were are the days that we could afford, woman to stay @ home and take care of the babies

Nadine De - posted on 02/25/2010 ( 163 moms have responded )

21

25

0

to be able to stay home and take care of the babies would be great ...

(except the way it is going now in SA our children will have to get jobs soon too so that we can survive the cost of living.)

not to be negetive but spending 2 and halh hours in traffic everyday, is a killer I really feel that my place should be at home sorting the nest, life is rushed and our children get Quality time by our schedules.. maybe there are some home execs that can change my mind I have someone who comes in and cleans twice a week the rest of the time I anyway have to get everything done before and after work.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

163 Comments

View replies by

Tah - posted on 03/01/2010

7,412

22

358

@Carol...save me a spot in line...Some SAHM can be very judgemental..yet I have had one try to tell me it was me because i suggested a PLAN B...i mean even birth control has it am i wrong for thinking it important.. If you want to stay home, hunt deer and rabbit and can your veggies..I think that is great...I am not being a smart ass..(which i can be)..I really think it is good and works for you..



My mother(the lady in my photo)..raised 10 children...7 of us bilological and 3 of our cousins because my aunt was sick..and i mean from the time they were 2-3 years old until they left college and moved on their own.....she was a sahm for years....and while at home she babysat and was a licensed hairdresser so she did that as well..while my dad..worked at a store..did security and drove a cab while in school for computers. and the seminary.....they did this in a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom home in philadelphia...when the first batch (i'm talking 1year -2years in between each child) was a little older she went to work outside the home.



even though my father finished and started a good job, She has been working for the city of philly for over 25 years...married over 40..and came home cooked, cleaned and made prom dresses, blankets and many other things....I never saw a hair salon until i started working because my mom was our hairdresser. Every Saturday(because church was sunday and you were going)she washed, pressed and curled or braided our hair..in a line....washed and dried our church clothes and we ate breakfast and were out the door on time for service and during the week for school...She walked my brother and I to school in the moring and then caught the trolley downtown to work, she now has 14 grandbabies, from ages 3-22 and she is a role model for all of us...



My mom to me is a superheroe and i might just get her a cape for her b-day on tuesday. She taught me the importance of family and independence. I love her for it...

Candice - posted on 03/01/2010

10

36

0

I've posted once, but I just have a few more things to say... The post requests suggestions from SAHM's on how a family can afford for one parent to stay home. Not meant for a cut throat debate on who is the better mom. And whoever posted this, if you're not serious about wanting to know how to make it possible, then don't shoot down and complain about every suggestion the SAHM's are giving. Women, we are adults so STOP playing the superiority game. We have not walked a mile and anyone else's shoes so stop judging. It doesn't help anyone. That being said I'm going cause an even bigger rucous I believe.....

This subject has always been a very sore subject since women flooded the workforce after World War II. This is going to get serious feedback I'm afraid, but I feel it needs to be said. Honestly, you want to know why we can't afford to stay at home... it began with women staying at work after the men came home from war. As we demanded jobs, wages went down and the competition became greater for men to be able to get jobs. The economy has further strained the workforce as we have transitioned from a conservative nation to one that feels we should have our cake and eat it too. The difference in our parents and grandparent's generations was that they SACRIFICED their needs for the needs of their children while our generation has the tendency to give in to the wants of our children and still get what we want. I am saying MOST of us, not all of us. Those of us who don't, pay for the ones who do with our tax dollar bail outs. And before anyone goes postal on me... think about what your children have... do they have electronics? Do they have name brand? What kind of toys do they have? How often do they get them? (my 2 small childrens' most expensive christmas gifts were $9.00 this year and they never knew the difference) How often do you go on vacation? How often do you get that coffee at the coffe shop, or magazine, or go shopping?



My life views changed when I threw a teenage fit because my mom bought me the wrong brand of volleyball knee pads.... My mom told me that was fine, she'd just go another week without eating lunch so she could afford to buy them for me. My grandmother made nearly all of me and my mom's clothes because we couldn't afford them otherwise. We were only able to have food on the table by what animal was in season and how much garden could be canned. How many of us today have actually sacrificed our necessities for the necessities of our children? As small as we live, I know I haven't.

