Undecided in a verbally and sometimes abusive situation

DeeDee - posted on 06/13/2012 ( 333 moms have responded )

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Okay I have been with my husband for 9 years now. Married for 6. He has custody of his 12 year old and 10 year old boys and we have one child together. A boy whom is 5 years old. My husband has a anger issue. I didn't realize it as a major issue until the past two years. I do know that my husband has tourette syndrome, OCD, Seizures, and bi-polar. He never takes medicines for his conditions so in return, lashes out everyday all day. He has slapped me once, threatened me with a knife and a gun, hit me over the head with a 2 liter bottle of coke while I was holding onto our baby. He threw the phone at me one time because he was ranting about something and I yelled at him to stop (because the kids were sitting right there in the floor watching) and he threw the phone at me and hit my baby on the leg with it...I in return (and I am not proud of my behavior but was furious) threw it back at him and jumped in his face ready to fight because he hurt my child. My husband one time was going to whoop the 10 year old for talking back and when he picked him up to whoop him the child accidentally kicked him in the privates and in return my husband dropped the boy and he fell on his shoulder resulting in a broken collar bone. I carried him to the hospital and told them exactly what happened and I was for sure my husband would pay the price but no cops ever showed up. He is very very verbally abusive to the 10 year old. On a daily basis he puts him down and screams at him and yells at him. My step kids mother has mental issues and is constantly in a mental institution which is why my husband has custody of them. They look at me as their mom since I have basically raised them since they where 2 and 4 years old. Now he is starting to yell at my son whom is 5 years old. He hardly ever yells at the 12 year old.

This has been our life for the past 4 years but really bad the last 2 years. Everyday he comes home from work inspecting the house to see if I cleaned it well enough for him. He then starts on the kids yelling at the 10 year old. But here is the kicker in this situation...70% of the time he is nice. When I tried to leave one time he took my keys from me and begged me not to go and then went and locked himself in my car crying and begging me to stay and he would change. I gave him several chances. Still no change.

He is always saying he's the boss. I work so you do as I say. Just crazy stuff like that. Plus he orders the kids around like maids. It has really gotten to me so I started speaking out to him about the way he acts. And in return he will bring the kids into it and they agree with him because they don't want to get in to trouble. Basically when my husband acts crazy to one of the kids; to make it up to them he goes out and buys them toys, games, etc. And he believes everything is okay again.

My problem is this: I love my step kids like my own child. Leaving is hard because I know if I leave the 10 year old will endure more than he can take. The 10 year old is very close to me. His own mother tried to sell him for $10,000.00 once because she said he looks and acts just like my husband. The 12 year old mainly stays in his bedroom and I believe he would miss me bad too. But I have to protect my own flesh and blood. My son is a miracle baby. He wasn't suppose to be born and three miscarriages later when I had him I was in the hospital the whole time. I am very very protective of my son and I do not allow my husband to whoop him. Because I know my husband can get out of line. I will not leave my baby with his father.

I have family in two states, but I have no job and I am suffering from severe Fibromyalgia and arthritis. So I filed for disability and been turned down twice. Its in federal court now on a appeal. If I win my case I can afford to leave. If I loose again I don't know what to do. I am not afraid of my husband, because I will stand up to him if need be. I am afraid for my son and the 10 year old. I told my aunt what was going on and she told me that I could stay there BUT he will know I am there. Then all hell will break loose because he will blow her phone up and have his parents drive him there to take my son. And if that happens well I guess I would be in prison.

I could stay with my dad but He knows where he lives too and knows his number. He will aggravate him and my dad doesn't deserve that.

I have been saving money behind his back. He doesn't know I been doing that and if he ever finds out then he will be furious. I have 30 bucks now but it took me almost a month to save that without him knowing. Like if I go to the store and something is 9 dollars and I give them a 10. Then I will put that 1 dollar in my special place. If my husband wants his change back then I just give him all the pennies, nickles whatever that is in my wallet to satisfy him.

I have thought about going to a shelter, but here where I live when you go to a shelter you have to file a police report. If I do that then he will be arrested and the other two boys will be put in foster care which is were they do not want to go. I asked them already. Oh and last night the 10 year old was saying he had two aunt Cindy's and of course my husband told him he didn't and a argument started so my husband threw the remote to the tv at the 10 year old and hit him with it in the leg. Then told him he was so F***ing stupid and he was wrong. Just stupid crap like that sets him off. I personally don't get it.

