Troubled 10 year old

Susan - posted on 02/27/2013 ( 96 moms have responded )

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I have a 10 year old son who says he hates his life and gives me a hard time going to school and doing his homework or anything else for that matter. I punish him by taking his games away and making him stay in his room but that makes him even worse. He says We hate him and we ruined his life. Im a good mom and I work very hard for my boys. Someone please help me with some advise.

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Brenda - posted on 02/28/2013

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MY daughter has ADHD and is on medication, Medication is not always a bad thing. It has helped her hugely and has helped her in a social aspect as well. Children with ADHD sometimes feel left out, different and alone. These feelings can lead to depression. My daughter is not hyper but very inattentive, the medication has helped her gain focus and that alone has helped with her social skills. Before she would say off the wall things that weren't part of the conversation, now she can contribute to the conversation in a rational way because she was paying attention were before she didn't have a clue as to what was going on because her brain was thinking so fast. When she would say weird things kids would comment that she was weird and that made her feel worse. It helps to also work on things that they are good at, find extra curricular activities away from school help as well. I found that she may not have a huge circle of friends but a couple of good friends goes a long way. Invite a friend over for him to play with, someone who he has contact with a lot will help but friends he only sees outside of school help too! My daughter's best friend goes to another school so when we do get her over for a sleepover or play day it's filled with sharing.

Extra curricular things help too, Finding friends that have the same interests as you is a great way to increase their social circle. Good things for kids with ADHD are sports that don't require waiting for a turn, ice skating has been a big hit this year. Cub Scouts is another thing you may want to look into, these types of activities teach them to include everyone so no one feels left out.

My daughter is now nine and in the fourth grade, this year has been the best year yet. It took us awhile to find the right medication that helped her with her ADHD and didn't cause an imbalance with her emotions. 2nd and 3rd grade were somewhat of a struggle, she felt like she had no friends, I worried about her being depressed, She was diagnosed in 2nd grade and while we worked to get her on the proper medication it could be a nightmare at times. Homework usually ended in tears as I just wanted her to finish it and couldn't understand why she couldn't! In 3rd grade things started to look up and this year she has really turned around. It takes alot of work to help kids find their way in these times but you can do it!

Find a good therapist, if your son does have ADHD they can help. There is testing they can do to determine if he has it and what lvl or problems he has with it. There are alos non medication solutions you can look into and people trained to help with that. I know the despair you are feeling but there are ways to make it better!! Hang in there!

Amber - posted on 03/15/2013

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Hi, Our situations are not only similar, they are spot on. Now please keep in mind that this is merely my OPINION, I am by no means an expert, but I do feel your pain. First, to address the fact that he hates his life; this is a very disturbing statement that needs careful evaluation. You need to , as a mother (because you know your child better than any psychologist or counselor) determine whether or not this is a random statement to impose guilt upon you, or if it is a cry for help. Children as young as 7 are committing suicide, and it is a very real possibility that he is feeling hopeless and could take extreme measures. In all honesty though, I would say that he is attempting to impose guilt in hopes that he can get his way. If you are indeed a good mother, as you stated, then I assume your children can read the fact that you feel guilty when you have to "hurt him" (by means of taking away his most loved activities) [although this by no means hurts them, I myself feel guilty when I have to do it]. He knows that telling you he believes you hate him will make you empathetic, and therefore less apt to punish. I simply explain to my son that he know good and well that I love him more than life, and it hurts me to see him misbehave. I tell him that it is my job, as his mother, to ensure he recognizes and follows the rules, that everything I do is to make sure he does not get hurt. I tell him that people do not like people that do not follow the rules, and if he wants friends and success, like I know he does, then he has to work just as hard to follow the rules as I work to ensure that he does. That I would let him do and act as he pleased if I didnt love him. I make him explain to me exactly how i am ruining his life (which he cannot seem to come up with an answer for). And when I punish him I always tell him, " I am not punishing you for fun, or just because I can, I am punishing you because I love you and I believe your actions could potentially cause bad things to happen in your life, even though you cant see the potential consequences yet, I can, and as long as you live with me I will do anything and everything in my power to stop the behavior I believe will cause harm, either now or in the future. NO, he doesnt get it, and it still makes him mad, but on occasion, when I tell him the potential outcome of his behavior, I see the light of understanding, and I know he will eventually get it. Dealing with a child with behavior issues is tough, there is no one size fits all to fix even the exact same issues because every child is built differently.

