Things no one tells you about pregnancy, labour, newborn etc that you wish you knew before!

Kim - posted on 04/02/2010 ( 273 moms have responded )

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After i had my first child a friend of mine fell pregnant with her first, and she asked me if there was anything that she should know that no one talks about. So i started a little notebook for her! Because when i was pregnant no one told me and it would have been a whole lot less scary than to go through it and not know! So for all of you out there i thought i would share them with you and get you to contribute as well.

So i figure if we mark the hint as either Pregnancy, Labour, Newborn ect it will make it easy to pick which others want to read. Be as graphic as needed (but use class of course), sometimes we need to know the real truth!

Ok i have a few so here we go!

(Dont take what i say as gospel, its just advice or my take on things! No offence meant if you think something different)

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Cheryl - posted on 04/06/2010

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One more thing, no one told me that after giving birth and delivering the placenta that you will still have contractions for a few days. This is the uterus contracting back to size but I had no idea that it was normal to still feel like I was having contractions.

Ginger - posted on 04/06/2010

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Remember no matter how much you dreamed your dream pregnancy, birth, and baby. Most likely nothing will go as you plan.



Morning sickness isn't only for the beginning of your pregnancy it can last the whole pregnancy and if you can not handle it tell your doctor. They will be able to help you. Pregnancy suckers don't help (it might for some but it didn't for me.) with your morning sickness. Figure out what you can eat and won't vomit, and stick to that. I couldn't eat any meats till the end of my pregnancy. I had severe morning sickness for the first 6 months and than till month 8 it was one or two days all day every week. Month 9 I was finally able to eat meats and craved spicey food all day long.



Women can still die during childbirth, I almost did.



Try to relax during childbirth it isn't like the movies and in 20 mins or less the kid will pop out, unless your lucky, it can take over an hour for that lil guy to move on down and out of you.



If you tear while giving birth, ice is your friend, it will become your best of friends. If you need help accept it.



Baby blues can turn into PPD, so if you feel the blues isn't leaveing tell your partner and your doctor. It can go away but if it doesn't get help, don't feel embrassed. Tell your doctor and partner exactly how you feel even if you feel disgusted with some of your thoughts you've been having.



Once you have the baby everyone is going to want to give you advice, just nod and smile and let it go in one ear and out the other.

Cheryl - posted on 04/06/2010

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No one told me that it was normal for your hair to start falling out after giving birth. All the healthy food and prenatal vitamins give you great hair while you are pregnant but it is normal to lose a lot of hair after the baby is born (honestly, though, you won't go bald just back to normal)



Breathing techniques do work! It gives you something to concentrate on while having contractions. (this definitely makes child birth classes worth while)



Do not listen to all the horror stories that people will tell you of how awful their labors and deliveries were. Every one has their own experiences and yours will be like no one elses.



You wil get a lot of attention while you are pregnant and the baby will get a lot of attention after he/she is born. Make sure the dad doesn't get left out or neglected. It is his experience and baby too!

Melissa - posted on 04/06/2010

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newborn, child



that you will not be sleeping for the next 18 years IF you're lucky!

Cara - posted on 04/06/2010

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I had no idea that internal ultrasounds existed and was chocked to find out how they tested for Group B strep that was so not fun!!!!

Dawnyka - posted on 04/06/2010

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LABOR/DELIVERY:



After the baby comes out, the placenta has to be delivered. No birthing video or advice can prepare you for what you'll see/hear/smell. With my first baby, it came out by itself (without me pushing), and made the loudest, most disgusting slurping/sucking noise I've ever heard in my life! It looked like a bloody, purple brain! I thought I'd just given birth to an alien! LOL

Susie - posted on 04/06/2010

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oh ok. The latest recommendation is that baby food should not be started til 6 months and definetly not before 4 months.

Ami - posted on 04/06/2010

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Let Dad do some feedings. I nursed all four of mine, but made sure they all would take a bottle--and it had to be from Dad, not me. It doesn't matter if it's formula or breast milk. You will have to be out of the room, though. Baby will want MOM, not bottle. And we started this while they were still in the hospital.



Labor hurts. I tried my oldest drug-free, but he ended up an emergency section (after I was at the pushing stage). Don't be afraid to ask for pain help. Also, very key, is babies born after sections can have breathing problems, since all the goo isn't squeezed out of them in the birth canal. It doesn't last long, but keep an eye on a baby born by section for the first 24 hours or so.



