Traditional Values?

Erin - posted on 04/28/2010

you're not the only one. you only feel that way cause the kids of parents not like you are the ones that draw all the attention because of their disobedience/unruliness. I have only found 1 parent I know that is raising their kids with "good ol' fashioned values." It's sad.

Pam - posted on 04/28/2010

I think there's a wide range of parenting and that what works one family or child doesn't necessarily work for all families. My children are very well-behaved, although I have not been a particularly strict parent. I don't think you could find an adult who knows my kids who would call them anything other than well-behaved and respectful. Kids can call adults Mr and Mrs, and say "Yes, Ma'am" and "Yes, Sir" and still be disrespectful. The way I've taught my kids respect is by treating them respectfully and expecting the same. My kids don't have video games, although they occasionally play games on the computer, and only my teenager has a cell phone, but she is very limited in her minutes. My kids all pitch in around the house. They get good grades and do all of their schoolwork with very little prompting.

I don't think that we reward anyone by giving everyone a trophy, but I don't think that we need to label kids as "losers", either. I want my kids to do well because they take pride in doing well, not because they're beating someone else or because they're afraid of being branded a loser.

The main thing that I disagree with is the cleaning their plate thing. Research has shown that kids who are expected to clean their plates without having a say in their serving size stop learning how to tell when they're full. This is bad for kids in several ways, one of which is that it creates a tendency to overeat. What is probably more appropriate, is to let them fill their own plates, with an admonition to take only what they can eat. They can always come back for seconds.

I say this, because I was one of those kids who was expected to sit at the table until my plate was clean. I learned to dread dinner because it meant sitting by myself sometimes an hour or more after my family had left the table. It didn't make me less picky, although I did get less picky when I grew up. It did make it so that when a food that I liked was put in front of me, I didn't stop when I was full, but kept eating because it was food I liked.

Just a few things to think about. If what you're doing works for your family, it doesn't really matter what other families are doing, right?

Angela - posted on 04/28/2010

Dear Traditional Values,
I whole heartedly believe in this. I have four children 16, 16, 10, and 4. I tried in the beginning to raise my two 16 year olds with these values and let people tell me I was being to strict so I slacked on the rules and tried their method. Well that didnt work out to well and I will have to live with that decision. My 16 stepson is going to be a parent in October and my 16 daughter no longer lives at home. Neither one of them think that rules apply to them. It is a very sad situation that could have been avoided had I just stuck to my guns about how I was going to raise them. It is my fault that my two older children are out of control. For this I am very sorry. Believe me the younger two will not be raised this way, I will stick to my guns and raise them with values. To the people who dont agree,well their mine and I will raise them as I choose. Thank you for bringing this matter to everyone's attention!

Tracy - posted on 04/28/2010

You are not the only one!!! My husband and I are forever frustrated with the way youth talk to adults, the lack of discipline kids display (like at school, in public, etc), I hate that my kid gets 3 trophies at the end of softball season (and every other sport) for participation, league placing, tournament placing. Ridiculous! I also don't believe kids need a snack provided after a sporting event. I'm so with you on things except making the kid eat. I'll let mine go hungry until the next meal. My husband comes from the mindset of eat everything on your plate. I also don't believe in rewarding for something they should be doing. For example, I don't reward eating everything on your plate and you'll get dessert. My stepkids are the worst on this. They take a minimal amt of food, finish it and then ask what is for dessert. Ummm, that's not how it works. Fill your belly with good food that's been made and you're done. Period. If it's something I know they don't like, they do have to eat a small amount, esp if it's a veggie.

Venessa - posted on 04/28/2010

For the most part I agree whole heartedly, the only point of difference is the eating until your plate is empty theorey & video games. My mother was raised eating everything and out of habit did the same with me. I developed the necessity to eat until the food was gone, instead of until I was full, and still at 30 I occassionally will fall into the same rut and find myself quite ill. As for video games, I will control what games are played - and it will be a short period one day per week - only if all chores and homework has been done all week, and respectful conduct has been met also.

Apart from that, yes, "I am the parent, you are the child, until you are no longer dependent on me (or you are an adult) this is not a democracy". You don't need a cell phone - you see each other evey day at school, what could you possibly have to say to each other, and like hell I'm paying for another phone bill that you will potentially abuse. Your teacher is Sir or Maam not Joe or Jane. You clothes at 12 need not fit a 3 year old. If you choose to do something you will do your best.

