There is a lot of pressure around me about breast feeding... if I am able to then I am going to, there are way too many benefits of bf, but my mother in law thinks formula is better. I feel she is wrong but what do I say to her??? We havent even had our first born yet and she's already driving me up the wall!!!! Help!!!

Colby - posted on 12/22/2008

Repeat after me: "Thank you, I will take that into consideration."



Breast feeding (or bottle for that matter) is a great excuse to leave the room, say I am going to go feed the baby, and go relax ALONE in another room and do it your way!



Enjoy!

Jody - posted on 12/22/2008

Always follow your gut. Your mother in law likely has the best intention based on her knowledge from when she was raising children. Maybe providing her with recent information, which is common knowledge among this generation of parents, regarding the health benefits of breast feeding as well as the bonding benefits.
Opinions are one of the many challenges you will face as a new mother. Remember that your instinct is natural and once you feel comfortable with your new baby it will be easier to follow. In the mean time just keep reminding yourself that you are making a great decision and do what feels right.
Good luck.

Bobbi - posted on 12/22/2008

I agree that it is your decision whether to breastfeed or not. This is only one decision you and your husband will make while raising your child. Set the standard now that it it YOUR decision and, while you appreciate your MIL's opinion, you would also appreciate her support in the way you and your husband decide to raise your child. All children and parents are different and there isn't a "right" way to parent.

Sarah - posted on 12/22/2008

The best advice I got is that the easiest response is, "this is what we've decided works best for our family." Repeat ad nauseum. It eventually gets through that these are your decisions to make.

Rachel - posted on 12/22/2008

One more point...you can breastfeed and bottle feed at the same time...it's called pumping :) It's great because it gets dad invovled too and allows you to store some of your milk for trips, etc. I highly recommend. However, I have read and gotten the doctor's advice, that you don't necessarily want to start pumping until about 3-4 weeks after giving birth. It could cause the baby to have nipple confusion. I can't say that happened with my child, but I have heard of it. It was kind of nice, because I was able to have my first date night with my husband about a month after birth.



My sister-in-law breastfed through pumping/bottle feeding both her children and so they both got the benefits of the breast, but only from a bottle...without the formula :)



Again, do what is best for you...

Erin - posted on 12/22/2008

Tell her to show you some information on her side, and you'll read it over. Guaranteed she won't find anyplace that will tell you formula is better...cuz it's NOT!!!

Rachel - posted on 12/22/2008

There are a lot of good points here, but I agree with the person that said 'take in the advice you can use'...not all of it is going to work for you and your child (when the time comes). Just take it all in with a grain of salt. Sometimes it's hard to sit and listen politely, because you'll get it from all sides, but just feel confident in what you decide and go from there. A confident mom makes a happy mom and a happy baby.



For my situation, I had the same sort of thing. I just breastfed when the time came and she saw I wasn't going to formula feed, so eventually she let it go. With my first child, however, I ended up breastfeeding for 7 months and then he kind of weened himself off the breast. So, after that he was formula fed for another 5 months until we switched to milk.



Anyway, good luck and happy holidays!

Julie - posted on 12/22/2008

Here's an article on the benefits of breastfeeding that might help you "defend" yourself. http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-breastfe...

I breastfed my daughter for the first nine months but didn't have enough calories in my milk, so I had to supplement with formula. My milk was even more lacking when I had my son. I breastfed him for six weeks and then went completely to formula. I believe any woman who can breastfeed is very lucky and there are definitely benefits to the baby. My daughter had fewer ear infections than my son and fewer respitory infections.

Dorothy - posted on 12/22/2008

I understand my dad wanted me to go with the formula like him and my mom but I choses what I felt was natural for and my baby. I told my father that God intended for us to fed our children this way and that why would something man made be better for my child? When I can supply everything they need with out the hassle of bottles?

Monika - posted on 12/22/2008

I totally agree with Sara. It is your personal choice. Like Sara, I had so much pressure breast feed that it became difficult and I gave her formula after 6wks. But you will know once you have the baby...what is best and comfortable to you. Good Luck!!!

Sara - posted on 12/22/2008

You tell her that you appreciate her input but that this is a decision that you will make on your own. Breastfeeding or not breastfeeding is a very personal choice and no one should try to push you one way or another. IMO, I had so much pressure to breastfeed with my first child that it made it very difficult. Now with my second that pressure wasn't there and I feel that it came very easily. Ultimately the choice is up to you and what you feel comfortable with. Best wishes!

