Two of my triplets may not pass first grade.

Debbie - posted on 02/05/2013 ( 28 moms have responded )

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I have triplets and just found out today that two of them will probably NOT pass first grade. If this happens I have no idea how to handle it. What will it do to their self esteem to see their sibling go on while they have to stay back? How will they handle the questions in middle school about being triplets but in different grades? Will this crush their confidence?

I'm at a loss as to how to handle this. And sad.

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Holly - posted on 02/05/2013

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they may not be reading college literature, but it is not as if they are at college level comprehention either... but they begin reading in kindergarten. they work on understanding the story and they learn spelling and story writing, addition as well as subtraction, they learn about different ways to group numbers, but mostly they are learning CONCEPTS, were as when i was in school it was just numbers, and symbols, now a days they are learning the concept behind the principle. and i REALLY don't think that your judgemental attitude helped this woman any. and your post served no more than to show how insensitive and heartless you are.

Ronica - posted on 02/05/2013

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Honestly I agree with letting the 1 continue on. If you keep the one child back, he could grow bored and aggitated during his class, become disruptive and angry at the other siblings for 'making him/her stay back'
Is there anyway to get the other 2 kids ahead? Maybe ask the teacher for additional help to help your other 2 children.
As much as there is stigma about failing, it happens. Some kids need that extra year, so that they're 5, when they start kindergarten. I'm considering holding my child back as she is one of the youngest and she struggles with concepts. I watch the kids who are 11 months older than her and see where she will be in a years time but because of the fiscal school year she has a difficult time.
Best of luck an keep your chin up :) be proud of your babies acvomplishment :) ♥

Amanda - posted on 02/05/2013

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For starters I would have the two who are having difficulties tested to see if possibly they need a little extra help for the time being.... as far as the one NOT having issues you have to let him move on to second grade.... in the long run you dont want to cause resentment when he is bored because he grasps the concepts and feels like he is being held up.... for the other two it might be a little rough and it might bother them at first.... but IF they need a little extra help after having them tested they may just catch up with the third sibling.... look into IEPC testing and also into after school tutoring sessions.... just remember not to hold the one back... this might cause a lot more psychological issues all around for not only him, but his attitude and feelings towards his siblings and you.... it is a rough position to be in, but in the long run it will all work out. Good luck!

Ana - posted on 03/14/2013

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If I had triplets and I had your situation, I would probably let the kids keep on with school until summer, then tutor the 2 all summer who failed, have them test before school starts to see if they can start the next grade. And if they are still not ready, then you have to accept the fact that they are going to learn at different levels....But I would keep tutoring them...they may catch up a year later...

Julie - posted on 03/13/2013

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I am sorry to hear you have been faced with such a tough decision. Try to think logically, then emotionally when forming your decision. Try to look at the triplets as individuals as well and base your decision for each on individual performance, social skills and physical development. Then, be thankful that u are faced with this early in the education process and not later. Also consider the positive outcome of repeating for retention, and building of self esteem long term even if it seems to be negative initially with socialization. You are looking at their future education as a long term goal.
Are they boys or girls? Are they young for the grade or not? Would You consider a summer excellerated program to put the two that are struggling in and get them up to par?
I do not understand the true bond of multiples. But, it may be a healthy option for all of them or some of them to be in different grades or at least different classrooms. gaining independance and identities of their own in life sooner rather than later. In the end, second opinions don't hurt either! In the end, when your head doesn't agree with your heart, go with your gut

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Terri - posted on 03/17/2013

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Being a triplet is more an event of the heart. As individuals each of the children are going to go their own direction. Explain that we are all different even if we look the same or were born on the same day. I would have the family sit down together and make a poster that lists everyone's strengths and area where they would like to learn more and grow.
We have a philosophy within our own family, 3 adopted children, two of the same age that everyone has always assumed were twins and up to this point, age 9 they say that they are, that our personal family issues, successes, plans et cetera are only for us to talk about. I am sure as a family you can individually or together come up with an answer that will make everyone feel comfortable if someone must know why they are not in the same grade.
How lucky to have 3 beautiful children and how incredibly lucky for the three of them to have one another for life!

