feel when my baby is crying :) i think the best solution is to put her in a baby swing with her belts fastened well and let her get into deep sleep , as you make sure that she's gone into deep sleep you can pick her up carefully but just stop the swing slowly , turn her on a side in her bed and dont make her lie down on her back. i think this will work

Patricia - posted on 11/26/2010

first have her checked by her pedia she might be feeling a discomfort, has she always been like that or has it just manifested recently? maybe she feels a little gassy if so you can wrap a warm bag in a towel and place it between you and her when you rock her and then put her down with the warm pack. you can also try rocking her for a while and then lightly tapping her in her bed/crib. you tap her bottom in a gentle rythmic pattern or rubbing her back and head.

Catherine - posted on 11/26/2010

Yes, also it is the age, as they get older they get better. They're only toddlers once and make the most of cuddles : ) My daughter is 8 and says "goodnight' and that's it, puts herself to bed, reads a book for a bit and then turns out her own light. I just get a quick peck if I'm lucky : )

Bree - posted on 11/26/2010

It is one of the hardest things that you will go thru, but .. If you don't she won't get the skill to self soothe. While it was the worst her being in the incubator and u unable to hold her, she won't remember it, u will forever, but this self soothing is for her, and will help her in the long run, good luck! If u can't stand to hear her cry, put headphones on and then check the monitor every tenmin, she should be out in 2o mins or less, but it may take a week or 2 till she gets the hang of it. hope this helps

Catherine - posted on 11/26/2010

Sounds like she still has separation anxiety. I patted mine for ages sitting next to the bed (try not to hop in the bed with them). Then after a few nights I patted a little further away, for a little bit shorter time, then the next night after a story, I would sit a bit further away again (no talking), eventually make your way to the door, etc and eventually you get out the door after a few weeks. It's in their best interest (and for you to have time aswell) that they learn to go to sleep without you there constantly. It helps them be resilient later on.

Madelein - posted on 11/26/2010

my son does the same thing at night and will only go to bed at bout 11,we have learned to leave him crying for bout a min or 2 and then we would go in pick him up and cuddles him till he is calm we put him down again and keep on doing it till he realize that his crying is not working.i knw its hard to leave them crying i hate it to but if u dont u are going to struggle to get rid of it when she is much older the older they get the harder it gets.

Maxine - posted on 11/26/2010

Hiya Joanne, Ah no, I wouldn't leave her crying, I've a two month old son and I have the same problem sometimes, but I have found that it happens when he hasn't had a long nap during the day, he will get over tired then for his last feed. Being held is the only thing that seems to pacify him on those nights, sometimes though the crying can be trapped wind, so I have used gripe water the odd time and have found the crying stops as soon as he burps. I usually put him down after he has dozed off in my arms, he does wake up most of the time, but I've got a lovely lightshow mobile with really soothing music that he loves and I sit beside the cot and rub his head and hold his hand, its a really calm soothing environment and he does giggle and kick sometimes for a few minutes, but no crying and he's asleep within 20 mins of being in the cot...try a lightshow mobile!

Patricia - posted on 11/26/2010

I always found aromatherapy - sleepy time oils like lavender, chamomile, orange and frankencense in the burner helped to soothe and encourage sleep. I also wish for my eldest, who suffers from colic that certain foods (that I ate while breasfeeding, triggered this).

Deborah - posted on 11/26/2010

I am not sure exactly what your circumstances are, but rocking her and bonding with her is the BEST thing you can do! She is 2 MONTHS....do NOT just let her cry! 2 Month old babies do not cry just to cry, it's because they NEED something! Rock her for as long as needed and I would not put her in her bed until she has been asleep for at least 10 minutes. I have 4 kids....trust me!

Brooke - posted on 11/26/2010

Way to go... Listen to your maternal instinct and don't let her cry. She needs your help being parented to sleep, she is only two months old. Try "the no cry sleep solution" from Elizabeth pantley... Really helped us :))

Barb - posted on 11/26/2010

Have you considered wearing your baby? Investing in a good quality sling/wrap/carrier may be an answer to your prayers. You'd have more time freed up to deal with your other children while she falls asleep on you. There are several baby wearing sites/forums that you could utilize to help choose something that will be safe and comfortable for both you and baby.

Things will improve... she's only 2 months!