You will attend school, do your chores, participate in a sport (I don't care if they win or lose as long as they try), you will complete your homework, and above all else you will be respectful, to not just your parents, any person of authority and your elders. Due to the unfortunate aspects of society that have come to surface (or reported) more frequently, I will also have to ensure my children are fully aware that those people who I am insiting they respect they do not have to be submissive to.

I don't believe in being completely unwilling to listen and consider requests, thoughts and opinions. A well presented point of view, can be very convincing, a simple I want - is not so convincing.

It is our responsibility to teach our children to be honest, and humble, strong minded, but not stubborn; open minded but not easily led, respectful but not controlable, quite simply it is up to us to make our children the best people we can with loyalty, patience, integrity, honesty & respect for not only those around them but more importantly themselves.

Sorry turned into a thesis, and I probably repeated myself but hey, it's one of those topics!!!

Jenny - posted on 04/28/2010

You are not alone in thinking this way! Unfortunately there are not ENOUGH parents out there that believe in raising there children in this manner and that is the problem with our society!

Meghan - posted on 04/28/2010

I agree with everything except the food. Each child will eat until they are full, except if they don't like a meal. If I think my son has not eaten enough, I tell him his plate will be waiting for him when he is ready for it, but he can't have anything else to eat but his dinner. If he is really full he won't tell me he's hungry in 30 minutes. If he tells me he's hungry I give him back his dinner, and he eats.

Paulette - posted on 04/28/2010

I have a large family and they have all grown up to good productive adults. I could not have stated my case any better then you just did. I am glad to see that there are still some people who do not believe that children should always win, always get a prize, no matter what' (the real world doesn't work that way) and that chores should still be a part of the learning experience.

Toni - posted on 04/28/2010

I have teenagers and you still have to stand strong...but always ALWAYS let them know they are loved and that you are not the mom to that other child. It will be ok. They dont hate you their whole life but they may not like you all the time and that is ok, you are not the friend but the parent. Keep strong you will be just fine.

Katie - posted on 04/28/2010

i think the whole "sit at th table u have finished" business is pathetic

Meg - posted on 04/28/2010

Absolutely!

Ava - posted on 04/28/2010

No, You do not have to beat your children to make them have respect for you, themselves and others. You just have to instill in them that you make the rules and you will not abide with bad behavior. I have four adult children and I may have had to spank them once or twice each their entire lives. There is a difference.

Amy - posted on 04/28/2010

Respect is A One in my house. Not only do I teach it to my own kids, I am trying to instill it in my daycare kids. I have rules on the wall and consequences if they fail to follow those rules next to them. It's not cell phones and video games that are the problems though. It's parents who use those things as babysitters and expect their kids to raise themselves. It's parents who don't treat their kids with respect (or anyone else for that matter) and their kids following their example. Disipline has become a four letter word because people think that means beating your children. But teaching kids disipline is about teaching them to control themselves and their behavior. People can't teach what they don't practice. My kids apologize when they've done wrong and take responsibilty for their actions. I don't see many adults doing that anymore.

Susan - posted on 04/28/2010

I agree 200%. During the summer we would leave the house and only come back in for lunch and dinner. Although we did have video games but I remember only playing just a little bit. We had chores and ate everything put in front of us.

Ava - posted on 04/28/2010

I completely agree and commend you. I thought that was a lost cause,

Pam - posted on 04/28/2010

I was raised that way but not to everything. My mom asked that I don't make him say yes mam and yes sir. I agreed with her because it I'm not the Army. I agree with the cell phone, kids that are 7 is ridiculous. My son is a great child raised the way I raised him. It is not that easy but that's life.