Before women whine about not being able to keep up with their work and home, I want them to know that my mother did work, and every night we had a made from scratch sit down dinner. The laundry was always done and the house was cleaned every Saturday. All three of us children were in sports and she was at every home game. She still made homeade cinnamon rolls every weekend. Today, she is a working grandmother who still does all of the above with all 5 of her grandchildren (under 5) around her house at least 2 days/evenings a week. If she can do it without complaint or outside help, then anyone can. It's called living life, so suck it up. We forget just how easy we have it with today's ammenities of microwaves, electric stoves, washers, dryers and yes... even diapers.

I have been a working mom, and now I am a stay at home mom... I understand some mothers can not be a good parent being around their children 24-7. It is not easy. I understand that today's economy has taken away the option for many parents to be able to stay at home. Honestly though, if you truly sit down, crunch the numbers and get back to the basics... you find it will become a possibility if that's where you truly think you should be... maybe not in the next week, or even 6 months, but with strict adherence to a budget and serious planning you can find a way to become a stay at home parent if that's what you feel you should do.



I have not walked a mile in anyone else's shoes so I am not judging anyone. I'm just saying that if you feel it is your place to come home... then you can find a way. Cooking from scratch instead of box of any kind, keeping a garden, learning to sew, shopping garage sale, not eating out, and following Dave Ramsey's budget/ debt snowball plan are all ways to make it fiscally possible.

Gardening: loook online for garden plans for urban areas, talk to friends and plant specifics then trade to get an overall variety.



And just so anyone wants to know, I have nursed my children because we couldn't afford the formula, I use cloth diapers because we can't really afford disposables and my children are allergic to disposables, I hang our clothes out to dry, we can from the garden and my husband hunts for meat on the table. A splurge on my grocery list this week was literally two 63 cent boxes of rice a roni spanish rice instead of making it myself as usual. You asked for ideas and I have given them.



Anyone who wants cheap and easy yet healthy recipes to save please feel free to email me at bailin_thyme@yahoo.com.

Candice - posted on 03/01/2010

10

36

0

I've posted once, but I just have a few more things to say... The post requests suggestions from SAHM's on how a family can afford for one parent to stay home. Not meant for a cut throat debate on who is the better mom. And whoever posted this, if you're not serious about wanting to know how to make it possible, then don't shoot down and complain about every suggestion the SAHM's are giving. Women, we are adults so STOP playing the superiority game. We have not walked a mile and anyone else's shoes so stop judging. It doesn't help anyone. That being said I'm going cause an even bigger rucous I believe.....

This subject has always been a very sore subject since women flooded the workforce after World War II. This is going to get serious feedback I'm afraid, but I feel it needs to be said. Honestly, you want to know why we can't afford to stay at home... it began with women staying at work after the men came home from war. As we demanded jobs, wages went down and the competition became greater for men to be able to get jobs. The economy has further strained the workforce as we have transitioned from a conservative nation to one that feels we should have our cake and eat it too. The difference in our parents and grandparent's generations was that they SACRIFICED their needs for the needs of their children while our generation has the tendency to give in to the wants of our children and still get what we want. I am saying MOST of us, not all of us. Those of us who don't, pay for the ones who do with our tax dollar bail outs. And before anyone goes postal on me... think about what your children have... do they have electronics? Do they have name brand? What kind of toys do they have? How often do they get them? (my 2 small childrens' most expensive christmas gifts were $9.00 this year and they never knew the difference) How often do you go on vacation? How often do you get that coffee at the coffe shop, or magazine, or go shopping?



My life views changed when I threw a teenage fit because my mom bought me the wrong brand of volleyball knee pads.... My mom told me that was fine, she'd just go another week without eating lunch so she could afford to buy them for me. My grandmother made nearly all of me and my mom's clothes because we couldn't afford them otherwise. We were only able to have food on the table by what animal was in season and how much garden could be canned. How many of us today have actually sacrificed our necessities for the necessities of our children? As small as we live, I know I haven't.

Before women whine about not being able to keep up with their work and home, I want them to know that my mother did work, and every night we had a made from scratch sit down dinner. The laundry was always done and the house was cleaned every Saturday. All three of us children were in sports and she was at every home game. She still made homeade cinnamon rolls every weekend. Today, she is a working grandmother who still does all of the above with all 5 of her grandchildren (under 5) around her house at least 2 days/evenings a week. If she can do it without complaint or outside help, then anyone can. It's called living life, so suck it up. We forget just how easy we have it with today's ammenities of microwaves, electric stoves, washers, dryers and yes... even diapers.