Roberta - posted on 12/22/2008

Breast feeding is the best way to go. First of all, its free and formula costs a ton. Secondly, if you are nursing, then you will lose the baby weight faster as it takes extra calories to make milk. Third the time that you spend nursing your baby is priceless and bottle feeding cannot compare to that. Fourth if you nurse your baby then you will be passing your immunities to your baby. It is important for the baby that they get that from you. I was unable to nurse my children as long as I would have liked, but I did it as long as I could. You will know what is best for your baby. Never allow anyone to pressure you to do something that you are not comfortable especially when it comes to your baby. Good Luck!

Jody - posted on 12/22/2008

I say, It's your body, your baby, not hers. Do what YOU feel is best for you and your baby. If you MIL is still giving you trouble, tell your husband to talk to her, she is his mother after all.

Christina - posted on 12/22/2008

Oh, mother-in-laws. They ALWAYS think they know best. Ultimately, it is your decision, no one else's....not even your partner's!!! Tell your MIL that our bodies are made to feed our babies and that is what EVERY OTHER MAMMAL in the world does. Why should we be any different? I wish you the best of luck. BFing can be a challenge, but with so many rewards. There are very few mom's who are not able to breastfeed, so I am sure with YOUR dedication, you can accomplish whatever you like.

Jenn - posted on 12/22/2008

breastfeeding is a relationship between you and your child, not you and you rmother-in-law. how often do you listen to her advice in other areas of your life...probably not too many. its her lose if she isolates herself from you and the grandchild because of this. and let me just say... breastfeeding is way easier than formula!!! the first few weeks are hard (and may seem like an eternity) but it'll get better! if you have problems, your obgyn can get you in contact with a lactation specialist to help you. good luck and congratulations on the little one!

Roxhannah - posted on 12/22/2008

You have to do what you think is best. Your husband will have to deal with his mother. You will have enough to deal with if and when you have a baby. Breast feeding is better than formula and you can store it, freeze it and let daddy give it to baby. But also the bonding between mother and baby is unmatched. I am a mother of 3. I breastfed my first for only a few months, my second for a mere 2 weeks but breastfed my third baby for 2.5 yrs. It was great!! I knew she was getting the best I could give her. Good luck!!

Lisa - posted on 12/22/2008

Why does your mother-in-law even get a say in whether or not you breastfeed? It is not her child. You do not need to justify feeding choices to her. You DO urgently need to set boundaries with her if this is typically how controlling she is.

Jen - posted on 12/22/2008

I agree with one of the posters who said that you should listen to advice, and then choose what you want to do. If you choose to breast feed, then there are many benefits. I am breast feeding myself. But, formula has its own merits. One advantage is that the Daddy can have a bigger role and bonding experience. It is totally a personal choice. I agree that you should have a good discussion with your husband and have him talk to his mother. Setting up some understandings now is very important, or you will hear about (and get pressured) about sleep, clothes, toys, sickness, etc. This is your baby!

Shannon - posted on 12/22/2008

Try printing out some info for her to read regardingthe idea, and let her know that it is your choice as the child's mother.. that you want to give it a try and see if it is something that you really want to do. It is really something you need discuss with her prior to having the baby though... or as the others have stated, your stress level will keep you from producing a good amount. Good luck... I went through this as well, and after 2 months of info and talking to her, my MIL finally left me alone and now just deals with it, and the fact that she really can't baby sit for him....

Constance - posted on 12/22/2008

Most of the people that I have met that are anti-BF are ignorant and it's hard to change their point of view. I would simply say that you want to make the most economical choice in these difficult times.



However, as many other ladies have already posted, stress is one of the main factors in the amount of milk you produce. Just take it one day at a time and know that no matter how long you last BF, it is one more day that your baby got the heathy antibodies he/she needed... and if you have to quit for any reason, know that there are many children who have not suffered because they were not breastfed!!

Baidra - posted on 12/22/2008

I have strong feelings about this but I will try to be respectful to all. I agree with you, BF'ing is best. I think there was a strong movement just one generation ago (ie when your mother-in-law had her children) towards formula and they felt formula was best. Well, a lot has changed since then (and it will in the next 20 years too). We know so much more about the benefits of breastmilk, even for children over 2 years of age. My son had breastmilk and formula b/c I didn't produce enough and then continued bf'ing for a long time after he was off formula. The immunological benefits continue the entire time your bf. I have noticed that he has had far less colds etc than many of his other friends and any little illnesses are shorter lived, in my opinion.