Above all, enjoy! They get big so fast! Take pictures, ignore the messy house, and love your baby. :)

Melissa - posted on 04/06/2010

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Get a breast pump and pump so your significant other can get up and help at night with feeding ( once a good nipple latch has occured) helps keep the sanity

I watched tons of the baby story and all those birthing shows, just to give me some idea of what will happen. even though everyone's labour is different.

Always think positive towards your labour and delivery. The power of positive thinking, if you expect the worse, you will most likely get the worst. With my first and only child at the moment, when I told ppl I was pregnant i said my baby is just going to fall out. and he basically did. 1.5hr labour, just barely made it to the hospital had to get my neighbour to drive me.

Susie - posted on 04/06/2010

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Definetly agree about not supplementing babies with water. There is one exception, in VERY hot conditions formula fed babies can have a tiny amount of water. Constipated babies usually are bottlefed and the bottles arent being made up properly. Sometimes mums will add more formula thinking it will fill baby up longer. Not true, they will get constipated. Also not sure what pablem is? We dont have it in the uk.

Shayna - posted on 04/06/2010

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There was a post about feeding your baby water or supplementing with pablem. I think that it needs to be very clear that those sorts of things are acceptable at a certain point in baby's development but certainly not for a newborn (unless your doctor recommends it). Also, as you already addressed, not eating, and especially, not drinking while you are in labour. is not a good idea.

[deleted account]

Pregnancy

I was nauseous all day long from the moment I woke up to the moment I feel asleep, I found snacking throughout the day was the only thing that helped.

Mandy - posted on 04/06/2010

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Make sure you have relible family or friends around. You need that support after you have the baby.

Takenya - posted on 04/06/2010

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replying about labour and pushing. That is ABSOLUTELY true, they don't tell you how to push and they do mean as if you have to poo, if you don't push the correct way you WILL tear.....trust me.

Susie - posted on 04/06/2010

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and Canada too ;-)

Shayna what posts do you think are unhealthy or dangerous? Im a trainee midwife and am interested.

Susie - posted on 04/06/2010

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Wow I can really work out who here is from the US and who is from the UK!!!



You CAN eat and drink in labour as normal. In fact you need to.

Shayna - posted on 04/06/2010

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As a new mom to be in about 6 weeks I really love all of the words of wisdom form experienced moms! With the exception of a couple of posts that had some unhealthy and potentially even dangerous advice, I've really found your posts be very useful!!

Thanks again!

Anna - posted on 04/06/2010

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I started writing a blog all about being a first-time mum as I find it wonderful and overwhelming and confusing and scary all at the same time. I thought it might help other first time mums and one of the entries was on this very subject, check it out if you like:http://ababyisnotjustforchristmas.blogsp..., entry 'Please don't shoot the messenger...' Among them is my all time favourite



'Explosive poo, nobody told me about this and yet it is a common occurrence! Take plenty of nappies, wipes, and spare clothes with you wherever you go because when it happens and trust me it will happen, it will be everywhere. Down their legs, up their back, across their stomach, you name it and it will have poo on it...yuck!'



And I mean seriously NO-ONE told me about this!!! Enjoy reading and good luck with your book, we all need to help each other out. x

Amanda - posted on 04/06/2010

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the same thing happened to me, my baby's heart rate was dropping and i was only 4cm when they suggested an epidural. the doc came back in 5 mins and i was ten and ready to push out with help of ventouse, i had a completely open mind and i swear it kept me relaxed about everything cos a ll i wanted was my baby safe and well

Ashley - posted on 04/06/2010

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ALL:



Hi! I think this "Advice" thing is a good idea in general, but I also think that pregnancy, labour, and new motherhood are different for everyone... TRUST YOURSELF- your body was made to do this- surrender to the fact that this is a "body experience" and make your mind back down a little! ALSO, lets be careful not to give each other medical advice- for instance, it is actually safer to eat when you are hungry & drink something with some sugar in it (like juice) if you are planning to have a natural birth, because dehydration can be dangerous! (Who cares if you barf! just eat things that won't hurt coming up, if you're worried about it- if you're going to vomit, it's easier on the throat to have some food in there anyways... take it from me... I was dry heaving A LOT)