Agnes - posted on 04/28/2010

Kids need nurturing, love and protection. One way of providing protection is setting boundaries. However, one should always bear in mind the developmental stages of kids. Is a child able to understand the principle of postponing, of responsability,... how soon would you start requiring things?
My two year old has always gotten food whenever she felt like it. I never told her to wait until just recently when she can understand that I am busy cooking the food f.e. I don't make a fuss about finishing her plate but I do give her the example and compliment her when she does finish her plate. I love it that she starts to be able to understand the concept of choice. She doesn't get the choice to put her seat belt on f.e. but she is allowed to choose between certain activities f.e. The only times where I impose my will are moments in which security or efficiency is at sake. It is not always easy and sometimes feel tempted to use my parental power to get things done my way but that is so unfair to her, helpless, vulnerable young kid. It is my duty as a parent to make sure she feels emotionally safe as well. If she throws a temper tantrum at me, I acknowledge her feeling of being upset and sad and I keep repeating what is allowed and what is not. I don't give in. Decisions should be clear, just to have a sense of control. both for her as for me. My child is lovely. She is funny, passionate, outgoing, wild but also kind and proud that she is able to behave properly or impress someone or please someone somehow. These are powerful education tools, these attitudes are common to most children and should help parents to raise independant, self-aware, responsable, sociable children. We might not agree but from the tone of your post, I can't tell. I am not American either which might explain certain differences of opinion.

Du Plessis - posted on 04/28/2010

Keep going, my kids are teenagers who understood values and boundaries from tiny. They are well balanced young adults who know right from wrong and that the world does not revolve around them. Rules/boundaries teach us to live in a society considering all those around us.

Robyn - posted on 04/28/2010

I do agree with you in many ways. My kids have chores and if they don't do them, they don't do anything else. They are very respectful of adults, not always me, but absolutely everyone else. My son, who is almost 17, has been seeing the same girl for almost 2 years, still calls her parents Mr.and Mrs and she still refers to us as the same. Cell phones, I'm good with, I like knowing that I can reach my kids anytime, how crazed our parents must have been when we were teens. Video games, also ok with, but they have limits, and because of this, my kids only play them when it's bad weather outside.
Good for you, withing reason

Fenella - posted on 04/28/2010

100% with you!

Fiona - posted on 04/28/2010

totally agree to a certain extent im 25 years old with a 1 and two year and a step son at 6 (i have only brought him up the last 4 years and he is more of a handful thn my two girls im quite strict with my girls and my stepson . but he isnt likin the rules one bit . because across at his grans he has a laptop a nintendo ds and they constantly doin everythin for him (my nephew is exact same when he wants his mother gets him or he throws a temper tandrum and my big sis is 28

Kim - posted on 04/28/2010

about time, what a pleasure to hear at last, so many parents seem to be almost scared of their kids these days and never seem able to say no. A spoilt child with no rules or boundaries does not make a nice child. I completely agree with the comments made and i'm sure your child will grow up to be a lovely, kind, well rounded one :)

Louise - posted on 04/28/2010

I am exactly the same with my three, and even more so now that I am on my own. They are 7, 5 and 2 and would rule my life if I did not run a tight ship. It is nice to hear that there are still people out there who feel the same as me as many people try and make me feel bad about being strict with my kids.

Bethany - posted on 04/28/2010

Absolutely! I have 3 young children and I agree wholeheartedly. Kids without boundaries are naughty, frustrated, confused, etc.! They need boundaries and they need rules. If my kids don't eat the food on their plate, they miss out on dessert and if they don't eat it by the time their "time's up", they go to bed and then eat the rest cold for breakfast. They know that they can't just skip the things they don't like to get to the treats. you are totally right and I am so glad to see there are so many other mums out there who agree too!

Julia - posted on 04/27/2010

my oldest is 2 so I haven't even thought about video games or cell phones for kids. I do make him say "please" before he gets his sippy and if he wants something from me. He says "thank you" and "bless you" as well. I'm trying to get him to pick up his toys sometimes, which is a huge problem, and am not successful yet. But as he gets older he will be expected to do some chores. I want him to know how to cook and clean and take care of himself by the time he finishes high school, doing his own laundry and able to hold down a job. I get how some parents want their kids to have a cell phone so that the parent can keep track of the kid, but a kid being able to text and play games seems too extreme. As far as the food goes, mom made me try a bite of everything but not finish what I didn't like..even foods that we all knew I didn't like I had to retry over and over. Some I ended up liking later and I never would have known. But I am the stubborn type that would have gone on a hunger strike until I passed out before finishing my plate if I didn't like the food. I totally agree that there should be winners and losers. Winners get the trophy and losers get the participation ribbon. Everyone always gets a team photo. What's there to strive for if winning isn't a big deal? You can't just love a child into being a good person and adult, it's work and effort and I applaud you for doing that.

