Tired of financial separation between my husand and I?

Amy - posted on 01/27/2013 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Hello all,

I am a stay at home Mom of 3 and remarried. I have not worked for many years and I receive child support payments for my 3 children. This is my only source of income. I use that money for the kids and whatever bills I have and whatever I can contribute to the household. My husband makes a decent living and gets hefty money gifts from his parents frequently. We recently received a very generous wedding gift and the check is made out to both of us. The issue I am having is, that I sometimes run out of money and go without for days hoping I don't need to fill my gas tank or anything else. I do buy some things sometimes for the kids when they need or not but I definitely do not go overboard and I am an extremely frugal person. When my Husband got a generous gift for Christmas, I asked how much and he would not tell me. He said it would be used for a small vacay we were going to go on. So, I shut my mouth about it. Like I said earlier, we just received a check from his parents made out to both of us but we do not have a joint bank account nor do I know anything financial involving my husband. I joked around and said, "Can I at least have $100 out of that money we got?" and he got really upset and threw a $100 dollar at me and said "Don't think I always have hundreds, this is money I have left over from Christmas!" It has been a month or more since Christmas and we already went on our trip. He has been hearing me tell the kids NO to things the past few days because I am totally out of funds. I texted him a few days ago as well informing him that I didn't have any money. Then he proceeds to tell me he pays the bills and why can't I be appreciative of that. No to mention he just received money from the sale of the company he works for. I understand that we need to save some of that money if we ever buy a house but I surely don't ask for much. I think what I am trying to ask here is, is this normal for a married couple and shouldn't my husband make sure I am not broke and in a bad financial situation when he is financially secure himself? Am I asking too much? Also, I never ask him to pay for anything that involves my kids.

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Michelle - posted on 01/27/2013

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Didn't you discuss how the finances would be handled before you got married?

I have 2 children from my first marriage and then 1 from this marriage. At the moment I do 50/50 shared care with the older 2 so don't get child support. My current husband and I discussed how the finances would be handled before we got married though and when I was a SAHM I had access to his account with a card as well as internet banking so I could pay the bills and make sure we had everything paid for.

My husband trusted me completely and since I was at home it was easier for him. Even though we have separate accounts, the money that comes into our house is for the household, not his or mine.

I was in your position with my first marriage though and I think he did it so I couldn't leave. I had nothing and when I did eventually leave I had to get a personal loan to get started in my own place. It's a way of men controlling us and making sure we don't leave.

Michelle - posted on 01/27/2013

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It sounds to me like he wants to be married but doesn't want the responsibilities that comes from marrying a woman who already had children. The two of you should have a joint account that joint funds go into as well as a savings account to save for a house or other rainy day events. I have a son from a previous marriage and my current husband helps pay for all of his stuff yes a I get child support and I work but we are a team and work together as one. I think you and your husband need to get together and be a team where finances are concerned and work together to formulate a plan of needs and wants that the money needs to be used for.

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Amy - posted on 01/28/2013

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SO, I sent my Husband an email explaining what my concerns are and the response I got was not what I expected. The main thing that sticks out is that he is saying that I am obviously feeling as if I am being cheated out of money somehow...... I don't understand......

Amy - posted on 01/28/2013

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I have to admit that my husband and I did and have talked about this since the beginning. It has been an ongoing issue that I bring up frequently with no resolution. I thought we were on the same page but.........

Amy - posted on 01/27/2013

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Yes, it is a difficult business however, I will not have trouble in that department from being in Real Estate previously for many years and my contact list. Aside from me getting a job, I think I am looking more for opinions and advice regarding my situation with my husband that I posted. Thank you Cindy! :)

Cindy - posted on 01/27/2013

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Real estate is dicey, 9 out of 10 newly licensed Realtors fail to make a decent living and eventually give it up. I speak from having 14 years of being one of the 1 out of 10.

Amy - posted on 01/27/2013

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Yes, that is my plan. :) I am trying to get my Real Estate License. The only drawback to my two little ones in school is that the youngest will be in Kindergarten and only go a half day. Then I will need to pay for daycare for after school. I can do it but not until next school year.

Cindy - posted on 01/27/2013

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I ask because their ages obviously make a difference in your ability to generate your own income. Once the youngest is in school all day you will be able to work outside the home.

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