Kimberly - posted on 04/06/2010

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pads in the freezer best thing ever!!! You can also put a small amount of water on them before you put them in. They do that at the hospital

Jane - posted on 04/06/2010

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Newborn/Breastfeeding



Breastfeeding isn't always easy. I've had four babies, found the feeding and latching on really easy, but the pain was incredible. I have very pale and sensitive skin and couldn't manage more than a week with any of the four and switched to bottles then. But, the most soothing thing to put on sore, engorged boobs is a big, dark green curly cabbage leaf! Yes, put the cabbage in the fridge and peel off a couple of the leaves, count to three and pop them on your chest like a crunchy bra', loosely wrap a soft towel around your body to absorb what will leak out. This is best done at night, and be prepared to wake up with a really soggy towel! Its all to do with the enzymes in the cabbage, all natural and you can use the cabbage heart in a stir fry!

Rebecca - posted on 04/06/2010

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Pregnancy:



Avoid anybody that is suffering from 'slapped cheek disease' I had never heard of this until I was pregnant with my third child and my oldest son had it, it is highly contagious and very risky when you are pregnant but is hardly ever mentioned! x

Erin - posted on 04/06/2010

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This is a wonderful idea!



Pregnancy: I was fortunate to have pretty easy pregnancies, except for gestational diabetes. It kicks in around 30 weeks for me. Don't worry! Pregnancy puts a lot of stress on your body (being a biology major I could go into all the scientific stuff--it's quite miraculous that we carry a baby at all!). That stress can lead to diabetes. For me it went away immediately after each of my children was born. You will swell, you will be tired, you will ache and some days you won't want to get out of bed. That is okay! If you are working, take extra care of yourself. If you are really tired during the middle of the day, find a place to take a quick nap during your lunch hour or, as someone I knew did, go to your car and take a nap (make sure you wake up in time to get back to work!). Remember your body is changing shape. With few of my pregnancies, I had sciatica. The pain can cause you to lose your balance. For some it's almost debilitating. Again, for most people it goes away immediately after the baby is born. Towards the end, with your hips getting soft, sleeping at night will be virtually impossible. Sleeping on your side puts pressure on your hips and they will hurt; lying on your tummy is impossible and lying on your back will make it difficult to breathe. Take heart! The end is in sight!



Pre-labour: Once you have had one baby, you will know the difference between Braxton Hicks and real labour. Before then, when in doubt, check with your doctor. Also, sometimes when your water breaks, it only leaks a little, like you have incontinence. If it keeps happening and it's clear and has no scent, it might be your water. Again, when in doubt, check with your doctor. Once the water breaks, the baby needs to be delivered in 24 hours to reduce the risk of infection. If you live far from the hospital, be very aware of you body's signals. I had quick deliveries. If I hadn't already been at the doctor's office for an appointment or a test with some of my kids, I may have had home deliveries!



Labour: I had all seven of my children vaginally with no epidurals. However, a couple of times, I found Nubain to be a godsend. I have a pretty high threshold for pain, but with back labour, even a half dose took the edge off. With another it helped me dilate, probably because it also can act as a muscle relaxant. When someone tells you, "Don't push!" just spit in their eye! If you know you have quick deliveries, make sure a doctor is on hand. With my seventh, my room wasn't even completely set up when my first contraction hit and I felt I had to push. My doctor was en route but not there yet. The one other person in the room besides my husband and myself had to leave to find someone! Fortunately, the nurse caught the "in house" doctor just as she was leaving the building. My doctor soon came in and said he only had to change his clothes. They tried putting my legs in the stirrups but I warned them the baby was going to come any minute. Sure enough as soon as my legs were up, she started to push herself out! I think I pushed once or twice. I looked up and saw my doctor standing there and said, "Oh, you made it!" He responded, "No, I was only a spectator this time!" So make sure you let them know you do go quickly and they need to have everything ready. No one thought it was going to be that fast with me.