Christie - posted on 04/27/2010

No Michelle, am a social worker going for my masters.I have worked with troubled children for over 8 yrs now and taken child psychology specifically as my minor. I dont work with adult but with youth primarily, but have worked in elementary schools and with children as well as teens, so sorry to tell you but you are wrong ,... I am knowledgable about child psychology!

Cymp - posted on 04/27/2010

You are not the only one! :)

Sana - posted on 04/27/2010

Exactly!! I raise my girls with them good ole traditional values and they are growing up beautifully ... always getting compliments on how great they are. Sure makes this Mom happy and proud :)

Heather - posted on 04/27/2010

Thats ok, my first post was a bit knee-jerk too and a bit of a generalization :)

Kerry - posted on 04/27/2010

No, I'm with you on that one Heather - smacking sickens me and there's really no place for it, not in my family anyway! Sorry if I typed in a knee-jerk reaction post there.

Heather - posted on 04/27/2010

Hey Kerry, I have had the feeling from a lot of the posts (not yours and not everyones!) that people are commenting on the behaviour of children they see in playgrounds or out and about, that their parents must not discipline them and are letting them run wild, but they are only seeing a snapshot of those children. A lot of people have mentioned smacking and compared how their ( smacked) children are better behaved than their friends children who are not smacked. I did not mean to offend anyone, just found the general tone of some of the posts to be judgemental of a gentler style of parenting. We are all doing the best we can and should be supporting each other and learning from each other. I guess its the posts that mention smacking that upset me, I hate it so much but sooo dont want to get into a debate about that!

Tanasha - posted on 04/27/2010

eh I partially agree with you on some of that. I was not raised to "eat everything on my plate".. especially if my parents were the ones who put too much food on my plate for me to eat. However, if I chose not to finish my dinner, there was no "bed time snack".. nor was there a "well what do you want to eat?" .... of course, that was when I was also old enough to understand that concept... around age 5. I dont believe in giving kids cell phones.. my daughter is 3 and does have a play cell phone... listening to her jabber there's no way she's getting a real one lol. I believe in consequences and discipline.. to a point. I do think some parents are way to lax, but I also think an equal amount are too harsh. I like letting my child choose.. like if she chooses not to clean up her toys, then she doesn't get to watch her Nick Jr shows, for example. I give her the choice to make, it teaches her how to make good decisions. I really don't see the point in teaching "sir" or "ma'am".. but maybe its a geographic thing? I agree on the Mr or Mrs thing for sure, and definately on the winners and losers thing... if children don't learn how to handle losing on occassion, they will not know how to handle certain situations as adults, such as being passed for a promotion for example. Losing doesn't have to be this horrible thing its made out to be, and there is no real proof showing that kids who "lose" do any worse psychologically than kids who "win". And definately they need boundaries!

Kerry - posted on 04/27/2010

Come on Heather, I don't think any of us are saying that! We all know how difficult and challenging kids can be and they have massive tantrums regardless of the approach we take to discipline. It just happens. I believe in the traditional values that Rachel mentioned and I try to instill them in my kids, but I'd hate to think that if I saw another mum with a kid having a tantrum in a supermarket that I'd be that judgmental. I certainly would never, ever, EVER be thinking the child needs a smack. God, what a horrible thought. The values you mention that the grandmothers displayed - kindness, understanding, etc. - are all part of teaching right and wrong, good manners, moral values and learning how to behave and operate in society. I think you've demonstrated quite a judgmental attitude yourself by making that assumption about everyone who has posted here so far. We're all on the same side - we all want well-brought-up kids and we are all trying our best to achieve that! But we all accept that they are never going to be little angels 100% of the time, or even 50% of the time really. They just aren't. So we deal with it as best we can!

Heather - posted on 04/27/2010

My 2.5 year old girl is usually pretty well-bahaved when we are out, but she does have her moments. On a normal supermarket trip you will find her sitting in the trolley contentedly munching on an apple and smiling at everyone who looks her way. But there have been some occasions where I made the poor choice to take her when it was not a good idea, tired, grumpy, over it ( both of us!) Not sure if I'm just lucky but on each of those occasions, when she has had a tantrum, refused to go in the trolley etc, I have had some wonderful ladies, usually older, probably grandmothers, who have either - helped me with my basket, given me an encouraging smile and told me they know how hard it can be, or tried to make her laugh by talking to her or being silly.

