Was I wrong?

Mary - posted on 09/22/2010

no.

Nykee - posted on 09/22/2010

If you were going door to door or to circumcision protests, I'd agree with your husband - but just having a conversation with friends about it is totally fine. I'd just express that though you feel it's unnecessary, it's not harmful to do it and it's obviously a personal choice. It's ok to disagree with others and remain friends with them.

Rachel - posted on 09/22/2010

I only think its wrong to share your thoughts when you're forcing your feelings and beliefs down others throat. As long as you are respectful you should never worry about speaking your mind.

Lydia - posted on 09/22/2010

If you live in a country where opinions are not censored, and you have freedom of speech, you are not wrong to express your opinion. Circumcision is a choice, in the culture of the American Medical Association it supposedly relates to hygiene, but is also related to religious beliefs, "The rite of circumcision (brit milah) is performed on the eighth day of a boy's life. (There is no parallel practice for girls, and "female circumcision" has nothing to do with Judaism.) The ritual usually takes place in the morning at the family's home." (http://www.religionfacts.com/judaism/cyc...)
However, there is an organization fully committed to educating the public about the fallacy of the "need" for circumcision.
http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org/
Ultimately, it's up to you, since you must speak for your child, but it is worth researching, before you give your Dr. the okay. And your husband needs to read the literature, too. Maybe he'll learn something, and become an advocate himself.
Is the real issue his embarrassment about the topic under discussion?

Deanna - posted on 09/22/2010

there is no medical proof that one way or the other is better for your son. we only got our son circumcised because of tradition (all the men in our families are). it is always better to be honest with your beliefs. if your friends get offended, you should find other friends.

Shae - posted on 09/22/2010

You have every right to voice your opinion, but like Nikki said (maybe others, I didn't read all 143 comments.) forcing it on people is wrong. If you didn't offend her then there is no reason to worry. I know when I first got pregnant lots of people sat down and talked to me about their opinions and I really appreciated it. I didn't appreciate being told straight out to get rid of it. Big difference. Talking options and being told that you only have one is entirely different. You were obviously talking options.

Mary - posted on 09/22/2010

no. itt's not like ur tellingf her what she should and shouldn't do. u were simply voicing how you felt. its an opinion and everyone is entitled to have one.

Casey - posted on 09/22/2010

i dont think its wrong, we should all have our opinions, i love other peoples opinions it def helps with my end choices for my son.... However like you i am againist circ, i didnt have my son circ, i honestly believe its cruel.... but i know alot of mums they did get their boys done....it doesnt seem like you tried to tell the lady that she shouldnt have it done, you just let her know what you thought and gave her something to think about for the future....

Amy - posted on 09/22/2010

I don't thing it's wrong of you. Even if someone has come to a conclusion/opinion based on his/her own research, something they haven't considered or come across may change their mind or solidify their current opinion. Either way, it's worth hearing the thought process behind an opposing opinion, especially if within the context of a discussion on the topic. Unless you are condescending or dismissive of other opinions, I don't see why anyone would be offended by a differing opinion. Some men are funny about discussing sensitive topics or personal things.

Alexandra - posted on 09/22/2010

Absolutely not. EVERYONE is entitled to their opinion, and it doesn't matter if its not the general concensus its your opinion. AS the subject was being discussed you are perfectlly ok to state your opinion on the matter. For the record there is no medical need for circumcision unless the little boy has balanitis or some similar problem. In fact it can cause problems..why mutilate a little boy for no good reason...there is no discussion about wether you should have your little girls prepuce removed!!!!! So no, as long as you aren't expecting everyone to share or convert to your opinion..there is absolutely nothing wrong in sharing it.

Lorra - posted on 09/22/2010

I don't think it's ever wrong to share an opinion as long as you aren't trying to force it on anyone. If other people are sharing theirs, why shouldn't you be able to also share yours.

