Tubes tied?? I'm 24 and a mother of 3. My husband said I should get them tied. Any advise ppl?

Adina - posted on 02/12/2010 ( 211 moms have responded )

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So my husband and I had a talk about having more babies and we both agree that 3 is enough. Then he goes on with "Since you are not working, you should get your tubes tied." But really? Do I want to really do that? I'm 24 and as my children grow up and I finish my nursing education, I may want just one more baby. And what about his options? I mean he had the opportunity to get a vasectomy paid for by the health department but he flat out said "I am NOT doing that." So help me ladies...should I be the one to get my tubes tied or should my husband and I both do it?

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Clemy - posted on 02/12/2010

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Follow your instincts! Having your tubes tied is not easily reversed whereas it is for a man. There are other options as mentioned above which are less intrusive and give you the option later on to have more children! Also you never know what will happen in a few years - you may decide 3 is enough - you may be with someone else and want to have kids with that person etc etc

Krista - posted on 02/12/2010

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If you're against it, I wouldn't do it. It sounds like it's something you feel you're being forced to do. If your husband doesn't want anymore children then HE should make the decision to get himself done.
Basically, give him the same reason...which I'm sure is that he won't feel like a "man" anymore. Which is bull. Basically, you could say to him, "My ability to have children is what makes me a woman. If I do this, I won't be a woman anymore."

Turn the tables, in my opinion.

Amy - posted on 02/12/2010

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Getting your tubes tied is way more intrusive that him getting a vasectomy, all surgery is major, but he will heal quicker than you. If you have 3 children already , it may be harder for you to keep up where as he will carry on after a couple of days in bed with an ice pack. Why is he so ready for you to go under the knife but adamant about not getting cut himself??? I had my tubes tied during a c-section, healing time was about the same. There are procedures where they can remove your egg and put it where it needs to go if you decide to have another child so don't worry about that. hope this info is helpful.

Linda - posted on 02/15/2010

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You can get the merina inserted into you for 5 years, if you decide then to get it removed then you can always try for another baby. I would not go down the route of getting tubes tied, try the mirena you would be sorry if you had the op. You are very young to get tubes tied and not sure if doctors would do it for you at your age. I got my tubes tied at 29 as I had lost a stillborn at 25 weeks and nearly lost my next 2 at 25 weeks also. I had bad kidney infections all the time that is why doctor did me.

Tarryn - posted on 02/13/2010

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Hi Adina,

The best advice I can give is for you and your husband to discuss this with your family Doctor. There are major risks involved with this procedure as it is a major surgery. You're talking about 6 wks recovery, not to mention the risks involved with a General Anesthetic. This is NOT something you do on a whim! It is also an elective surgery, which means high cost is involved financially. Seriously, you AND your husband need to look into this further AND discuss it over with your Doctor!!

I have 3 children and I had the surgery done at 24, but I had major health issues connected with pregnancy. When my youngest was born she was premature and her delivery was an emergency 'C' section, so I gave consent at the time for them to perform the Tubal Ligation while I was already in surgery having my daughter.

This is never an easy decision for any couple, but if your husband cannot see that the risks are far greater for you, than for him then you need to ask some serious questions. Sorry if that's taking the hard line, but it's the truth. What's wrong with him having a vasectomy? It's a 30 minute procedure done in a Dr's room, after 3 days he's back to normal. As for you, it will be a 6 wk, painful recovery where you won't be able to lift your older kids, do laundry or vacuuming, drive or even stand for long periods of time, without running the risk of splitting your stitches.

I'm not sure that you both have looked into this thoroughly enough, seek medical advice and do your homework, before you do something rash.

Good luck!

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[deleted account]

I would not tie them if you are unsure if 3 is really enough for you. I would hate for you to have regreats later on.