I guess if I was in a supermarket with a lot of the people posting here you would be looking at me and thinking, what a spoiled brat, she needs a good smack, her mother is a bad parent.

Well if these lovely grandmothers represent traditional values - kindness, understanding, non-judgement and helpfullness, well those are the values I will be teaching my daughter, regardless of whether she finishes the food on her plate or has a cell phone.

Kathryn - posted on 04/27/2010

Keep it up! We (traditional/conservative) will soon be a minority (if not already) so it is important to keep true to your values. Your kids will thank you for it and you will know in your heart that you raised them right!

Kerry - posted on 04/27/2010

I am SO in agreement with all of this! We don't enforce the Mr and Mrs as it's not the done thing here in Singapore (kids call adults 'Aunty' and 'Uncle') but we do call many of their friends' mums 'Ms X' or 'Aunty X', not just the first name. The winners/losers thing is a difficult one sometimes but we are trying to teach them about losing gracefully and graciously. They definitely sit at the table until they finish their meal and they eat what is served up - no chopping and changing and alternatives offered.
As long as the discipline is done right (i.e. firmly, fairly and consistently, without temper or loss of control, or any sort of abuse) it can only be a good thing and you're right in that it is one of the ways we show our kids that we love them. It has to be accompanied by constructive criticism, setting a good example ourselves, praise when due and the occasional treat for doing the right thing though!
Keep it up Rachel - you are absolutely right in everything you say.

Beth - posted on 04/27/2010

I totally agree with setting values and boundaries for your kids, but I need to say that just because a child misbehaves does NOT mean that their parents do not find those values just as important. Every child is different, as is every adult, and we all need different things in life. I have desperately tried to instill in my children the "traditional values" that you speak of. I get complimented all the time about how well-behaved my children are, yet, I am constantly pulling my hair out at how ill-behaved they are as well. My oldest son is incredibly willful, I have yet to find a consequence that really works to keep him from misbehaving. As a 3yo, he would hit and kick me if he was unhappy with something. I tried time-outs, I tried taking away toys and priviledges, I tried putting him in his room until he could behave appropriately, I tried screaming in the scariest of voices I could use, and I even came to points where I had used spankings (much to my dismay). Nothing worked for my son, in fact, he either ignored the discipline altogether or got worse (until he just grew out of the behavior). He is not ADD/ADHD, but his doctors and I have all agreed that there is some kind of social link that is lacking in him...and he was always behind in understanding concepts. There are times when he is the best child I could ever ask for and then there are times (like very recently) where I think nothing short of military school will get through to the kid. His younger brother is a whole different character who is much more well-behaved overall than he was, but yet does more hitting, whining and "no-ing" than my oldest did. My youngest also learns from my oldest. A lot of their misbehavior may also come from my husband working afternoon shifts most of their lives, so they tend to see him mainly on weekends (if he isn't working then as well)....can providing for the family be used to fault him in his parenting?

Also, I have a niece who was always extremely well-behaved. Her father was also quite strict with his expectations (but not more-so than anyone has written here). There have been some pretty tough issues for my niece growing up (like her mother getting hooked on drugs and leaving them behind), but she still always behaved well, seemed well-rounded and was given tons of love from her father and extended family. As she became a teenager, she did become more rebellious and her father continued with his strong expectations and consequences for going against them. Overall, she was still a good kid and well-treated. This past year, however, she attempted suicide. Since this, she has pushed the envelope, trying to get away with more and more by instilling the fear in all of us that she would attempt it again. We never saw this coming and did everything you all have said in regards to instilling values and respect in her.

All in all, I just want everyone to consider that you cannot judge a person's parenting based souly on the behavior of their child or on one witnessed account of behavior. Everyone is different and one day is different from the next as well. As a whole, society has gotten too lenient and that is evident in societal trends as a whole. It IS definitely important to do your best as a parent, but the kids will still learn from others in their lives as well (including those whose parents did NOT teach their children discipline) and at some point you no longer have control of everything your child does. We cannot judge a person as a bad parent simply based on the child's behavior, there is so much more to it than that.

