Tips for weaning a very strong willed toddler

Kristi - posted on 02/03/2009

My son is 17 months and we are weaning and have been for a couple of months and we are now down to 2 a day. I think pulling the breast away abruptly and all at once can backfire on you, which it sounds like it is. Your breast is what your little one has known on demand for all of her life so be patient and be easy on her. Delia had good advice... not so sure about the others. I'm not so sure that the longer you wait the harder it will be as that was not true in our case or most other mothers I know. We tried to wean around a year and he just wasn't ready so we waited a couple of months before trying again and it has gone smoothly. A lot of kids will self wean (before the age of 5 despite some peoples "beliefs" ). We started weaning by picking the least desirable feeding time and getting rid of that one first. I kept him busy (which was very key) and tried to be proactive. I would continually offer a substitute before or when he asked to nurse at all nursing "demands." We never said "no" as it seems to make it more desirable. Offer food AND drink. Sometimes he would accept, not others... but it got easier and easier. Don't make the breast accessible. Wear clothes that don't flaunt the boob, don't be naked in front of her and have routine. Sometimes you have to establish a little bit of a new routine - say at nap and bedtime (which are usually the hardest and last to go) - and it takes a couple of weeks but she will get used to the new routine and it will help with weaning. You are trying to break a very positive association your daughter has so it may be helpful to replace it with another positive associations. She will start to understand that you love her just as much and that she can get comfort other ways. Be kind and be gentle and patient. Some days will be better than others. Give her lots of extra cuddles and love and hugs to help replace that comfort. Talk to her kindly about what is going on. Be communicative and honest. She may not understand all your words but she'll get the meaning and understand that something is going to be different.

Deanna - posted on 02/03/2009

My youngest daughter didn't wean herself until she was 2, so at 16 months she may just not be ready yet. One thing that helped at night was sending in Dad when she was demanding me in the middle of the night. One confrontation with a grumpy, sleep-deprived Dad did it.

Julie - posted on 02/03/2009

I know exactly what you are going thru. I have 2 children a girl and a  boy. Both my children were breast fed on demand. Good for you for going this long. I lasted 7months with my daughter and many anxiety attacks. I was home alone too. Girls are just demanding and strong willed. What I did is I started feeding her baby food and completely stopped breast feeding because having no time to myself was making me crazy. They will eat if they get hungry enough. I am not saying starve her just don't give in so easy. I know it's hard but she will figure it out and go with the flow. If you don't do it now she will be doing this forever. Hope this helps.

Delia - posted on 02/02/2009

My baby was 18 months when we decided to wean.  We started around 15 months and just gradually increased the sippy cup and decreased the breast so it wasn't quite a "cold turkey" wean.  She was at the point where she would lift my shirt or pull down my spagetti straps and help herself!  I made a special point not to wear anything "accessible".  Also I avoided sitting in her chair where she always nursed.  I had to find alternate ways of soothing her, and distracting her like rocking her back to sleep since she too would want comfort when teething.  Day #6 oddly was the worst one, she screamed and threw a fit and doesn't usually, but I just cuddled with her until she calmed down.  I do work full time so she wanted to nurse within 1/2 hour of my getting home.  We replaced the nursing with special play time--I let her pick what she wanted (Mega Bloks) and we would play with those instead of nursing.  Finally she got the idea that she could still get Mama comfort without the breast.  We are just a little over 1 full month of weaning and it does get easier.  It also helped that we did this right at the start of the year and after Christmas where she had plenty of new things to distract her from just nursing.  Good Luck!

Jennifer - posted on 02/02/2009

I have to agree with what Abegail Ma says. A firm no, and she will certainly throw a tantrum, but they will decrease. You have to be strong because it's for her best interest. It will be hard....very hard....as the screaming it terrible, but this is the only way she can communicate at this point. Be strong, and maybe a positive will be with the screaming will come good naps. Good luck.

Laura - posted on 02/02/2009

Believe me, I know exactly what you're talking about. I have a 17 month old son that has nursed on demand since birth and it's so hard to get him to eat and take a sippy cup.... he simply refuses to eat or drink and until I finally nurse him because I'm worried or he's throwing a tantrum and driving me crazy. I love him dearly but gosh...

Amber - posted on 02/02/2009

have you tried taking her to the store and letting her pick out her own "special" sippy cup?  let her know that shes getting a new one to replace the breast.

Abegail - posted on 02/02/2009

Wow.  It will be hard but just keep reminding yourself that the longer you wait the harder it will be for her.  Just tell her no.  Put her milk in a sippy cup and if she wants milk she need to drink it from there.  She will throw a tantrum there's no help for it.  By the way we don't let our daughter throw tantrums.  Let me know if you're interested in that and I'll tell you how we get her to stop.  Your daughter will cry and scream but be firm.  Do not give her the impression that she's the boss but make sure you make her understand that it's for her own good.  There really isn't a trick or easy way to do this.  If she was younger it would have been easier as well but since she's not this is all you can do.  If you're not ready for the tantrum don't even try because this will cause your daughter to be even more strong willed thinking she's more powerful and will exert herself to the fullest to get her way.  Crazy I know but it's true.  Good luck Janelle!  You can do it.