Pamela - posted on 03/01/2013

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While medication can be helpful, I'm not sure I would advise it in this case. Sounds like your 10 year old simply needs someone to talk to, and not be punished for it. When kids act out like that, they are asking for attention, and not the negative kind. He could be having trouble with some kids at school, bullies and whatnot, or could be having trouble in class with the lessons. Without looking into the situation, and just punishing for it, you could be doing your kid more harm than good. Please, ask before punishing. Without knowing more, I would say this kid has been through something he considers traumatic, and because you didn't fix it, it's your fault. I'm not saying it is, but please, PLEASE, talk to your child and find out what's going on in his head before just punishing him for speaking his mind. He's trying to give you information, you just have to be willing to listen to what he's telling you.

Ann - posted on 03/01/2013

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I am an RN, and at first believed that ADHD was the diagnosis d'jour in the 90's. However... my son proved me wrong! My specialty was psychiatric nursing. Nothing in the world could calm this kid down. He also had learning disabilities. (common with ADHD and ADD) It took an experienced, gentle teacher to point out several things to me, and to get me to admit that yes, my son did exhibit several symptoms of the disease. I chose to see a child psychiatrist I worked with, one I trusted, with my son. I am sure he knew I was skeptical.
My son could not sit still, he had night terrors, he talked CONSTANTLY, and he would do things before thinking, dangerous things. (just a few of his symptoms) He could not pay attention. I thought it was a matter of self-discipline, defiance, or immaturity. Yet at that time, PET scans had just come out, and found that the brains of people with ADHD were different.
Anyway, at the Dr.'s office, I took a test and my son took many tests to rule out physical causes. This doctor is well known for his work with ADHD children. Let's just say I had to make a meal of my words.
Medicating my son was not the end of the problems. The teachers had to report his behavior to me to make sure the dose was correct. I had to run behavior programs to eradicate unwanted behavior. His medication ran out about the time he got home from school, and he always had home work due to going to different therapies, OT, PT and the like. Therefore, we'd do one math problem or one phonics problem and march around the table. When page was done, he'd get and M&M. At night, despite getting something to calm down, he'd have night terrors.
Yes, I encourage joining groups to teach him to socialize. But, I always spoke with the teacher, or the leader explaining what was going on, if there was a problem, I needed to be told. He was in Cub and Boy Scouts, and he sang in choir. He played little league and soccer. He was not athletic, but I knew his coaches did not permit teasing.
Medication can be great for kids who are in a bad way. If the case is mild, perhaps they can manage with out it. But, I advise getting a doctor who knows what he is doing, educating yourself with Tom Phelan's books, and staying involved throughout highscool. As your child matures, your involvement may be more discreet, but always always keep communication open between teachers, and your child. Especially your child. Make sure he knows you love him. Make sure the teachers know you are there as a resourse.

Tori - posted on 03/04/2013

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My son hated school and wasn't happy with his life, and we started him in counseling. It turns out he was being bullied at school in part b/c he was dispuptive to the class etc. It turned out he had ADHD and his impulsiveness resulted in distractions and angry emotional outbursts. His grades suffered, he couldn't make friends, he was disorganized, he didn't do his homework, he got angry when we took things away and sent him to his room, I could go on.
I always thought as a mom that ADHD and medicating children was way overused and diagnosed and kids just needed to get off the electronics and go outside more. Well, I don't buy my son electronics and most of the things I buy are to get him out...trampoline, roller blades, bikes, basketball, baseball etc. My son could "run" all day and seem to never wear down. But after some time in counseling, the counselor asked if I had ever had him evaluated to ADHD and I told her no. I ignored the suggestion for a while but finally ran the spectrum testing that diagnoses it and wished I had done so sooner. I have had him on meds for 2 years now (he is almost 12), and he is making friends, his grades have picked back up, and he is more focuses, helpful, happy and friendly. He still has issues with bullying from kids who remember how he used to be and that does make him a little depressed and effects his self esteem but the counselor I take him to, helps him work through it and I stay actively involved with the teachers, counselors, VPs @ his school to let them know there is an issue and that I want to be made aware of any situations and that I expect them to reprimand the children who think verbal and physical bullying are okay. I also talk to my son about it and enforce not returning the same behavior b/c then he is no better than them.
So, I recommend finding a good psychologist that you guys can see --- my son has difficulty expressing himself and I am not sure how to talk to him sometimes and our psychologist really helps out in the communication dept. And if it turns out that your son has a depression disorder associated with or without ADHD, ADD, etc. and his Dr. reccommends medication ---- I would use a specialist (psychiatrist) to manage his meds NOT his Dr. as they really are not equipped to fully understand the depth of certain emotional disorders. Hope this helps, and good luck!