Christy - posted on 02/15/2010

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if you do that it would be a huge mistake you might regret later if you have not done so already and frankly your husband needs to get a a life your body is not his and if you want one more child then he should not be a prick about it because having kids is a wonderful thing and if things arent working out with this guy find someone who it will work with that does not want you to get your tubes tied and wants a kid wants you and treats your kids like his own even though they are not his bioligical and are your husbands but he would be stupid to get a whatever on himself cause later down the road he might regret it to and really needs to stop being a prick you both are somewhat young not to old yet and already have 3 great kids but really it is a huge permant mistake and if it could be undone for you it cost alot of money but seriously i would not do it but use birthcontrol and protection if you and him have sex or trick him into another kid and be looks opps im pregnant later down the road if you really want another so badly but on the other hand think about it what i had said that is on not making the huge mistake

Janeen - posted on 02/15/2010

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In most states, you have to be a minimum of 25 years of age for a tubal ligation. UNLESS, there is substantial reason for the procedure to be done early. I had my tubes tied at 24 because I know without a doubt that I can't handle raising any more children. Lol. Tell your husband that he ought to get his junk snipped. Or just practice abstinence. Deprive him of the "joy of being a husband". He'll change his mind. Besides, the other women are right. You may change your mind one day. Although you do know that your chance of conceiving improves 5 years after getting tied. But yes, don't waste money going under the knife.

Rebecca - posted on 02/15/2010

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I personally wouldn't have them tied, your still at a young age you two might change your mind 10 years from now. My cousins girlfriend was 23 with 4 kids and no doctors would do it because they said she might change her mind so its really just up to you. Its your body and a vasectomy is much easier and painless then getting your tubes tied, you had the babies he should have to have the vasectomy 3 kids is a lot of pain and work if it was me i would say you get a vasectomy cause im not gettin tied.

Ashley - posted on 02/15/2010

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My opinion is dont do it. Explain to him that you are only 24 and most doctors around here at least wont do it until you are 25 or 26. I understand where he is coming from. Men feel like vasectomys will make them less of a man. The way my fiance explained it to me is that I know men that have done it and they get really depressed because if should the time come that they would like another child they cant have it. Some tubials are able to be reversed. Also it could be a money thing. I know a couple friend of ours wants another baby but against her beliefs she got on birthcontrol because they dont know how they could support another child. I think if you both dont want to get a procedure done, nobody should be forced to do it. I do want another baby when things settle down, however I am on birthcontrol due to the money factor. We discussed someone having a procedure done and since we both want another baby in the future we decided on birth control. I hope this helps.

User - posted on 02/15/2010

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i would not get them tied.... i would least get the implant which lasts 3 yrs n then u can always think about it... i would never do anything like that for any1 its my body.. i would do it cuz i want to n not just because some1 else wants me to.. good luck xx

Maureen - posted on 02/15/2010

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Wow!!!!! You sound like you are being pressured in making a decision for both of you eh.

I had my tubes tied after my 4th child and it was my decision alone. Although i was a married woman I alone had to be raising my kids. My last kid came 7yrs after the last kid. .I..didn really want any more.

Considering the circumstance I found myself in I did what I had to do. No regrets, am divorced now and still being the sole breadwinner.

So make your own decision you are very young okay, after all it is your LIFE.

Saundra - posted on 02/15/2010

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My son's dad got a vesectomy and has had a lot of problems. He has scar tissue that is pinching a nerve, and he gets shooting pains in his leg and in his balls sometimes. The doctor we went to really put us at ease before, but once he had complications, the doctor wouldn't even see us!

Krista - posted on 02/15/2010

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"Since you're not working, you should get your tubes tied."????



What the heck does your employment status have to do with it? Ask him if he's planning on taking time off work to take care of you and the three kids while you recover from major surgery, then. Because it IS major surgery, don't be fooled.



If you're at all reluctant to get your tubes tied, don't do it. Look into an IUD instead, and tell your husband he's being a real coward, preferring for his wife (who went through pregnancy and labour three times) to have MAJOR surgery, all so that he doesn't have to have a minor outpatient procedure done on his precious nutsack.

