tough question to ask

Gerri - posted on 01/31/2010

Unfortunately, babies or no, this is something that happens to a lot of people, after so many years of marriage. The fact of the matter is, you just can't do the same thing, day in and day out, (and with the same person), without it eventually becoming boring and uninteresting to you, and sex is no exception.

Unfortunately, though I don't want to alarm you too much, I think this is one of the biggest causes of marriage break-ups, and there isn't any "easy solution" for this problem, since it's one that we, as individuals, as well as a society, have not yet worked out...(the high divorce rates in this country, being proof of that)

I think it has a lot to do with the overall "attitude" modern society has, about sex, which has disconnected it from the procreation process, and turned it almost into a "form of recreation" which it was never really meant to be.

Regardless of how we try to get around the fact, however, a need and desire to "procreate" is part of the "thrill" of having sex, and that's never going to change, no matter how much we try to alter that NATURAL process, and that NATURAL part of our natures. Once we subtract the desire to procreate from the process, it takes a lot of the meaning, as well as INTEREST out of the process...

Right after having a child, YOUR "desire to procreate" is probably at it's lowest point, since you JUST DID THAT, and now your focus is on taking care of the resulting child...which is perfectly natural.

However, another aspect of this problem - is that men are probably not "naturally monogamous", in the final analysis, and so, they have a continued, (if only subconscious?) need and ability to procreate, despite the fact that yours is currently waning... (and yours probably won't come back, till you are fully ready, in your mind and soul, to risk having another child again)

In all honestly, I think POLYGAMY is probably the only practical and workable solution to the problem, though currently it's not LEGAL!

I've never actually tried it, but I think perhaps the old-timers had it close to right, when it was more "traditional" for husband and wives to sleep in separate beds, when all they wanted to do was SLEEP, and slept together, only on those nights when they had an intention of doing something OTHER than sleep? (and this would have been before the age of "birth control", when they knew full well that "coming together" might result in another child) Maybe a little bit of "physical separation" of this nature, would make you both more APPRECIATIVE of one another, on those nights when you do plan to "come together"? (and there would have to be some mutual planning and cooperation involved, in that case)

The down-side to that, is that in our modern "disposable" and "instant gratification" society", sometimes spouses are regarded as "disposable" also, when "instant gratification" isn't always at one's fingertips, in regards to one's spouse. The only cure for that, is a change in attitude, regarding marriage, as well as commitment to one's spouse and family obligations...

In many ways, the "old fashioned values" really were better...

If your husband feels like "only a room-mate" right now, perhaps it is time for him to realize that he IS a room-mate to you, and a help-mate to you, not ONLY a "sexual partner". (and sex is not necessarily always the top priority in a marriage relationship, and should not be - your relationship should be about MORE than that)

Another way to break through the "cycle of sexual mediocrity" which many couples settle into, after a few years of marriage, would be to explore "alternative relationship models", rather than settling for a "standard monogamous relationship". Some people explore things like "swinging", multiple partners, or "open" relationships. Others opt to abstain from sex altogether, except when there is a deliberate intention to have more children. These are all various ways that people have tried to solve this problem. Once again, doesn't seem there's any "easy answer"....

Hope I'm not coming off sounding like a "perv", that's just what I've decided, in my old age...I've decided that the "standard model" for marriage, doesn't really WORK!



G

Rachael - posted on 01/30/2010

I had the same problem. Are you breastfeeding? Breastfeeding hormones can really take it out of you, and if that's the problem, it is easily fixed with certain vitamins and exercises. Personally, one thing I do is walk and stretch, and pretty much any exercise involving the baby (lift him with my legs, bench press him, etc. - haha, he loves it!). That way, I can't say I don't have time to exercise, and the endorphins make me happy and energetic, therefore more receptive to my husband's advances. Hope this helps!

