Waking up with the baby.

Samantha - posted on 01/13/2013

My fiancé gets up at around 4am and works 5-1:40. When he gets home he will usually help a little, then go play games or sleep or work out. He will not help me at night. Our son wakes up several times a night even at 7 months and if I ask for help its like asking for a fight. I am a tired mommy who doesn't get to nap between my college classes, keeping house, our wonderful son, and taking care of fiancé. I think he should help at least on weekends but he won't. I had a fever of 104.6 and thought I would die, and when it came to night time, guess who still felt entitled to a full 9 hours of sleep.... And he got a cold the other day and decided he couldn't help all day either and slept all night and thought it would be nice to go to a friends house... I think I need an empathy machine that can help him understand. I'm tired. :(

Sharon - posted on 04/29/2010

Yeah I agree, that's one you guys have to decide. For us, it's me who gets up, always has, and pretty much always will....but I am perfectly happy with that :-) I went back to work 3 days a week when Xander was 11kws old (hubby & I work together in our business), and I would still get up during the night if needed. We would give Xander a dreamfeed at 11pm and hubby would do that so I could go to bed around 9ish and sleep until Xander woke up around 6-7am. Hubby still gives Xander his last feed of the night (around 8pm), and his solids at dinner time, and Mon, Wed & Fri he joins in with bath time, other than that it's all me for the 'daily maintenance' of Xander. But as I said, I LOVE IT that way and would be upset with it any other way. Oh, and on his day off, if I want a nap or something I just let hiim know I'm going to sleep and he looks after everything for me.

Kathy - posted on 04/29/2010

Thats between the two of you, my fiance gets up between 5 & 5:30am for work so during the week I get up, weekends unless its alot he gets up with her. We decided on that before she was even born. Although on really tough nights he'll get up once or twice to help. But I also can sleep in the morning till she wakes up, usually 7:30-8:30am, and can nap if/when she does. But we also alternate who does bedtime with her.

Teresa - posted on 04/29/2010

That's really for you guys to decide. After my girls were 3 months old I only had my husband get up to help if they both woke at the same time since he had to work and I stayed home. I could nap w/ them during the day and he couldn't.



Being a single mom for the past 2 years... I'm the only one available to get up. :)

Jenn - posted on 04/29/2010

I'm the one who always gets up at night because I get to sleep in a bit longer than him (he gets up between 5am and 5:30am for work). Also, I breastfed all my kids, so there was no point in him waking up too just for me to feed them.

Tracy - posted on 04/29/2010

Both times I was on leave with babies I got up in the night with them. It was fair since he had to get up early and go to work, while I would be able to nap with the kids. Once I went back to work, we traded off.

Brandi - posted on 04/29/2010

When my kids were really small, we used to split the night. He would get up with them early in the night so I could sleep and then I would get up the rest of the night. He worked 630-230 and this seemed to work for us. I was off for 10-12 weeks and we always shared getting up with the kids. I don't think it's wrong to expect a little help with the baby.

Lindsey - posted on 04/29/2010

I think its something that you two need to work out together. My boyfriend always got up every single night with the baby, since he worked he wanted any chance he had to bond with our son. If your breastfeeding I dont think its necessary for him to wake up.

Karrie - posted on 04/29/2010

NO!! BOTH SHOULD HAVE TO GET UP! TAKE TURNS. IF THEY ACT LIKE THIS NOW IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE, SO PUT AN END TO IT NOW! IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO KNOCK SOME SENSE IN HIM YOU HAVE A TOUGH DAD, A MEAN UNCLE, & 2 VERY GRUMPY AUNTS :-} LOVE YOU HUNNY!!!

Chelsi - posted on 01/21/2010

That's a decision that you and your boyfriend should make. I am a stay at home mom and my husband works full time. I have never had him get up in the middle of the night w/ our son. In my opinion it's just not fair to him. I can take a nap w/ my lil' man during the day and he can't so I feel it my responsibility. Our son is almost 6 months old now and has been sleeping through the night for about a month and a half so fortunatly I don't have to do the middle of the night/morning feeds anymore.

Sandy - posted on 01/21/2010

I always got up with my children in the middle of the night while I was on maternity leave. It's not about "paid" vs "unpaid," it's about having the option to nap during the day. I had that option and my husband didn't. Once I went back to work, we took turns. Also, he would often get up with them on weekends and let me sleep in.

Stacey - posted on 01/21/2010

If he has to be up early in the morning and you don't, then you should be the one on night duty. If you're getting over-tired, nap during the kids' naptime.

