time outs

Sabrina - posted on 02/16/2010 ( 126 moms have responded )

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my daughter is 16 months..im starting to do times out with her but she crys in her time out spot should i still get her after her time out or wait till she is done crying to start her time out time

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Stephanie - posted on 02/16/2010

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She is too young for time outs, in my opinion. There are several phases that insert themselves on their way to developing a separate will from you, sometime between 5 and 7. At her age, she is in the first state, which is called protesting. It is not a tantrum, but you can accidently build it into trantrums by starting a life cycle, and believe me, it will be a life cycle of power struggles with your daughter.

Time out is not an alternative to hitting or spanking. It is litterally a time for a child to recoup, regroup and come back into group conscisouness and other awareness when they have lost it, and to acknowledge that you are the top dog, not them and it just works better this way.

Protesting is not about having your way, when you are little. It's about the intolerable feeling of separation and other consciousness that occurs. It goes with several other processes in toddlers. She is not crying because she didn't get her way, as she will when she is older, she is crying because she has suddenly become aware that she is one her own. I think you can see how putting her away from you at this time would cause trauma., not good behavior.

I don't think your expectations are appropriate for her age and you will find yourself embroiled in exactly what you are trying to avoid.

Julie - posted on 02/17/2010

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i have tried something different than time outs as i just attended a parenting attachment course and they gave some alternative suggestions, as time outs create more seperation emotionally and can be very traumatic for them. instead when my 15 mth old has a tantrum or whatever, i bring her closer to me and ignore the behaviour, ie put her on my lap but ignore the bad behaviour and continue on with what i am doing, once she calms down, which she does quite quickly, then i talk to her and it is over so fast! it has worked so well for us.

Terrie - posted on 02/17/2010

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I think any age under 2 years is too young for time outs.
I have 2 daughters.....I never used time out with them....(they are 18 yrs and 16 yrs old now).
Depending on the behavior....I would talk to them AT THEIR LEVEL....explaining that their behavior and actions are very inappropriate .
You daughter is at that 'pleasing mommy stage" when they want to please mom with the things they do.
Try talking to your daughter.
For example....if you are asking her to stop doing something and she says NO and continues doing it....
pick her up....and take her to a 'quiet area'....(I called it 'our special place')....and ask her WHY she is doing what she is doing.....you have to know WHY she is doing something negative before you can counter act it with any kind of behavorioral correction or all the time outs in the world wont do anything.
By me picking up my daughter and carrying her to 'our special place'...she didnt look at it as punishment....she looked at it a 'special time with mommy"...
If you send a child to a corner or their room for time out....they come to think of any corner and even their room as a place they go to for punishment.
In order to correct the negative behavior you have to find the cause....and all the time outs in the world are pointless unless you TALK to your child at their age level.

Janet - posted on 03/02/2010

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Time-Out is a potent punishment. That's why solitary confinement (Time-Out for felons) is used only for the worst of the worst anti-social criminal behavior in prison.
Is your 16-month old doing anything that bad?
What exactly is the nature of Time-Out punishment? It's intended to deprive the child of time spent being with others. Because very young children value time spent with others more than nearly anything else. A young child alone is potentially a meal for wild animals.
Don't kid yourself, Time-Out is traumatic if the child is alone. It's far more traumatic for toddlers than for older children.
If you choose to use it, use it sparingly with full awareness that you are inflicting the worst possible punishment on your baby if you leave her in Time-Out alone. But if you sit with her, it's a whole different story.
Read some of the links that other moms have posted. There's good information here.

Evelyn - posted on 02/17/2010

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Let me first qualify my reply by saying I have 2 college degrees in child development and in early childhood education.That said, a 16 month old is too young for time out, she doesn't understand what you are doing or why you are doing it.I'm sure you don't really want to be torturing your child.

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Jeannine - posted on 06/23/2011

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We started time-outs about that time with our oldest (now six) and the "time" never started until she was "quiet." Sometimes she would be in time-out for three hours, crying. She's very persistent. The mention of it, putting her there basically triggered a complete meltdown. (Yes, it was stated clearly why she was there, etc.) As she got older she'd try to "talk" her way out of it. For three hours. Like I said, she's incredibly persistent. In the end, she did calm down, had her minutes and then we'd talk about why she was there. But, I have to say, it was never a particularly good method for this particular child. I've had to come up with far more creative discipline methods.

