unsupportive boyfriend

Brooke - posted on 09/23/2009 ( 174 moms have responded )

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i got pregnant before i started dating my current boyfriend... we've been together a while( really close friends= 2yrs boyfriend-5 mos) and hes the best guuy i have ever met. however he doesnt want me to keep the child because it isnt his. i love my baby... and it will have support from its daddy if my boyfriend isnt there for it. I'm torn between keeping my boyfriend or keeping my baby. anyone help?

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Pippa - posted on 09/27/2009

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everyone keeps saying adoption what is adoption in America the in thing???

has anyone thort that she might be able to get her pars to take care of he/she until she is ready or feel's that she is ready to raise this baby?

Pippa - posted on 09/27/2009

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Jessica I strongly agree it take's guts to ask for advice some of which a lot of woman are terrified to do and I'm guessing that's why this site was madeso hold the so to say insults and harsh words and be an adult that is supportive that most (or some of us) of our mothers weren't for us and Brooke if in the end you decide to not keep your baby then allow your self a chance to bond with your baby by getting your pars to take care of it that way your still a part of its life and if you chose to adopt it rember that its FOREVER and the adopting pars may NOT ever tell your baby that he/she is adopted so he/she will die thinking that he/she is there baby there child and he/she may NOT ever want you in there life because you gave them up so please think about it sweetie

Lauren - posted on 09/27/2009

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I don't no how you could even ask the question. Sorry to sound harsh.... but I don't understand how anybody could give up there child for anybody especially a man, whether he is the babys father or not this is still your child a part of you, a new life. You have said you love this child so you only have one option to keep this child. Tell your partner to either accept it or leave you. I no you love him but would you still love him if he made you kill your own child(if you were to have an abortion)....I don't think so

Jo - posted on 09/27/2009

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stop worring bout what that guy wants,he dosent matter,if you still dont know what to do i think u only have 1 option,thats adoption,i dont think ur ready 2 be a mum or even mature enough,your 5 months and still uncertain,i really feel sorry 4 this baby,my fiance is adopted because his biological mum was a selfish bitch who chose her happiness over his and he has never met his real dad,ive had 2 watch him go through so much pain and heartache on birthdays,fathers days and other meaningful occassions,like the birth of our 2 kids.if you cant handle the responsability you should never have sex,its not a game it life,

Tiffany - posted on 09/27/2009

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keep your baby. Men aren't worth it. Kids are amazing honey and you will regret it.

Jessica - posted on 09/27/2009

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Quoting Sharon:

I'm sorry to say it like this but DUH. he didn't sign on for this. Its not his baby. He was your friend then you got yourself knocked up.

And whats with this - one guy or the other will support it? What are you playing at any way? I don't think you need to have kids if you can't stop sleeping with guys in such a carefree manner.

You must be a really good person deep down for your best friend of 2 years & 5 months (omg) to want to be with you even after another guy knocked you up. But do you really think he has to be the sap to support this baby?

Tell them both to take a hike, get a job and not depend on anyone.



OMG sharon dont you think you are being a little rude? this poor girl is asking mothers for advice as shes in a difficult situation and your being really horrible and critical. If shes got the guts to ask for advice id say that is a good thing, she dont need people judging her she just wants advice.



poor girl- maybe she did act irresponsibily but u dont need to judge just be helpful.



i doubt she will be able to find a job now shes having a baby, i couldnt find one.



honey if he was a friend to begin with he obviously isnt any kind of friend or bf now to want you to get rid of the life you created, no matter whose sperm it was??? any kind of bloke who really cares would be supportive as the subject title just doesnt indicate. get rid of him and focus on your child. trust me your thank all these mothers one day when you see your beautiful baby, men come and go a child is for life and can brighten up your most darkest days.



good luck xxx

Susan - posted on 09/27/2009

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This is a really hard one because you have to think of what is best for you and most of all for your baby. If you stay in the relationship and keep the baby the baby will proabably grow up feeling the resentment of the boyfriend. Adoption of the baby is hard I know because I gave up a baby when I was young and it stays with you. I was reunited with her when she turned 18 and we still keep in touch. But also remember if he is not supportive of you and the baby. What else will he not be supportive of if things don't go his way. Be careful when you make your decision because the majority of the time this can not be undone, once it is done. good luck and i will keep you in my prayers

Jean - posted on 09/27/2009

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I will be even more succint than a lot of the other posters.... dump him and move on. You and your child deserve someone better than him, because even if he sticks around how do you know that he won't abuse the baby. This is one of those grown up moments when as a mother you have to do what is right for your baby and yourself (and he is not it).

