think my child has entered terrible 2's

Nancy - posted on 01/23/2012

The below post was on another subject and posted by Krista E. But I think part of it fits here as well. As for my 15 mos old, I think he has started terrible twos early and I plan to use Krista's advice. Right now I use the distraction method. When he starts getting frustrated with anything I ask him what's wrong and guess a few things like "is that toy not doing what you want" if my talking and ackowleding there's a problem isn't enough I have a variety of empty plastic containers and some boxes and will give him a few to play with. For now that works like a champ as he loves boxes and proceeds to use it as a table stacking and knocking down things. Hope some of this helps.



Krista E. post from 18mos old hitting and tantrums:

Usually when this happens, it's because they don't know how to express their frustration. So they get even MORE frustrated, and go completely primal.



What I would suggest is to give him ways to express himself. When he starts getting pissed off, you say, "You're really MAD that Mommy said no! Sam (use your own kid's name here, obviously) is MAD, MAD, MAD!" And while you're saying that, you can make sort of a mad face and cross your arms and stomp your feet.



First of all, he'll be distracted by your antics. Secondly, you're letting him know that you understand that he's angry -- that you GET it. That's huge. We all want to know that our feelings are validated. And thirdly, you're showing him how to express that he's mad -- by saying "Mad", by crossing his arms, by frowning, by stamping his feet.



You can do the same thing for his other emotions as well. Acknowledge what he's feeling, using VERY simple language (when toddlers experience strong emotions, they're no longer capable of understanding complex language), and express that emotion FOR him, using simple words and gestures that he can mimic. By helping him communicate what he's feeling, it lessens the odds that he'll boil over with frustration and start hitting.



If he does hit, you get right down to his level and say, "No hit. Sam NO hit. Sam mad? Sam mad, mad, mad?" Odds are that he'll nod tearfully, and you can then go on with that earlier part...something like, "Sam is MAD. Mommy said no cookie, so Sam is mad. Can you show Mommy your mad face? WOW -- you're REALLY mad! You want a cookie NOW! But nooo...no cookie before supper, sweetie. We have supper first, THEN cookie. Can you draw me a picture of a cookie? Can we draw a yummy cookie together?"



It doesn't work 100% of the time. But in my own experience, validating his emotions and giving him ways to express them has staved off quite a few tantrums before they got fully geared up.

Deborah - posted on 01/23/2012

Tantrums - ignore them. Most times kids throw tantrums to get attention, so don't give him what he wants. That's always the first recommendation I hear about those.



If it is in public or anything speak to him in a firm, authoritative tone, telling him to "Stop that, young man. That is enough" and restrain him. Boys are a lot different than girls, and my son will do a similar thing. If he doesn't get what he wants/get his way he'll start throwing things. I immediately smack his fingers (not too hard) and tell him he doesn't throw his toys. then I'll walk him over and make him pick up the toy, even if I have to take it and put it in his hand, all the while telling him "Now you go pick that up, you don't throw your toys"



I'd actually prefer not to smack his fingers but it's usually a toy or his sippy cup aimed at someone. He's cracked everyone in the family in the face/head with a toy or a cup if he's angry, and launching those kind of things at people...well that's not going to continue.



Depends on what the tantrum is about, if it's something petty, ignore it. IF he's lying there kicking and screaming on the floor, pay it no attention. If he is throwing things, then discipline him... Other than that I'm not really sure what to tell you, maybe you could look on Google for more suggestions.