Devan - posted on 02/15/2010

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Honestly, getting your tubes tied is a lot more invasive than a vasectomy, which is just a snip and heals much more quickly. Also, I believe that if he expects you to go under the knife, he should be willing to get snipped. You are young and while right now three is enough, you are right, you may change your mind after they grow up a bit and you get done with school which would mean you would have to go under the knife for a second time to get it reversed, where again, reversing a vasectomy is a much simpler job,

Heather - posted on 02/15/2010

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An IUD is a great alternative. Remember that your body is yours and the decision is yours alone. On the other side, his body is his alone and for him to decide. The choice of having children together is shared, but means of prevention is up for debate.

Kerry - posted on 02/15/2010

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If you have any doubt that you may want more children...then neither one of you should follow through...However, once you are absolutley positive that you don't want any more then .... HE SHOULD DO IT!!! I knew once I got pregenent with #4 that we were done! He got the procedure 4 months before the baby was born - was uncomfortable for about 2 days and it has been the best thing we have ever done! Good Luck!

Jennifer - posted on 02/15/2010

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You've had 3 babies, his body didn't change, he didn't have weight gain, or stay up nursing, ect... He should get the surgery. There are alot of other forms of birth control to use. Your not ready for a permanent fix yet, if your unsure if you would like another child then using alternative forms of prevention sounds like your best bet. I'd keep my options open until you know without a doubt your done.

Jennifer - posted on 02/15/2010

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You've had 3 babies, his body didn't change, he didn't have weight gain, or stay up nursing, ect... He should get the surgery. There are alot of other forms of birth control to use. Your not ready for a permanent fix yet, if your unsure if you would like another child then using alternative forms of prevention sounds like your best bet. I'd keep my options open until you know without a doubt your done.

Jennifer - posted on 02/15/2010

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You've had 3 babies, his body didn't change, he didn't have weight gain, or stay up nursing, ect... He should get the surgery. There are alot of other forms of birth control to use. Your not ready for a permanent fix yet, if your unsure if you would like another child then using alternative forms of prevention sounds like your best bet. I'd keep my options open until you know without a doubt your done.

Stephanie - posted on 02/15/2010

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I'm 37, quite a bit older than you obviously, and a mother of 3 as well. I just had my tubes tied when I had my last c-section 3 weeks ago. My husband would not go for a vasectomy (he's afraid of doctors, needles, etc) and I don't want any more children, so I opted for the tubal. He actually didn't want me to have one, but I know that I am done. It will take a miracle for me to have another at this point. If you are not 100% sure, then you should not go that route. Maybe you should try Mirena or something similar instead.

Linna - posted on 02/15/2010

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I am now 60 years old...had my tubes ties 35 years ago at the insistance of my husband. He is now my ex-husband, which means no children by my current husband whom I love dearly. That is a big regret. I can say that sex without the worry of getting pregnant was great, not having to worry about the pill anymore was great. I was worried about the "pill" and getting uteran or breast cancer. I just found out I have breast cancer, so not taking the pill didn't matter anyway. Given a choice of what I know now, I would have made him do it not me. But I would suggest that you pray about it first, after all it is your body and only God can help you make the right choice

Heather - posted on 02/15/2010

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I seriously considered getting my tubes tied as well. My biggest fear was any possible complications that could have arisen. Instead, my doctor and I talked about all our options and I decided to get an IUD. It has no hormones and is effective for ten years.

User - posted on 02/15/2010

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If your not 100% sure don't do it becasue if you do it and deceide to have it reversed there are alot of complications and hardships sometimes when trying to get pregnant from it. I had 3 c-sections and cannot safely carry anymore children so we had my tubes tied at age 25. My husband and I talked about adoption is always an option if we deceided to have another child. Maybe just sit down and have a heart to heart with hubby, maybe he would at least just go talk to a Dr about both your options, permanate or not.

User - posted on 02/15/2010

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If your not 100% sure don't do it becasue if you do it and deceide to have it reversed there are alot of complications and hardships sometimes when trying to get pregnant from it. I had 3 c-sections and cannot safely carry anymore children so we had my tubes tied at age 25. My husband and I talked about adoption is always an option if we deceided to have another child. Maybe just sit down and have a heart to heart with hubby, maybe he would at least just go talk to a Dr about both your options, permanate or not.