Oh and this one time my mom (which I am not close too and he hates her) wanted to come and get my and my 5 year old and go to Florida for the weekend then bring me back so we could spend time together and try to salvage our mother daughter relationship. My husband got down right ugly about it and said if she showed up he was going to go off the deep end. He went outside and took his razor knife and waited on her. Of course she never showed as usual. But I got so mad. I told him if I ever get to leave by myself I would never come back. And then his mom called just at that time and I answered the phone. She asked me what was wrong because I was crying and I told her. She told him to come to her house. When he got there he tripped out and started yelling at her and she told him if he went over there (our house) and started acting a fool she would put him in jail herself because he was out of control. He stayed gone for hours. When he showed back up and saw my mom didn't come and get us then he was being sympathetic. I know it sounds stupid. But he was. He was hugging me and telling me he was sorry my mom didn't show and that he knew that she has been a bad part of my life for a long time and he apologized for her....It was so confusing but that is how he is. He just explodes for no reason.

Basically its a tough situation....all the way around it is tough. Sorry for it being so long but I did cut it down in size by a couple of years...lol. Any thoughts would be great.

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333 Comments

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Jaime - posted on 06/27/2012

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THIS IS ABUSE. MENTAL AND PHYSICAL.YOUR CHILDREN DEPEND ON YOU TO KEEP THEM SAFE. GET OUT.FIND SOMEWHERE TO GO. YOU ARE ABUSING YOUR KIDS BY LETTING THIS CONTINUE.

Cynthia - posted on 06/27/2012

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You may not be in a position to take this man to a psychiatrist as it is by now, please consider the safety of the kids and yourself and WALK OUT soonest before its too late. Involve the police and the children's court. Your lives are in danger. TAKE CHARGE NOW!
Kindly get back to us and let us know what you have done so far, how you are doing etc
Mama's are concerned about you!

Anuradha - posted on 06/27/2012

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@ Liz - No i don't see any posts from her since the 14th...I am really scared and worried.

DeeDee - Where are you? Did you move out? Are you safe with the kids (All)?

Danielle - posted on 06/27/2012

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i know from experience get the kids out get a restraining order and involve child services you have to think of the kids this affects them worse if you stay you need to protect them what ever it takes and don't ever go back no matter what if he gets help great but they never change and you can't take the risk.

Samantha - posted on 06/26/2012

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You need to get out now and take all those boys with you. If you stay those boys are in danger of becoming just like him of thinking the behaviour is a normal way to brhave.
I'm sure you would be allowed the two eldest children your the only mother they have really known.
Be strong I know its tough to get out from under an abusive situation but you need to protect yourself and the boys get to a shelter and let him get the help he needs before its too late for him.
Good luck I hope everything turns good for you and the kids.

Liz - posted on 06/26/2012

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Ok... has Dee Dee posted at all since the 14th? From the way it sounded, she was really afraid and didn't think she'd live to see the next day. Please tell me that I just missed her post saying she'd already gotten out of there.

Leighanne - posted on 06/26/2012

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you need to call police/ 911 on these incidents- domestic abuse to build a case and a record of the abuse otherwise he will deny it and no-one can really do anything.(here say) he said she said and he will not admit to it. This will give you a foundation to leave from and a record other than just you and the children that know. You The children are suffering.

Kathy - posted on 06/26/2012

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You need to see a lawyer and find a way to insure your husband has medical attention. dept of Social Service has councelers and the Health department. I would be afraid for my children and the older ones are old enough to tell their side of the story. You have had enough in my book. I know it probably does not help to have family you can't talk with. Prayer works ,

Patrice - posted on 06/26/2012

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I agree with the rest of the mother's that you need to get out of that house with all of the children not just your own...May I also suggest that you plan for that as well...Save up your money and hide it somewhere where only you know where it is....pack up you and the children's clothes for atleast a week...if you don't have time or the strength to do that now...then just leave that house with what you have....better you and your children have their lives over a short period of nonviolence...as a survivor of domestic abuse (which is what you are currently a victim of whether you admit it or not), I will tell you right now...the man will never go back to being the one you originally fell in love with no matter how much you argue with him or try to love him back...men like that are selfish and feel that they are entitled to be able to do certain things without consequences...that is why he doesn't want you to leave and he gets angry or sad when you do...I want to also suggest a book that you should read if you can "why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft...this book helped me to understand why I was being abused and why the man does that and what had to happen for the situation to stop and for me to begin to be happy...I strongly suggest you read it...it gave me a lot of answers (don't blame yourself for his behavior)...