Alison - posted on 04/27/2010

Amen. The miss/mr/sir/mam thing didn't used to mean much to me until I moved to a southern US state. Now I insist on it. All the other stuff the OP said is good too. I'm a bit more flaxible on the clean plate rule, but only a little bit.

Shawna - posted on 04/27/2010

I agree to a certain point. Kids definitely need rules and discipline and boundaries. It makes them better adults. I also believe in Mr, Mrs, yes maam and yes sir. I don't have a problem with video games but i have an issue if they play them all day. I had a video game system but i didn't want to play it all the time, nor could I do so. I don't agree with kids having cell phones but understand why some do. We recently gave my stepdaughter a cell phone but that was to contact my husband because he has difficutly with her mom and we have to let her know we are on our way to pick her up. Now we will not have to do that with our daughter because she's not in a situation where she bounces between two houses. I don't believe in kids having a cell phone just to have one. There needs to be a valid reason. Continue on with your traditional values...but remember balance. I was raised with traditional values and a very tight house...made me become a little wild for a bit but I came back :) I believe in traditional values but believe in providing balance as well

Wendy - posted on 04/27/2010

I love all the replies here. Agree w/ 99.9% of you. No clean plate club but no dessert if you don't eat what I cook. My son is ADHD yet he still knows manners and can't use it as an excuse. I didn't homeschool my daughters but I do my son because of bullies in the school system (egged on my the teacher!) and because our board of ed thinks it's ok to "teach the tests" and nothing else. I expect my kids to be respectful of elders (miss or mr first name are fine for family friends but Mr/mrs last name for teachers) traditional values are important in society when you expect them from others as well. I hate that we are dumbing our country down and them wonder why we are losing respect from other nations!

Glenda - posted on 04/27/2010

I'm pretty conservative and traditional as well. My kids do have a computer, but they have to earn up to 30 min of time on it per day. We do NOT have video games (handheld or otherwise) and the kids don't have cell phones (maybe when they start driving for safety's sake--not while driving). I expect my kids to eat the same number of bites of food as their age of most of what is served (I'm a picky eater, so I try to make some allowances).

Allow I don't always think it's the best form of discipline, I will spank, if the situation/child calls for it (spanking is pointless with DS1, but the girls melt at 1 swat). I remind them to have manners (please, thank you, excuse me, sir/ma'am).

I get sick to death of seeing kids boss the parents around! Mom & Dad are the bosses, not the kids. There are many, many cartoons that I will not allow my kids to watch because I feel they are "rude, crude, and socially unacceptable" and/or have a bad premise (no vampires, zombies, witches, etc.).

I know how you feel about feeling alone. People act like I'm nuts sometimes.

Virginia - posted on 04/27/2010

I do believe in alot of the older traditions that show respect to adults such as "Yes Ma'am" etc. I also believe in rules and discipline. However, I grew in a very strict house where it was mostly all work and very little play. Children need plenty of time to be kids as well. Most of my childhood was taken away by my parents because they thought preparing me for my future was much more important than letting me enjoy some of my childhood. I will never get that time back. So with my kids I try to compromise. I expect them to help with stuff around the house and do chores. I also am not a restaurant, so they have to eat what I cook. If I know I am making something one of them doesn't like then I will try to make a little bit of something else as a second option.
As for the cell phones, I don't think kids need them, but there are some cases where it would be handy. Like the cell phones they advertise where you can see where your child is, you control who they call and how many minutes a month they have, etc. So a cell phone like that would be a compromise of sorts and would serve to teach them responsibility which is a necessary. I limit TV time because when it is nice outside I want them outside in the fresh air. There will come a time when they will wish all they had to worry about was whether or not mom was going to let them go outside. LOL However, I do let them watch some TV as a relaxtion thing. I am not big on video games, but they are allowed to play them a little bit. Especially when it is cold and rainy outside. They also play really well together so they aren't bored out of their minds even when they can't go outside. Anyway, TV and video games are ok in small doses, doing chores are a necessity, a compromising to a certain extent is a must with kids. If we always fight every battle instead of picking and choosing our fights we will end up driving our kids away from us and will no longer be in a position to teach them anything and will have failed as parents. Hope this helps some.