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Lauram - posted on 04/17/2013

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My depression started when I was a child and this is exactly how it sounded (minus not going to school). I literally never played outside, I never played at recess, I was always in my room, I was irritable. Punishing him for feeling the way he does (which is the way he sees it) reiterates his idea that you don't care about him. I don't know your son so I can't tell you the exact thing to say or do but you need to talk to him human to human not mom to son. Ask him what's going on and really be open for the answer. Ask him if he wants to see a therapist and encourage him to allow you in a session or two. I had to fight through my depression on my own because my parents didn't know what to do and so they did nothing until they got a call from my school that I was cutting my wrists in class. Not every depressed person becomes suicidal but you don't want to wait to find out if your son is.

Lauram - posted on 04/17/2013

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My depression started when I was a child and this is exactly how it sounded (minus not going to school). I literally never played outside, I never played at recess, I was always in my room, I was irritable. Punishing him for feeling the way he does (which is the way he sees it) reiterates his idea that you don't care about him. I don't know your son so I can't tell you the exact thing to say or do but you need to talk to him human to human not mom to son. Ask him what's going on and really be open for the answer. Ask him if he wants to see a therapist and encourage him to allow you in a session or two. I had to fight through my depression on my own because my parents didn't know what to do and so they did nothing until they got a call from my school that I was cutting my wrists in class. Not every depressed person becomes suicidal but you don't want to wait to find out if your son is.

Tiffany - posted on 04/17/2013

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I have a 8 year old step son that is the biggest cry baby I have ever seen in my life!!! We had the pleasure of having him over Easter break. All week I have been dreading that this coming up weekend is our weekend, I hate feeling this way but I can't help myself.

My husband and I can't even laugh because he thinks that we are laughing at him. His little brother teases him because he has put on weight. The kid eats us out of house and home, yes, he's fat. I want to tell him to stop eating so much I'm not going to baby him

My husband and I had to buy a new car and he says to me " the kids will like it", who cares what the kids like??? They are 8 and 9 years old. My whole week is ruined because I know it's going to end with these brats. I'm beginning to hate my life !

LeiShell - posted on 04/17/2013

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I only have a son who is 3 and expecting my second. How hard that must be! I did grow up in a large family...and some of my siblings acted out at that age and went on to get worse. I think in hindsight my parents wish they had handled it differently. One of the things they wish is that they had recognized he just needed extra love and attention, punishing him only made him worse and more resentful. If you give someone a special assignment or put them in charge of something, it makes them feel important. I think that is what he might be needing. Being open and asking him how he feels is important too. I know you want to show him that his behavior is unacceptable and give him a consequence...but I also think that the bigger picture is him getting more defiant. So, I say love on him. Make him feel important. Give him something to be in charge of. Ask for his opinion on things. As for homework...tell him that if he can do better there might be a reward for it. Good luck!

LeiShell - posted on 04/17/2013

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I only have a son who is 3 and expecting my second. How hard that must be! I did grow up in a large family...and some of my siblings acted out at that age and went on to get worse. I think in hindsight my parents wish they had handled it differently. One of the things they wish is that they had recognized he just needed extra love and attention, punishing him only made him worse and more resentful. If you give someone a special assignment or put them in charge of something, it makes them feel important. I think that is what he might be needing. Being open and asking him how he feels is important too. I know you want to show him that his behavior is unacceptable and give him a consequence...but I also think that the bigger picture is him getting more defiant. So, I say love on him. Make him feel important. Give him something to be in charge of. Ask for his opinion on things. As for homework...tell him that if he can do better there might be a reward for it. Good luck!