Carol - posted on 06/26/2012

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Don't wait! Get out now! Go to the police if you have to with the kids, Krista is right, abusers know, somehow.... BE CAREFUL!!!

Mir - posted on 06/26/2012

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Im with Dove and Shawn! The kids are the one whos going to suffer. Dont wait anymore. You're in a tough situation. I will pray for your family.

Karin - posted on 06/26/2012

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Oh sweetie I can so sympathize with your situation. My husband is bi-polar and when he is not on his medication he is a monster. Under the right treatment and medication they are so much better and calmer, nicer, etc. But you need to take those kids and leave him NOW. He is liable to kill you all. As hard as it is, he will not change unless he receives psychiatric help and medication. There are lots of options out there, but let me tell you this. If you stay with him and someone else gets word of your situation of abuse, etc. and they report it to CPS, the CPS worker can and will take those children away from you unless you leave.

I'll keep you in my prayers. No one deserves to be treated that way. You need to get out.

Juanita - posted on 06/26/2012

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Wow I feel so bad for you. Children especially the 10 yr old he does not deserve that . There are so many parents that wish they could have children and this poor child is getting mentally and physically abused so is your son the only thing is your their protector . My advise to you is see if you. An possibly go and find a way for someone to take the 10 yr old and 12 yr old to a famuly member that u know will love and take care of them because that is a cycle they then will do to their own children. They go to the system they will b seperated an. Lost in the system and god knows what else they will go threw. I will pray for you and your children but please find away out i dont wnt to read ab tout you in the news paprs not you or anyone else shouldgo

Nicole - posted on 06/26/2012

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P.S. Allowing the abuse to go on to the children means you can be in trouble too. Report it!

Nicole - posted on 06/26/2012

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There are other options for you besides leaving. Go an talk to your local child services and tell them that you are worried about leaving because of the welfare of your two step children. You said that he is supposed to be on medication and they can get it court mandated. If he does not take his medication, you can once again report him and he will spend a few nights in jail and all three of the children will still be with you.

Every time he does anything abusive report it! Report it! I know you don't want the two older children to suffer. If you keep reporting it, you may be able to get custody as the mother is unfit and your husband is too.

Yolonda - posted on 06/26/2012

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I know that you love your husband and all "three" of your children but you must protect all of you. You must insist that your husband seek help AND take his MEDS. He has conditions that require meds and without them puts everyone he comes in contact with at risk. The next time he goes of you need to be prepared to leave. Bags in the car, if you are able to do that when he is at work, phone numbers in the phone or if you fear that in the glove department. If need be dial 911 or head to the nearest police department. Try to go back and write down things, try to find the documentation of his diagnosis and then the meds that he is to take. Try to write down all of these things that he is doing. Take all of your children with you, you can then report to the police, you might even talk with someone anonymously about what your recourse might be since you have been these children's mom all these years. I am so sorry that you and your children are suffering. I believe leaving and letting him get help and prove himself for a LONG period of time before even thinking about getting back together is your only choice. It sounds as though you feel you are going to have to go a distance away and that you are not going to be able to tell anyone where you are because of your fear that he will harass them if not downright hurt them. I will be praying for you and your family.
You and your children are in danger and you must get out!!!!

Rebecca - posted on 06/26/2012

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This is too much it is time to leave. However you can. PLease leave. No excuses. He is an abuser.He won't change everyone is nice sometimes. His bad is really bad. Time to go. Pack your bags.Don't look back.Get full custody. Sounds simple. Take the first step. The rest will follow.We are behind you. Sending you encouragement and strength.

Tonye - posted on 06/26/2012

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The only one you should tell at the moment is your father, don't tell the kids mom or even the kids.
When you are ready just pack some stuff and tell the kids you guys are going out. When you get to the shelter they will help you deal with the police issues. I do not think you should tell the police till you are at the shelter.

Gloria - posted on 06/26/2012

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There is always a way out - I speak from experience. And get the other boys away from him too. You would feel responsible if you left and something happened to those boys. Your husband needs help. His behavior will continue and he will continue to apologize afterwards until you take a stand or someone ends up dead. This is just plain called Domestic Violence. The longer you stay in that situation the more likely the boys will grow up and act just like him. Don't be afraid to file a police report - he needs to be stopped!

