Time outs are not working how can I get my daughter to listen????

Dawn - posted on 01/21/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Time outs are not working. Taking away toys/privilages not working. My daughter is almost 5 and refuses to listen to anyone and do what she is asked to do. We have explained cause and effect of her actions to her and even that is not working. It always gets thrown back at us like we are bad parents to her. Every request is a battle and always ends with her screaming/crying or having a tantrum. Please help, how can I get my daughter to listen????She's tearing my family apart!

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Neva - posted on 01/21/2012

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The most important thing is to be consistent, and not give in to screaming, crying or tantrums. You need to tell her that if she doesn't listen, then the consequence is going to be a time out. She, probably won't listen, so then you immediately go to her and put her in time out. No more talking to her, now is time for action. You put her in time out and set the timer for 5 minutes. If she gets up, then you just keep putting her back without talking to her. If she creams, cries, argues, etc. just ignore that. That is her way of getting attention and getting her way. She has learned that this works. You will have to keep putting her back as many times as it takes, without talking to her until she finally gets the message that you mean business. This may take several hours the first time because follow through is new to her. When she finally is sitting, even if she is talking, crying (don't engage her at all), and her time is up, then go to her and eplain to her that she was in time out because she was not listening, and that everytime she does that, she will be in time out again. Then ask her to apologize. If she refuses to apologize, then tell her she'll have to sit for another 5 minutes until she does. When she apologizes, give her a hug and that incident is never talked about again. Remember that it takes a while for her to know that you are going to be consistent, so don't get discouraged. She will start to learn that you mean what you say. In the future, when you tell her something and she doesn't listen, you give her one warning..and one warning only. If she continues her behavior, then you immediately follow up with the consequence. The first few times are going to be the most difficult, but it will be worth it in the long run. If you give in to her tantrums even once, it will take 3 times as long to because she will think that you will give in eventually. Children actually want boundaries. Don't let whatever she has to say, i.e. I hate you, you are a terrible mom, I wish you weren't my mom, etc to affect you. She only knows that those words have power over you, she doesn't really mean that. The warning is firm, but you don't need to yell. You can do this.

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