User - posted on 02/15/2010

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yopu should point out that his would be an office visit but your is a major surgery and you will not be able to even take care of the kids for a few days. when i had mine done i was in major pain for 5 days. oh and you can't have sex for 6 weeks after but if he gets his done you can have sex in a week

Christine - posted on 02/15/2010

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I was sure at the time it was the right decision for me to have them tied. But, after getting remarried, we went though IVF to get our baby. What a very expensive and emotional roller-coaster! Just make sure it's what you want.

[deleted account]

I was also with the same questions. It is a big step. I am 27 with four children, when I had my twins; baby 3 and 4 at 24, i had enough. I love my children and is was right for me, but make sure it is for you. It sounds like you are doing it to please your husband, and if so don't do it. It has to be for the right reasons. Talk to you GP about this and take your husband with you. It is your body and your choice. I hope you get the answere to your questions.

Christine - posted on 02/15/2010

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I was in the same boat, 26 with 3 kids and had my tubes tied "irreversibly". Many years later after divorcing and a second marriage, I wanted more....so I say if you do get them tied, go with a reversible surgery. I think they clamp the tubes, not sure.

Michelle - posted on 02/15/2010

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My husband and I are pretty sure we don't want any more childre; but to keep the option open, I got an IUD (paraguard). It has the same % for not getting pregnant as gettng your tubes tied. It lasts 10 years. No hormones. AND if we decide we do want another, I can get it removed and start trying immediately. That was the best option for us. Have your husband go in with you to talk to your ob/gyn to see what would be best for the two of you. :)

Cathleen - posted on 02/15/2010

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Your husband is extremely selfish or a coward. You are far too young to have tubes tied. Try and find another way of contraception if he absolutely refuses. Is he scared of a little op that will hardly see him have more than a day off. Does he not realise that you would need much more support for some time after surgery, and also affect time off in your nursing training. Don't give in!!!!

Cathleen

Mary - posted on 02/15/2010

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Getting your tubes tied is very invasive and requires more healing time, and more risk of problems than him getting snipped. Which does not require him to be knocked out,its ambulatory and recovery is quick with no hormonal side effects. It is a better option for him to get snipped than for you to get your tubes tied.

Kate - posted on 02/15/2010

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from a female point of view, we carry the babies we give birth to the baby and all the other things we have happen to our bodie's i reckon our husbands or partners could at less step up to the plate and have a vasectomy wat is your husband thinking turning down a free one !!!!! maybe he does want another child in the future!!!! good luck :)

Lisa - posted on 02/14/2010

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I had my tubes tied with my last cesarean. It was MY choice to do it. My husband had talked about having his tubes tied, but since I was having a planned c-section I elected to have it done. I can tell you this c-section was more painful because of that procedure. I am no sissy. I was up and walking on day 2, dressed and ready to leave, but the hospital said no. It is less evasive to have your husband do it. I was cut open and had it done. It doesn't sound like you may be done with having children. I would talk to your OBGYN about birth control if you are truly unsure. Also I have read that if for whatever reason I decide to have more children I can still have IVF treatments, but they have to extract eggs. So with that being said it will be very expensive if I change my mind. It's your body; your decision. I would seriously consider birth control. If he is serious about not having anymore children then he should get it done. Good luck to you!!

Erin - posted on 02/14/2010

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After my 2nd baby was born, I was also 24 years old, I had my tubes tied. I have a step daughter who is 14, and 2 other daughters 6 and 4. After some complications I had an endometrail ablation and then had a hysterectomy at the age of 26. My husband has also had a vasectomy. It really is by choice but I would reccomend it.

Erin - posted on 02/14/2010

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After my 2nd baby was born, I was also 24 years old, I had my tubes tied. I have a step daughter who is 14, and 2 other daughters 6 and 4. After some complications I had an endometrail ablation and then had a hysterectomy at the age of 26. My husband has also had a vasectomy. It really is by choice but I would reccomend it.