Sidney - posted on 06/26/2012

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He has been to a doctor. He has medication that he refuses to take. It is his responsibility to take his meds and not to harm his children and wife. I lived with a bi-polar husband and it never got better no matter how hard I tried. Ultimately it is his responsibility. She needs to remove herself until the situation becomes safe.

Parthenia - posted on 06/26/2012

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Wht thank you Shawnn:) You just made my day....You have a beautiful day!

Sidney - posted on 06/26/2012

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I think you know what to do or you wouldn't be writing. The hardest thing I ever did was leave an abusive marriage. I lost my home and all financial security But I gained peace of mind for my children and myself. That has been priceless.

Bottom line.........you need to get help for your step children and get out of that situation. Now.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/26/2012

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Again, Ladies, DeeDee has removed herself from the situation.

Parthenia - posted on 06/26/2012

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You need to get out before it is too late! Call the cops and have him arrested. let them know about his issues and have him evaluated. (psych). they will determine what his issues are and give him the proper help. In the meantime, I cannot see ANYONE taking the children away from you while this is being done. Who told you that they would go to foster care? that will not happen. You will keep them while he is being helped and when he comes back with meds, he will feel a lot better and his attitude should get adjusted. Think ahead! if you love those kids like you say you do, then you will get him help before he takes it too far:)

Debbie - posted on 06/25/2012

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Tell him to get on his meds or you will leave. Report the abuse to child services. You have to do what is right for the kids. It will only get worse.

Linda - posted on 06/25/2012

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You need to get out before your husband really hurts or even kills you or one of the kids! One alternative would be to have him committed to a mental hospital as he sounds like he is dangerous not only to others but to himself. You as his wife could have him committed if you get a psychiatrist to agree. Is your husband under the care of a psychiatrist? I am assuming yes, because he has medications for Bipolar, OCD and seizures. You need to talk to his Dr. or at least get him in for some sort of evaluation because all these meds are important and I am not sure how they interact together when they are working together. They may have a negative effect on each other.My Mother is Bipolar and I know that often people do not take the meds because they either like the Manic high or the meds make them feel lousy. I would go the way of the health care system if possible, but you may need to get the Police involved in order to force him to get treatment and so that your family is safe. There is no way that he should have custody of his kids with the sort of behavior you have described. Considering the fact that you are married, I am sure a judge would grant you custody considering the fact that the biological mom is not involved. I know that you are scared for your life and the life of your kids, but you need to remove yourself and them from this situation however you can. Have you contacted a local church body about your situation? A good church or parachurch ministry can do a lot to help you in the way of counseling and getting you into an improved situation. If you have any friends who are Bible believing Christians they might be able to point you in the right directions. I am in California and we have many local ministries in our area that support women and families in crisis situations. I will be praying for you and your kids that the Lord will protect you and your kids and give you wisdom as to what to do. Also that He will bring people into your life that will throw out the lifeline to you as your are surely in need. Don't believe what he says when he cries and says he is sorry. Abusive spouses will say whatever they need to to keep you in their control. You know this is true because you have a ten year track record with this guy! Remember God loves you and has a good plan for your life. You are loved and so important to your kids. I pray you will have the strength be to do the right thing for your Family!

Nancy - posted on 06/25/2012

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You are in a crazy situation. You are blinded for some reason. Probably because you are abused and have an abuse syndrome.

You must turn him to police.

Barbra - posted on 06/25/2012

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Been there, done that! Don't wait for $, don't wait. Call the hotline someone posted & go now! They do have a 6th sense when it comes to losing control & he is gonna just 'know' you are leaving & that will be dangerous for the rest of you. Take everyone & go. Everything else can be worked out later. I KNOW it's scary but you or one of those babies is going to DIE! He won't stop, he won't change!! If he wanted to he would have the minute he hurt one of you the FIRST time. You have no right to ask those babies to endure One more minute of the abuse. You are supposed to be there for them, not asking them to alter their behavior to make him 'safe' to be around. You are asking them to think & act like adults. As it is it will take years of therapy to get past it. Sorry to sound so callous but like I said I've been there & am seeing the results w/ my adult children & the emotional damage it did to them. Love left that relationship a long time ago-on both sides- whatever the reasons you stay now you'll have to figure out in therapy later. His reasons have to do w/ power & control. Again, visitation, money, living arrangements can be worked out later. Right now you just have to survive! And if you are the only mother those other children have ever known then be their mother & protect them & take them w/ you. Bad enough to lose their home but to be abandoned by you now when the rest of their lives are being turned upside down would be wrong. I'm sure they will be placed w/ you after all this time, especially if their bio parents are unfit!! They need you right now because you are their touchstone. Take all of you out of there this minute!! Things can be replaced, not people. Take my word for it, if you wait or listen to some of these other women who think he just needs his medication adjusted someone is going to wind up in a box. Possibly all of you-- he might just be a family annihilator when he realizes he's lost control. His "& yours" FEELINGS are irrelevant. The safety & well being of those children is what is most important RIGHT NOW! Get out- call the police RIGHT NOW & get out!! DV Survivor-

