To spank or not to spank?

Nerissa - posted on 02/05/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I watched Dr. Phil a couple weeks ago and the debate was whether to disciple your children by spanking them. The concensus from the show was most people prefer other methods than spanking and hitting is frowned upon. They also polled the audience and the majority of the people believed our children are out of control and lack discipline. So, I want to know how many other parents spank there children. I am not talking about leaving marks or using an object, like the switch from a tree, but an open hand across the buttox once or twice. Please let me know whether you spank or prefer not to spank?

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TealRose - posted on 03/22/2011

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I am a 56 yr old grandmother. I was spanked. And from that first smack of the first spank my parents lost me - forever. They lost my love, trust and respect. I don't respect people that hit others, especially others that are children and 2/3 smaller than them.



Planning to spank? What kind of gentle minded parent can say a thing like that? If you want to teach your child fear, pain, anger, hate and resentment - as I learned carry on. If you want to have your children feel unloved by you .. carry on. And no, don't tell my they are fine. My mother thought I was 'fine and happy' when I talked to her a couple of years ago. I wasn't. I was this frightened and seething little girl who lost her childhood. To most pro spankers I wasn't 'abused'. To me ... I was. One hit or a hundred it's all the same - hitting and it's wrong period.



Why is it that in some countries, if you say the magic word discipline it's fine and dandy to hit your child, whereas you and I and the criminal in jail, and your animal are all protected by law?? Spank in love, you can't. My parents used the post spanking pep talk too of 'oh we love you' and it meant ... nothing to me as they had just hit me, and I didn't hit anyone, least of all someone I loved!



Hitting a toddler is plain evil. They don't understand not to touch etc in fact it's hardwired in there to learn about the world around them - by touching, poking, stroking, dropping, picking up etc and isn't their way to 'disrespect you' ... Toddlers are to be taught and protected from the world and themselves, not hit. If you haven't child proofed your house you haven't done your job.



Here in Europe hitting children at home and school has been banned for decades and we do NOT have huge levels of children running riot - in fact quite the opposite.



Discipline - means to teach - and, as an adult with superior intelligence to a child, you should be able to do that without hitting them.



Why be the first teacher of violence to your child? I never hit my children who are now great gentle adults, and my daughter is now teaching her two children without hitting them.

TealRose - posted on 03/22/2011

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So .. spanking 'cold blooded' is 'ok' ? It wasn't ok when my parents hit me that way. It was just plain wrong. I do NOT thank my parents for filling me with worry, and hate and making me lose my trust and respect. I will never ever respect anyone who hits another being. There is no 'correct' way of HITTING your child. Just as there is NO correct way of your husband hitting you - he can say he loves you till the cows come home, but it is abuse.

Jamie - posted on 02/05/2010

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I also believe spanking is a good choice but not to be over done. I spank my daughter when she is not listening and doing something she could harm herself or others. I will also spank her if I have repeatedly told her not to do something and have used other methods or discipline and they have not worked. Times outs are rare because you have to sit down and hold her there or she will just get up. She is two and pretty well behaved and planning on using the same way with my 10 month old when she is older.

Fonda - posted on 02/05/2010

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I always told my children that hitting people (especially if they are smaller than you) is wrong. It takes more thought and time to teach in other ways, but neither of my children spank their children, and they are all respectful, polite, and non-violent. Hope this helps

Kimberly - posted on 02/05/2010

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i spank nothing wrong with a swat on the butt and i do it in public too!

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Jessie - posted on 03/23/2011

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TealRose, If that is the way you feel then you did what was right for your family. However, I was spanked and never felt that way about my parents, EVER. No one is going to see it one way becasue everyone has different children and were all brought up different ways. My child loves me and I love her dearly but as a parent I get to make those decisions. There is a big difference between spousal abuse, child abuse, and swatting your child mildly on the hinny. My daugter is 16 months old and I have not spanked her, and don't know that I will ever have to because she is so far great at listening to mommy when I really need her to. (Basically for situations that could be dangerous) However, I don't know what the future holds for us in terms of discipline and I can't say I won't spank. I will not ever HIT my chld out of anger, and really if I spanked her it would not ever be considered a HIT but more of a swat or a tap. Yours is one opinion, and one to be respected but if others don't feel that same way about their parents then they just won't see it as "evil". I don't but it's because my parents never hurt me, never did it when angry, always as a last resort, and made sure I always felt loved. Obviously your parents did it quite differently and I'm sorry you felt that way as a child, and as an adult. Anyway, I hope you have a great evening.

Jennifer - posted on 03/22/2011

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I believe that as long as spanking is done correctly, then it can be a very useful form of discipline. First of all, not every bad habit deserves a spank. Often children just need a reminder of the "rules", and a simple "no, don't do that" is enough. Secondly, it should never be done out of anger, but should be done directly after the incident. So, if whatever a child does makes you angry, that is the time to step back, and regroup, not spank. Usually sending them to the corner works best in those situations. My parents spanked me, and I thank them for it. I didn't associate it with violence, and I definately didn't lose respect for them. It helped me to learn, and I am a gentle kind adult.

Jessie - posted on 02/05/2010

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I agree with spanking. I believe there is a difference between spanking and child abuse. My child isn't old enough for it yet but I plan to use it. Your child should have some fear so they will think twice before acting or doing something dangerous that might harm them. If your child isn't listening and you have tried time out, and everything else then it could be a good last resort.

Christine - posted on 02/05/2010

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I personally think that spanking should be more widely accepted. I have no issues with spanking - and plan to use this method of discipline if necessary as my daughter gets older. I was spanked by my parents and think that I am all the better for it! As long as the discipliner is not angry at the time of the spanking and explains to the child why they received the spanking I think it is the most effective form of discipline.

Angie - posted on 02/05/2010

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My children all three of them get spanked. They have from the day I thought they understood exactly what I was trying to say. I have always done it, and I have been told my children are the most well behaved children. I dont think there is anything wrong with spanking your children as long as you are not abusing them.

Stephanie - posted on 02/05/2010

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I personally think that spanking is a good thing. My 2 sisters and I were spanked every once in awhile as children and we have respect and curtosy towards everyone. many children that i know who were not spanked seem to be rude, disrespectful and out of control because there was never any disciplin.. (spanking or rules enforced) .. as long as you dont over do it i think its a perfectly ok thing to do

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