Autumn - posted on 04/17/2013

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The fact that he is saying that he hates his life and he is giving you a hard time going to school sounds like there is something going on there. You should sit down and talk with him to see what is bothering him and be cautious about punishing him until you find out what the underlying reasons are. Definitely check with his teacher to see if there is anything going on at school or if the teacher has seen any changes in him over the year.

Autumn - posted on 04/17/2013

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The fact that he is saying that he hates his life and he is giving you a hard time going to school sounds like there is something going on there. You should sit down and talk with him to see what is bothering him and be cautious about punishing him until you find out what the underlying reasons are. Definitely check with his teacher to see if there is anything going on at school or if the teacher has seen any changes in him over the year.

Megan - posted on 04/16/2013

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My 10 year old has done this to me at times. What I have noticed is it does it to distract me from things like the fact he was disrespectful and I was getting on to him, homework, chores, etc. It is a way for him to get me to respond with positive affirmation in a negative moment. In the art when he would go into his tantrum about how horrible things are or how I do not like him I would start telling him all the good things about him and his life and why what he is saying is not true.

Pretty smart now I have gone from disciplining or asking him to do something to telling him how great he is. So now I look at him and say what you are saying is not true and I tell him I will not talk about things that are not true. I reiterate I love you and want you to have the best life ever but what we are dealing with here is you do not want to do what I am asking you. I let him know that he needs to do what I have asked or there will be a consequence. Then I let him know after he has done what I ask if he would like to sit down with me and discuss how he is feeling I would be happy to listen.

Do not get sucked in to the manipulation and call out the truth as you see it. I am not saying we need to ignore our kids feelings but we need to teach them the time and the place to deal with them. If it were me I would sit down with your son and have an honest conversation with him (not in the heat of an argument), I would say to him you are obviously pretty miserable with life and me. This makes me sad because I love you so much and I want you to enjoy life, so tell me what would life look like for you to feel good about it. He may surprise you with an honest answer or he may be sarcastic and tell you no school, no chores and do whatever I want but at least you are talking. If he takes the sarcastic route then say ok, let's look at what life would be like if I decided to just let you have your way...would you go to school? would you graduate? would you get a job? car? have money? If he says his way would provide him all those opportunities I would ask him to share with you what it looks like. Then I would say I would like to share with you why I have you go to school, do chores, be respectful and obedient and give him your picture of how you would love to see his life turn out.

Sometimes the best thing is to let your kids just talk and to listen:) Not sure if this will be helpful but it has helped my relationship with my son.

Paige - posted on 04/15/2013

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Check out: http://chicagomomretreat.blogspot.com/
This full day retreat covers the topic of "Taking Care of the Person inside of Mom", helping moms to see the value and feasibility of finding time for their own interests and needs while learning how to appropriate pick their priorities and creating healthy boundaries and margins in their lives. (Cool huh! )
We will cover how to take care of the ourselves physically, emotionally, mentally, socially and
spiritually.
Get some friends together, or come along and find some lifelong friend

Ann - posted on 04/14/2013

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If a child is intelligent and "just" bored, and the school refuses to move him, change schools. That is ridiculous. It is not a good situation for any one.

Ann - posted on 04/14/2013

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He does sound depressed. Is something going on at school? Is he being teased? Bullied? Talk with his teacher and find out. BTW, you haven't ruined his life. Take him to a place he likes to go and talk with him.

Ann - posted on 04/14/2013

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Another resource for you all is CHADD Children and Adult With Attention Deficit Disorders.

Ann - posted on 04/14/2013

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Positive attention is the most important. These kids get in trouble so much. My twenty something son still says, "Did I do something wrong" or " Am I in trouble? " When I say I want to talk to him.

Ann - posted on 04/14/2013

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I did that, and it was helpful, check with the adult leader before you commit. Explain what your child is like, and if they don't seem like they can deal with it, don't commit.

Ann - posted on 04/14/2013

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Fly by night: I meant herbal or some of those magazine or unproven costly remedies. Be careful what you spend your money on. Research it carefully. Anything that has to pay someone to endorse it......... well be careful

Jullie Ann - posted on 04/13/2013

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Is he in a sport, scouting or other after school activity? Boys are physical they need to move, if he isn't in something try scouts they do a little of everything and will help him finds his place. Also try taking a family walk or bike ride it helps you reconnect and gives your boys the physical movement they need.