Laura - posted on 01/28/2010

I have gone through the same problem. After lots of fights and thinking my husband was just being selfish, I learned that even if I am not in the "mood" I need to be that for him. He wasn't using me, he wasn't being insensitive, he just needed me . Women can thrive for quite awhile with just love and not sex. But our husbands need to be close to us, they need to feel our love. Even if I was very tired and he wanted me that was OK. I learned that life doesn't have to be all about me even though my needs seemed huge. The greatest gift we can give our husbands is us Remember sex doesn't have to be some huge event. Learn to enjoy quickies and other "forms" of sex. I ended up finding out that the more we did it the more I wanted it. Work around your baby's schedule. Don't do the dishes go love on your hubby. It will keep him close to you and he will be more understanding. Try instead of preparing for sleep before bed prepare for sex I still do that. I say to myself "even though I feel awful about myself, today was so long, I'm tired or I wish I could have five minutes to myself" it's more important that I'm there if he needs me. He doesn't need a sex pot just you how you are right now, even with after baby body. Because in the end when all the kids are grown it will just be the two of you and you don't want to end up strangers. I hope this helps it took me a long time to reach this point but our marriage has been better for it and now if I need a break he is willing to give it because he knows it's not forever and I still love him and desire him. They need to feel loved as much as we do. If he stopped showing you how much he loves you in the most important way to you. You would get upset so he has every right to get upset when one of the big ways he needs to feel loved is not there. One word of wisdom if there are any hurts between you it would be best to get them out and dealt with I know from experience. Good luck. and remember sex can be fun, play around. Most importantly remember he loves you.

Mary - posted on 01/26/2010

It happened to me too. It's tough. I've been married for 12 years and my husband is ready to leave me over the loss of intimacy. If you truly love your husband you need to speak with your doctor and find out what you can do. I'm sure it's a hormonal issue.

Lea - posted on 01/26/2010

Sometimes you just have to "take one for the team"! I wish I had better advice but I'm honestly going through the same thing right now. The LAST thing I want to do with my free time is have sex. However, I realize the importance of intimacy in a marriage so I give in once in a while. He honestly doesn't seem to care if I'm non-responsive, all he cares is satisfying his urge, and if he's happy, I'm happy! It's sad but when I know he's in the mood I'll make sure to have a glass or two of wine before bed, it helps me go from a 1 to a 5 on a scale of 1-10. I actually said to him the other night, "If you want to do it hurry up and do it! I'd rather get it over with and get to sleep than have you petting me all night and keeping me awake!", hahaha...He excitedly said, "OK!" and that was that! Good luck to you!

Sara - posted on 01/26/2010

I read somewhere that it takes 18 months for your body to get back to normal after giving birth, meaning it takes that long for your hormones to regulate and get back into the groove. I know my sex drive has not been the same since having a baby, but this is where the whole "In good times and bad" comes into play in your marriage. Talk to him about how your feeling. Maybe set up a special night to be together, not just have sex but to cuddle or kiss or whatever, just to see if you can get back into the spirit of things. Good luck!

Claudine - posted on 01/26/2010

My husband and I have gone through the same thing, like so many other couples. Because I know that it was me avoiding the situation, I have made the conscious effort to just do it!!! And, don't always think of sex as a bedtime thing... if you have a few minutes to spare during the day, go for it! You just need to tell yourself that it is time to try to make that change. You can do it! I did!

Barbara - posted on 01/26/2010

Believe me.... your drive will change if you eat healthier foods and eat more healthy oils. I just became a vegan about 1 1/2 ago & boy does your sex life change. Not only does it help your drive, it also helps lubrication issues. Healthy oils & slow down on the animal products & you will see a difference. Mom of 3 boys ♥

Mellissa - posted on 01/26/2010

I felt the same! My boy is nearly 1, what worked for us was a week away! We relaxed, didn't have to worry about house work etc, and really enjoyed our time! We took our boy with us and it was a really nice break. We were in one room and our son was in another room in his porta cot (he sleeps through the night and has done from 10 weeks) So tiredness wasn't the problem. Also since I have been going to the gym and feeling better it has helped in the bedroom, you will get through it, it just takes time.