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Wow. Really intresting posts here. So, by now your daughter is 22 months, and her time out time is 2 minutes? Okay, for anyone reading this, get the book "1 2 3 Magic". You need to talk to your little one very briefly about the new rules. Very simple, "When you don't listen to Mommy, or you do something bad, like hitting, you will go to the time out spot." The book explains it more in detail, but this has saved our sanity in our house. This method was recommended by a social services worker, trained in early childhood behaviour. The book is written by Dr. Thomas Phelan. www.parentmagic.com

Stephanie - posted on 04/04/2010

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I actually went through some christian parenting classes that not only helped me with my own child but also with the childcare i provide for other kids. the classes say when you put your kid in time out you don't start their time till they quiet down. then you leave them in there for one minute for every yr. of their life. (2 yr. old gets two min. 4 yr. old gets 4) then after the time starts if they start fit throwing, cuz some kids will you wait till they calm down and restart their time. my son is three and has spent almost an hour in his room before! he calms down real quick now and sometimes stops behaviors just with the threat of a time out.

Kelly - posted on 03/25/2010

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My daughter responds very well to time outs. If she's crying, that's ok, as long as she stays in the spot I put her in. and of course they are going to cry because they are still worked up from the situation and don't like that they are being punished. I let her serve her 2 minutes (cause she's 2 years old) then even if she's crying, I go over and tell her why she was in time out, and I have her give me a big hug and tell me she's sorry. At first she didn't want to say sorry. But once she got used to it, it works beautifully! Her time outs diffuse EVERY hard situation we encounter. Good Luck!

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Time out isn't for punishment. It is to give your daughter a chance to regroup. Are you using it properly?

Voni - posted on 03/23/2010

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THe child is not really in control of what she is doing at that age. You could put her in the time out area and go get her after no more than two minutes. At that time, you gather her into your arms to reassure her you still love her and then repeat whatever instructions were not followed or whatever landed her in timeout. This helps her understand that her tears will not wash away her responsibility for her actions, but she is still loved...

Carrie - posted on 03/23/2010

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Yes Yes Yes! That is right Caroline. Don't forget to show your unconditional love for your child following a punishment. And don't let anyone tell you that you are "coddling her" if you do so.

Caroline - posted on 03/22/2010

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I want to praise you for starting time outs. It is important to begin discipline at an early age and it will make your life a lot easier as she gets older. I also use the 1 min per year rule, so 1 min. would be appropriate for this age. Do not wait until she is done crying, only allow her to be there for the 1 min., then talk to her about why she is in time out and give her a hug and tell her that you love her.

Carrie - posted on 03/22/2010

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Crying is to be expected, even with the older ones. The only thing I require is that she (my 7 year old) is not sassing or yelling about the punishment in anger. A short time out, using a timer with an alarm to signal the end of the time-out should be appropriate at one minute per age of the child.

Dawn - posted on 03/20/2010

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I do a form of timeout and spanking on my 13 month old....have at that ladys!!!

Molly - posted on 03/20/2010

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I think you are doing a great job! We have been doing time out since 12 mo for one minute at a time. We have only done it 3 times but it works well and she doesnt go back to doing the same thing again. She often cries for one minute but I have never heard of a child being traumatized from crying for one minute.

There is a reason why so many kids are naughty... and I believe yours will not be one of them as long as you provide a loving, happy, disciplined, structured enviornment, with choices and ample positive reinforcement. Kids WANT to know what their boundaries are. It gives them a sense ot trust and comfort.

BTW Love and Logic is an AWSOME approach to parenting (and dealing with spouses..shhhhh haha) It is what I taught the parents of my clients (I am a Masters Level Clinician) and it was very successful- even in the worst circumtances.

As far as what Julie was saying about an alternative to time out... children dont comprehend the full meaning of time out at such a young age, however, they DO remember that the last time they did the same thing it was not a pleasant outcome.

Ex- when my daughter touches the stove I say "ouch. HOT!" and i redirect her. If she goes back to touch the stove I again say "Ouch.hot!" and firmly say "not a good choice" at his age she knows that ouch, hot=unpleasant outcome (either get burned or sit in time out). Love and Logic would teach that you should allow your child to learn why she shouldnt touch the stove on her own, but as far as a safety issue for a very young child- I do time out after 2 warnings.