Debbie - posted on 03/16/2013

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Thanks Lucy. They are in special ed for reading and speech and the school pulls them out of class twice a week for IEP. It just doesn't seem to be getting them where they should be.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 03/15/2013

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Sorry u have to go through this, I know it must be hard. If I was you I would try and think that in the long run it will be better for the two if they stay In the first grade . I think their self esteem will have a harder blow if they are struggling through school and maybe not being able to keep up with the one who is moving on . If they try the grade again you are giving them the chance to be prepared and excell next time which I promise will boost their self esteem! Explain to them that they are each special and name their qualities that stand out in each one . If you seem like its not such a big deal then they will follow your lead. Good luck and best wishes for your 3

Rachel Ivy - posted on 03/12/2013

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Hi Debbie! Have you ever considered the Montessori approach? They have a multi-grade system in which children belong to the same class/level even if they are in different grades, this can help solve your problem of putting all three in the same level.

If this is not an option, ask the school guidance counselor for placement advise. Let him/her know of your concerns so you can be given options on how to go about with your triplets' grade placement.

Chaya - posted on 02/09/2013

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Get them tutoring, if they fail, let them, it won't do any good for them to move on if they aren't ready for it. Children are resiliant, they'll get over it.
It may be possible to continue tutoring through the summer so they can catch up, or if they study twice as hard, it may be possible for them to skip a grade next year. That depends on the school districts policies and they're willingness to continue with studying.

Lucy - posted on 02/08/2013

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As a UK Mum I find the idea that children have to "pass" a school year to move up to the next a bit strange, and I'm not sure how beneficial it would be to a child's self esteem and social development to feel this pressure.

Here in the UK, although there are of course guidelines and goals for what pupils should learn and achieve in each school year, support is put in place to enable all pupils to move up with their age group peers what ever academic level they are at. Teachers are trained to provide work and scaffolding for all pupils from the academically weaker kids to the very able ones, and teaching assistants and team teachers are used within the class to work with groups of children who may be struggling, or those who need stretching. Even children with moderate to severe learning difficulties in main stream schools will move through the year groups with their peers, but often with one to one support within the classroom.

Debbie, does your children's school have any in class interventions for pupils who may be struggling or slightly delayed? I would ask them what they are doing to support the learning of the two who may be kept back, and also ask what you can do with them at home to help them progress. I really feel for you in this situation, I hope you manage to reach a solution with the school.

Brandi - posted on 02/08/2013

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Wow, this is a hard one!! My suggestion would be to sit down with the school leaders and discuss your options. I would want to know how far apart the three were in their academics...in other words...is the one moving on way ahead or just a little. Also, are they holding them back due to social reasons or academic? If there is not a huge gap...then perhaps they can stay together by either getting some extra help and moving on to second...since there is still several weeks between now and end of school. Or if it is social, chances are they may all benefit from an extra year of first grade. However, if the gap is significant, the positive thing would be that the two staying back are together! Being alone would have been harder...but together kids can survive an awful lot!! Later, when others ask...everyone can just joke that the one is just an over-achiever...rather than making it a negative about the other two! I pray that you have peace with whatever you decide and that The Lord will give you wisdom and guidance in the very difficult situation!!

Holly - posted on 02/07/2013

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how well did the one triplet do in school, if he was STRUGGLING to make it through, it might be good to hold him back... but if he was not dtruggling, i would definitely send him on to the next grade. he might end up feeling held back by his brothers and that will definitely create resentment

Debbie - posted on 02/06/2013

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Thanks Sylvia and Karen. Lots to think about. Both boys are in speech and a special "recovery" type program. The school is great and doing everything they can to help both boys improve. They are just concerned that they will still not be where they need to be.

Hindsight - i would have waited to send them to K5 as my gut feeling was telling me to. I realize I made the wrong move then.

Karen - posted on 02/05/2013

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I'm so sorry. I work with triplets in a 1st grade classroom and yes each child develops/learns at their own pace just remember that. I would treat each child as they are separate individuals. Remember that everyone learns things at a different pace, by the time everyone is 10 they can dress themselves but still may have academic problems. Is there any where you can learn/help/instruct the other two along without the pressure - well if 1 can do it why can the 2 of you? Ask the teacher if there if she tutors or knows of a tutor, or if the school has a Extended Learning Opportunity (ELO) program after/before school. As for their self esteem go talk with the guidance counselor at school is my best suggestion. Would you think it best to keep all back even the stronger one for extra assurance he/she can handle 2nd grade? There is nothing wrong with holding a kid back - it hits you personally but it is so much better for your child to not feel like a failure.