Jamie - posted on 09/22/2010

Freedom of speech...You have the right to share your opinion. If they don't like your opinion then ok. That doesn't mean you were wrong for sharing your opinion. As Americans we were given that right and we use it every day. I feel you did nothing wrong and you should share your opinion cause its your opinion.

Janice - posted on 09/22/2010

no way...you need to voice what you think as others do too...how else would the undecided weigh the odds and know other sides of the story...there is no right or wrong...it's all personal choice...your husband should never, ever tell you to not to give your opinion...he was the wrong one...don't worry...

Roxanne - posted on 09/22/2010

no sure not like you said everyone has there own opinion, i would off done the same ( giving my opinion) the other woman that may off took offence if she had its probs because she didnt like to be disagreed with xx

Caragh - posted on 09/22/2010

As long as you respect someone who has a different opinion than yours that they may be equally as passionate about. Sharing opinions is fine, that's called conversation ... Its when it becomes argumentative or condescending towards someone who has an opposing idea that it becomes an issue. There is NOTHING worse than a know it all! For instance I am an advocate for natural birth and breast feeding, but I would NEVER tell someone who had chosen to bottle feed or elect to have a caesarean that their decision was the wrong one! We are all parents with differing ideals & techniques, whats right for some, doesnt work for others and everyones ideas are valid, even yours! ps. I am for circumcision, but my husbands culture circumcise boys as a right of passage into manhood (so at the age of 12 or 13), which I'm not so keen on. So I would have happily joined in on your discussion, and held my own, as most women do I think.

Priscilla - posted on 09/22/2010

no not at all...but maybe something like that topic is embarrassing to your husband and he probably doesn't want you to talk about it. Everyone has an opinion, but don't force yours on someone else. Maybe he thought you were forcing your ideas on that other woman, or maybe the husband of that other woman didn't like you forcing your thoughts on her (you didn't mention she was married, I'm just assuming) But no...I don't think your wrong...again so long as you just present your views...but not tell someone else they are wrong for thinking they way they do. Personally, if I had a son, he would be circ. one for religious beliefs...and two because I think its more sanitary and healthier. My husband is so its not a big deal.

Beth - posted on 09/22/2010

I don't think it's ever wrong to put your opinion out there, especially because for some topics, people don't even know there is a choice, or what the other side is saying. Armed with knowledge, they might change their mind. But, keep your mouth shut and nothing ever changes.

Tisha - posted on 09/22/2010

Not if they ask or if it's in conversation. It would be different if they said my son has an appointment to get circumcised and you went in to a whole thing about how its not necessary or wrong. Then I would say you might have overstepped.

Melisa - posted on 09/22/2010

I don't think you were wrong in giving your opinion. It doesn't sound like you were telling her that not circumsizing is the only way to go, it was simply your opinion. You are the one with the children, therefore I would think that the people w/out kiddos would welcome your advise and opinions. I myself believe in circumcision, but I believe that it is the person's choice. I think you did well by your friend by telling her your reasons not to do it. Like you said, it gave her something to think about. It is good that people get the facts on both for and against things, that way they can make an informed decision for themselves. I have 2 children, and I always have people coming to me for advise, especially if they have new babies or are pregnant. There is nothing wrong with giving your opinion. That's why I'm writing a response to you in the first place! Men crack me up. They seem to know everything about motherhood and LOVE to put in their two cents. I had an ex boyfriend who was actually trying to give me breastfeeding pointers when I was pregnant with my son! Good luck to you, and remember, if someone is asking for it, there is nothing wrong with giving your opinion. Have a great day!

Stacy - posted on 09/22/2010

NO! there is nothing wrong with sharing your beliefs, feelings or experiences so long as you are open minded and believe in personal choice. It only becomes a problem for me when someone is forcing their belief down my throat and insisting it's the only choice.