Jessica - posted on 09/26/2009

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he met you pregnant and he needs to understand that he accepted it then and needs to accept it now. mama guys come and go thats your baby and an unconditional love that words can't explain. a bond that can't be broken and let no man ever go in between you and your baby

Nikki - posted on 09/26/2009

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Unless you genuinely don't want to keep your baby, I'd give the boyfriend the boot. If he's unsupportive about something this important in your life, just imagine what other situations he's not going to support you through. It is not his choice. It is yours. If he refuses to be with you through this, he's not going to be there for other things either. It's a personality flaw. I've been there and trust me, this probably won't be the only problem you are going to have with him. He sounds like a control freak of sorts. Trust me when I say that if he is not behind you on this, he probably will not treat your child well and if you have children with him later in life, it's almost guaranteed that he will not treat your child the same way as his own. That's not fair to your child to be made to feel inferior. If you absolutely must stay with this person, I would consider finding the baby a family where it will be loved and treated properly. I don't mean to sound negative or derrogatory, but you really need to think seriously about what is best for that child now and later in life. Is this guy really more important to you than keeping your baby is? That's all that you really need to decide. Good luck. I will keep you in my prayers.

Nikki - posted on 09/26/2009

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Unless you genuinely don't want to keep your baby, I'd give the boyfriend the boot. If he's unsupportive about something this important in your life, just imagine what other situations he's not going to support you through. It is not his choice. It is yours. If he refuses to be with you through this, he's not going to be there for other things either. It's a personality flaw. I've been there and trust me, this probably won't be the only problem you are going to have with him. He sounds like a control freak of sorts. Trust me when I say that if he is not behind you on this, he probably will not treat your child well and if you have children with him later in life, it's almost guaranteed that he will not treat your child the same way as his own. That's not fair to your child to be made to feel inferior. If you absolutely must stay with this person, I would consider finding the baby a family where it will be loved and treated properly. I don't mean to sound negative or derrogatory, but you really need to think seriously about what is best for that child now and later in life. Is this guy really more important to you than keeping your baby is? That's all that you really need to decide. Good luck. I will keep you in my prayers.

Stevie - posted on 09/26/2009

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For this to even be a question you would ask yourself screams that you are not ready for the commitment of motherhood.

Sheryl - posted on 09/26/2009

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yes, I agree with Angie.....the baby is the centre of your life.....you boyfriend has to deal with that, if he can't, he's not worth keeping!!!

Donna - posted on 09/26/2009

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sory to say it but i know from expereance he dont love u if he cant except the two of u i understand u dont want to hurt him but u do what u what is best for u and ur baby

Katie - posted on 09/26/2009

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Honey. You should not even be thing about this. It is a no brainer. The BABY. Let me ask you this. You say this is the best guy, He aint that damn great if he asked you to give up your baby. Also you say that you have been friends with him for two yrs, how old is your baby? Cause if he is under 2, then he knew about it from the start. Why wait till now to say something??? I don't meen to be mean, but pull your head out your butt and think for a min. If he is like this then what will he be lie if you do marry him??? If you two get prego, will he walk out on you. That is your baby. Your flesh & Blood. How can you just walk away from that. How can your child understand why mommy just gave him up for some guy??? I love my daughter with all my heart & soul. And if my hubby told me him or my baby, I would tell him there is the door and don't let it hit you where the good lord split you. Just think about it befor you do something that is just down right stupid. Sorry if that was mean. But I hope you really think about it.

Katie - posted on 09/26/2009

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Honey. You should not even be thing about this. It is a no brainer. The BABY. Let me ask you this. You say this is the best guy, He aint that damn great if he asked you to give up your baby. Also you say that you have been friends with him for two yrs, how old is your baby? Cause if he is under 2, then he knew about it from the start. Why wait till now to say something??? I don't meen to be mean, but pull your head out your butt and think for a min. If he is like this then what will he be lie if you do marry him??? If you two get prego, will he walk out on you. That is your baby. Your flesh & Blood. How can you just walk away from that. How can your child understand why mommy just gave him up for some guy??? I love my daughter with all my heart & soul. And if my hubby told me him or my baby, I would tell him there is the door and don't let it hit you where the good lord split you. Just think about it befor you do something that is just down right stupid. Sorry if that was mean. But I hope you really think about it.