Newborns: Okay. You have a new baby. You learn everything with the first one. It is exciting, thrilling. You make mistakes but you give your little precious one tons of love. By the time you decide to have another one (or one springs up on you!) you are a pro. You are ready. You could write the manual. Forget it! Toss it out! I never thought so many kids from the same genetic pool could be so different! Each one's eating and sleeping habits were different. Their poop was different. Their issues were different. Some would poo after every feeding. Others would poo once a week. One had raging fevers for no apparent reason. Some had a more difficult time teething. Others had none. Number 2,3,4 and 6 were large. My boys 5 boys eat like horses, my 2 girls eat like birds. One thing my mother told me that has stuck with me for each one, though, is "You can never spoil an infant." Another quote I found recently, "For the first year of life, I obey my children; ever after I expect them to obey me!" I love it. My kids weren't cuddly babies, but I cuddled them anyway! Love them with all your heart--it will cover a multitude of mistakes!



Get lots of rest--when you can. If you are like I and have several children already, it will be almost impossible. That's why I chose to stay in the hospital at least two nights. I knew once I got home, I would have to take care of everything. Get your mother, even your mother-in-law, someone you trust and can tolerate for several days in close proximity to help with the others for the first little while you are home. If your husband works and can take vacation time around the birth, that is wonderful. Most employers work with husbands and allow time off, some even weeks. You will be shaky on your feet and you will need help with day-to-day duties.



Post labour "shock:" Someone did mention it before...It is scary the first time it happens to you. It didn't happen with me until my fifth or sixth child. It's your body reacting to the stress of labour and delivery. And your legs will feel like jello, like you just ran a marathon or something. I imagine the stress is similar. =o)



Note: Relish the miracle of new life! The whole process is miraculous, whether you have a stressful pregnancy or delivery or an easy one, just bringing a new life into the world is a fantastic journey, well worth it! And each child is a blessing, unique and wonderful, created with his or her own unique personality and gifts.Cherish them all!



--Mother of seven (between 1 and 19 years of age)

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After delivery - don't wait to start taking laxatives - and keep it up for a week!! Because you're in so much pain down there, you hold it in and when it's time for it to expell, it can hurt if you've held back too long!!! :)

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On breastfeeding: Don't listen much to the nurses when they teach you the "right" position to nurse your baby. I did and was just confused and ended up dreading the time for breastfeeding. I felt awkward following the position/s they taught, when the best position is just to hold your baby in the most comfortable way for both of you so he can latch properly. When I followed my instinct, it was a breeze!

Mandi - posted on 04/06/2010

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Just because your expecting it doesn't mean you can eat whatever you want and stop taking care of yourself. Excersie and healthy eating while your prego helps alot with delivery!!!

Mandi - posted on 04/06/2010

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Just because your expecting it doesn't mean you can eat whatever you want and stop taking care of yourself. Excersie and healthy eating while your prego helps alot with delivery!!!

[deleted account]

newborn- it is just a phase. the first three months will end and your baby will grow. you aren't actually stuck in the crying forever phase forever.

Richele - posted on 04/06/2010

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Epidurals is not always the only way to go. I had one with my first and not with my other 4, I will always wish i didn't have one with my first. Labour and recovery. for me was much better with the last four. Also a Doula is a great thing! She can help you learn what works for you to get through the pain without meds. Sitting and having one person push on my shoulders and the other on my knees during contractions helped me alot and moved labour along quickly. My longest labour that way was induced and was 5 hours start to finish.

Joy - posted on 04/06/2010

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I was with my daughter while she was in delivery and nurse gave her ice pops. I had never seen that done before . And I was not at all surprised when she started to upchuck then up while she was having a contraction. It was an awful thing for her. Remember not food or drink while in labor.

Dawn - posted on 04/06/2010

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Sometimes newborn girls bleed down there like they're having a period, this is totally normal, but as I dind't know, scared me to death. Also, little boys and little girls will have swolllen breasts for a few days (and you can actaully expell milk from them), again totally normal.



Breashfeeding and Growth Spurts: There was one day were I honestly sat on my couch for 14 hours and breastfed my little girl...she was screaming and starving and I just had to keep switching her from left to right and back again. There are certain times were your baby will want to eat eat and eat...keeping switching...the demand will increase your supply and you will eventually be able to keep up.

Stephanie - posted on 04/06/2010

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Training a baby to sleep:
I learned from so many mothers that its important to be quite so a baby can sleep. and then i heard from mothers with many children that it really doesnt matter how loud their/Your house is a baby will learn to sleep when its loud. So i put that to thought when i would have nap times. with my first one i let the noise levels stay the same and he sleped just fine. And with my 2nd i do almost the same. tho leaching my son not to yell in the room she is in.