Becky - posted on 01/26/2010

I haven't read the other replys so this may be a repeat. Are you nursing or bottle feeding. This will have a major impact on your hormone levels and on your need for closeness (cuddling) and physical contact. Especially since your baby is a boy. This is not something sick, it is just a human need for closeness and yours is being fulfilled by your baby and not your husband. After our daughter, my husband and I neither one wanted sex. My husband was much more of a care giver with our daughter than with our other children and I think he fulfilled his need for closeness with all the cuddling and rocking he did with her. I was nursing exclusively for weeks and that satisfied mine, so we were just ok with falling into bed and sleeping. As soon as I stopped nursing and my hormone levels got back to normal, everything else did too. I have four kids and experienced this to one extent or another with each child. With my first though, I must admit there was a fear of getting pregnant again that added to the lack of sex drive. Now that I am in my late 30's, once my hormones balanced out after this baby, we have had the best sex that we have ever had. A couple of other things that helped put things right chemically were exercise and diet. I worked out about 4 days a week with cardio and weights and ate a balanced diet and that was a big help. If someone needs to see a professional, it may need to be your husband, only so that he can better understand the chemical changes that your body is going through. It took 9 months to get you in this shape and it will take about 6 to get it back to normal. I also had trouble with birth control (too much estrogen in my system-soy did the same thing) and we had to use the barrier method instead. The soy and the estrogen killed my sex drive. Good luck, and be patient, this too shall pass.

Emma - posted on 01/26/2010

Try a bath, glass of wine and a massage it worked wonders for us!!!!

Holly - posted on 01/26/2010

I have 4 kids and have felt that way with all of them but more so with my 2 girls. I too have a very patient husband. I found for me, like other women here it was a choice. I did it for him, not for me. Ever so slowly my sex drive returns and comes back to normal each time. Also, if I just couldn't bring myself to have sex, I would always do "manual stimulation". This helped bridge the gap between no sex drive and a sex drive.

Just don't give up. Keep trying and it will come back. Don't wait Until you FEEL like it or you could really hurt your hubby since sex isn't just a want but a need for guys. Work at it slow and talk about it. You'll find a way. Good luck

Shannon - posted on 01/26/2010

You know I was very much like that then I got pregnat with our second one( not saying to do that) but then it was like i could't get enough so much my husband was turning me down, but when i was pregnat with our first i cou;dn't stand it. So bascially I think it comes down to hormones, but you should do something before your husband does.

Robin - posted on 01/25/2010

ive always believed that a healthy relationship includes regular sex!

however, its not something which comes naturally ALL the time. as stated by many of the girls before me... work, house, kids, swimming lessons, school blah blah... can take preference before your relationship with your husband.

which at the end of the day leaves you exhausted both physically and mentally... and we have all had times when we just want to not even think about sex and just curl up to sleep.

i believe that it is about give and take in a relationship... and often doing something for your partener because THEY want it... and hopefully they will do the same for you. as odd as it sounds this includes sex.

both my hubby and i will often not be in the mood... but if its been a few days or a week... we will for the other persons sake put some effort in and give it a crack. some kissing and cuddling and touching... and before we know it... we are BOTH in the mood!

if this doesnt work for you... try doing other sentual things... massage, kissing, cuddling, touching... something to let your husband know that although your not willing to give him the home run you are still thinking of his needs.

i often tell my girlfriends a story about me and my hubby. after nearly two weeks of me denying him... i gave in and after a while got in the mood and off we went. at the climax of our little romp i shouted out "WHY THE HELL DID I WAIT SO LONG TO DO THIS!"!

sometimes you just need to break the cycle to get things back to normal!

good luck!