Jo - posted on 09/26/2009

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if he makes you feel that its either him or the baby id kick hus ass 2 the curb,wat a jerk,no man has the right to tell any women what to do,stand up to him and think about that baby,he aint worth the drama.i have a baby girl and if any man ever put her in that situation i would destroy him,you need to get your priorities straight and atop thinking about what you want and what this baby needs,he or she needs a mum and dad, trust me ive been a single mum and it sux, you cant raise a baby with any 1 but the dad it dosent work ive been there to.sounds like you are a little immature to even have a baby,every child needs a stable home and you dont seem 2 have that, maybe you should adopt the baby out, at least they will have 2 parents in the one house,

Danielle - posted on 09/26/2009

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YOUR BABY!!! It isn't even a question. That boyfriend may not be around a month after the baby, then how will you feel that you gave up a life you created over some asshole who dips out?? You may not be ready for a child if it is a question in your mind.

Carol - posted on 09/26/2009

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If the boyfriend was worth anything he wouldn't ask you to choose. What if you gave up the baby and things didn't work out with him? Would you be able to live with that?

Cynthia - posted on 09/26/2009

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Your baby should always come first especially since this is a somewhat new relationship, he may have been a good friend but there is a big difference from being someones friend and being in a relationship with someone. Not to mention the fact that a baby is a lot of work. If he is making you choose then maybe you guys were better off as friends if that. Think about it as if you were the child would you have wanted your mom to give you up if she had been put in the same situation. The child cant help who his/her father is and shouldnt be punished because some guy comes into your life and doesn't want anything to do with it. I think you should let guys know before you go into a relationship that your a mom now and are therefore a package deal.

User - posted on 09/26/2009

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please think carefully before u act, its your baby!! if your boyfriend cant or wont accept it then show him the road!!! He's not the best guy you have ever met, if that was the case he would be supporting you 100%. keep your baby. this guy is just selfish.He doesnt want you to keep the baby coz its not his?? Its yours!!!!! that should be enough for him if he really loved you!!

Cathy - posted on 09/26/2009

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You cant replace a child, but you can always find another boyfriend, one that will accept you and your child because they love you for who you are and not what you have. Giving up the child could leave you feeling resentful towards the boyfriend for him not wanting you to keep it and that wont help your relationship, which could result in a loss of both.

Katrina - posted on 09/26/2009

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u have to think about it like this... What guarantee do u have that the boyfriend is going to stay forever??? there isnt one... If this guy really cared about u he wouldnt ask u to do that... Keep the baby otherwise u will neva forgive urself

Marie - posted on 09/26/2009

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Thats a no brainer your child is the most important thing in your life. You shouldnt even question what is right. The boyfriend may not even stick around anyway your baby will love you forever. If you let him make that decision for you now then maybe you dont need a baby. If he loved you he would love your child because it is a part of you. I say kick him to the curb darlin you never choose a man over your child they come a dime a dozen.

Bronwyn - posted on 09/26/2009

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Ur in a tough situation. If your boyfriend is not willing to support you and your baby, then maybe you need to question how much he loves you. You know in your heart what is the right thing to do, but your mind will be screaming 'its too hard, it's going to hurt too much'. If it was me, I'd keep the baby and ditch the boyfriend. Maybe you are better as close friends?



I've never been in this situation, so don't really know what to say. But think about this, your baby will be yours forever, your boyfriend can walk away whenever he chooses, he may not be yours forever.



I hope this helps, all the best.

Elaine - posted on 09/26/2009

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WOW ! Doesn't seem like much of a choice to me. I don't want to sound rude, but really think about it. If you love your baby how could you even have this question? If you can give your child a loving home and keep it safe then ....hmmmmm. Maybe you should put your baby up for adoption if you are even considering not keeping it. I hope if you do keep your child it never gets wind of this blog!!

Cristy - posted on 09/26/2009

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Well, it seems everyone is speaking about the baby needs to come 1st in your life. But is that the right choice for you? What about your future? Do you not want to do something with your life? Go to college or trade school? Get a good paying job? Enjoy your young adult life? Where you can take off at a moments notice and enjoy spending time with your friends?

It sounds like you are very young and if you are not in a sound relationship (married or not) how can you take care of this child? If you are young then chances are so is the biological dad, what makes you think he is going to be in a position to pay child support of a sufficient amount to really help support your child? Does he have a job with enough income to pay child support and be able to take care of himself? Do you have the ability to hold down a full time job with full time child care costs? What about the costs associated with raising this child to the age of 18? If you need to count on public assistance or the father for financial support to raise this child, you are choosing a very hard life for yourself and this child. Somewhere down the line there will be regrets if you give up this child that is true. However they will only be YOUR regrets. If you choose to keep this child and give him a life of deprivation will he not also share your regrets?


