wat do u do when teenagers want to act grown and unappreciative

Anna - posted on 09/02/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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kids these dayz don't appreciate wat hard working mothers do for them. wat a mother to do?

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Esmeralda - posted on 09/06/2009

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stop giving them things! make them get jobs!



i grew up with 3 siblings and a single mom who at one time worked 3 jobs! and i never ONCE took any meal,piece of clothing,or moment of quality time for granted!

Clare - posted on 09/06/2009

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Be patient, If you have done the ground work they will come around. They can only see the world through their own selfish eyes at this point but one day you will suddenly be appreciated again. My experience is you just have to love who you know they are not what they are right now.

Marge - posted on 09/02/2009

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ALWAYS validate their feelings, but stand firm on your rules and consequences. You never know, it's probably not even you. They think no one understands (including friends). Sometimes if you have a list of problems and consequences. Then they know what you really expect. You have to be consistent though. I had four and they truly turned out fine adults. I hope this helps. alot depends on the age too. Definitly pick your battles or you'll be fighting allllllllll the time. Be a little flexible. I always told my kids if they could convince me by talking (no yelling or cursing from either of us) they could do it. Most of the time I had alot more reasons not to do something than they had to do it.

Heather - posted on 09/02/2009

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Kids are not wine. They don't get better with age if you leave them be. All teens have their issues, true. But if your kids are walking on you, you have failed them. Let there be no mistake about who the boss is. I am old fashioned maybe, but all this love them til they're better stuff doesn't work with anyone. Of course you love them. But that has nothing to do with parents who passivly allow their children to act "grown." They need to learn accountability.

Anna - posted on 09/02/2009

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Relax, Take a Deep Breath and wait for them to get older..........I hear they get better with age! LOL at least I have high hopes for it!

Heather - posted on 09/02/2009

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Quoting anna:

thats good to but i wish i wouldve been in this website when i had them with me but like you see my kids are older already and living in the hood is hard to raise a child alone. the dad was never there to help and the city failed me cause to them they wasnt that badd.



Shoot. I tell you this out of Christian love, not to be mean. They ARE teens. And yet they have moved out? Sounds like someone needs to remember who the mom is in this relationship. If they were my kids (and I have 5, three teens), I would go to where they are, snatch them up and remind them that God has given me a lease on their a$$ until they turn 18. If they won't go on their own, simply say "OK" and then call the police to have your children returned to you. Press charges on the people who are harboring your run aways. If you don't get a handle on this now, you and your kids will live to regret it.

Judy - posted on 09/02/2009

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yup i would just quit doing for them. Let them make thier own food, do their own clothes, vacum thier own rooms do thier own dishes. theyll appreciate it

Amanda - posted on 09/02/2009

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I dont have a teenager but i have a 15 year old brother. When he was disrespectful and unappreciative, my mom told him he had to pay for his cell phone, school clothes, and everything till he learned not to take my parents for granted. It worked...never seen him so respectful. I guess spending his summer mowing yards for money made him change his mind.

Jillian - posted on 09/02/2009

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They really do grow out of it! My middle child is a teen. He drives his older sister crazy... mostly because he reminds her of how she was a few short years ago! I find the following works best...



1. Keep your sense of humour, no matter what. We call our middle child "The Ornament" (behind his back, of course) because he looks pretty but he doesn't actually do much!



2. Do what you did when they were little. Focus on the positive and (unless its life-threatening), ignore the negative. It gives us a giggle to praise him outlandishly for taking the garbage out once a week, when he hardly does anything else! Thing is, it works. Everyone in the family notices that he does things for me when he won't for anyone else. I'm sure its because he feels I appreciate and value what he does do. Having watched what his sister went through, I know that it will become a habit for him to co-operate and help. Teenagers often lack self-certainty and self-esteem. Taking a couple of years to build it up pays handsomely and helps produce a competent adult. (I don't know why they lose confidence at puberty. That's a mystery) So praise and praise lavishly. Watch them preen even when they're only doing a quarter of what your ten year old is doing and trust me, they will eventually lift their game.