If the baby takes a bottle and you'd like some full nights of sleep, make your stand on those nights when he doesn't have to be up for work the next day. Many fathers find that on those occasions, night duty can be a great bonding moment - the house is quiet, the world is quiet(er), there's less distraction, and it can be like being alone in the world with baby.

Michelle - posted on 01/21/2010

It's a personal decision...my baby at 2mo+ still feeds every 2 hrs day and night by bottle so it is hard to nap during the day. Though my hubby worked, we both got up at night. Both of us were zombies during the day =( Now that baby wakes up 2x at night, I do most of the feedings and he the early morning one before he heads to work.

Carolee - posted on 01/21/2010

It depends on what kind of job he has. My husband can't get up in the night (or go to bed late) if he works the next day because his job is hazardous (he's a butcher... lots of knives, ban saws, grinding machines, 100lb. boxes, etc.). So, when the new baby is born, I won't make him get up at night. But, on the days that he doesn't work, he's told me that he'd take care of the "midnight shift" for me so I can sleep. He already takes care of Corbin (2 1/2 years old) on his days off until I naturally wake up... and he usually brings me breakfast in bed when he can... but that's just the way he is.



If he will not be endangering his or other people's health at work, I think it should be feasable for him to get up with the baby about every other night or so... kind of split it down the middle.

Theresa - posted on 01/21/2010

That's a personal decision. I felt that since I was staying home and could nap if I needed to during the day that i should be the one getting up. Plus I was breast feeding so what was the point of him getting up. There was nothing he could do. On the rare occasion where the baby was sick, or having a really rough night my husband (on his own) would get up and relieve me so that I didn't get too frustrated.

Cinda - posted on 01/21/2010

I would say, yes, you should be the one getting up. On his nights off, I don't see a problem with the BF getting up once or twice, but let him sleep in. There is no reason that the man should work AND get up in the middle of the night with the baby if the woman isn't going to work at the time. Now, if you plan on going back to work, when you start, I suggest taking turns or switching nights. Sometimes, he might surprise you, and volunteer to get up with the baby. Just depends, I guess.

Marissa - posted on 01/21/2010

My husband works 6am-4 monday to friday. He doesn't get up with the baby because it would be pointless because I breastfeed. He's tired as it is so I wouldn't make him get up in the middle of the night just to bring the baby to me. It's totally up to you. My husband has offered to get up with the baby on the weekend if I were to pump a bottle, but I figure it's his time to catch up on sleep. He helps in other ways in the evenings and on weekends, like changing diapers, playing with the baby so I can go have a shower or get things done. Every couple is different. If you are feeling like all the weight is on you then you have every right to ask him for a little help.

Diana - posted on 01/21/2010

That's up to you guys to decide together. My husband helped some with our son at night even when I was off work, because we decided that it was unfair for his duties to stop at home and mine to continue 24/7. However, this is different for all couples.

Maggie - posted on 01/21/2010

my baby would wake up 3 times every night. I would take the first and third times and hubby would take the second. It worked for us but you have to do what works for you.

Amy - posted on 01/21/2010

well, our situation is probably different. but my husband got the baby ALL nite on weekends, but not during the week when he works. mainly because he builds machines adn it's very dangerous for him to do it tired. he could lose limb or life and works 10+ hours a day. i won't even let him wear his wedding ring so it won't get caught and pull him in. so, i wouldn't ask him to do it during the week. he did help when babies were teething and they were up a lot. i didn't have to ask him, he just did it. now that we have two - oldest is 3 and potty training -he'll get up and put her to bed if she wakes up or needs to pee at nite and all i have to worry about is baby boy.

Candice - posted on 01/21/2010

hahaha, the ultimate question. in my opinion ...YES he should. you WORK all day taking care of that kid, so what if he gets PAID for his work and you don't...cuz that's really what it comes down to right? his work is paid and yours isn't. so you should have to work 24 hours UNPAID? and he gets to work 8 hours and get paid? screw that!

my ex (partly FOR THIS REASON) said "what! do you want me to be a zombie???" my answer: "YES!!! because I AM A ZOMBIE TOO! why should it be only me???"

Julie - posted on 01/21/2010

my husband works full time from 5 am until 6 so i get up in the night and deal with the twins he offten very tired from work i cant expect him to then get up and help in the middle of the nigh but that just my way

Anny - posted on 01/21/2010

I'm a stay at home mom to an 18mo who never naps during the day and a 2mo while my husband wakes up around 4:30AM for work and gets home anywhere between four and eight depending on what needs done on his ship. What I normally do is after he gets home from work he'll take our son and take care of him while I nap with the baby. I'm breastfeeding so I have to wake up with her anyways but sometimes he'll wake up in the middle of the night to change diapers and burp her.