Tammy - posted on 02/14/2010

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If you have any doubts DO NOT DO IT! I know birth control is a hassel but it is not permanent. You are young and when you are in your 30s you might decide to have another. I was talked into it by my ex husband and have regretted it ever since. You can get sperm froze and he can do the vasectomy, is naother option. Good Luck!

Christina - posted on 02/14/2010

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well its alot easier for him to get it done.... in & out ...office visit... and 3 is enough..... when u finish what u want to do in life.... when your kids grow up it'll be time for you & husband to spend time together as a couple w/o children..... i have 3 kids..... young... enjoy them while u can....... then it'll be adult time.... :)

Melanie - posted on 02/14/2010

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Have you tried the Implant. You can't get pregnant and it stays in for 3 years before you can take it out. I would always consider any other options. Not sure where you are but i recently went to get my tubes tied (i'm in UK) and they told me i was too young at 32. xx

Rosie - posted on 02/14/2010

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if you don't want to than don't!! as for him getting a vasectomy, if he doesn't want to than he shouldn't have to either. although in my opinion he's being a really big baby. my husband was all about getting a vasectomy after our third child. i don't like birth control with hormones it messes me up, but i didn't want kids. i was a little weary about getting my tubes tied since it something you have to be put under anesthesia for. with my husbands vasectomy, he was sore the first day, but by day 2 he was ready for a blowjob (tmi i know, but it's true!!). i'd say after about 3 days he wasn't sore anylonger. he was awake during the whole process, and since we had the baby in the same year our insurance covered the process completely since we had already met our deductible by having the baby. i think mens perception of having their manlihood cut into is what keeps them from doing it. that type of thinking needs to stop!!



the risk of getting pregnant with a vasectomy is about 1% and tubal ligation is 2%. so vasectomies are more effective. they cost less, there is less recovery time, there is less long term effects, there are less risks involved in the procedure in general and some women can have more painful periods, pelvic pain and post tubal ligation syndrome. it is the all around clear winner of the debate between tubal ligation and vasectomy. give your husband some hard facts and show him how serious of a procedure it is for you compared to what he would have to go through. you've already had enough serious procedures with childbirth and pregnancy, time for him to step up and take some of the weight off of you.

Amanda - posted on 02/14/2010

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You should tell him that if you were to get tubes tied he will need to take time off work to take care of children..... and this surgery takes a while for healing.... As for a versectomy I think this is better option my other half has same opinion flat out NO... but in all honesty it will not change them as a man and a close friend of mine has had it done and said there is no pain and its quick to heal and he will not need time off work except the day he gets it done......... So ask him he does he want one day off or several??

[deleted account]

By my 3rd one I was READY to have my tubes tied!! That was in 1975 and I have NEVER regretted it! I knew 3 was MORE than enough for me. Men sometimes believe that a vasectomy will psychologically at least "ruin thei manhood". For some it might, but less stress sometimes makes it BETTER...:-) My first husband had one and he never regretted it. He was barely sore for a few days. I had "bandaid surgery" thru the bellybutton the same day I delivered my third. When I was again single, I was especially glad I had it done. I think that is a personal decision and should be discussed thoroughly with hubby (and not fight about it if he won't give in). Make YOUR decision and either way will be correct for you. LOUISE from Mtn Home, AR

Amber - posted on 02/14/2010

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I don't advise getting your tubes tied. I had mine done at 23 because we had 4 kids. I have had nothing but problems with my hormones,. irregular and painful periods, weight issues, ect. Of course the results of having this procedure is different for everyone, but I don't recommend it! There are so many other things you can do to prevent pregnancies.. without such side effects

Joy - posted on 02/14/2010

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I had my tubes tied after my 2nd child. Ever since I have had extremely heavy periods, lots of clotting and cramps that feel worse than labor pains. I have found numerous posts on the internet of women complaining of the same things that I have and they all attribute them to having their tubes tied. If I could do it over again, I would have had my husband get a vasectomy.