3. Take an interest in them and persist in enjoying their company even in the face of apparent disinterest and rejection. It's part of keeping the lines of communication open, which is essential if big issues (like drugs or sex) ever need to be addressed. Teenagers often appear apathetic to your interest in them. Don't be misled. I think they lose the ability to move the muscles of their face in a way that shows that they're pleased to see you! Seriously though, their grunting monosyllables and closed bedroom doors are just a cover-up. Act as if it isn't happening and this stage too, will pass. Smile cheerfully and act dumb as you stride into their bedroom to ask them to accompany you to the movies. Don't be put off if they look at you dully, or even refuse. Just smile and say "I'll take that as a yes! It's a date, then!" They'll think you're stupid but more often than not, they'll come.



4. Be very thick skinned. Act deaf if they nag. Act slightly confused but adamant if they try to logic you out of a position you know is right but they wont accept. They'll think you're stupid, old, out-dated, wrinkled and above all, wrong about everything. Just agree and keep insisting that you're going to pick them up at 9pm anyway while smiling your silly grin. Persist in your dumb ways and they'll find that no matter how much they argue with you, they have to go along with you because you're too stupid to change!



5. Love them no matter what. Kiss them and tickle them like you did when they were two. My guy has a beard, now. The big joke is whether or not his future (as yet unknown) wife will object when her mother-in-law (me) jumps on him in the bed in the morning and tickles him awake.



6. Oh yeah, did I say keep your sense of humour?



7. Personally, I never declare war on teenagers by being overly strict or punitive. Not even to teach them a lesson. In my experience they can wear you down if open war is declared and its not worth the aggravation over trivia. Save war for life and death issues... the ones you really have to win. As I said be gently firm over the important stuff, ignore the rest and when possible, keep it light. A bit like cooking crepes really!



7. Be patient. Some stages only last a few months, others last years. It's perplexing to see the same child, a veritable genius at ten, complete moron at sixteen. I think they have a growth spurt and all the connections in their brain snap apart overnight. Your sensible little prodigy goes to bed at age twelve years and three hundred and sixty four days and wakes up on the morning of their thirteenth birthday like one of Stephen Speilberg's gremlins. It can be pretty profound. Have pity on them and give those torn synapses time to reattach.



8. Don't overeact to anything. They love that. It proves to them that you're irrational and not to be paid attention to. It's okay to be stupid. It's okay for them to be irrational but it's unforgiveable if YOU'RE irrational. Play it as if you are slightly brain damaged but loveable. It brings out the protective irritation in them.



9. Believe it or not, this is all serious advice and works for me.



10. Did I say never lose your sense of humour?

Cindy - posted on 09/02/2009

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yeh my teenage son thinks he no everything ,somebody told me its just a phase they going through ,so how much longer do i have to wait till its over !!!!! very frustrating teenagers

Anna - posted on 09/02/2009

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thats good to but i wish i wouldve been in this website when i had them with me but like you see my kids are older already and living in the hood is hard to raise a child alone. the dad was never there to help and the city failed me cause to them they wasnt that badd.

KRISTY - posted on 09/02/2009

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AS AN ADOLESCENT AND FAMILY COUNSELLOR I CAN LOOK AT THIS QUESTION OBJECTIVELY. IF YOUR TEEN WANTS TO START ACTING GROWN UP THEN IT MAY BE TIME TO ASK HER FOR A MEETING WITH YOU AND DAD TO DISCUSS THE EXPECTATIONS AND RESPONSABILITIES OF SUCH A REQUEST. ADDING QUESTIONS LIKE WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO DO AND DISCUSS EACH INDIVIDUAL TOPIC WITH THEIR PRO'S AND CON'S AND BE WILLING TO REALISE THAT YOUR CHILD IS GROWING UP AND WANTING TO EXPRESS THEIR INDIVIDUALITY. YOU MUST BE WILLING TO BE FLEXIBLE ON SOME ISSUES AND OPEN TO NEGOTIATE THINGS WITH YOUR TEEN,IF THEY WANT TO BE TREATED AS GROWN UP THEN THEY MUST BEHAVE AS GROWN UPS AND ACCEPT CONSEQUENCES OTHERS OPINIONS. AS FOR BEING UNAPPRECIATIVE THIS CAN ALSO BE ADDED IN THE BIG "TALK" ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU WILL CONTINUE TO SHOW HER LOVE AND RESPECT THOUGH SHE IS REQUIRED TO DO THE SAME TO YOU AND OTHERS LIVING IN THE HOUSEHOLD. THIS IS PART OF BEING GROWN UP!! SEE HOW THAT GOES?

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Quit giving them everything except the basics...food, shelter, love.....Make them work for the extras......

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