Kristin - posted on 04/13/2013

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It sounds like counseling is in order. He has something bothering him and at 10 no one is able to communicate clearly about feelings. Video games maybe, but not feelings. Counseling will give him communication and behavior tools for outside of the sessions.

I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but maybe he needs more down time with you. He needs to know that no matter how hurtful what he says is, you will listen and not judge him. He needs to know that you are hearing what he is saying and taking time to think on it. Let him know that you are thinking on what he has said and that you do want to continue the conversation, even if it isn't right then. It might be in a couple of days but you are not deliberately ignoring his concerns and he is welcome to bring it back up if you are not responding quickly. He could be dealing with any of a number of problems; a learning disability, a behavioral disorder, a bully, a predator, boredom, not challenged in school, a health issue, headaches, growing pains, early onset puberty, to take karate lessons, didn't get invited to a birthday party, is teased about liking a girl/boy or friends with the "odd"kid. He is unlikely to know how to talk about these issues and, more importantly, his feelings regarding these issues with you. He may just be feeling lost in the shuffle right now and ignored.

Kids need our attention, positive or negative. If they are not getting positive feedback, they will do whatever to get ANY feedback. We forget in the rush of adulthood, work and parenting what it was like to be that age. Sometimes, we need a time out to reflect and talk with our kids.

Another thing you might try to do is sit down with him and go over the household rules and your expectations for him. He may have outgrown what's in place and need more responsibility and accountability. School is non-negotiable, as is homework. What's a good, age appropriate reward system that works for him? What works for a 3 year old is very different for a 5 year old and on up. I've got marble jars for each of my boys. When they fill it to a certain level, they can choose a treat from a list we keep near the jars. Most of the time is works. I never take from the jar when they misbehave, time out no matter where we are. There really is nothing more embarrassing to an 8 year old than to get put in time out during a soccer game for being rude to the other players. I realize your son is 10, but base the discipline on the behavior. If he's going to act like a toddler, treat him like one.

Remember to stay calm and be consistent. Parenting is the hardest thing in the world to do, you can only do your best. Good luck.

Amy - posted on 04/12/2013

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Susan, I asked my brother-in-law who has his MSW from UPenn. He's my go-to mentor while I'm finishing my MSW. I don't have a lot of experience with ADHD, but I believe counseling is a GREAT tool for all of us, so I asked his opinion. He recommended CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or DBT which sounds even better suited - Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Look it up...it sounded very interesting. He works in the local hospital crisis unit with adults who have severe anxiety, depression and has great insights. Maybe this is helpful.

Christy - posted on 04/12/2013

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Your child is obviously going through a very rough time. As much as we try, sometimes being a great, loving parent isn't enough. I would strongly recommend that you take him for some counseling before he does something horrible to himself or someone else. Your son may just be going through some changes and testing you, but it sounds like he is either out-of-control or really hurting on the inside. Either one of these does NOT make you a bad parent....but you need to do something NOW!! Good luck and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Alexis - posted on 04/12/2013

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I have ADHD and i was on Ritalin for 9 years then Adderral. Now, I can't say for fact how the Ritalin treated me because i was little & I just don't remember. However, If it was anything like the adderral, it was Horrible!!! I was nothing like myself, I hated being surrounded by people, i didn't talk to anyone, and got really depressed. Those of you with children on this medication should rethink it or maybe switch to Concertta? I'm not sure if that the correct spelling. But its an all day release.If you're worried about your child's educational needs i understand, but trust me.. you don't want them losing that light in their eyes. Thats what adderral does. It creates a zombie.

Amy - posted on 04/10/2013

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I've heard similar statements from my 7 year old. They do not occur often but I agree it is a version of depression or anger/frustration that's manifesting. I also agree with therapy. It can be a separate, safe-feeling, private place for your son to work out his emotional blocks and grow beyond them. I am an MSW student at USC and suggest this. I am divorced and sought therapy to help my oldest son, also 10, last year.
If you can maintain who you are despite the storm, in constancy, thats great and don't bite for the blaming comments. From experience with my 3 gradeschool-age children I just think it perpetuates more complaining...even though I once thought it was validating to allow them unlimited venting! I know how tough it can be.