Molly - posted on 03/20/2010

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I think you are doing a great job! We have been doing time out since 12 mo for one minute at a time. We have only done it 3 times but it works well and she doesnt go back to doing the same thing again. She often cries for one minute but I have never heard of a child being traumatized from crying for one minute.

There is a reason why so many kids are naughty... and I believe yours will not be one of them as long as you provide a loving, happy, disciplined, structured enviornment, with choices and ample positive reinforcement. Kids WANT to know what their boundaries are. It gives them a sense ot trust and comfort.

BTW Love and Logic is an AWSOME approach to parenting (and dealing with spouses..shhhhh haha) It is what I taught the parents of my clients (I am a Masters Level Clinician) and it was very successful- even in the worst circumtances.

As far as what Julie was saying about an alternative to time out... children dont comprehend the full meaning of time out at such a young age, however, they DO remember that the last time they did the same thing it was not a pleasant outcome.

Ex- when my daughter touches the stove I say "ouch. HOT!" and i redirect her. If she goes back to touch the stove I again say "Ouch.hot!" and firmly say "not a good choice" at his age she knows that ouch, hot=unpleasant outcome (either get burned or sit in time out). Love and Logic would teach that you should allow your child to learn why she shouldnt touch the stove on her own, but as far as a safety issue for a very young child- I do time out after 2 warnings.

Aimee - posted on 03/20/2010

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at her age the crying shouldn't matter. once she gets older it will be a manipulating technique. When my kids cry (4&7) they know the time out doesn't start until they sit quietly. Same with they all the sudden have to use the bathroom. If they don;t actually go they get five mon added for not telling the truth.

Felicity - posted on 03/20/2010

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Yikes. I realize that I was meaning to say "mothers of young children," not "young mothers". Moms come in all ages, of course. Thanks for pointing that out to me.
And to Loureen, thanks for asking for a link...yes! This linked article covers the subject well, though the books would really give you far more insight and long-term support in every area of parenting.
http://positivediscipline.com/articles/P... And through these resources, you can find the research backing it up, if you feel the need. Blessings!

Samantha - posted on 03/19/2010

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The best thing a friend of mine brought is a portable timeout mat from toys r us.

It depends on your child and if she understands the concept of why she is in timeout most 16mths should be able to understand to calm down before leaving as if she cries long enough and gets let off she'll learn to be more persistant when she wants things

Charlie - posted on 03/19/2010

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Felicity , do you have links to research suggesting that time outs before three is harmful ?



I agree with most of what you say although i find it incredibly narrow minded to continuously suggest it is only young mothers who are uneducated on the matter , i assure you there are plenty of older and younger mothers who assume the only way to discipline is through spanking a child and refuse to learn any other method, stereotyping a particular group or age does not help you get your point across its presumptuous and offensive .

Felicity - posted on 03/19/2010

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Patti makes an excellent Positive Discipline point. Every body needs a "positive time out" now and then, and Mommy taking one herself teaches this life skill in a very real way. She can ask her child to help her watch the sand timer while she sits on her bed or somewhere quiet, the door open, leafing thru a magazine or something, not talking, just calming down, resting her mind, etc. The child can cuddle with her if she wants, until she gets the gist of Positive Time Out, but all Mommy says is "Shhh".
It should be a very brief period of time, to start...a minute or two, gradually increasing. Over the years, Mommies should be able to get a long break period, while the children do the same, naps or not. It's so positive and wonderful! My grandson takes at least an hour each day in his own room, playing quietly, while Mommy rests in her room. (she puts the baby gate at the top of the stairs, for safety). He comes to her when his alarm clocks signals that Quiet Time is over. He just turned four, and has been doing this for over a year, since he stopped falling asleep at naptimes. He loves it, as does she!
He has never been spanked, never yelled at, never treated roughly or rudely, never forced to cry without receiving comfort. He's never been given something as a result of whining, which is the cure for that! He knows how to wait for things, and knows that if he needs to cry, he'll be comforted, though he won't be given into on something deemed not okay. He knows how to take "no" as an answer, and move on.
He doesn't go into the fridge without permission. He stays in the yard, with no fence. He plays really well with other kids. He has little chores, and loves doing them. PUts his dish in the sink without being asked, empties the dishwasher (won't let Mommy do it any more.."That's MY job, Mommy!"...He jumps on and wrestles with his daddy, but treats "girls",including Mommy and me, much more gently. He says please and thank you and excuse me. He sits at the table to eat, and asks to be excused when he's done. Goes to bed like a charm, blowing kisses as you back out of the room, blowing them back.
He's also all boy, is happy just about all of the time, and today, when he found his deck of "Cars" cards in his daddy's jacket pocket (absent minded Daddy put them there, vs. where they belonged)...said "I think Daddy wanted to take my cards to work, so he could wook at them, and fink of me while he was gone, cuz he misses me so much." THIS is what Positive Discipline will get you. It's a total blessing! : )