I have been a working mom, and now I am a stay at home mom... I understand some mothers can not be a good parent being around their children 24-7. It is not easy. I understand that today's economy has taken away the option for many parents to be able to stay at home. Honestly though, if you truly sit down, crunch the numbers and get back to the basics... you find it will become a possibility if that's where you truly think you should be... maybe not in the next week, or even 6 months, but with strict adherence to a budget and serious planning you can find a way to become a stay at home parent if that's what you feel you should do.



I have not walked a mile in anyone else's shoes so I am not judging anyone. I'm just saying that if you feel it is your place to come home... then you can find a way. Cooking from scratch instead of box of any kind, keeping a garden, learning to sew, shopping garage sale, not eating out, and following Dave Ramsey's budget/ debt snowball plan are all ways to make it fiscally possible.

Gardening: loook online for garden plans for urban areas, talk to friends and plant specifics then trade to get an overall variety.



And just so anyone wants to know, I have nursed my children because we couldn't afford the formula, I use cloth diapers because we can't really afford disposables and my children are allergic to disposables, I hang our clothes out to dry, we can from the garden and my husband hunts for meat on the table. A splurge on my grocery list this week was literally two 63 cent boxes of rice a roni spanish rice instead of making it myself as usual. You asked for ideas and I have given them.



Anyone who wants cheap and easy yet healthy recipes to save please feel free to email me at bailin_thyme@yahoo.com.

Johnny - posted on 03/01/2010

8,686

26

318

Well, gosh darn it. All you ladies have shown me the error of my ways. I think I'll call my work this morning and give my notice. After that, I'll let my husband know that he's going to have to find a way to make is pay check stretch and then I'll take my daughter and go get in line at the food bank. Thanks!

User - posted on 03/01/2010

1

2

0

Staying home with my children was the best thing I ever did in my life. And yes, it was hard financially especially since I am a spender and my husband even lost our company. We lived off our savings for 2 1/2 years. We did without so many things. I believe that is the biggest problem is we are socialized to think we have to have so many matarial items, when in fact, we do not.

But since it's hard to live in a bubble, I found alot of "fun times" with joining www.freecycle.org It's like going to garage sales, except it's free. I gave and I received.

If you feel this is something you want...make it happen!

Tah - posted on 03/01/2010

7,412

22

358

I work and go to school and i can't tell you how many times i have been stopped and complimented on how well behaved my children are.....my children's personalities are great..they are being taught independence and self-control along with other things...If my daughter marries her romeo and decides to stay home great...and she can no doubt drop the babies off with me when she needs some time to herself..but i guarantee she will have one of 2 things..somwthing behind her to fall back like degree, cert, etc...or a "anything can happen" account..because that's what i am showing her...

My children have me plenty..i mean we just got back from a trip to nc just they could see it and go to discoovery place..and i ws thankful to have to money to do it because my children love science...just because i choose to work doesn't mean my children run around like rabid dogs because i have taught them how to behave..i had my son at 16..first time i ever had sex....went back to work when he was 4 months..finished high school right after turning 17 and went right to MA school....i wanted to be a nurse, but the colleges i was admitted to(Temple, penn state, etc)..didnt have dorms at that time for me and him...so i took the long way to where i am..i made my decision and you know what..i stepped up to it..My son knew I was raising him and we weren't growing up together...My son (13)..tells me all the time he is proud of me and thanks me for all I do.

That lets me know that he understands this, and appreciates what i do. I make the choice to help financially contribute to their lives as well as contributing in every other way..and this is for those who think because i work my children will somehow be less well behaved, or have some horribly developed personality...I taught my children at home while working also..that may be why he reads on a 10th grade level(7th grader)..and my 8 year old reads on a 4th grade level(2nd grader)..If i thought my children were lacking because i worked, i would stay home...they don't, So I don't have too..we are close but they also understand the importance of having some independence...there is something to be said about it....