So, I would try to find a way to thank her for her suggestion and then do what you want to do. Do what is best for you & your baby: it may be exclusively breastmilk, it may be breastmilk and formula or you may have to do formula only. You wont know until your baby arrives. Just do what is best for you two. Take everything else as loving suggestions only....then ignore it. If you want additional support, visit the sites for La Leche League or any other site about breastfeeding and its benefits (for you too!).



You'll have tons of unsolicited advice when it comes to pregnancy and parenting. Really, everyone just wants to help but sometimes it can be obtrusive and rude. Just don't let it get to you and make your own decisions. Parenting is challenging enough without worrying about pleasing everyone else.



Hope that helps and good luck!

Victoria - posted on 12/22/2008

hey ther. i was just like you even more so i was so aginst the bottle. after 11 days of brest fedding i wanted to throw my daughter out of the window and didnt want to have a baby anymore. my husband marched to the shops the next day and brought some formula. and i have never looked back since. i still feel awful about it as it is best but me and my daughter are alot happier with each other. and at the end of the day she is not the only bottle fed baby. good luck and tell your mother in law to butt out its your baby not bloody hers.

Dianna - posted on 12/22/2008

Breastfeeding is best, and this is your decision. There have been several good books already reccomended. I want to add one more Breastfeeding by Martha Sears. This can be found at www.askdrsears.com this website also has answers to almost all your questions.

Jen - posted on 12/22/2008

You are not alone in feeling stressed & pressured!! My son is now a month old...And for the past month, I have thanked people for their unsolicited advice and proceeded to do what I felt was best for us.

Krista - posted on 12/22/2008

My mom and grandmother were both very weirded out by me breastfeeding both my kiddos, but I just said that I was going to do what I felt was best. I think you need to do what works for you and baby. Go for trying and just tell your MIL that is what you feel is best for baby. If for some reason breastfeeding doesn't go well, then switch. You and your baby will benefit most from a relaxed mommy. I explained to my mother about all the research etc that had been done on breast vs bottle and then when we were out and about, I didn't have to lug bottles and stuff with us. It was FANTASTIC. I breastfed both mine for 6 months and stopped when it became too much worry for me (my kids aren't good eaters, so I wanted to be able to see how much they were getting, not just guessing). Both my kids are thriving on both ways of feeding. Good luck, try not to stress too much!

Melissa - posted on 12/22/2008

How could she say formula is better? If you can, breastfeed. Its the best for your baby, most convienient, costs nothing and helps you lose the baby weight ;) Beside all of that you get to spend precious time with your baby the way nature intended. good luck making your decision :)

Abbey - posted on 12/22/2008

I totally understand what you are going thru (but the other way around). my mother in law pressured me into breastfeeding with my first daughter. my heart wasn't in it and it didn't work out. but you need to do whatever you think is best for your baby and you. my mother in law always speaks before she thinks, and i've learned to just ignore most of her comments b/c she doesn't even realize when she hurts my feelings or offends me. good luck!!!

Kylie - posted on 12/22/2008

hey marj,
Ok, the MIL, best advice I was ever given is - listen take in what advice you can use and disregard all the stuff that you dont want to hear. the last thing u need with a new bub is stress from unwanted critisism.
Everyone seems to be telling u what is best- I breast fed my 2 boys, but different things work for different people. My mum couldnt feed me and my brother and we turned out ok hehe.
The main thing good luck and enjoy your new baby!! Congrats

Natalie - posted on 12/22/2008

I breastfed with both of mine and my sister bottle fed. All of our children are perfectly normal. It's your choice!!! Do what you want to do...you are the one that will have to feed the baby not your mother-in-law. Do what you are comfortable with. Some people do both...breast at home, formula on the road. She'll just have to get used to it being your decision.

Felicity - posted on 12/22/2008

Say thanks for the advice but I'm going to try breast feeding first. She is driving you crazy but at least she's showing an interest and if all else fails tell her its cheap and less washing-up, that's what I told my husbands grandmother everytime she told me to go onto formula. They come from a different generation where they were told this was the best way to raise a child and since their children turned out okay they think its the way. But I agree with the other women your baby your choice, she's not gonna be up at 3am trying to heat up a bottle.