Caroline - posted on 11/26/2010

Buy the book, The Happiest Baby on the Block, there are sleep soothing steps in the book -5 in all and when you do all five together you have a very happy baby, we did it all the time with our first born and it got us through those first three months, they say the first three months is for the baby, the hardest time because the baby still really wants to be inside the womb still, so the more you can imitate the womb the better for those first three months. You are so right to follow your instincts on not letting her cry, hold her hold her hold her.

Jackie - posted on 11/26/2010

i wouldnt let just cry. i think that 6pm is way to early, but everyone is different. you can take her out for a walk, if its not to cold. you can also take her for a car ride, and put slow soft music on for her.

Linda - posted on 11/26/2010

We can really only guess what is so upsetting for a newborn. There is a tendency to believe that because their bodies are so new that they wouldn't have any fears or strong emotional memories to deal with. First of all, by now she is probably picking up your uneasiness when bedtime approaches, your expectations and fears. I never thought that letting a baby cry was a good idea. That just tells them they are on their own, no help or support is coming. There is a wonderful technique that breaks emotional cycles for mom and baby. It is a simple "tapping" technique that has worked wonders for me and my grandchildren. Check out eftuniverse.com It sounds like it can't work but it does! Enjoy your new one.

Kylie - posted on 11/26/2010

Also Tizzie Hall has a website and if you join (not sure how much but apparently its not alot of money) she will give you one on one advice about anything.

Purity - posted on 11/26/2010

My advice would be to stick to your routine every night....even though she is cranky about it. I understand why you can't let her cry it out..here's my recommendation...do your usual..put her down...let her cry for about 5-7 minutes then pick her up...increase the time by a minute or two every few days...you can decide for yourself, but I don't think I could go past 15 minutes...the important thing is to stick to routine...eventually she will grow out of it...my daughter is 4...

Cindy - posted on 11/26/2010

Sleep training in my opinion is a bit early at this stage. At this age most of the time the baby is crying because they are trying to tell you something. Ignoring it may prove to be dangerous especially since she was in NICU early on. I would suggest sleep training at 4 months on. The first three months you get a free pass. The other question is how much sleep does she get in total? Babies will only sleep a certain amount of hours. If they have had the required amount, even if they are tired they won't sleep. Calculate how much sleep she is getting. The other question is if you are breastfeeding. If you are, it may prove to be difficult to have her sleep through the night since she needs to feed. Perhaps after 6 months they may. The last advice I have is to remember that sleep training begins during the day. Meaning there has to be a routine. Playtime, feeding time. bath time, storytime, etc... Sleeping on their own is taught, they are not born with the ability to do so. If you don't mind rocking you can continue to do so, just remember that rocking a 30 lb toddler is a lot harder than rocking a 6 pound baby. Whatever habits you teach them, just be prepared to live with them. Sleep is essential for growth and development and your own sanity so stay focused.

Kylie - posted on 11/26/2010

I agree with Casey about getting the 'Save our sleep' book by Tizzie Hall and have a read about all the advice and scenarios coz theres lots in there from feeding, sleeping, crying, reflux etc. You may not want your bub on one of the routines yet coz u will need to let her do some calling out but she says NEVER to let them use an emotional cry (she tells u how to recognise different cries) or to CIO or controlled crying. I've had 2 out of my 3 on her routines and they both have slept better then my first and have been soooo much more content. They actually hardly ever cry coz u know what they will want and your giving it to them before they get upset. My 14 wk old has been on a routine for a month now and is very settled and happy. NO witching hour, puts herself to sleep in her cot without crying and sleeps from 7pm to 6:30/7am. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. At the end of the day do what works for u and your family :)

Christine - posted on 11/26/2010

I know its hard to give in when she screams the place down. My daughter did the same thing but not once did I give into her cries, When it came to the third/fourth month. I was so happy that I didn't give in to her because, now she puts her self to sleep and she has been doing this since she was a 4 months old. To date I put my daughter in her cot at 18 months old, I turn away and close the door and i don't hear a peep out of her until the morning. Its all about putting the hard yards in now, To get the peaceful baby you have always wanted.

Elizabeth - posted on 11/26/2010

I thought it was very normal at this age to have that horrible hour at night. I would just leave her up whilst all the noise is going on, put her in a sling or a rocking swing in the lounge room or kitchen or give the bub to hubby and deal with the other kids first, put them to bed then have a nice relaxed cuddle feed time with bub and then put her to bed. Bubs is trying to make up for valuable attachment time and given what she went through, she needs extra cuddles I think :-) Don't worry about bad habits cause they have no idea what's going on in the first three months anyway.