I have three daughters, my oldest chose to have and keep a child without the father. She did not think things through very carefully and runs off at a moments notice to spend time with whatever boyfriend she has at the time. I love my grandchild dearly, but he would have been better off being adopted out at birth. My second daughter has no children and enjoys the same fun time pursuits as my oldest does. The difference is she has not inflicted her fun and carefree experience onto a child that needs love and stability.

Sometimes you need to look at the best choice for you both. I have come to believe that sometimes choosing to adopt out your child is the most unselfish loving thing you can do for your child.

Firebird - posted on 09/26/2009

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Any man asked me to choose between him and my child and I'd dump him on the spot and probably kick his ass as well. You said you love the baby, well, there's your answer. If this guy wants you to choose then he doesn't care about you and he's not a great guy. He's a slimy scumbag in a great guy's clothing. Tell him that he has to choose: you AND the baby or nothing at all! If you don't want the baby and would rather choose him, then find a good home for it because you aren't ready. There is a good chance that once the baby is born he'll fall in love with it if he already loves you.

[deleted account]

There shouldn't be a choice there... sorry, but there shouldn't. If he can't come to grips with the situation he isn't worth having around.

Sharon - posted on 09/25/2009

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You give up freedom, you give up MASSIVE amounts of sleep, you give up being able to date, you give up getting your nails done and your hair cut in a good salon, you give up hanging with your girlfriends, you give up furthering your education......



It all comes back to you .................. EVENTUALLY. Not in the next couple of years. If you're so busy working a job or two jobs trying to keep the baby in pampers and clothes, you can't further your education much less go out with your girlfriends. Because then you have to pay for your drinks, BABYSITTER and cab ride home.

Rose - posted on 09/25/2009

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I'm torn here. I would normally say KEEP THE BABY!! But if you are already debating between your baby or a new boyfriend then you are probably not ready to be a mom. You might want to consider giving your baby to a family that would really want it and will always put the child first. I know a lot of couples that would die to have a baby. Nothing should come before your baby...not even your own feelings. We all had give up something (like freedom and sleep) that's what being a mom is all about.



There is nothing more important than a mother's love and bond, but it also works the other way where your child might feel like he/she was a mistake and it would hurt them in the long run. Especially if you continue to value your boyfriends before your own child.



I wish you and your child the best of luck!

Cindy - posted on 09/25/2009

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ok. You had sex, didn't use your head, got preggers. Dumped poophead, picked up a bigger poophead (see I didn't swear.)

Now you are going to give birth to a child with out being married or with the biodad. So? New bum buddy doesn't like unborn baby because it's not his. So? Why are you asking a question again? Isn't the answer right infront of you?



DUMP HIS LAZY UNLOVING ASS? You had sex, you made a baby. Raise your BABY. You can get a better partner.

Your baby isn't a PUPPY, you shouldn't just GIVE it away. The moment you give birth, you will not be able to give it away. You are going to look into that baby's eyes and fall in love. Your focus will be in spoiling your baby rotten, and keeping that child happy.



That "Boyfriend" can kiss your ass.

Sharon - posted on 09/25/2009

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Its like a reality show here sometimes. Most votes wins? this one was scary and disappointing.

Dana - posted on 09/25/2009

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Keep ur baby boys come and go and if he cant support u now in this what do you think will happen later. What did the baby ever do. Just my opinion but I dont see it lasting very long if he cant support u wanting to keep it. Did he know u were pregnant before you started dating? If he loves u he wouldnt ask u to choose between him and ur child.

Sarai - posted on 09/25/2009

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Love your baby. not your man. A REAL MAN cares about any baby, rather it be his or not. i have 5 children and only 3 of them are my husbands and he would never ask me to give my children up. no man is worth keeping over your baby. children are a gift from god. keep your gift.

Brooke - posted on 09/25/2009

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yes, this baby does mean everything to me... and thank you everyone:) i needed to hear that.

Chesier - posted on 09/25/2009

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That is your child and yes he knew you were pregnant beforehand. So this should really not be a hard question to answer or one you shouldn't haveeven had to ask. Boyfriends come and go, you may not have another chance to have a child, and then what? You have lost both and you're alone. Just something to think about.

Charlie - posted on 09/25/2009

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Its a little scary that you even have to ask this question , Seriously !!

If that were me in your position i know who i would be keeping around , it would be your baby not some selfish jerk who cant think past his penis .

I really cant see how a guy asking you to choose between him and a baby is the " best guy " but i guess love is blind .