Rhianwen - posted on 04/27/2010

Yes, I do! I believe in the same things you do, except the sir and maam, as that is more an American thing than Australian, but we do use that for school teachers. Mr and Mrs, certainly, for our friends, unless those friends ask the kids to call them by their first name. I even have friends of my parents I still call Mr and Mrs.



I believe guidance is very important, as how else are they to know what is OK and what is not?



And yes, we do smack when we really need to. I hate doing it, it hurts my heart as much as their backsides. I don't smack unless it is really, really important...like when my son and his friend went into a neighbours farm and played near the effluent pit near the dairy. They could both have fallen in and drowned. They got a hiding and have never been there since.



Rhianwen

Kimberly - posted on 04/27/2010

Well said! 100% agree.

Kate - posted on 04/27/2010

I agree with most of this. I think todays kids are spoiled rotten. I feel like i get looks when i tell my kids. people have even offered to BUY them what they want.... Its like NO! I said no, its not the money, its Im the mom and I say NO. I have lil one so making them clean thier plate is unreasonable. Im not always hungry enough to eat everything and I dont want them to over eat, kids these days have problems with obesity as it is. I let them play educational games but the outdoors is WAY more stimulating. And cell phone no friggin way,... not until they are old enought to help pay for it

Katya - posted on 04/27/2010

I agree with part of what you say (ie boundaries are a good thing) but I don't agree with making children eat if they don't want to. Would you like to be forced to eat if you weren't hungry? It just over-rides their own natural appetite and often leads to weight and food issues later.

We let our toddler eat as much or as little as she wants and she eats all the foods we eat (apart from candy and things that contain chillis). She eats her veggies, sometimes eats meat and fish, eats grains and cheese and milk. We don't give her anything sweet apart from special occasions. Anyway we have a 'good eater' and I attribute that partly to the fact that we NEVER pressure her to eat if she doesn't want to. She can eat if she wants to and not eat if she doesn't want to. Just like we can.

Kristen - posted on 04/27/2010

I think respect goes both ways. If we respect our kids so little that we have to enforce complete compliance with whatever we as parents demand, or respect other kids so little that we call them "picky little shits," (above ), then we can demand obedience from our kids, but they'll live what they see when they're out of our sights. I prefer to let our kids learn and grow by our example of decent behavior than to shake our fingers in their faces, or to let them hear us pass judgement on people we don't know just because we wouldn't do things that way.

Kim - posted on 04/27/2010

I agree with you except I believe that if you are the one that piled your childs plate full and the child says they are full....well how do you really know? what if they are full and then you are forcing them to sit there and shovel even more food into their mouth... but on the other hand if your child dished him/herself up then ya I think you take you eat BUT at my house if there is still food left on my sons plate and its food that he took he can leave the table if he is full but that plate will stay at the table in case he gets hungry again and that will be his bedtime snack. I mean really I dont know about you guys but when I'm full I stop eating...eating after you are full is unhealthy.

Ashley - posted on 04/27/2010

I agree with your comment regarding disipline and values, and my husband and I will do everything in our power to raise respectful and polite children.- Trust me, I work with teenagers and their parents on a daily basis, I get the problems that are out there right now- However, I do think now adays there is a lot more pressure put on moms to be perfect. I think most people out there are just trying to do their best, and some of the comments here might make some moms feel like a failure if their children are not perfect. Lets please recognize the importance of traditional vaules, but also the difficult jobs we have and that all kids are different. We are all human and can make mistakes. Lets not also forget we are in a different time and the pressures and dangers kids face are greater now than they ever have been.
Love to all the harworking mommys out there!

Allison - posted on 04/27/2010

You are not the only mom who feels this way! I believe there are extremes to each way of thinking though and have seen both. I have family that think each child should get something at the other child's birthday parties>this infuriates me more than anything! I feel this doesn't differientiate between each child's day of birth or from one child to the other,so why bother? I have other relatives and friends that believe there shouldn't be any physical discipline at all. I don't believe in using belts or any other object to discipline either but some course of action has to show where boundaries are or the child will not develope into a good socialized person either. This is where I feel telling the child what you expect right from the beginning and continuing to reinforce it during each situation is the key to success. Everyone needs to be on the same plan or nothing will work.