Laura - posted on 01/25/2010

Don't worry, you're not the only one. I think it's because we, as mothers, have a lot going on with our kids and sleep becomes our #1 priority. I, too, have gone through the same thing, (heck, it's been 10 years) and while we have a good marriage and sex life, it isn't what it was before we had a kid. Unfortunately, our hubby's don't always understand what it's like to be sleep deprived. My advice is to simply keep the communication lines open, spend a little R & R with your spouse now and then, even if it's just watching TV. Let him know you still love him, but sex will have to wait for a bit. Good luck and take care. =0)~

Kate CP - posted on 01/25/2010

Oh yea, I had that same problem for about two and a half years. Turned out, for me, my birth control pills were the problem. But, it's different for every one. Honestly, some of the best sex you'll ever have is when you're NOT in the mood. Give it a good ol' fashioned try a few times and see if that doesn't spark something for you. I know it's tough, but eventually you'll bounce back. :)

Tanya - posted on 01/25/2010

i' right there with you..I've been married for a year and a half. We had a really good sex life. then i got pregnant. My sex drive went down when i was pregnant. THen after i had my son its even worse. Its not that i'm not attracted to my husband anymore. i just never really want to.

Lindsey - posted on 01/25/2010

One thing we tried was having sex during one of our sons naps. Even if it's just once on the weekend. That way you don't feel like you're cutting into your sleep time and maybe you feel a little sexier if you were able to shower, etc. Also, because we don't always get a chance to officially 'get ready' as moms maybe if your hubby can take over morning duty one day- get in the shower, take your time, shave, do your hair/make-up etc. Then when you're done... your little one might be ready for his nap and you'll feel fresh and ready to go. Sorry if THAT was tmi- but a lot of having a sex drive depends on how you feel about yourself. Taking a little extra time for yourself can help.

Like other Moms have said- this is not uncommon at all! If you are REALLY worried, talk to your Dr b/c it might be something more serious like PPD. But really? We have a lot to worry about as new Moms and sex just isn't a priority. Best of luck to you!

Kia - posted on 01/25/2010

well it's simple you have to do the same thing that you did to get him you have to do the same thing to keep him sometimes after marriage us women tend to think that our journey is completed someting like a slam dunk. Not realizing that afterwards you still have to pick up the ball and bounce it again.You have no idea how many women loved to be with a married man because there are no strings attatched.So if he is feeling like roomates you need to remind him that you're soulmates because what you wont do somebody else will.

Janine - posted on 01/24/2010

Hi Sweetie,
I am sure you are the same as any normal Mum in the world. A baby can be a challenge, both physically and mentally, and I know that they take up an awful lot of your time. It is also really hard to feel sexy after cleaning up spew, dirty nappies, and not having as time to spend on yourself can all take it's toll. I found having 1 night a week, where my Mum could look after the kids could help, so that you and your husband could spend a night out together, to talk, have a meal, catch a movie, would to you the world of good.
Also you hormones could be out of whack, and you may need some hormone therapy. I know they can now inject a capsule under your skin, which is a slow release form, which helps with the hormones!!! Hope I could help out. Janine

Rebecca - posted on 01/22/2010

Get your Dr to run some blood work to see your hormone levels. Explain the problem and they will be able to help. My Dr is ordering some for me. I also had this problem after my first was born but oddly it went up a bit since having our second so i think it's starting to correct itself. My kids are 2.5yrs and 6 months.

Stacy - posted on 01/22/2010

I had this problem after i had my son but i also had a very large cyst on my right ovary that actually caused pain during sex the dr put me on birth control and that helped but every time i go off of the birth control to try to have another baby it comes back. I t actually caused alot of problems in my marriage as well my husband will still occasionally bring it up and it hasnt been an issue for about 4 years or so.

Mary - posted on 01/22/2010

Are you breast feeding? I ask because there are supplements you can buy to boost your sex drive but I'm not sure if they are safe to use while breastfeeding. Try GNC.