Donna - posted on 09/22/2010

no what is the point of having a opinion if nobody ever knows what it is

Rosie - posted on 09/22/2010

i don't think so. as long as it was done without a holier than thou attitude (which i'm sure you didn't). :) you guys were discussing a topic, it's only natural to give your opinion on it.

Aura - posted on 09/22/2010

@ Effie- I still say that everyone has a right to their own opinion but I have to respond to your post. I don't think it is right to say that I am wrong for not wanting to circ my son. In my research, I have discovered that cases like your husband's are not as common as previous generations were lead to believe. A man is naturally BORN with his foreskin, it was meant for a reason, in my opinion. You wouldn't remove a baby's toes because a few people got infections in them, would you? I agree, some people do have problems with their foreskin, but it's not a majority. Therefore, I will leave it to my son to decide when he is all grown up and can choose for himself.

I respect your opinion, and you have every right to have it, but please do not tell me my opinion is wrong.

Patty - posted on 09/22/2010

No

Dale - posted on 09/22/2010

No, I feel if you are just saying how you feel and you are not judging others if they feel different than you, did nothing wrong. After all if we can't tell friends how we feel on certain things than those are not our friends. We all have oppinions and as long as we are not standing in judgement of others and we are just saying how we feel than, what's wrong with that?

Joy - posted on 09/22/2010

As long as you are voicing your opinion in a respectful manner then of course it's ok! Especially in the setting you described. I think that is what makes us and will continue to keep us a constantly evolving species. The fact that we are able to sit and listen to opinions different than ours and learn from them, maybe sometimes adjust our own opinions, maybe sometimes confirm our opinions. It's when opinions turn into fierce and unapologetic "debate" or argument that it goes too far. When it goes from tolerance and acceptance of the differences in each other to name calling and "mud slinging".....that's where the conversation needs to end.

Effie - posted on 09/22/2010

well, I don't believe you're wrong for sharing your opinion but I do believe you're wrong to not circumcise. I found out the hard way. My Hubby is now 43 and he was never circumcised as a baby. Last December he was having a lot of pain when trying to use the restroom. The more he tried to pull up his foreskin the more he was cutting, bleeding and causing scar tissue to build up. This was an occurance that had been building for the some of his then 42 yrs of life. Well, in Dec. it finally got to the point of where he couldn't go to the bathroom at all. The skin was comletely blocking the hole. He went into the Dr. immidiately and then went for emergency surgery. He could have died from not being able to pee. The amazing part is after all of that our insurance still had it listed as cosmetic and only covered 80% which is better than nothing but it still cost us around 6000.00. He still after all this time has past has to go in every single month for an update and more scar tissue/ foreskin removal as it was so bad the Dr. couldn't get it all. His recovery was that of a major surgery- nearly a month our of work and lots of pain and meds. So, for the sake of your son and his future wife/ family just get it done when it's not a big deal as a baby. We had our son done and the insurance company covered the whole procedure and he was fine within a day or two.

Melanie - posted on 09/22/2010

NOOOOO !

Lisa - posted on 09/22/2010

I do not believe you are wrong.



In any conversation there are always differing opinions, and I think having other peoples ideas helps when you are looking at possibilities.



Different points of view give a person another way to look at things, that another person maybe hadn't thought about before.



To add my opinion:



I also did a bunch of research about circumcision before I had my kids. I looked up medical reports and opinions, talked to other people etc. I also determined that it was not a necessary procedure.



I had an acquaintance mention that if it gets infected it is much worse later in life. But I have also known a few guys my age that were not circumcised.

So I decided to not circumcise my boys (I have two)

Amanda - posted on 09/22/2010

it always ok to voice you opinion as long as you dont force that opinion on others.