Sheila - posted on 04/10/2013

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I have a 10 yr old son that does a lot of that as well. He is in a grades 5-7 split class (small school), and is the youngest and smallest in his class. He has some minor health issues that are uncomfortable too. He has been seeing a councillor at school, and he seems to like having someone safe to talk to, and she has been helping him with how to react when he feels bullied. We have also taking turns each night saying 3 good things that happened during the day. He doesn't always want to participate, but his younger brothers really like it, and he usually joins in. I remember 10 being a hard age, seems to me that's when girls started worrying about being fat, etc. Maybe similar things happen with boys? One other thing he seems to (secretly) like is that every night I leave a note on each of the boys pillows saying something that I love about them. He never says he likes it, but often goes and looks for his note before bed sometimes, and has kept all his notes. I hope this helps, and don't feel like you're the only one going through it!

Enna - posted on 04/10/2013

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Any person at any age can suffer from depression. It just manifests itself in different ways. I think 8 is the youngest they have medication for it, but children with depression can be treated with therapy instead of medication.

And children do commit suicide.

Susan, I'm not implying that your son is going to do this, I'm trying to reply to a couple of other comments.

I think your best bet is to get him in to see a therapist. And maybe a psychiatrist just to be evaluated. This is not normal behavior for a kid. Something is going on, and if you're having trouble figuring it out, then get help. I guarantee you that your son doesn't want things to be like this any more than you do. It will make everyone happier if you can get the situation out in the open so you can try to understand it.

Janice - posted on 04/09/2013

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I have seen great improvements with my own son's behavior after adding fish oil and high quality vitamins to his diet. Also, I started paying more attention to the good behavior and ignoring the attention seeking comments. It really does work when they don't receive the response from you, as they had planned. Many diet-related additives like aspartame can also cause depression, headaches, and restlessness. It isn't always their personality. Tap into one of his interests. My little "class clown" is now on stage in a high school play this month, because he wants to be an actor. He had some excellent teachers who have supported him in the right way too. Try not to over react or take it personally. You are the best Mom for him and you will both get through this phase.

Lea - posted on 04/09/2013

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Each one of my children have gone through this phase. My son, Kelan, is also ADHD and I, too, refuse to medicate him. I've seen the effects of over-medication on children and I do not want to lose my vibrant little boy to Ritalin or something similar.

He is doing this to get your attention. I agree that punishing him for it doesn't work, because he's trying to convince himself that this is true when it isn't, and the punishment only reinforces his mental point. The next time he says something like that, completely ignore it. Instruct the rest of your family to ignore it as well. If he threatens to hurt himself in any way, though, sit down with him and have a SERIOUS talk about why he would want to do that. Ask him to list reasons why his life is so "horrible" and chances are you'll be able to deflect most of his arguments easily. If he can't come up with anything, he himself will realize he doesn't have much to complain about.

KRYSTLE - posted on 04/08/2013

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I was the same way I have ADHD and my mom refussed to put me on meds at 1st I droped out of school by 16. It sucked I went back and got my deploma after I took my self to doctor and got on the meds, she did how ever put my sister on the meds and she started getting all A's and grants for school, but she only took her meds during school year not in summer. I think it's worth looking in to not seeing whats going on and not helping is actualy making it harder on your son and pushing him away from everyone family and friends, cuz he feels lost.

Gwen - posted on 04/08/2013

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Try talk to them what makes him think so?
Maybe with time he might understand but you need to communicate with him.

Cheryl - posted on 04/06/2013

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Sweetie, my son was the same way for a long time. Until I made that step and put him on ADHD medicine. He is so much happier now, he can actually concentrate in school which makes it easier and more fun for him. He still has some issues, but 95% better! It was an amazing transformation that everybody noticed within the 1st week. Me and my husband, his teachers, and even him! He will be the 1st to say he likes how his meds work for him. I know they are not for everybody, I didnt want to medicate my son at 8 years old either. But now I'm glad I did!!!! If all else fails! Good luck

Keely - posted on 04/05/2013

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I've got a 9 year old who is VERY deep with his emotions, he's got a lot going on, but even if you can't think of why your son could be on the down side, even if he has no reasons what so ever, it doesn't say that you can't use any techniques that are used for certain problems.