Firebird - posted on 01/11/2010

Lots of great advice from these ladies right here! lol One more thing to add though. If getting into bed just puts you into sleep mode, then try having sex somewhere else. Use your imagination. =)

Andi - posted on 01/09/2010

All I can say is that the same thing happened to me and that I know it is normal. I don't think people talk about it...there is so much shame. And (you may not want to hear this) but my son is 2 1/2 and I'm still not all that interested. If you are breastfeeding, that definitely makes thing much worse (low libido, dryness...talk about TMI!). I am fortunate that my husband has been insanely patient, though I know it has been really hard on him.....our relationship changed dramatically and I'm sure there have been times he has felt downright neglected. I did talk to people...my doc, a therapist, and mostly what they did was normalize what I was going through. If your husband and you know that your state isn't permanent and quite normal, it may be easier for both of you to get through. Good luck!

Emma - posted on 01/08/2010

i went off it too 4 a while as since my 2 and half yr old was born he has had constant reflux and being sick regularly.i was so tired to be honest but after the little boy was born i couldnt wait for sex ready at two weeks as im very fit. but dont push it just relax.

if your husband is getting like this you have to ask yourself if you want to lose him - i f you dont spend some time with each other and relax sometimes a hug first then u wont feel so stressed. im currently a mum with 4 soon to be 5 children three just under five and 38 weeks pregnant and cant get enough of it but its hard with head down.

Gwen - posted on 01/07/2010

Sometimes it can also be a hormonal imbalance that is easily remedied w/ hormone therapy. Check it out w/ your doctor.

Jaimie - posted on 01/07/2010

I'm not on birthconrol. Just never in the mood. and I'm not sleep deprived either. My son sleeps 9 hours through the night atleast. Thanks for all of the advice everyone. Hopefully I can jump start things for us.

Melanie - posted on 01/06/2010

birth control pills can cause it as well.

Crystal - posted on 01/06/2010

Mine just recouped. My son is 21 months... it takes time. My body just is now in a place where I feel comfortable being naked again. I too said I would be happy to NEVER have sex again up until my son was 18months... then I was like yah okay what the heck and now I once again enjoy the intimacy. Things change when you have a child, your priorities change too. Sleep often becomes number 1, even if you arent sleep deprived. Give it time! It will eventually get back to where it once was.

Ellen - posted on 01/06/2010

Very normal, happened to me as well when I had my daughter (now 13 years old) your body is going through a lot right now, not to mention the big change in your every day life! But no worries - it will come back, just be patient. For me it was about 8 months after my daughter was born, and I have to say I was very fortunate to have a very understanding husband.. Here is an article I found on mayoclinic.com that might be helpful to you and your husband: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sex-aft...

Hang in there!

Christa - posted on 01/06/2010

I had the exact same problem! But! we got through it... i stuffed myself into my lil wana be sexy lingerie and tried to make myself want it.. then i helped myself by adding aphrodisiacs to dinner (foods that start up your sex drive for you) asparagus, almonds, chocolate, garlic, and even drinking coffee helps... a great one is the asparagus, get three fresh stems and wrap them in bacon, then bake in the oven at around 350 till nice and crispy... this make for excellent dinner side and the bacon makes it so much more delicious than just plain old asparagus! hopes this helped some

Alex - posted on 01/06/2010

we have two children (5 yrs and 11 months) and although i have never lost my sex drive, i find that morning sex (after a good nights sleep) is always best for both of us! we wake up an hour or so before the kids, well rested, so we can have that morning alone time before the crazyness of the day begins. also, we almost always take showers together. even if we don't have sex, it makes us feel closer. We have been together for 7 years now and our friends make fun of us because we act like we are teenagers in the honeymoon stage. i think it's all about making the time and making the effort on both parts. for us, sex is very important. we both love it and no matter what, we make the time. not only is it good for our relationship to have that closeness, it gives you alot of energy! with 2 kids, we are both exausted by the end of the day but no matter what else is going on, don't neglect the relationship that caused you to have your children in the first place! best of luck to you and don't give up!!!