Felicity - posted on 03/19/2010

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Beccie, You seem to assume that there are only two parenting options: punitive discipline, or no discipline. POSITIVE discipline teaches your child how to behave in the complex society he's in, without punishing, shaming, forced parroting of meaningless terms like "I'm sorry" (meaning "thank God you finally stopped behaving so strangely, and appear to love me again, Mommy"), and demanding that he perform at levels he's not developmentally able to yet.

Positive Discipline offers time-proven information that could enrich parenting exponentially. Of course it's your choice how far you'll go in seeking the very best for your child. I can only offer the best of the best.
I used to train health visitors, pre-school teachers, and parents. I'm well aware that punitive methods (anti-spanking but just as tormenting) are still taught at many of the government-sponsored agencies. This does not make it the best for children.

Super Nanny has a lot of good techniques for dealing with children who have been without any discipline, or purely negative discipline. Her techniques are for situations where parents have abdicated their role and created problem children.

Positive Discipline is an entire lifestyle in which the child is never left to feel alone, abandoned, punished, etc., but rather is patiently and kindly taught which behaviors are okay and which are not.

There IS a better way. I can hardly imagine what kind of parent would not at least investigate, rather than continue to force tiny children to go through such unnecessarily harsh treatment, without considering a far more humane and effective approach that is guaranteed to work. Without tears!

Patti - posted on 03/19/2010

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do you go by the one minute per year old so at 16 months she should only spend a little less than one and a half minutes when that young its hard for them to understand sit still i would sit my little one dowh hold handsand & count to 10 a couple times and talk about what was wrong and how to better handle it that way when they are older they know what they should be doing while in a time out. now if mommy needs a timeout for a little have dad or a friend or grandma give you a minute per year old you are go in abother room and chill out, but time-outs for kids still take parenting time

hope this helps

Beccie - posted on 03/19/2010

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My 15 month old can be a horror at times, he has got a thing with smacking me etc, throwing everything when hes in a temper if I tell him no etc etc. I spoke to my health visitor about this when he had his 1 year check up. She advised to just ignore the behaviour at that age, but to start using time outs when he got to 16-18months. I had to start when he reached 14 months though as he got really bad. I think they totally work. He doesnt understand yet that he has to stay there, so I just sit and hold him in the corner without giving him any eye contact. He knows I am there, but also that he has done wrong. He usually cries because he wants to leave, but I carry out the full minute regardless, then explain why he was there and ask for a kiss and cuddle. Most of the time he is fine then because he wants some love from me, if he keeps performing and refuses to say sorry, he stays put for another minute until he says sorry. It is all about consistancy, they will soon learn that the threat of the naughty corner/spot etc will be enough to stop the bad behaviour. I find that I need the time out as much as he does, even if it is only for one minute just so that we can both calm down a bit. Dont be made to feel guilty for using this method, after all, health visitors, professionals and supernanny advise it lol ! I think it is good parenting to want to disipline your child, I know of plenty who have never bothered and their 5 year olds are 100 times worse than my 15 month old for tantrums when they cant get their own way ! xx