One thing that helped us out of a black hole was a feelings chart- http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.c... -
http://www.child-behavior-guide.com/supp... -
It may sound a little young for a ten year old but it's surprising how much it gets them talking about things - not just the bad things but the good feelings too! Hearing about what has made him happy will benefit the both of you (it gave me a much needed boost!) and most importantly "a problem shared is a problem aired!".

It's a bit like bingo lol, he gets to mark off all the feelings that he felt through the day and then you both talk about what caused them- a perfect opportunity to solve problems, a positive way to end the day while staying in tune with the good the bad and the ugly :)

Hope I haven't babbled too much and I hope he feels better soon ♥

Elise - posted on 03/31/2013

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Does he have reason to be upset? I had health issues that made me hate school my parents found a councelor for me it helped me and them

Renee - posted on 03/27/2013

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Hi. I have a 9 yr old who has all three types of adhd combined. I did not put him on meds. I dont think its always necessary. Things like spending time with him doing things he likes to do and giving more love would do the trick! It seems to really bring them to a calm state. And then once you've spent a lot of time together consistently, he will open up to you like a book! Even if you have to play a video game or try skateboarding! This should work whether or not he might have adhd etc or not! Good luck.

Jennylynn - posted on 03/27/2013

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I have my own 10 year old little girl and have been throw the same thing!

i agree all the way with Amber Alexander. seek some help for your son soon. have him tested.
Try Instead of taking things away from him or have him stay in his room. try talking to him about what is going on with school and how it makes him feel. friends that he likes and ask him about friends that he may not like and why. You don't want him to feel like you will not understand him or how things are effecting him. let him know that your there for him and that what ever he is going throw he is not alone and you are there for him.

MW - posted on 03/25/2013

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Find resource people at his school who can help you , and give you some strategies.
For the most part I agree in not medicating kids, but he does have to be taught how to live with the disorder. Ppl w adhd are more to depression. Ppl with depression are prone to suicide. Adhd will not 'go away'. My husband has ADD.
Get a child educator team(educational assistants etc) on your side and help your son. Theyve dealt with many kids with the disorder and have resources available...good luck!

Maggie - posted on 03/23/2013

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Give him opportunities to talk to you. I play cards with kids, UNO is good, and while we are playing, they talk, I listen. The other one is colouring in, We both colour, they talk I listen. I work with kids in care, who have been abused, but it works with all kids, they just want to know someone cares enough to listen, and then you can get to the bottom of what is troubling him. The other thing that might help him is the fail safe diet, it has made a huge difference to behaviour. I feel your pain, it is not nice not knowing how to proceed when you love the child so much. Good luck with it:)

Sanya - posted on 03/21/2013

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There is a great book called something like Autism, Asthma, Allergies and ADHD. It talks about all of the food additives and household chemicals that effect our children's health. When moms feed their kids goldfish, gogurt and juice they might think that these are healthy choices but they could be causing your problem. It's important to avoid sugar, artificial coloring, hormones in dairy and meat, trans fat, high fructose corn syrup, pre-packaged foods and caffeine.

On the same note, everyday household products like lotions with parabins and household cleaners with chemicals can also have devastating effects on our health. Try natural products.

When we switched over I actually lost 10 pounds.

Jacquelyn Irene - posted on 03/20/2013

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the child in not depressed he's to young. He's exprince a change in his life. Some kids go through that there trying to figure out. what they can do. its a phase he will eventually grow out of mom. in the mean time encourage him ask him what he's going through kids half the time need there parents.

Krystal - posted on 03/19/2013

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Is he being bullied at school? You should askl him. If he's being bullied and then gets punished at home for not wanting to go, then he feels misunderstood and doesn't feel heard in the world.

AJ - posted on 03/18/2013

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When I was a kid my Dad was military and we moved all over the place. We were always changing schools. Sounds to me like he's just stressed out and sad and having a hard time dealing with the change. Without knowing many specifics of your situation I would just suggest finding someone in his life who would be a good influence he's willing to open up and talk to. 2 great book recommendations for getting to the heart of your child and being able to understand them: "personality plus" and "5 love languages" i think each of these books comes in a 'for kids' version. Hope that helps- sounds like a tough deal. Maybe find out what really means a lot to him and focus on reaching out in that specific way as often as you can- even if he doesn't respond right away. 10 is a tough age. Give him time :)

Sandy - posted on 03/17/2013

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Take him to see kids with less than he has live take him to child support groups.