Kiala - posted on 01/06/2010

Im only 22 so when i started feeling like that i began to panic thinking we aren't even married yet, its the hardest right after you've had a baby because you dont feel as sexy about yourself anymore. you got spit up on your pj's your hair isnt combed, you might not have even had a shower that day. its hard but i just had to really put as much into my husband to keep him happy as my daughter. After a certain time everyday i am nolonger a mommy, im what ever he wants me to be even if i have to have a glass of wine to get there, because if you dont change into that other woman he'll leave you for her. its best to set your child up for a bedtime NOW. My daughter know whether shes tired or not at 8 shes going in her crib. she doesnt have to go to sleep, i wont even turn off her light until 930 but she will be in that crib alone playing by herself or self soothing. In return shes 13 mos. she goes to sleep by herself, no rocking necessary, she's never slept in our bed, & she knows how to play by herself & because shes comfortable being by herself it was easy to take her pacifier & bottles away.

Joanna - posted on 01/06/2010

My daughter is 2 and I still have no sex drive. I feel like you... if I never have sex again I'd be fine! One thing that seemed to dampen my libido was birth control. I went off the pill and started using condoms, and my sex drive came back ever so slightly.

Amy - posted on 01/06/2010

It defiantly isn't un-common. We have a hard time finding the time for it. Between work, and our son being awake, it's not easy!

We've tried different things. Do you know anyone near you that does passion parties or something similar? They could have new ideas to try. Try to find a way to make yourself "feel" sexier. I've been working out to try and get back to pre-pregnancy weight so I feel better about myself. We've also tried other "toys" to help get in the mood.

One thing that works really well for us is to get someone to watch our son for a day/weekend. That way it's just the two of us again, and we can do what we want, when we want to instead of trying to plan around bedtime and nap time. (Our son sometimes goes to bed after me, and week days I'm not home when he's napping).

Nicole - posted on 01/05/2010

Married peoples's sex drives go down, same as any couple that's been together for a long time. I've been married 6 years and if we do it once a month we're good! Are you breastfeeding? That could be lowering your libido. Think about it, you've got someone on you all day, and (not to be perverted or anything) but the suckling from breastfeeding maybe be satisfying your sexual needs. That's how I felt. It took about 8 months after my son was born to finally be remotely interested in sex again. But now that I'm done nursing, not on any birth control, and not worried about getting pregnant or avoiding it, my sex drive is coming back. So it just takes time. I also felt like I didn't care if I never had sex again, so don't feel bad! I think it's overrated.

Olga - posted on 01/05/2010

There is a book called Babyproofing your marriage --written by Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O'Neill and Julia Stone--but make sure the husband reads it too, so then he can understand what you are going through and vise versa.
Hope it helps it helped me.

Heather - posted on 01/05/2010

its been over a year and i still feel like that!!!!!

Krista - posted on 01/05/2010

It's tough -- all day you feel like you're giving, giving, giving, so the thought of any more demands being placed upon you just fills you with dread, and you just want to be left alone so you can rest. It is going to take work. Sometimes, even if you're not really in the mood, hit the sack with him anyway. I know, it sounds counterintuitive, but your body will kind of realize what's happening, and your brain will kind of start to kick things back into gear. I hope he's doing his share of the housework and baby-caring...feeling like you're being taken for granted is enough to kill anybody's sex drive. But, if he's otherwise lovely, and you're just not in the mood for sex, then you might need to get things jumpstarted. Maybe browse a little online erotica, or rent a racy movie. The libido is like a muscle -- the more you use it, the better it works. Yours is a bit atrophied right now, so you can't expect to just leap back into it. Practice, practice, practice, even if you sometimes think that you would just rather not be bothered.