Vickie - posted on 09/22/2010

No one owns your opinion before you are married or after. You should be able to speak freely with your friends about anything. But you should think twice before sharing problems between you and your husband because that starts to become gossip and usually spreads. If you are being shut down, that is verbal abuse. Husbands need to be strong leaders but not domineering. They need to lead and communicate gently with love. They should love you enough to let you be who you are and have friends you can discuss things with. He can't be your everything. No one can. Does he really want to hear you discuss hairstyles and shoes? Doubtful. If he is shutting you down in this way, find a good time to discuss personal freedoms and being separate but respected. A marriage needs to be a partnership of two people. The prophet Khalil Gibran one wrote a poem about marriage being two columns in a temple. Both of you hold up one roof. Then he cautioned that a small tree doesn't grow when overshadowed by a large one. He needs to give you room to be who you are and grow as well.

Dee - posted on 09/22/2010

This was obviously a relaxed conversation. It doesn't sound like you were pushing an agenda, just conversing with friends. It sounds like this was the time to discuss you and their opinions. If the discussion had been heated or in some way contentious, then that would have been the time to stop talking. But under these circumstances, I don't see that you did anything wrong.

Angie - posted on 09/22/2010

I think everyone hasopinion but, for me I don't think it is needed. My son wasn't cir and he is have a child at a early age. So, I think they don't need it they are feel the way they were born. If only you knew how they do it to the poor babies. My heart goes to the ones they have it done. Mothers just be glad they are fine and health, thanks

Maya - posted on 09/22/2010

It's seldom wrong to tell people how you feel. We've even codified this belief in the US Constitution. I think as long as you make it clear that "This is purely my opinion, but I think THIS and here's why" you may be helping rather than harming.



After all, you can't make good decisions if your knowledge about something is limited.



I would certainly withhold my opinion if I thought it would hurt someone's feelings and offer no benefit to them or someone else.



Your husband may be suffering from a common male ailment - "guild by association." This assumes on some level (maybe not even consciously) that your opinions reflect on him and might have an impact on his relationships with people. Please don't allow him to control your speech - it's not good for you, for him, for your relationship or for your kids. At least, not in my experience. Kids learn by example, for one thing. If they see their father editing you, they will begin to do it too.

Markita - posted on 09/22/2010

I agree with you, it's good to hear other opinions on topics. Someone may have a personal experience or bring up a point you've never thought of. As long you respect other's right to their own opinion I wouldn't worry too much about offending someone. We're all adults, we all know how to say, "Hey, that offends me and I would like to not talk about it." I think as a society we're too worried about what other people think of us. We need to be more honest with other's and ourselves.

Tamela - posted on 09/22/2010

I think that if we didn't voice our opinions, we would all become a door-mat for the rest of civilization to walk on. That's not healthy for anyone. On the flip side of that, if you do voice your opinions, you will upset someone. The real question is how you handle the upset ones. I have a three year old son, and we did have him circumcised. There is a higher chance of infection, and many other issues for boys who are not. I have seen this several times in my 10 years of teaching daycare. I have seen boys at the ages of 3, 4, or 5 being circumcised because of the problems it can create. However, there are men in the world who are not circumcised, and they are perfectly healthy. It really is a matter of choice for the family. There is no wrong or right answer for the topic. As for voicing your opinions, I am guilty. I tend to talk about my son and his accomplishments and share my opinions with others and sometimes leave behind an upset mother. It is not my intention to upset her, but there will always be one in every group who doesn't like what you say.

Amy - posted on 09/22/2010

No and you should tell your husband that. Opinions are out there everyone has one or two. Women get together and talk about all kinds of things sharing our opinions is what we do. We give each othe things to think about. Usually if we disagree you know it right then. Often the same goes for offending one another. It sounds like you were just sharing ideas with your friends.

Victoria - posted on 09/22/2010

No,especially since this was the topic of the conversation,you have that freedom for a reason,so dont ever let anyone dictate what they think you should or should not say,(no offense to the hubby)so i hope this washelpful,have a good day.

Jennifer - posted on 09/22/2010

A lot of telling you are right going on here. I think you were right also. BUT, I do believe if you do not resolve the issue with your hubby it will lead to worse problems in the long run. You may WANT friends but you NEED your hubby.