Felicity - posted on 03/18/2010

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Teryl...and all "pro timeout parents"....I would suggest, with all due respect and belief that you want to do the very best by your child, that "that was the day" you should have realized that your child has no idea WHY she is sitting on that step watching the sand fall. For a brief moment, she believed you had thought up a strange but somewhat fun activity for her. Now you've gone digital, removing YOUR game, which she thought she was playing "right". Sit and watch the sand. Good girl. Oops. Not so fast. You're having too much fun with this. You're supposed to be suffering! Bye bye sand. Now sit and watch digital numbers. Hope that's sufficiently boring and torturous for you.
She'll learn to watch the numbers until they click to the next one, a more challenging and visually harmful activity...anything to somehow endure the torture (for a very young child) of sitting and doing nothing.
She may comprehend that her "bad" behavior somehow displeased you, when you initially rebuked her for it. But sitting on a step makes as much sense to her little mind as being hung by her feet from a light fixture, or being placed on the dining room table, or stood in a corner. It makes no sense at all to a child under three years old, and even under four in many cases. It is just a random and bizarre behavior on Mom's part, which she must figure out how to endure until you say it's done. I plead with you to educate yourself on the actual abilities of the 0-3and4 year old. There are wonderful methods of helping them through these tricky and challenging years, but punishing them in this way will only teach them to suppress their emotions, deny their God-given need to be in constant motion, exploring their world, and mar their trust in you to always be there to hold and comfort them. You're doing far more harm than you know, and I hope you'll turn to those who can show you better ways. Positive Discipline, by Jane Nelson. (a very good dot com under that name). Dr. Harvey Karp's books. And others. It's not Permissive Discipline, it's POSitive Discipline. and it results in children who are confident, responsible, pleasant, and in no way fear their parents will "turn on them" and punish them for things they don't understand, in ways that hurt them. The proof is seen over time. It truly works, without punishment, but with firm, kindly enforced limits. Hope you'll investigate further. Don't take my word for it!

Felicity - posted on 03/18/2010

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The Happiest Toddler on the Block (Dr. Harvey Karp) is also excellent. You young mothers owe it to the sanity and emotional health of your children to make yourselves aware of basic human development. Children are not dogs, and should not be trained as if they were.

Understand the ages and stages all normal children go through, and learn to positively encourage and support them in their growth, while intelligently setting and upholding limits that are AGE APPROPRIATE. it is totally possible to raise happy, kind, responsible children without punishing them. Discipline means "teaching" (disciplo = to teach, in the Greek). Please stop taking advice from non-experts. Every day of your child's life is precious and the more wrong info you incorporate, the more you are harming your child and creating problems you never need to have.

Teryl - posted on 03/18/2010

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Still do it. As long as she stays put she is doing as told. And once she really gets that you are coming back she may cry less. We had a timer that showed when mommy would be back. It was where Bryten could see but not reach it. She loved watching the dand fall and knew when the sand was gone her time out was over. They need a visual concept of time at that age. Of course...then there was the day she asked me to leave her there and turn the clock over so she could watch the samd again....that was the day we went to a digital timer!

Felicity - posted on 03/17/2010

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Great comment, Julie Haffner. Jane Nelson teaches along the same lines. Positive communication. "Be kind and firm at the same time" is one of her best lines. "Keep your feet on the floor"...say it in a mean tone of voice, and then say it in a kind voice. Notice the difference. Another is "Why do we think we have to make children feel worse, before they can do better?" Ponder that...including how well YOU do when you "feel worse" about yourself, vs feel good about yourself. I'm so glad you offered to give people here a positive way to handle whatever situation they give you to address. I hope they will!

Julie - posted on 03/17/2010

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Beckey Bailey is also a wonderful author of Conscience Discipline. Love and Logic is a great series to look into. Children don't come into the world knowing what is expected of them. If you are always telling them "NO NO", "don't," "stop running." you are still not teaching them what is expected. If your child hits a child and you tell them "say your sorry!" did you teach your child empathy or empty meaningless words. But, if I say let's see if he is ok, what can we do to make it better. We then teach empathy. If your child is climbing on the table and we say get down. We are not being specific enough. We need to tell them what is expected, Your feet need to stay on the floor. If you want to climb let go to the climber. Remember children have just learned these skills and have very little practice mastering them. Think of it like this. How many years have you been driving? Do you Speed? Do you stop at stop signs or roll through them. Do you speed up through yellow lights or slow down to stop? We have had many years of practice this skills yet we have not mastered the laws of the road. We have high expectations of our children mastering skills that they only resently been introduced to. We expect more from them than of ourselves. How can a 18 month old put together the relationship between not picking up her toys and time out on the step. Give me a scenerio and I will give you an alternitive to time-out. What are your goals for your children to learn what is expected from them and teaching new skills or to punish them. If you love them it should be to teach and guide them through life.

Kate CP - posted on 03/15/2010

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Well, Felicity, what do YOU suggest you do with a toddler who's misbehaved?

I'm actually a dog trainer. I do it for a living and I've been doing it for about 12 years. The key to dog training, and child training, is to use the methods that's right for the individual child/dog. You CANNOT make a blanket statement that "time outs aren't good for ALL toddlers" or that "spanking is the ONLY thing that works for ALL kids". That's an asinine comment that has proved fallible time and again. What works for one dog/child doesn't work for another. You cannot, and SHOULD NOT make such broad statements.