Mellissa - posted on 02/14/2010

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Dear Mom, having the tubes tied is no big issue, I have had them done myself and it was a 10 min operation. I am very happy I did, but I was able to find a Gyno who perfomed the operation on me, I was 30 at the time. I do belive that you may have trouble finding a gyno to perform it on you because of your age. They dont usually do it on women under 30 unless there are medical reasons for it. With that being said I personally know of a girlfriend who had it done at 24 without having any children, but she had some other issues that the doc was aware of. Hope the advice helps and all the best

Debbi (Grammy) - posted on 02/14/2010

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Birth control is always a joint effort. For him to assume you are not working is a big turnoff-you are working at home, rearing the children, etc. SInce you are both working, and he and you agree that 3 is enough, the minor surgery of a vasectomy is the most cost effective approach to permanent birth control. A tubal ligation is more expensive, requires more recovery time, and requires someone to take care of the children for a couple of days while you recuperate. It sounds like you have not decided the 3 is enough for you, so this conversation is moot, until you and he agree on completing your family. As for other alternatives, which will allow for later changes, careful birth control can manage this situation for the time being. Perhaps delaying this decision is the best way to go for now.

Kathleen - posted on 02/14/2010

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Tell him that he should have his tubes tied. It is easier for a man than a woman, plus later in life like most of us you will probably go in for a hysterectomy. I have had a tubal pregnancy, then tubes tied then a hysterectomy and am sorry that on top of two miscarriages and two deliveries I think he should have had at least one surgery. They heal in a weekend. You on the other hand will need help for about 1 week at best. Longer if complications. The men are afraid of anyone touching their man place. Make him do it. Easier, cheaper, and you already did your part. What if something goes wrong in surgery, and you leave your children without a mother. He doesn't have to be put under deep anesthesia as you do. Make him do it or suffer the consequences.

Paula - posted on 02/14/2010

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Please if you even think you may "someday" want another child do not get your tubes tied. I was a young wife and had 3 children by the time I was 21, my husband and I decided we didn't want anymore children so I went and had my tubed tied. We later divorced. I did remarry and my husband didn't have any children of his own. I wanted to have a child with him. I did get a reversal and now we have a beautiful 2 yr old! Most people can not afford the reversal procedure which for us cost over $10,000, invetro is an option but costs even more! Most insurance will NOT cover a reversal....I'd hate to see you feel a loss later in life. I'd ask your Dr. what would be your best option instead of a tubal, at least until you were a little older and knew for sure if you didn't want anymore children. If your husband really pushes the issue, I agree have him get the vasectomy.

Karissa - posted on 02/14/2010

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You are young. If he refuses to "get fixed" why does that mean you have to. Children are a natural part of life. If you two are concerned about having more children then look into different birth controls. Maybe that shot that lasts a few years? Not too sure, I've never had birth control. Getting your tubes tied is "permanent". I put it in quotes because we all know there are times when the unexpected happens. This life that you are living now is not the rest of your life. It changes, it matures and maybe one day you may want more kids. If, God forbid, anything were to happen to your husband, and you remarried, having your tubes tied may cause problems.

Kristine - posted on 02/14/2010

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I was positive that I didn't want anymore children and I had my tubes tied at 26. I am now 30, and the baby bug is starting to bite again. I had children while trying to finish school and now that I am almost done, I feel it was the right decision at the time but am now starting to question if it was the right decision moving forward. If you think you MAY want more children, I would suggest looking into other birth control options instead of surgery. And what does it matter if your working or not? Being a SAH mom IS a JOB! Good Luck!

Aubrey - posted on 02/14/2010

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I got my tubes tied at 21. I have 3 beautiful children but I didn't want anymore with my lazy pos now ex husband. Now i wish I hadn't. I have a wonderful man now and while I wish I may be able to have another child if we had decided we wanted to, we can't. On the plus side we both have children of our own but it would have been nice to have the option of having one together if we had chosen to. Its your decision so don't let your husband push you to it if you're not sure you want to.

Sharon - posted on 02/14/2010

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my husband got the snip 5 yrs ago after our 4th child at the time we talked and both agreed but now my kids are at school and i deeply regret it what you want now may not be what you want in 5 yrs think very carefully why not try the iud it last for up to 5 yrs then after thta time rethink take care x

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