Terri - posted on 06/25/2012

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you need to take all the children and get out of there! he needs to be medicated or put away before he totally loses it on one of you, he is a time bomb waiting to explode and when he does someone is going to end up dead. as for your disability, you need to get a lawyer to help you if you have been denied 2x already. It took me 5 years to get mine because I did it on my own, after I got a lawyer it sped things up. but anyway trust me from experience in a situation like yours, pack everyone up and get the hell out of there!!

Marissa - posted on 06/25/2012

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Shawn,
I am so glad she got out but saddened the older kids wouldn't leave. Please let her know that she is definitely not alone and prayers are with her and ALL of the children. I even pray for her husband that he receives the help that he needs. I pray for everyone involved.

Thank you for giving the update.
Blessings

Jen - posted on 06/25/2012

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Sorry to hear you are in such a painful and difficult situation.

No question: you need to get out. Now.

Go to a battered women's shelter. They are best suited to help you and your child stay safe and protected. If the older children are temporarily placed in foster care, that's difficult but still in their best interest - state child welfare agencies are trained to look for placement with relatives first and it's possible they could still end up with family.

This will be hard to do, I'm sure, but it's less hard than living with it if something worse happens to your children (any of them) by staying! Please seek professional help!

Alecia - posted on 06/25/2012

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still thinking about you and the boys, Deedee. I pray you are all ok and that everything is going in the right direction for you. i know you didnt take the older boys, but i hope you are looking after them, because they need you whether they know it or not. they do not need to be growing up to be like their father. God Bless you all. hope to hear from/about you again soon!!

Candace - posted on 06/25/2012

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DeeDee,
You are in a difficult situation, get help--talk to the police, family services, a lawyer, someone who can help you out with the legal implications of protecting your step children. Get your biological child out of there ASAP, even if you don't feel like you can leave your older sons yet.
Be brave, I will pray for you.

Donna - posted on 06/25/2012

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I was the child in a similar situation. PLEASE leave!!!!! The kids are scared of the unknown but sounds like anything is better than what they live in now.

Marissa - posted on 06/25/2012

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Hi DeeDee,
There are so many things to say that I don't know where to start. I want to tell you that I have been there. I have been there and I have watched my mother in the past be in the same position as well. It is scary to think of the 'what ifs' when you think about leaving. All of the reasons you listed are what have you in a state of stagnation but you don't have to have money to leave...you don't even have to have it all planned out. When I left my husband I was pregnant and had a 6yr old. I left barefoot, in pajamas and a jacket. No purse, no money just ran. I never looked back or went back to him. That was 16yrs ago.

No, it wasn't easy building my life back but I am grateful to the people who loved me and were just waiting for me to leave. They came forward and assisted me. You probably have more people in your corner than you know. If you called them from that shelter you would have amazing support. Take yourself and your kids and go. Pack a bag of immediate needs and go. The shelter will provide everything else you will need even if you showed up with nothing they would make sure your needs were met. Don't tell him you're gonna leave but when he leaves...you take the kids and you go in the opposite direction. It's okay to be afraid. Do it while you are afraid. Do it because you are afraid.

Don't spend another moment planning, waiting or thinking about what to do. Just do it. Each day you remain your children die a little more inside. It's about getting and keeping them healthy physically, mentally and emotionally. That's should be your focus. To have them living in a state of constant fear isn't healthy and will only cause them to think and believe it is healthy and normal. Even if the other kids went into Foster Care it would be temporary but safe!! ALL of your children deserve better and sweetie so do you!

I pray Gods comfort, strength and protection be upon you. You aren't alone...just know you aren't alone! God Bless!

Priscilla - posted on 06/25/2012

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Call the cops yourself if not, God forbid he's going to kill you or the kids. I was in a situation kind of like yours and cps will take your kid and step kids if you stay with him. It's against the law for him to keep you from leaving. The fact that you let him do this to those kids will get cps involved and you could go to jail also. Protect the kids, yours or not, you would get step kids because you are married and their real mother is unfit. You know what's right do it, it doesn't matter if hes nice 70% of the time, your risking yours and kids lives by staying he's not worth it.