Felicity - posted on 03/15/2010

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Absolutely nothing! Help! Too many of these mom's are seriously lacking in their understanding of child development, ages and stages. Are you familiar with Jane Nelson's positive discipline methods? positive discipline dot com is her website, with lots of free info available, and her books. She's the best I've found in my 40 years working w/ parents and children. You seen to have a good head about this...maybe you'll get her book(s) and then try to spread the word. So many children are being harmed by timing out their babies, after watching SuperNanny, (who does a lot of good things, but this is not one of them!). I'm so chagrined, and will do whatever I can to spread the word. Hope you will too. btw...Jane has books for 0-3, preschoolers, grade school, and teenaged kids. Awesome. Best wishes....

Felicity - posted on 03/15/2010

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NO NO NO NO NO ! You young mothers MUST educate yourselves as to the natural ages and stages of early childhood. You are harming your under-3 year olds by using time outs. They have no ability to comprehend any of this. All you're doing is training them to stifle their feelings, as their only way to get done with this shutting out behavior on your part. They do not understand "I'm sorry" yet; they can only mouth the words. They cannot connect an undesired behavior with being forced to sit on a chair or stair. They CANNOT and they should not be asked to. During these formative years, it is the parent's job to provide a safe environment for the child to play, roam, explore, experiment. Keep breakables away from them. Keep them on a sensible schedule. When they break down, they need to be held, not shut away from you. Time outs can be useful...in a positive sense...a short time out to cool down...later on. I advise everyone I know to read Jane Nelson's positive discipline series. Go to her website. There is a ton of free information available there. positive discipline dot com I don't work for her, but I have taught her methods, and seen lives changed for the better. Please. PLEASE. Get informed. You are not training a dog, you are raising a human being. Get it right, for the sake of your child, and your lifelong relationship with him or her!!

Joy - posted on 03/15/2010

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Sometimes we cry when we are distressed or unhappy with a situation, let her express her feelings. Punishment is for what is done wrong not for expressing how we feel, unless it's a full out temper tantrum, then that is little different.

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I would only do it after you have said a firm NO and redirected her a few times for the same thing. I wouldn't do it just for tantrums or exploring because those things arn't naughtyness.

Let her do the time out for 1 minute in her crib and stay with her so she doesn't feel abandoned. Don't expect her to finish crying before she does it. She is too young to be expected to behave in time out and 1 minute is punishment enough for a baby.

Sarah - posted on 03/12/2010

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I agree with the Moms who say she is too young for time outs. I highly recommend the book I am reading now, "The Happiest Toddler on the Block", by Harvey Karp, M.D. His method is around helping you communicate with your toddler to prevent or reduce the tantrums. Her brain shuts down when she is in a tantrum, and any explaining you do beyond very simple words, what he calls "Toddler-ese", is not getting through to her. Once she understands that you are hearing her, which she is trying to tell you with her tantrum, she will calm down, then you can explain why she can't have or do what she wants. It is all about letting her feel heard and understood, which we all want, right? I have been practicing this method, and it definitely has helped with my 15 month old!

Desiree - posted on 03/11/2010

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She is just playing on your sympathy, we moms hearts break when we watch our little ones crying, just leave her to cry, let her do her time and then only take her out, explain to her why you gave her time out then hug her & kiss her & cuddle her. I have tried it on my little one and it works wonders!

Cecilia - posted on 03/10/2010

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i think is to early for 16 month to do time out is an american think dont she still a baby

Lucia - posted on 03/10/2010

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Hi Sabrina, I started the naughty step when Reuben was about 15 months and he used to cry and he still does now sometimes and he's over two. he now always says sorry after and gives me a hug and normally by just warning him about the step will stop him misbehaving. Just keep it up. By crying it means she doesn;t like being there and it is meant to be a place they go when they are naughty.

Tracy - posted on 03/09/2010

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Start the time right away. My son cries throught the whole time out because it makes him sad to have to sit still for the time out!!!

Whitney - posted on 03/09/2010

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there is a different approach to discipline that is really interesting!!! try the book connection parenting by pam leo. she also has a FB page as well as a webpage. good luck!!

Jennifer - posted on 03/09/2010

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Time outs are great, leave her until the time out is over. If you go to her before the time out is over she will learn that if she crys mommy will come a get her out of trouble. Also remember a time out should only be one minute for every year of age, (ie: one year = one minute).