Carol - posted on 09/22/2010

why concern yourself with such worry?your opinion is a good thing and well needed among friends thats what keeps us social.

Val - posted on 09/22/2010

Maybe a middle of the road approach would have been better i.e telling them how you felt about circumcision and why , then leaving them to make up their own minds. you may have come over a bit strong on your opinions. and that is why your husband said what he did.. do not stop researching and forming opinions of your own..but only give advice when you are asked for it. that way you will not upset anyone..including your husband.

Casie - posted on 09/22/2010

Not at all, we socalize to receive information outside our beliefs. However, I'm a CNA and in my ten years of doing so, it seems as if men who were not cir. get more infections than those who did. I'm not saying I'm for or against it, that's just been my experience. Yes my son is cir.

Heather - posted on 09/22/2010

No, your not wrong for telling people how you feel. But I wouldn't always tell your husband what you tell everyone else. Mine is like that. If I tell him what I was talking about to someone else, he always has to throw in his 2 cents and tell me if he feels that my opinions were right or wrong, according to him. So I don't tell him anything anymore about my conversations to anyone. It's not worth the hassle or arguments.

Julie - posted on 09/22/2010

I don't think you were wrong. Everybody is entitled to think whatever they want, and say it too.
About this particular issue: I'm Norwegian, and circumcision is very uncommon here. I dont know anyone who is circumcised or who would like to do it to their sons. I think it sounds painful for the little baby and really don't see the point. I've read that it makes the penis less sensitive and thus less sexual pleasure. I understand that most American baby boys get it done? Strange that there are so different customs in USA and Europe.

Vicky - posted on 09/22/2010

No, you weren't wrong in voicing your opinion. I have 2 sons. The oldest was not circumcised, on the advice of my doctor. My dad wasn't either and I was shown how to look after my son's cleaning. as he got older we ran into some problems that the foreskin was not pulling back far enough for proper cleansing. so lo and behold he had to be done at the age of about 8 yrs. So when my second son was born I opted fro the circ. It is a personal preference. If asked for your views on anything you have the right to tell people how you feel.

Jennifer - posted on 09/22/2010

Heck NO!! How many opinions did you hear when you were pregnant? You may have followed some and left some to lie.
Sounds like to me maybe your hubby is felling a little left out and men generally express that in hurtful ways or in ways that make you unsure of yourself. He may have also just have had a bad day.
Keep talking but you may want to check on hubby also. I know it is hard to be and do everything but YOU CAN DO IT.

Jennifer - posted on 09/22/2010

Not if you are respectful, and have the genuine belief that they are interested in your opinion.
Or if they tell you their opinion and then it is open season- like the lawyers on TV say- you opened the door to that topic. Maybe your husband just doesn't like to hear you talking about willies in public.

Tracey - posted on 09/22/2010

No, I don't think you're wrong for expressing your opinion, that is everyone's right!! I also think that everyone has to make the decision that suits them and what they believe in. So, I think you have done the right thing, and giving these other girls advice on your experiences..xx

Mary - posted on 09/22/2010

No, there's nothing wrong with sharing your opinion as long as you're not forcing it on anyone. It sounds to me like you were having a normal conversation. That's what people do, share information and opinions, as long as you're not forcing your ideas on others. Maybe your husband was just uncomfortable with the topic.

Ladine - posted on 09/21/2010

Yes its all so new in the beginning and this is how we learn is hearing what others been thru. .,as you had alot of different opinions brought to you. It is a controversial subject and its bound to have all different affects. ITs a big changing time in both your lifes and its exciting and so miraculous to have a new baby. Im sure when the time comes you both will know then what is best. For now I wouldnt worry about being wrong..as being pregnant the hormones tend to be more emotional and the husband too goes thru changes. I am happy for you both and god bless your lil family!