Sarai - posted on 11/26/2010

I agree with SOS: Save our Sleep by Tizzy we have used it since 2 our daughter was 2 weeks old. She did develop had a few issues with sleeping along the way. Like pooing right after i put her to bed and needing to learn how to self settle. The book helped us with all these things and more. In the end she is a great sleeper thanks to this book. She is now 19 months old and goes to bed @7pm like clock work. Asks to brush her teeth and cleans up her room. makes for a very happy mama and dada.

Matthew - posted on 11/26/2010

what worked for us, was to give our boy a bumper bottle( i expressed as he seems to down more in a bottle) And laying him in his bed and gently caress from the top of his fontanel to in between his eye brows in a down ward movement, he would gently close his eyes and after a while he kept them shut, he now mostly fall a sleeep by himself. good luck!

Sue - posted on 11/26/2010

have you tried a baby sleeping bag? If you use sheets and blankets it might be that she kicks it off so gets cold. I'm still using them for my 19 month old as I tried switching to a duvet and he was forever kicking it off, so woke a few times after sleeping through previously.

Marjorie - posted on 11/26/2010

in the Philippines, it is acceptable to rock our babies until they fall asleep, i mean really fall asleep. since your baby had a rough first month i suggest you let her sleep on your chest or belly. remember, the safest and most comfortable environment for any baby is the womb where literally everything is just right for a baby. now that your baby is born she will need those familiar sounds, like your stomach grumbling or your heart beating. turn off the lights (it was dark in the womb!), turn off irritating sounds (if you baby was used to listening to music while in your belly, use the same kind of music). but please DONT LEAVE HER ALONE CRYING, not when you already can touch her, and rock her and make it feel safe again.

Krystle - posted on 11/25/2010

Do you have her on a set schedule? I know it's not that easy for a 2 month old, but if you start a bedtime routine now she'll begin to understand that certain actions (i.e. a bath, rub-down with lotion, read, rocking, or butt pat) when done in the same order at the same time every night are cues that sleep time is right around the corner and she'll begin to naturally get tired at the same time every night....It works for most babies, just an idea. Good luck with it, hun

Rachel - posted on 11/25/2010

my daughter was the same way. then we finally just gave in and put her to bed at 6 p.m. thankfully, she still slept all night and didn't wake up until 8 a.m. my daughter was premature and i had to watch her laying there hooked up to wires and machines too, so i understand. good luck!!!

Gertrude - posted on 11/25/2010

Heat beat= heart beat!

Gertrude - posted on 11/25/2010

SInce we have gone on to 160 posts and by now your head must be swimming let's ask some important questions because every child is not the same, there is no one right answer but there are similarities in situations and there are definately WRONG answers;o)

Are you breast feeding?

Was she full term?

Why was she in the special care nursery?

Is she your first child?

A new born infants ( under 3 mos- or more if she was born early;o) sleep 16.5 hours day- it often doesn't feellike it but thisis the norm. Over tired babies are harder to get to sleep so it is best NOT to keep her from sleeping during the day.
During the first 6 months your baby should sleep in the same room as you do.The reason for this is because the babies heat beat and body temperature are regulated by being in proximity to her mother- not that you sleep with her .simply in the same room for the first six months.
Don't let her cry , talk to her , soothe her and be calm she responds to your mood. this is important for her emotional well being - and yours too;o)

It is important to keep the room cool for night time sleep - 60-64 degrees F is recommended and not to let her over heat by too many covers or by getting worked into a sweat crying. If it is warm in your home consider a little fan for the baby this is also good for "white noise " which can be particularily important later on after 3 mos usually at 4-6 mos when you will be able to establish more of a routine. Don't fall for "almost" -as in she is almost 3 months . If you put it into context she may be almost 3 months in another 2 weeks but that almost is is like 2 months to a one year old or is 16% of her life time!

Your job right now is to build trust in her and make her feel the world is a safe place, give her love and make her feel secure!
Iam certain the evenings feel long right now but trust your intuition don't let her cry and know that this is a very short time in your life as a parent and it willget bettter! You cannot spoil a new baby PERIOD.

WHile it is not uncommon to give cereal it is believed that the early introduction of cereals can result in allergies and rice is always the first cereal recommended.
you may want to check out -www.attachmentparenting.org
Hang in there!

Jules - posted on 11/25/2010

Awwww yes, HOLD HER. One day she won't want to be held and you'll miss that. Its hard because they become dependant on that but its not permanent. Cherish every minute of holding her. If thats what it takes for them to sleep, so be it.