Kat - posted on 03/08/2010

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Very simple. A minute per year. 1 yr old...1 minute...The supernanny does a good job with this. She just puts the child back in time out continually and resets the "clock". Whether a 16 mth old will catch on, Im not sure?

Julie - posted on 03/08/2010

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I am a mother of 3 awesome kids. My oldest is 25 and in the Navy. She is an instructor at he Naval Boot Camp. She is also a double major at North Western University as a Biology and Education student. My middler child is 17 and is the best teenage you could ask for. She has a part time job at an ice cream parlor and has never been in trouble. I then have a 13 year old son. He is in swimming and loves to cook diner and help out all over. I tell you this because I have practiced positive guidance throughout the upbringing of my children. I also teach it in my work. Basically positive guidance is teaching children what is expected what is expected of them, instead of always telling them what not to do. How often do you say stop, don't do that , no touch, NO NO, get down, stop running,.... instead tell your daughter what you want her to do. instead of saying stop running, say 'Walk please", or "I need you to walk". If your child is climbing up on something and you need her to get down say, your feet on the floor. or you can climb on the climber... Praise your child for doing what is asked." I like the way you are walking." be specific!!! I like how you are choosing to climb on the climber. or thank you for using gentle hands. Saying "Good Job" doesn't have any meaning. The "punishment" for any misbehavior should be logical and have a relationship to the infraction. If you child is about to throws a block across the room. You take the blocks away and say " I can see you are not being safe with these block so we will put them away for awhile. If you want to talk more. I teach parent education. ttfnjulie@yahoo.com

JENNIFER - posted on 03/08/2010

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I have been doing timeouts with my daughter since she was a year old - you need to leave her in the time out spot regardless if she is crying or not. We set the microwave timer for 1 minute for every year my daughter is and we tell her - when the clock dings! you can get out - if she gets out before the clock dings then the clock starts over. We found that you have to be strict when it comes to time outs because they will try pushing your buttons. Also a minute of NON-PLAY time is like forever to a child. Hope this helps

Kat - posted on 03/07/2010

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yes you have to send her to time out even if she's crying. If you wait till she stops she will figure it out and use it against you later. Trust me kids are smart and figure things out quick.

Raychyl - posted on 03/06/2010

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my son is 17 months and I put him in a time out spot, and yes he cries. I wait till he is done and then ask if he is done yet. Then he calms down and I tell him I do not like what he has done. He usually then hugs me and its all over!! seems to be working for us!!

Diane - posted on 03/06/2010

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I dont think she is old enough for timeout. Children that age still don't have much of a time concept. You dont mention what type of 'timeout' you use, but I have a 2 1/2 year old grandson and I just recently started using a discipline that I guess could be considered timeout. I hope to show him that when he does what he is not suppose to that there is a consequence to that action....If he's doing something he is not suppose to I simply tell him ..again ..for instance....that he cannot slam the door ... he has a habit of opening every door that is available and slamming them..) We are trying to stop this behavior. I believe consistency should be the rule for any kind of training for children. And it should begin with age appropriate discipline.

Ronnie - posted on 03/06/2010

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no i dont believe she would really understand just yet what time out means

Meredith - posted on 03/06/2010

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Get her out! She is still too young to understand that her time doesn't start until she stops crying. Crying is a natural behavior in the circumstances for her age. I am a 63 year old mother of 5 and grandmother of 9, and have taught parenting classes. We too often don't take into consideration that children are not little adults, they are still developing mentally, and emotionally as well as physically.

Erika - posted on 03/06/2010

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hheher cry because if u go get her then she will figure out she can get out of it by crying

Heide - posted on 03/06/2010

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It is so hard to hear your child crying , every instinct in us just makes us want us to go and attend to our child no matter what. But the time out spot is such a passive way of disciplining out children, it does not physically harm them. However, the agreed time amongst professionals is 1 min per year of the child's age. So for your daughter it is one minute of 'time out'. I would say, please do go and fetch her and ask her to say sorry and cuddle her after her time out, don't just leave her there crying as that could go for ages, well beyond the 1 minute time out. She will soon learn that if she does something unacceptable again she will have to go back to the time out spot for another minute and so on. You are clearly a lovely caring mum and you just want to begin right from the start to teach your daughter right from wrong which will help her so much in the future.

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