User - posted on 03/01/2010

2

0

0

Give your kids your all! The kids are at home for only a very short time, in these early years, their personality is shaped by the time and love we give them. When it comes to kids, short 'qualty' time is a myth.



I shut down by business when my son was born. We moved into a cheep rental house to cope with the pay cut. When he is older he wont remember that his room was painted a ghastly shade of lime, or that he had hand-me-down clothes. When the kids go to school i will get back to work and we can get back our lifestyle (and a much nicer home). it is worth. I love being a stay at home mum.

Debbie - posted on 03/01/2010

4

0

0

I had a baby in 2009 and a year later i am still at home looking after him, i have worked all of my life so i am getting benefits for the 1st time, and why not, why should i go back to work when my child needs me.

If i have to go short for a while i dont care, my child needs me to be with him, not for him to be looking aroud thinking where am i.

[deleted account]

My children and seven and four now. I was lucky enough to be able to stay at home and care for my youngest. Now they're older I have completed one year of a nursing course but had to quit when my childminder suffered a stroke. I have been unable to find another childminder willing to look after my boys now they are of school age and afterschool groups wouldn't be appropriate :( . I'd love to work as a nurse even part time but I can sympathise with mums who have to work.

[deleted account]

Have you looked at vision2learn? They offer online courses and I've done a few. Or perhaps the Open University? The Open University can offer you funding to pay for a certificate, diploma or degree and you can study the materials when it suits you!

Guadalupe (Lupe) - posted on 02/28/2010

2

1

0

I'm with you on this one I wish I could be a stay at home mom too, I ahve 3 kids and with my youngest is the one that I haven't stay home with I had to start working.

Guadalupe (Lupe) - posted on 02/28/2010

2

1

0

I'm with you on this one I wish I could be a stay at home mom too, I ahve 3 kids and with my youngest is the one that I haven't stay home with I had to start working.

Katherine - posted on 02/28/2010

65,420

232

4963

Tah, good points made.


It really comes down to what works for you. I personally think I need to go back to work LOL

Carolann - posted on 02/28/2010

1

5

0

I once was a stay at home mother and at times it was great other times it was pure hell. Some women are better mothers if they aren't home 24-7. But then I'm a grandmother now do I regret staying at home not at the time but then it was when most women did stay home however I did work out of my home I did elderly care for 4 years, talk about the best of the worst. I also helped on the farm driveing tracktors, my husband was doing constrution and did the farming after work and on the weekends. I also put in a garden, made my own bread and canned. I did all this and had 4 children fist 2 18 months apart next 2 13 months apart. So was it fun being a stay at home mom and not have to work? I guess it all depends on what you call work. Whatever your choice make for the not only the best for your family but also for you. And please don't allow anyone to make you feel guilty either way. My daughter works and she is a great mom my daughter-in-law does not she is a good mother also but I can see she needs to be with real adults sometimes so I have encourged her to get out and get a job just partime but she needs a break(my grandsons are hard) she needs to be where she can wear something that doesn't have the marking of kids and where no one is asking for evevryhting or crying(although I have had bosses that acted that way too). So where are the times when women could stay home why there still here it all depends I guess on what you need to get by and what your happy with just take in to account,childcare(I now run one) gas, clothing transportation lunch and how your mate feels. Because it really isn't just up to you, but then what ever is once you marry and have children.

[deleted account]

I am a stay-at-home mom of 3 small ones, and even though it is financially challenging, we found a way to make it work. We started by getting our priorities straight, minimizing our unneccesary spending, and getting on a budget. Dave Ramsey's "Total Money Makeover" book saved us! Even if you can't stay at home with your children, remember to make them a priority and enjoy them whenever you're not working. The housework can always wait!

Tah - posted on 02/28/2010

7,412

22

358

If one more person says that daycare raises your children i am going to have fit....on my military moms post we have this conversation constantly...i say if you wanna stay home fine..if you can afford it..and it's always good to have a plan B..i mean look at the young lady on here who's man left for a woman with a job and won't pay child support...ok..so wouldn't have been nice to have a plan B..she is still looking for a way to stay at home when the truth is..she is gonna need to go to work...
and the bad thing is..i see it almost everyday..if i tell you how many husbands or whatever they are...call, or write, or email home and say hey i don't wanna be with you anymore and bounce you would think i was lying..but i am not...