Jennifer - posted on 06/24/2012

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I pray to God the reason you haven't posted is because you're in a shelter with the 3 kids and not because you got caught trying to leave our didn't get out quick enough. I'm afraid and worried for you. Please stay strong if you're safe and know we are ask here praying for you and supporting you in any way we can. Please keep the kids and yourself safe.

Ashley - posted on 06/24/2012

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Leave him immediately. Call safelink 877-785-2020 they have a list of confidential domestic violence shelters that'll help you to get on your own feet. Wait until you are in a safe place to speak where your abuser is not around so you can give as much info as possible. You don't have to file a police report or obtain a restraining order. Call DCF (Department of Children and Families) or whatever it is called in your state, file a report of neglect and abuse on this Man. Those kits deserve to get out of that dysfunctional lifestyle. Your husband is seriously sick with his ailments especially enhancing his controlling nature. This is a highly dangerous situation that is progressively getting worse. SAVE THOSE KIDS!!!

Jennifer - posted on 06/24/2012

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Next time he hurts you or the children FILE CHARGES! The police will allow the Children to stay in the home under your care & you can file for emergency custody. The simple fact that you have been with them & raised them for so long as well as their stepmother, with them having 2 unfit parents, will almost certainly get you custody (though grandparents will be awarded it 1st if they file).

Laura - posted on 06/24/2012

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It's not easy to just leave, I've been through this. But you've got to find the strength.it's just way too dangerous to stay.

Tracy - posted on 06/24/2012

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It is very easy for someone outside to judge and say I can't believe you would stay, but I am married to a man with a terrible temper myself. I have called the cops on him and left him for losing his temper in front of our son, who was 3 at the time. I filed for custody and got a restraining order against him to keep him away from me and my son. I live in SC and the laws here are really messed up. If I didn't file for custody and a restraining order, he could walk in the door and take my son and there would be nothing I could do about it because he is his child. I wasn't going to take that chance. The cop was very nice to me and told me exactly how to handle everything but told me if he ever saw me for a domestic abuse call again that he wouldn't be so nice. It is not as easy or cut and dry as people think it is. We had to go in front of a judge, who ordered us to go to a counselor. The marriage counselor said he couldn't help us and my husband needed to go to anger management. Again, we live in a state with messed up laws and we would have to be legally seperated for 2 years before we can even file for a divorce and even then a judge has the right to either grant it or deny it. I would speak to an attorney and maybe even an officer to come up with a plan on what you want to do. My son is now 9 years old and he has a horrible temper. I notice things come out of his mouth that make me cringe because it sounds just like his dad.

Meaghan - posted on 06/24/2012

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This is crazy! First I would adopt the kids but that should have been done years ago! Then when you had him taken away the kids would be in your custody. Second of all you are not the first woman in an abusive relationship and you have to know that-you need to take care of your self and not give him any more options. Talk to a lawyer(there are free lawyer clinics around). Talk to the kids school counselors or psychologist they might give you some ideas.I agree with everyone else get out and get him some help. Don't take that from anyone!

Jana - posted on 06/24/2012

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Call a safe home and they can answer your questions or point you in the right direction. Or call the police dept and ask them some questions about what you can legally do. But don't try to work it ALL out before you leave. Bottom line is get out before it's too late!!!

Tania - posted on 06/24/2012

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Reading some replies about staying and getting him help boggle my mind. Those women must not know what an abusive relationship is like. My mom married a man when I was about 5 and he became abusive. It only got worse as I got older; he even pointed a gun at me when I was around 15. My mom stayed with him and she is still married to him (27 years now) and he is still abusive. My children are not allowed at her house because of him and she doesn't leave much because he does things like mow down her flower beds when she is gone. So, sadly, she doesn't see my children often. I left the week I graduated high school and have not looked back, but that bastard still affects my life.

I don't know who is worse, the abuser or the mother who lets him abuse her/his children. It's not about you or the love, remorse, sympathy, etc. that you have for him. It's about those children. They do not deserve that life and it WILL have a life-long affect on them. I don't want to sound heartless, however, I just wish someone would have stood up for me as a child. IF he gets help and changes (which is greatly unlikely), you can always go back. Leave now before someone really gets hurt.

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