Rebecca - posted on 12/22/2008

thank you stephanie sweet- you are the only other person here really to have a good thing to say about bottle feeding

Rebecca - posted on 12/22/2008

i agree with everyone when they say that if marj wants to breast feed then she should explain this to her MIL and then try but when people say that its the better thing for the baby then thats not necessarily true whats best for baby is whatever is best for mother too. and with the last comment about you can whip them out anywhere!!Have milk when travelling-well some people may not like to do that and if u r organised then its not hard to make sure you have bottles with u and its not a hassle having to sort out bottles any time of day.

Stephanie - posted on 12/22/2008

Unlike several of the other responses, I'm going to say breast feeding is NOT always the best thing to do. If you don't normally eat a well balanced diet or you take medications that might interfere it might be a better idea to go with formula. If you do then breastfeed all day long. We did formula from the start despite constant you have to breastfeed remarks. Our son is perfectly healthy. Never had a complication, was always average on his weight, and above average on height. Do what you want to do.

Katrina - posted on 12/22/2008

Tell you MIL that it's been a long time since she had a baby, and alot has changed! Tell her that the Doctors recommend breastfeeding - and therefore you're going to do it! I breastfed until my daughter was 1, and I think it was SO much easier than using formula. I worked so I had to pump, but it was so easy at night just to feed her instad of having to get up and mess with bottles. You can also whip em out anywhere!! Have milk wll travel!



And it is so much better for their immune systems and protecting them against allergies!



But bottom line - if you tell her that your doctor said it was best, and ou're going to listen to your doctor, then it will probably shut her up!

Rebecca - posted on 12/22/2008

i think its up to the individual mother u can say all you like about the statitistics on the internet. u say its quoted about a better IQ but my son is doing extremely well at school, he is ahead on most if not all his subjects and is on the GIFTED AND TALENTED register to which his old primary school had put him in for and not me, so i think that all talk about breats IS BEST, is a load of rubbish. dont get me wrong i know it has its benefits but its not for all mothers.

Alexandra - posted on 12/22/2008

You do what you can and answer to no-one. I personally breast fed exclusively for 4 months, then I had to go back to work, and my supply just dropped dramatically, and i had to supplement. I lasted until first week of december-- 8 month mark exactly- by that time I was only doing bf session a day. breast milk is superior to formula, everyone knows that, but formula is a lot less stress and a lot less taxing on your body. Only you can decide what is best for you and your baby. You will get a lot more unwanted advice in months to come, so just be prepared to shed it and move on.

Bethany - posted on 12/22/2008

Marj, I'm so sorry about your MIL. I have to say that, without a doubt, breastfeeding is the best food you can give your baby. There is a lot of research and evidence to prove that breastmilk is much better that formula. If your MIL won't listen to that, you can tell her that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends exclusively breastfeeding (meaning, no formula) for at least one year, and then after a year as long as both mom and baby want it. She may not listen to any of it, and could be pretty stuck in her ways, but stay strong and do what you know is best! And get some good supportive BF moms and lactation consultants to help. :) Best of luck!

Paulette - posted on 12/22/2008

It is not wrong or right whatever the choice you make (bottle or breastfeeding). If your confident of your choice it is the right choice for you and your baby.

Connie - posted on 12/22/2008

There is a ton of research supporting that Breast is Best. Check it out on the internet and you'll be able to quote statistics on the increased immunity, greater health, higher IQ, etc. However, breastfeeding can be tricky. If you run into any problems, PLEASE consult a lactation expert. My sister-in-law was on her 5th child breastfeeding when she consulted one and was amazed at what she learned. I breastfed both my children to 16 months. Remember also, that your body will adjust to demand. By 12 months, I was breastfeeding morning, evening and night only and not pumping during the day. He took a bottle with formula at daycare. Doesn't work for all babies, but nice even if you only keep with a nighttime feeding until they are a little older.

Paulette - posted on 12/22/2008

Hi Marj,

I think you and your husband need to look at this as a united front. When you get married it is said you become one. So talk to your husband and see where he stands on breastfeeding. If on the same page, let him know that she is stressing you out over this issue. Let him know that too much stress is not good for the baby and ask him to talk to her. It is important that he ask why she is making it such a point to bottle feed over breastfeeding? He needs to tell her, "It is our choice to bf and being as we are a family now I wish for you to respect our choice." "We do not mind if you give your opinions on things but in the end it should be our choice." That is my suggestion for you guys. I hope that it helps. My mother-n-law was a very opinionated person too. It sounds like your MIL came from a generation where bottle feeding was seen as easy and modest. Generations before formula there was not a choice, they breastfed.