There are alot of sahm in the military and civilian world as we know..but let me say this...i believe in having something to fall back on...some schooling a savings account something..i have seen alot of women get stiffed by husbands and boyfriends(and really, a BOYFRIEND has no obligation to stay with you while you stay home)..so i would strongly suggest having this.....I know that it is a hard job if it is being done..meaning not just sitting the kids in front of the t.v everyday..really interacting with them.....

i work, as i said my husband is military...could i stay home if i wanted..yep..do i want to..nope....do i love nursing..yep..do i love my children..yep..when i stayed home did i want to bang my head against a wall..yep..wasn't for me...do i love my children any less...ummmm...hell no!!!!!....I am at dance rehearsal and recitals,selling girl scout cookies in the cold outside stores at work and at my college(YES I GO TO SCHOOL TOO SHOOT ME NOW) band concerts, lunches and parent days at daycare etc...WE...meaning myself and my husband RAISE our children, i am yet to see any daycare providers at any xmas concerts, field trips, helping with homework, teaching our culture and way of life, on any family vacations or family trips to museums or zoos(my oldest wants to work with animals)...just because they help watch my child while we work so that they can go to college and a have a roof over their heads that isn't caving in doesn't mean they are raising them..

When my oldest goes to college in 5 years i want to be a NP or so close i can taste it..so when Harvard(lol..but not out of the question)or truthfully North carolina a&t(they have the animal science program he needs) calls, we can write the check..or some of the check..I work so that my children can have what they need when they want it and yes some things they want...and i don't want to have to the store and choose between things we need....forget things we want....

If staying at home is what you want to do then fine..have at it....just realize that in this economy...you will be at a economical disadvantage..and no that is not all that matters but i think it is important because children need their futures planned for...if your married to a hilton or rockafeller...be my guess, but if you are the average family(i know we are)..then staying at home is going to take growing your oen garden..your own jeans...your own shoes(yet to see the seeds for that but...) and every other corner cut you can think of....
I have neighbors who want their wives to work and they refuse to....if he is asking apparently he needs your help..but if it is a mutual decision and affordable..then fine...but please don't look down on us that want to work, love our jobs and our children at the same time.....not equally...but at the same time..

Kate CP - posted on 02/28/2010

8,942

36

754

I just want to say...
To those who think SAHM are crappy moms: to hell with you. We do the best we can with what we have.
To those who think working moms are crappy moms: to hell with you, too. We do the best we can with what we have.

I've been both. I've seen the ups and downs of both. The fact of the matter is there is no right way to parent. There is only the right way FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. What works for me may not work for you. I'm using the general "you" here and I'm not directing this at anyone in particular. So if "you" are up on a high horse because you're a working mom or a SAHM then bugger off and go take care of your family instead of griping about how other moms do it.

I'm cranky.

Katherine - posted on 02/28/2010

65,420

232

4963

There absolutely will NOT be any personal attacks. This is a sensitive issue people have their reasons for each side. Listen with respect and not judgment.

Johnny - posted on 02/28/2010

8,686

26

318

This is all kind of crazy to me. I am defensive, but not for myself. I am very happy with my own situation, and I feel pretty darn lucky to be where I'm at. I feel like I have successfully managed to achieve a healthy work-life balance for my family. But I KNOW THAT NOT EVERYONE IS THE SAME AS ME. Some want to stay home and are able to make it work. Others have major financial issues that require them to work full-time. And some choose to stay in their careers because doing so makes them a better person and therefore a better parent. I am able to see that each family is different, and that DOES NOT hurt or disable kids at all.

I usually only work 2 days per week and when I'm at work my parents take care of my daughter. It is good for her and it's good for them. I think (having been their child) that they are excellent at child rearing and I have no qualms, doubts or other worries about what kind of care, nurturing, learning, stimulation, and guidance my daughter is receiving from them. They absolutely love looking after her, and actually requested to be her caregivers when I went back to work. My dad decided to shut down his business and retire so that he could do this. I didn't even bring it up, they offered first. It costs me nothing, and makes a huge difference in our quality of life.

When I was thinking about ending my mat leave, I considered doing a work from home arrangement and I considered doing in-home daycare to pay the bills. I decided to go back to my job part-time instead. Not because I don't care about my daughter, but because I knew she'd get the best from me if I was not distracted by work at home or other kids running around. And also, the financial rewards of me going back were far greater.