Misty - posted on 01/21/2010

This is what worked for us. . . I get home from school late, so when baby gets up in the a.m. and Dad man has to work, that means he has to get up anyways so he gets up with baby. On days I don't go to school I get up with the baby, sometimes it would get frustrating when he wouldn't get up on his "days" but men will be men

Michelle - posted on 01/21/2010

no he should be helping you out your tired too, he should understand that how old is the baby?

Lisamarie - posted on 01/21/2010

I have 2 children ages 3 and 6 months, my husband works full time and I do ALL the night feeds, I do get a lay in on a saturday and he gets one on sunday! :)

Kelli - posted on 01/21/2010

My husband works full time and Im home with the baby. I always do the night shift because I can sleep during the day with the baby. It wouldnt be fair for me to make him do it, I think. I would like on the weekend for him to get up one night. I havent slept the whole night since my son was born. im not sure I could do it!

Krystal - posted on 01/21/2010

my boys dad workd a from 7 till 9 and he still got up to see to the boys we would nomely both get up but when i did not here them he would get up and bolte and change nappies and get them back to sleep and he workd on weekends to so the way he lookd at it the only time he spent with the boys as at night .

Mikayl - posted on 01/21/2010

I am a stay at home mom....my husband also works full time. on the occasion that our toddler wakes up at night. On the days my Hubby has to work I will get up, on days he doesnt have to work He will usually make it to him before I get to him. I think that you should probably ask him to get up on days that he is not going to work. I think that is plenty fair. If you don't want to talk to him about it. Act like you are sleeping through it. He mightget up and take care of the baby or he might wake you up and tell you to go take care of her. if that happens tell him how you feel. Hope it works for you!! Good Luck!!

Melissa - posted on 01/21/2010

Having 4 children and currently nursing one of them, I don't remember my husband ever getting up with them. I look at the midnight feedings as my one on one time with my baby, uninterrupted from anything. I guess, it all depends on how you look at things. Think of it as a positive thing and it won;t bother you so much.

Shelagh - posted on 01/21/2010

I agree with Ashley - when I was breastfeeding, husband would get up, do any changing that was needed, bring him to me, then go back to sleep with a clear conscience, while I fed him and returned him to his cot. It worked for us - but he was working shifts at the time, so a couple of nights a week he was at work, and a couple of days a week he was at home all day, so maybe that made a difference.

Leah - posted on 01/21/2010

Well it is competly up to what works best with the two of you. When my son was born and I was on maternity leave I would always get up with him personally I fealt that even thoe I was getting up with him I also had the opportunity to nap during the day or sleep when the baby was sleeping.Once I went back to work we took turns.

Ashley - posted on 01/21/2010

my husband always got up with my daughter, not 100% of the time, but he understood that its a full time to be a stay at home mom too. i breastfed so he would get up and bring her to me and then bring her back sometimes. its what you guys decide what works for you. good luck!

Brittany - posted on 01/21/2010

my husband has been working the whole time i was on maternity leave...and im still not working (my baby is 7 months). he has only gotten up with the baby 1 time in 7 months...and that was because i woke up but pulled a muscle in my back and was crying it hurt so bad...so he got up and fed him. in my opinion you should get up with the baby if you are not working and your husband is. if you go back to work and you are both working...then you will have to work that out thankfully i dont have to work so i will gladly sacrifice sleep to be able to stay home with my boys! : )

Beck - posted on 01/21/2010

If he was too tired for work, he wouldnt get paid, although if he has days during the week that he doesnt work, then I say its equally his responcibility on those days, because it wont effect the bills. Get a nap with your baby during the day if you are not getting enough sleep through the night. Or make a deal and have hubby cook dinner and you do the midnight wakings.

Savannah - posted on 01/21/2010

Lol, I don't know girl. If you are breastfeeding then he shouldn't have to get up, whats the point right? But if you are bottle feeding taking turns or switching nights would be nice. I breastfeed so this isn't an issue but you could be sure that if I was bottlefeeding my husband STILL wouldn't get up with the baby. You can't get that man out of bed for anything! lol

Sara - posted on 01/21/2010

That's up to you guys to decide. When I was on maternity leave my husband was working full time and I got up with the baby at night. After I went back to work, we took turns...