tween girls and the talk

[deleted account] ( 14 moms have responded )

I have a 11yr old girl that is getting interested in boys and am not sure when i should have "the talk" with her, i already gave my boys the talk and they are 12 and 15, but I am unsure about her. Is an 11yr old to young to talk to or should i do it?

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Try - posted on 10/09/2012

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If she already has a sex drive, good heavens, talk to her about it now. For crying out loud, she could start her period any day now, and that's going to be terrifying if she doesn't even know what one is.

Katie - posted on 03/31/2012

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you need to do it now. More and more girls are having children at 12 yo. More than likley she already knows alot from kids at school so you may want to sit her down asap and make sure she gets correct information. Kids get told crazy things by other children and if they have never been told different then they beleave it and then get into trouble because of the misinformation.

[deleted account]

I haven't had to go down that road yet, so I don't have experience with "the talk" yet, but do not feel 11 is too young. At 34 yrs old, I remember what that talk around school was when I was 11, and from what ihear from friends, there is a lot more graphic talk in teens and preteens now. Info is getting to them younger and younger. I say inform your daughter with the facts, and open the door to an open line of communication.

Can you gauge how much she may already know? What about moms of some of her girlfriends? Can you chat with them to see if any of them have talked with thier girls?What about carpool or other time you may have her in the car with friends--use that time to listen to what they are talking about. Does she or any other of the girls express interest in boys?

Hey, you could always 'stumble" on an article in the news or on line that you could use to segway into a "sex talk". Maybe that would be easier on you both, rather than just sitting down face to face and flying by the seat of your pants.

I'd love to hear how it goes. Good luck!

Kerri - posted on 12/26/2008

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Kids start to learn about this in about the Fifth grade in health class at school. I tried to answer my kids questions as they grew up in a way thay can understand. Girls are already very mature at 11 not like when we were young so I think it is important to tell them the truth so they have knowledge of the emotional and physical implications of sexual activity. Don't be afraid to scare her sex can be a life or death situation these days. Keep an open line of communication. My daughter is 16 and we have been having conversations about this regularly. It is also goos to take them to the doctor to discuss this too maybe not at 11 but by 14 for sure. Let her know its alright to say NO!! I hope this helps.

Karen - posted on 12/24/2008

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Having been through this twice, with two girls of my own. Get an age appropriate book about it and read it to yourself first. Definatly have some sort of talk with her ASAP as I have seen girls as young as 12 get pregnany because of the lack of information or curiosity. Be open and not nervous, they sence fear (lol). Go somewhere quiet in your home where you won't be disturbed by phones or anything. Be as open and honest as you can and give her information a bit at a time and not blab it out all at one as this will confuse her and get you all nervous. Let her know that you are there for her if she has any questions once you are finished. Leave the talk with a feeling of accomplishment rather than shame or "phew, I'm glad that's over" because that's just the begining of the rest of both of your "new lives" as mother and preteen then teen.

Jamie - posted on 12/23/2008

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I have a 11-year old boy and now is better than later. He ask to many questions that I don't think I am ready to answer. I was almost 16 before my mom talked to me about these things. Be open and tell her your true feelings, also let her know what can and does happen if she becomes to curious. I am tired of hearing about 12 year old girls being pregnant.

Jessica - posted on 12/23/2008

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I agree having the talk early as possible because if you don't tell your children other children will, I was a school play when my daughters' class passed the boys bathroom when my daughter who is 9 years old classmate said freely "look in the boys bathroom do you see anything" now for me that is totally inappropriate. So we as parents so make sure that they hear it from us instead of someone else especially with the predators out there today.

Tracy - posted on 12/23/2008

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I have an 11 year old and a 14 year old daughter and a 12 year old son, I had the talk with all three. Each child is going to be different according to their maturity. When my kids seemed just a little curious about the opposite sex, I decided to go ahead and have the talk. Otherwise, they will start talking to friends and get wrong information. Both of my girls were 11 and my son just turned 12 when we had the talk.

Michelle - posted on 12/23/2008

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Hi, I just wanted to share that my daughter is 12 and we had to have the "talk" when she was 10 ~ one of her friends at school started her period. i had already talked with her about some simple thigns but she was ready for the big talk, and we have an open line of communication now that I hope will stay! After we talked I gave her a few books (that I had already read) and we read some of it together and then I left her to read. She has come to me on several occasions and asked for further explaination or questions. It definently opens the door for more talking. One of the books we love is A Girls Guide to Growing Up and The Care and Keeping of Me. Good Luck!

Nicole - posted on 12/22/2008

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Definitely talk with her now! I've had the talk with my 10 year old daughter and it turned out to be better than I thought. I dreaded having the talk with her! You'll be surprised about the things they have heard or know already! I talked to her about her changing body when she was maybe 8 or 9, but had the sex talk with her a few months ago.

Christine - posted on 12/22/2008

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I definately suggest that you have the talk. All kids are different and reach "that stage" at different times but most experts say that having the talk can start anywhere between 8-11 years for both boys and girls. My son is 8 and I've already had the beginnings of the talk just so that we're as open as possible. I say that if she's showing interest in the opposite sex, nows as good a time as any to start talking about it.

Jen - posted on 12/22/2008

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I've been a middle school teacher, and 11 isn't too young to start talking. You wouldn't need to go into gritty details, protection, etc. But, if she has those questions, it's much better to hear it from you than from her peers. Keep the conversation open, talk when you're comfortable (girls day, over hot chocolate at a coffee shop.) Make it grown up and special. That way, if she really does need advice later in life, it's not embarrassing or uncomfortable. You can elaborate into details as you feel ready.

[deleted account]

I have talked about since about 3 years old just in case of predators and at school in the 3rd grade is when they had started talking it about it with the boys and girls and passed out pads and deodorant.You should be as open as possible with your children so they are comfortable talking about all and even the bad stuff with you

Denene - posted on 12/22/2008

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I have an 11 year old daughter too and I had the talk with her already because she was starting to get information from some of her friends and I wanted to make sure she heard it from me and knew what was true and what wasn't.

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