Evelyn - posted on 03/16/2013

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I love John Rosemond's advice. http://rosemond.com/ He has practical answers that work. He will tell you that you have to tell your son that because he says those things that are hurtful The Doctor Said he will have to go to bed immediately after dinner because he must be tired or he wouldn't say those things. The Doctor is to blame and not you. You can say "I spoke with the Doctor and the Doctor said if he can't do his homework in a timely manner then he must be tired and he will have to go to bed immediately after dinner. He gives the best advice, see if you can find him on the link above.

Ian - posted on 03/16/2013

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the answer is simple ask him what does he want ? tell him why do you hate me ? that should give him somthing to think about, take his games but don't make him stay in his room cause that just prooves his point. And don't be scared .. have you ever heard of a 10 year old killing him self ? even grown ups find it difficult to do. SORRY if I was rude

Hemali - posted on 03/14/2013

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I completely agree Taymar, with some of your suggestions. I suggested getting advice in parenting for the parent or getting help in talking to him or aiding in a dialogue if the mother feels stuck or needs advice (especially since she is asking for help and support). I was a counselor in school and I helped in many of these situations. It's not necessary to completely dismiss outside help if needed!

Taymar - posted on 03/14/2013

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Your kid doesn't need counseling... Parents have gone ages without it. You as a parent are a maid, cook, doctor, COUNSELOR, friend, taxi. You already know this. If what your doing isn't working try something different (: I agree that you should encourage him to do things,, lay off the punishment for a little bit & spend time with him. You & your husband. Talk with him. Don't put himin counseling or diagnose a rough patch as ADHD. I watched my dad & step mom do all the things some of these ppl are suggesting and not once did it work. But they NEVER attempted to spend the day with her or even be nice or encouraging.

Hemali - posted on 03/14/2013

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Why punish someone already upset. He's crying out for help. YOu might need some support and advice on how to deal with him at his age. (a school or guidance counselor) He needs someone to talk to that he trust, he needs encouragement and love and understanding. He is not equipt to deal with life at such a young age and you as a parent need to lovingly guide him. Best of Luck

Jacquelyn Irene - posted on 03/14/2013

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ok making someone stay in the room doesnt teach him anyhting. why because its like a prison. for one thing . he's ten not 5yrs old. so he going to pull ever move to get you attention mom. as a mom you will always work hard for your kids. that a main fact not an excuse. for one be strong about school. what will happen if you dont go to school . talk to him why school important . ask him about his friends. check who he's hanging around . because kids get this ideal. of friends doings of not going to school. i wouldnt advise to take his video games away. because reguraless you tend to push them away. thats not what you want i personall would interact with your own son parents dont forget you have to make time for your kids. teenagers they go through phase but explain them what life will happen if you dont have great structure in your life be strong on that make your kids think. :) but always put in a postive way.

Amanda - posted on 03/14/2013

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mom and kid day out maybe to the zoo. and just encourag the kid to write ,and to read books to help them kids like salf help books. you can read them together. ask him what is life. ask him how can we work together to make it better.

Jacquelyn Irene - posted on 03/13/2013

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when i was in high school i also had ADHD i went to clearbrook highschool in the r of 2005 i had a hard time commprehending the reading. but i got off of it the one yr of 2006 i have to admit it help me . and from there as motivated more of how i saw my self pick up. medicine is just a another way to make it faster yes. but yes i had to go low on the doasage because i felt more of it was to high of controlment. but my effects of my mood never change i would say i was a happy camper. and a postive person. the only reson the body reacts to the medicne strongly even with a small dossage is because the body rejects what it doesnt want. maybe need to change the medicne or if your not confortble with that just work with you children. i grew out of it but if the topic intrest me i can comprehend . as people tht we are were not perfect. to gain the knowelege is wanting what we work hard for in life. the key word is understand what you want out of life in oder to accomplish it in reality. your child will be fine, if you have to do couseling wants a week i say go for it. and it doesnt have to be 5- 4 days a week a good 1 day or 3 days in one month to update on the child . its ok mom.

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