Sylvia - posted on 02/05/2013

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Be comfortable with your decision. Also maybe ask the children and see what they think. When mine were in first grade i had one that just hated going to school. This was at the beginning of the year. I found out that she had trouble with putting sentences together. The school had a reading and writing recovery program and she hasnt looked back since. Does your school have anything like that and can they look at helping them. Good luck.

Sylvia - posted on 02/05/2013

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Be comfortable with your decision. Also maybe ask the children and see what they think. When mine were in first grade i had one that just hated going to school. This was at the beginning of the year. I found out that she had trouble with putting sentences together. The school had a reading and writing recovery program and she hasnt looked back since. Does your school have anything like that and can they look at helping them. Good luck.

Debbie - posted on 02/05/2013

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Thanks everyone for your insights. I am so 50/50 on this. I had thought about letting them all repeat 1st grade because they are all young first graders. Their birthday is in July, turning 6 right before the year started. Obviously they were preemies and I'm thinking it may be a good idea to just do 1st grade again to reinforce the building blocks they learned this year. I would have to talk about this with them and try and get a feel over how the one not held back feels. I don't want resentment, that is for certain.
I have thought about home school too. That is still one of my options.

And just to let you know, both boys are fine as far as IQ but both have speech delays, and one has been tested and thought to be dyslexic.

Thanks again, you all have given me a lot to think about.

Sylvia - posted on 02/05/2013

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I am a mother of Twins, and i admit i havent had the problem, but to be fair this really is no different to them going to different freinds places, or one or two of them being invited to a birthday party. That issue i had. My suggestion is find out how far behind they are, is it because the teacher was not able to attend to all his/her class. Are they in different classes, do the the teachers have different perpectives on what passes and what doesnt. Some times keeping them back is not a bad thing, and funnly enough you may be underestimating your children and how they may react. I have done that at times. They will still be close despite two being held down. Just remember on thing. They may have been born on the same day, but that does not mean the they all have the intellect. Treat them as individuals and not as one. I think you will be fine with your decision and dont underestimate your children. As for Beth, maybe she should go back to Ist grade, if just to learn some manners and some compassion.

Donna - posted on 02/05/2013

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Have you thought about homeschooling? This could solve the problem completely.

Dove - posted on 02/05/2013

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Sometimes it is best to hold a child back... especially so that multiples can stay in the same grade. Other times it is best to let the child that is ready continue on. Only you can make the decision that will (hopefully) be the best one for your kids. I know it is an agonizing decision as I had to make the call whether or not to send my 5 year old to first grade or have her repeat another year of K. She was academically and socially ready, but I still worried about it. Thankfully it seems (middle school now) as if I made the right decision. I was worried about THESE years the most.

Melissa - posted on 02/05/2013

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Held my 2rd grader back due to social immaturity. He's a great reader, fantastic at math, totally enjoys science and social studies. Was above benchmarks all last year. And he's not bored nor disruptive nor angry. I think it is all in how you present it. No matter what, you will have made a thoughtful decision. Be confident in that. Only you know your kids well enough to make this decision. Be positive and optimistic and your kids will be too!
Bless you and your little ones.

Melissa - posted on 02/05/2013

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Did you think about retaining the one who will move on? Just because she/he passes doesn't mean you can't request he/she stay in grade with siblings for social and emotional reasons. Just as valid a reason to repeat a grade. Talk to that triplet's teacher to see just how well and on benchmarks he/she is and discuss options with teacher(s).
Ignore Beth!

Dove - posted on 02/05/2013

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Holly, Beth is apparently not here to be helpful at all. I've seen her posting on a few threads with the same demeanor. People are so obnoxious.

OP: I am sorry. Is there anyway they can attend summer school or tutoring in order to catch up? I understand your hesitation at sending one on to second grade while needing to hold back the other two. I do not know how I would handle it, but I wish you well and hope you find the right words at the right time for ALL of your children.

Holly - posted on 02/05/2013

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they may not be reading college literature, but it is not as if they are at college level comprehention either... but they begin reading in kindergarten. they work on understanding the story and they learn spelling and story writing, addition as well as subtraction, they learn about different ways to group numbers, but mostly they are learning CONCEPTS, were as when i was in school it was just numbers, and symbols, now a days they are learning the concept behind the principle. and i REALLY don't think that your judgemental attitude helped this woman any. and your post served no more than to show how insensitive and heartless you are.

Holly - posted on 02/05/2013

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OMG beth, that was not very nice or necessary at all... and no, this is not what 1st grade is all about! kindergarten yes, but 1st grade is NOT about basic reading...

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