Rebecca - posted on 12/22/2008

why do peole say breast is best. some people just dont like the idea of it, and comments like some on here make them feel that they may have done the wrong thing, but i want them to know that whatever they decide is best 4 their baby. its up to the individual. i have 2 lovely kids and NEITHER of them were breast fed and there are no problems with them, except 4 the oldest a boy of 8 is asthmatic and has been since 11 months. they were both fed on different formulas though.

Maureen - posted on 12/22/2008

My mother-in-law is still driving me mad on that subject and it's the third time around. You and your baby will be the best to decide what is best for you both, just believe in yourself. Take care maureen x

Shana - posted on 12/22/2008

The best advice I got when I was pregnant was that you don't have to take anyone's advice. Every mother and every baby is different and you have to do what works for you and your baby. I tried breastfeeding for the first 2 weeks and got no where so I pumped breast milk for my daughter. It actually worked out very well because I was able to let other ppl help with feedings and leave my daughter with someone else for longer periods of time and she still got all the benifits of breast milk. I think the most important thing to remember is that whatever you decide to do, breastfeed, pump or formula feed, it's your decision and there is no wrong one. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty. Good luck and I hope all goes well.

April - posted on 12/22/2008

STICK TO YOUR GUNS!
I had someone suggesting that I stop breastfeeding-I just nodded and smiled and kept on breastfeeding for as long as I could.

TNell - posted on 12/22/2008

Marj, you and your husband need to decide what YOU want to do and why. Many people will give you advice and why you should choose one over the other but when it comes down to it, this new baby will be yours and yours alone, not theirs. You are responsible for the baby,not them... If they want to pressure you go to the doctor.. I am sure the doctor will give you many reasons to hand back to them about breastfeeding and why it has wonderful benefits. Also call the local WIC office because they have a ton of info regarding this and they might be willing to give you some pamplets...or tell you where to get some. Merry Christmas!

Judy - posted on 12/22/2008

I would just tell her you are planning on trying to breast feed ... if it works. I tried with both my boys and it just didn't work. I felt so guilty about stopping.... people gave me flack about stopping but it's more important to bond with your baby whichever way you decide to feed your baby. Good Luck!

Suzanne - posted on 12/22/2008

Kudos to you for your plan to breastfeed! You are right, there are many wonderful benefits to breastfeeding for both you and baby. You might suggest that she read The Womanly Art of Breastfeeing. I would like to encourage you to find your local la leche league group (llli.org) and start going to meetings now. It helps to have successful breastfeeding moms you can go to with challenges and unsupportive family issues. LLL helped me find success with breastfeeing and provided great support to me as I dealt with my mother-inl-law who has questioned my choice to breastfeed and made me feel very uncomfortable at times. If you have the engergy, you can try to educate her, if not, educate your husband and let him deal with her advice.

Kerri - posted on 12/22/2008

You will soon find that everyone has an oppinion about everything to do with bringining up a baby. Listen to it but dont necessarily act on it. I breastfed till my son was 4 months old - I wanted to do longer but I was not a good milk maker (lol) and I was losing weight drastically so decided to start botle feeding. It was the hardest decision I have ever made but in the end it was the right one for me! Just be honest with her - Im sure she understands you will have your babys best interest at heart and she does to in her own way

Joanne - posted on 12/22/2008

Do your best! That is all that should be expected! I agree that you should tell her your plan is to breastfeed and leave it at that. You don't owe her any explanations.

I nursed my first for 4 months and struggled with my milk supply constantly. My second was only 6 weeks. I tried and tried and now realized I did what I could. I sought help from my doctors and midwives! I am happy to have nursed even that short period of time! If I have another I will try again!

Tracy - posted on 12/22/2008

The biggest mistake I made after my son was born was allowing my mother in law to stress me out. You don't have to explain anything to her. Just repeat to yourself "this is my baby, I will do what I think is best." My mother in law also acted like there was something wrong with nursing. Finally my husband had to speak with them and there have been no issues since. Relax and don't let her influence your decisions.