Jules - posted on 11/25/2010

I too have a 2 month old and we have a routine with her. Bath time is at 7 every night and then I nurse laying down in bed. Sometimes it takes nursing her on both sides to get her out. Once she's out I let her lay there for a few minutes, then I gentley move her to her bassinet. She'll maybe fuss for a minute or even cry a whimper but then she's out again. I did try the "cry it out" thing and although it did work it broke my heart and I didn't do it again. I think they're too young for that anyway. Have you tried a pacifier? I didn't want mine to be a paci baby but you know what, you may just have a baby that needs a little extra soothing. Mine is orally fixated and always has her hands in her mouth. A soothed baby is a soothed mommy. I know "they" say not to rock your baby to sleep or nurse to sleep but whatever, do what YOU feel is best. If you nurse, try the laying down to do it at night thing, works like a charm. Glad I figured that out when ours was 3 weeks old or I'd still be in your shoes fighting to get her to sleep. Good luck!

Heather - posted on 11/25/2010

I have 5 children and each of them are different and have been right from the start, my advice to you is most importantly dont let yourself get tense and upset when she is upset. there is absolutly nothing wrong with rocking her to sleep she is still so little and they grow up so fast. try holding her in a dim lit room sway back and forth while humming softly or having some soft soothing music playing. I dont recomend just letting a 2month old cry it out at all believe it or not the time will come sooner than later when she wont need you to hold her to sleep enjoy this time while its here soke it up one day you will wake up and she will be all grown up .

Cheryl - posted on 11/25/2010

Also you might try playing some soothing music in her room to help drown out the other children. Put it close to her crib and play it very low. i had to run a fan with my oldest for her to sleep at night and daytime naps. Just a suggestion.

Julie - posted on 11/25/2010

Look up Happiest baby on the Block. It really works. My baby is almost five months and she's been sleeping through the night since month two.

Shannon - posted on 11/25/2010

I got my son a music cd with lullabys on it and then put a baby tshirt on his teddy that I rubbed all over me to get my smell on it. Then snuggled the teddy next to him and he slept after I put him down after rocked him to sleep.

Jacquie - posted on 11/25/2010

NICU babies are not like birth-to-home babies. They have learned adults cannot be trusted to meet thei needs. I would recommend two things: Wear her as much as you can, being close to her so she can smell you and feel you there will help her feel safe again. 2) Make sure you feed her before she has a full blown cry; watch for her hunger signals and answer them quiclky. These will rebuild the trust she lost. THEN hold her till she's sound asleep. If she wakes slightly, pat her for a few seconds to settle her back. If this does not work pick her back up again. I had over 30 NICU babies while doing foster care, they NEVER got spoiled by holding. Read all you can on Reactive Attachment Disorder, rebonding with her is an absolute necessity. Good Luck

Petula - posted on 11/25/2010

I hate to be the bad guy, but stop rocking. I have four children and it was hard enough to get them to start sleeping without being held let alone rocking. I understand about not wanting to let her cry it out; to me she is quite young for that. Look up the information one person talked about (the book/doctor) and try to make sure your days are as consistent as possible. I know it's sometimes difficult. Daytime naps really shouldn't go over 3 hours except when she isn't feeling well 'cause sleep heals! "Meals" at the same time, naps, etc. Eventually she should adapt to her routine and learn to soothe herself to sleep at time. Possibly a recorded lullaby or special night light can trigger her to calm down.

Nkechi - posted on 11/25/2010

well she is still young, rock her then when she stops put her down do that for a while and eventually it will get better

Amanda - posted on 11/25/2010

She's 2 months old. Check out the book "The happiest baby on the block." Rock her, snuggle her, calm her as much as you and she wants. You have plenty of time in the future to let her figure out sleeping. Do whatever it takes for your family to get rest. I have a 20 month old who happily sleeps from 8-8 and we just did what felt right for us and our daughter. It gets so much better.

Markita - posted on 11/25/2010

Oh man that's tough, it sounds like she's going through a growth spurt. I had the same problem with my son, although he wasn't in intensive care. Things finally got better when I looked at his sleep schedule and realized he was overtired. I moved up bedtime by 30 min. and things got better until the next growth spurt.

Hang in there, it will get easier ... one day.

Nikki - posted on 11/25/2010

Find baby soap with lavender and or camemill....make sure she is full from her feeding, bathe her,change her and it should work out