And if bed only makes you think of sleep, then pretend you're teenagers on a date and hump on the couch. :)

Natasha - posted on 01/05/2010

I didn't feel the same way towards sex until our son started sleeping through the night and went into his own bedroom. He was 8 1/2 months. You have to make sure you get some you time, cause I understand you just want to get some personal space/air after handling a baby all day. Our son is strictly in bed by 6.30pm every night. This way my husband and I get some time alone. 99% of the time it is not romantic time, sometimes I'm reading a book and he is on the laptop, but we are together on the couch and we don't have to split our attention on a 3rd person for a few hours.
Last night we went to the cinema together and got mum to watch our son for a couple of hours. We started doing that when he was 6 wks old. It has definitely helped in making time for each other.

Sharon - posted on 01/05/2010

Getting your sex drive back up - takes effort.

you both have to put a little work into it. The date thing never worked for me.

browsing porn did. experimenting with some of the new sexual stuff out there, condoms with rings? ok, tried that, the new ky stuff for him & her, tried that...

I don't need help with lubrication and we don't need condoms but it was fun to try them.

Getting more sleep. feeling better about yourself. stuff like that.

I dunno why but I always feel more sexy after I get my nails done.

when you were younger - it was probably ALL ABOUT SEX. Look sexy, feel sexy, can't wait to feel his sexy body blah blah blah blah....

Now there is sooooo much more going on.

Baby baby baby, baby, house house house, hubby, you. that is about how our mommy brains go.

You can't short the baby, you can short the house, hubby needs to learn to take care of himself. stop worrying about him and take those two extra "thought spaces" and fill them with you. Hubby will feel thought about when the sex drive comes back.

Mind you, its not as simple as I spelled it out here. It takes WORK.... and balance ... and a hubby who gives a shit and tries to help out instead of leaving you floundering in this sea of stuff to do, for you to figure it all out yourself.

Bec - posted on 01/05/2010

have the same problem and need help aswel

Liz - posted on 01/05/2010

I felt the same with my 2nd son. I cringed even if my husband tried to just have a cuddle and little kiss! My husband was deprived of sex between August and Feb except for 1 time when I felt guilty! I suffered from quite nasty PND which didn't help. Trying to get some quality time together without children, even for an hour helped and not always focusing on having sex at bedtime is worth a try. Associating bedtime with sleep is good, but try to have some time together during the day when your baby is napping and you're not as knackered! A little afternoon sex session can be quite nice or in the morning! Hope things settle down, you are normal!!!

Heather - posted on 01/05/2010

I had my son in August (09) and sex was the last thing on my mind. My husband literraly had to start a fight about sex and then pray that we had make up sex. (sounds lame, but it worked for him) I just didnt want to EVER. Come to find out- my post pardum meds side effect is lower sex drive. (go figure) I discussed this with my doctor and she said its normal for new parents to have little to no sex in the first year of baby. Well that excuse didnt work for my husband so i usually just give in after he bugs me for a while and end up enjoying it. I think after my body realized what its been missing out on, I finally feel in the mood. Just took a while to remember that i do enjoy sex as much as sleeping. LOL!

Hang in there, it really should get better.

Diana - posted on 01/05/2010

This is actually a very common problem. I wouldnt worry to much about it, however if its becoming such a problem where u feel it is seriously doing damage to your relationship u might consult with your gyno. Alot of the time its just the chemical imbalance after pregancy. However there might be something else going on here. Have you been depressed or really stressed out? all these factors will affect your sexual interest. I think there might be something more to this than just not wanting to do it...ya know? if you dont think it is a mental thing then I would check with my gyno...if that doesnt work seek help through a theropist... there is no shame in saving ur marriage! :) goodluck

Ashley - posted on 01/05/2010

I have been the same way and my youngest is 1. I asked my doctor about it and she tells me its just b/c I have too much going on and sex it the very least that im worried about. She told me moms tend to put sex at the very bottom of their list...She also told me to try taking b12...herbal energy pill from wal-mart to give me more energy. She said try putting sex more toward the top of the list along with the b12....and it has worked! Try it...I hope it works for you!