[deleted account]

Quoting pippa:



Quoting Debra:

BABY most definately. You cannot guarantee that the boyfriend will be there for you even if you do give the baby away.
However how old are you????? If you are really young and are not ready for a baby (which sorry to say, the fact that you are asking this question says NO) then maybe you are better off giving the baby up for adoption.
If your boyfriend does love you then he will love this baby too, because he/she is a part of you.





I was 16 when i had my daughter who has given you the right to say that she's too young what gives any of you the right to say this you have no right look into your family history's see how young you families were, then say we are too young man crap like this (above) pisses me off no single sole living or dead has the right to pass judgment Jesus, god and even satin has that right not youwhen you any of you become these peopla then pass judgment upon thee





The point is, when you were 16 and had your daughter, did you come online and ask strangers if you should choose between giving your baby up for adoption or leaving your boyfriend who wants you to give the baby up?  The answer is most likely no.  The fact that she even had to ask that question, shows that she is very immature, and probably not ready for the responsibility of the baby.  Why not give the baby a chance with someone who IS sure they want the baby, rather than keeping it with someone who doesn't know whether they would rather have the baby they will carry in their womb for 9 months, or the boyfriend they've had for 5 months?

[deleted account]

KEEP THE BABY! GUYS COME AND GO BY YOUR CHILD WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU..SORRY HONEY BUT THIS SHOULDNT BE A HARD DECISION TO MAKE UNLESS YOURSELF...BUT NO MAN I MEAN NO MAN IS WORTH IT

Pippa - posted on 09/24/2009

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Quoting Debra:

BABY most definately. You cannot guarantee that the boyfriend will be there for you even if you do give the baby away.
However how old are you????? If you are really young and are not ready for a baby (which sorry to say, the fact that you are asking this question says NO) then maybe you are better off giving the baby up for adoption.
If your boyfriend does love you then he will love this baby too, because he/she is a part of you.


I was 16 when i had my daughter who has given you the right to say that she's too young what gives any of you the right to say this you have no right look into your family history's see how young you families were, then say we are too young man crap like this (above) pisses me off no single sole living or dead has the right to pass judgment Jesus, god and even satin has that right not youwhen you any of you become these peopla then pass judgment upon thee

Lisa Marie - posted on 09/24/2009

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no 1 can answa tha 4 u but in ur heart u no wa has 2 b done. if it was me there wud b no thinking the man wud go but im not u x

Vicki - posted on 09/24/2009

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I don't know your situation, but seriously is this even a question? He might be thinking the baby is a drag, and you can't do things like a new couple should be able to do. You need to kick that guy to the curb and fess up and do what you signed up for when you decided to have a baby. Some days are a struggle, trust me I have had 2 colic children, but never have I ever thought of giving them up. My son screamed day and night for 6 months...not fun. If he can't accept the package deal, then tell him to get lost! Later he might have resentment towards your baby and who knows, behind your back he may abuse your child. He sounds like a loser.

Pippa - posted on 09/24/2009

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Quoting Sarah:

Quoting pippa:

the fact is that up to the end of 5months is when abortion is out of the equation. The fact that Brooke has said she love's her baby then why did she ask her question why i can proberly tell you she want's help and that's why we all will go outta our way's to tell her to keep it and how about this she could be scared but unlike some women Jenn some of us don't have support we need so we ask questions and some people offer there support that some need so by covering all grounds there is support in my words and unless you are Brooke then do not criticise me that I would appreciate thank you


this statement above is philippa k diedrichs aka ME




I don't think we should go out of our way to tell her to keep it. She should probably NOT keep her baby if she even is considering choosing a guy over the baby. This does NOT always mean abortion, the better option that is quite possible is adoption. You have not been criticized, you were simply asked to not take this thread in a random direction. Fact is you really shouldn't be here responding since I am pretty sure this is circle of moms...


who are you to say who belongs here who died and gave you the right??? I wait to see your reply oh and if i'm a male then how the heck do i have 2 kids ask round look on facebook ask round there tell my friends im a male they will laugh at you




"i am a man giving u my 2 cents worth call me max ok?
i have limited knowledge about these things but i will say after 22 weeks the abortion in my eyes becomes dangerous as the high chance of not being able to have kids again is a high chance of never being able again. "


read the rest of it he said bac to pip so before you go and say i dont belong here nor that i'm a male READ THE WHOLE THING!!!!!!


 

[deleted account]

I agree with everyone. This isn't a contest. This is your child! How dare he ask you to give up your child! He doesn't sound like a great (mature) bf to me..

Lisa - posted on 09/24/2009

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That's a no brainer,get rid of the boyfriend.Boyfriends come and go your kids are your blood,your life especially if he does not want anything to do with this child,that tells you right there that he is not ready to settle down.

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