toilet training - son holding on

Jacqui - posted on 10/13/2009

Thank you both! I will give everything a go. Fingers crossed. I think we just need to go with it. He'll figure it out. We have stopped asking if if he needs to go and things seem better - and not putting him a nappy at all - now he waits till his bath. I feel much better knowing things are "normal". Thanks again

Gina - posted on 10/11/2009

God bless him, they are all such amazing creatures. And you are no different from at least 90% of mums going through toilet training. There is so much pressure out there about when and how. I have two boys, and have nannied many little ones. All the mums who have expressed their concern with me, I have always said the same answer. "I tell people the truth, not what they want to hear, and that is, relax and don't stress about it." Robyn is right with some suggestions about what to use. You need to find out what is triggering him to hold on, and once you have it set up to put him at ease, then you leave him to it. Also keep it light, and not important, as they will use it for attention etc when they work out mum gets upset when they don't do it in the potty/toilet. Be aware that children can go backwards, they will be using the toilet/potty then later will wee in their pants. Poos usually take longer to learn. Summer is a great time for them to start understanding about their bodies because they can run around outside with no nappy on. If they have an accident on furniture, when out and about NEVER make them feel shamed, be light and clean it up with no fuss. By putting nappies on while toilet training sends mixed messages leading to confusion and longer learning time. It is your choice as to if you want to use pull ups, I personally feel they slow the learning down, and for some children they can not see or feel the difference between nappies and pull ups. My son who is nearly 5 trained himself, and when I warned the day care of us beginning toilet training they asked why he didn't come to day care with a nappy on. When I told them he would feel like he was being punished by having a nappy put on him, I was ignored and when I picked him up he had a nappy on, which resulted in for the next three days of me waiting in toilets with him because he would hold on, thinking that if he weeed, he would have a nappy put on. Thankfully he was with me for those three days so he learnt that I would not do that and he had it sorted by the next day. He was most upset that I still put one on him at night, he wanted his bladder to hurry up and mature so he didn't have to wear a nappy at night. When he got to three nights dry then we went to bed without a nappy, and he was dry after that. We are all individual and you know him best, so either make sure he understands that mum and dad go to the toilet, that we do both. Make it safe so he feels safe, let him feel things at his own pace, relax and then let nature run its coarse, after all unless we have a fetish, adults and teenagers don't wear nappies. A friend was also concerned that her 4 year old was not going to be going to kindergarten and he was still pooing his pants. I told her to forget about it, and not make anything of it, and she will find that he will start to do it on his own accord, and sure enough she told me that by the time he started kindy (was over the christmas holidays) he was using the toilet. He has plenty of time, enjoy those precious moments that only he can give to you as he is changing and growing everyday. They are all so gorgeous.

Robyn - posted on 10/11/2009

You are quite right not to make an issue out of his not wanting to go on the toilet. There could be a variety of reasons for this. He could feel not safe sitting on a big toilet. Have you tried a child's seat that sits on the toilet with a step so he feels more secure. My son was worried about where his wees went and felt better using a potty so he could see the fruits of his labour. I could then dispose of it when he went on with his playing.

He could also prefer to learn straight away to pee standing up.

If he still has problems then just back off for a few weeks as 2 1/2 is still young for toilet training.