Stephanie - posted on 04/06/2010

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Labour : Pain
Some women have a lower streshold(i cant find the right way to spell that) for pain, or the feel that pain difrently. My mother told me (with every baby she had(6) she felt like it was mostly pressure that got in the way of her being able to move(and she had no drugs in her all natural)
So dont believe that someone's pain will be just like Your's.

Stephanie - posted on 04/06/2010

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New Born(Even first day or night sleeping:

Not all new borns like to be Swaddled.

My first one was rapped up and would not sleep. even when being held. so i unrapped his arm and he wiggled out of it more and fell asleep. and every time the nurse would come in and do it again he wouldn't sleep. Almost the same with my little girl. tho she liked to have a blnaket on her face/cheek but not around her.(from the very begining)

Vilene - posted on 04/06/2010

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Look up HypnoBirthing in your area. Great natural way to bring your child into this world.

Bernadette - posted on 04/06/2010

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Pregnancy is different for everybody; "What To Expect When You're Expecting" reads to me like a hypochondriac's bible, because it has EVERY possible symptom. You know the best predictor of how your pregnancy will go? Your mom and sisters.



Newborns— male and female— have something called "brick pee." It's normal to be a little bit red.



For you after birth— if you're breastfeeding, have a bottle of water always handy. And food— quick things you can have IMMEDIATELY with no prep, because you'll be starving and have no time to make stuff. I for one am fond of high-calorie yogurt. Not easy to find— they all want to hit the low-calorie market— but Trader Joe's has some 200 calorie+ lines for those of us who want FOOD.

Candice - posted on 04/06/2010

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Be absolutely ADAMANT about what you want for your hospital experience. Ex. If you are breastfeed only, make it VERY CLEAR to them that they may NOT give your baby formula without your permission first. This happened to me and it started a whole slew of problems.

Also, bring your breast pump to the hospital with you so that if the baby isn't latching on they can still get the breast milk benefits.

After all that, no, you are not a bad mom for not being able to breast feed. My daughter ended up on formula (though I didn't want her to be) and she is just fine.

[deleted account]

I'm a labor & delivery nurse and one of the most common phone calls we get is "I lost my mucous plug". Here's the truth, the mucous plug means NOTHING! I think it was written in a book 100 years ago that when it falls out, the baby will be coming soon, and every woman has hung onto this myth. Most women don't even notice it falling out, and if it does, you can still be pregnant for many weeks after.

[deleted account]

make ice packs out of baby diapers, they don't leak. Take the top of the diaper (where the tape or velcro is) tear it open like a package of cereal, fill with crushed ice, tape back together, viola! Fits in your underwear like a maxi pad. (I'm an L&D nurse and this is what we do for our patients).

[deleted account]

make ice packs out of baby diapers, they don't leak. Take the top of the diaper (where the tape or velcro is) tear it open like a package of cereal, fill with crushed ice, tape back together, viola! Fits in your underwear like a maxi pad. (I'm an L&D nurse and this is what we do for our patients).

Debbie - posted on 04/06/2010

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This doesn't have anything to do with prenacies ,but I can't figure out how to add a new profile picture by my camara that has pictures on it can anyone help me out?

[deleted account]

make ice packs out of baby diapers, they don't leak. Take the top of the diaper (where the tape or velcro is) tear it open like a package of cereal, fill with crushed ice, tape back together, viola! Fits in your underwear like a maxi pad. (I'm an L&D nurse and this is what we do for our patients).

Richele - posted on 04/06/2010

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Most women poop when they are pushing, this is normal. Pure exhaustion is part of being pregnant as well as being a mother; and I mean bone tired.

Dianna - posted on 04/06/2010

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Newborn:
You are not a bad mother if you choose to use formula!!! There are many reasons why you may choose not to breastfeed. Or not be able to. Both of my children were formula fed and are very healthy and happy. We still had our bonding and snuggle time with the bottle. It's your decision how you choose to feed your baby and it's really none of anyone else's business!

Jennie - posted on 04/06/2010

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Labour



People never describe the pain of labour , they only ever say it hurts. Well my midwife (after the event) put it into words..........The ring of fire!! OMG was she right. I wish any one of my friends had at least attempted to describe the intensity of the fire because they really is nothing quite like it.............saying that there is nothing better than holding your baby after the most exquisite pain you will ever feel.

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