But I know I'm lucky. Really lucky. Most of my friends do not have family in the city, or if they do, their parents are still employed in their own jobs. Many of them have to work full-time, because it is both hard to find part-time daycare and because they need to make enough money to cover both daycare and living expenses. Also, many of them are successful professionals (engineers, doctors & lawyers) who would like to keep their foot in the door in their profession. A few of them, like me, have managed to negotiate part-time work with their employers, but for many, it is either full-time or nothing.

I also have some friends who are single moms. Staying home just is not in the cards for them. Ever. No amount of penny pinching can change that. And I know others who may be in relationships, but neither spouse makes enough to even come close to paying the bills. They are deeply in debt, struggling, and reading any suggestion that they are doing badly by their children is just outright offensive to me. It makes it clear that none of you have really met with true struggles in your current family life. Yeah, sure, you've had to cut some coupons and feed your kids KD. BIG DEAL! How incredibly parochial, small-minded and naive.

This thread makes me feel like I've been parachuted back to the worst parts of the 1970's. Frankly, all the SAHM moms who are condemning working mothers should be ashamed of yourselves. Not everyone can be at home with their kids nor does everyone want to be. That does not in any way mean that they should not have been parents or are not good parents. But if you are infecting your kids with your judgmental and naive attitudes, perhaps you should take a look in the mirror.

But I suspect no matter how many times you hear that it is not possible or pleasurable for every mom to stay home, you'll still continue to believe in your own superiority.
.

Krista - posted on 02/28/2010

12,562

16

842

I know my kids have benefited from me being at home and I don't see how any kid could not benefit from a parent being at home unless they are abusive.


Sigh.

Here's an example of where a kid wouldn't benefit from a parent being at home: when the parents can't afford groceries and are about to lose the house. See...was that so hard?

And I can't speak for the other mothers here, but I'm "hostile" because on this thread, so many women's comments have fallen under the following three rough categories:

1. "You say you can't afford to stay home, but that's just because you're a superficial twit who wants designer clothing (or a piss-poor money manager who has no idea how to make ends meet.)"
2. "If you actually care about the career that you've worked on for the last dozen years, and wish to return to it, then you're selfish and probably should have never had kids."
3. "If you put your child in daycare, your child will be dumb, emotionally stunted, and will not even recognize you as his mother anymore."

THAT is why I am "hostile" -- because there are a lot of women on here who know absolutely nothing about me, my finances, my kid, or my situation, but evidently feel they are better mothers because they are SAHMs, and would very happily judge me for the choices I make, and who somehow believe that they know what is best for my child, better than I do.

It's not defensiveness...it's just plain old-fashioned annoyance.

User - posted on 02/28/2010

2

0

0

I was replying to the original post. It is tough but in many cases one parent can stay at home when all the costs of work and day care are considered. I can't believe how hostile some of you ladies can be. I wasn't judging anyone, I know first hand that no parenting can be the same. I know my kids have benefited from me being at home and I don't see how any kid could not benefit from a parent being at home unless they are abusive. I agree with Candice, lets see if you get slammed by defensive mothers.

Amanda - posted on 02/28/2010

2

22

0

I sincerly (yeah I probably spelled it wrong) appologize if I offended anyone with my post! I wasn't trying to imply you had bad kids, the schools and daycares around here are very over populated and kids dont get the one on one attention they deserve, that's all I ment by it! Again. I'm sorry!! And my kids will not be insuler and insecure they get plenty of time with other children and are very independent! If your going to yell at me for making "assumptions" about your children, then don't make assumptions about mine.

Brooke - posted on 02/28/2010

869

26

41

I am 19. I dont have the past 10 years worth of career training or uni degrees but I do have a 1 yr old, a partner, a mortgage and bills to pay. Like anyone else we have struggles... I don't know what family doesn't! I stayed at home for the first four months before I got that irritated and lonely that my partner told me to go back to work one day a week lol. I love my daughter more than anything but I can not afford to stay at home without bennefits. How bad would that be.. a mother who chooses to do the "right" thing by her children and raise them at home but need financial support.

My partner works full time on a salary of $33000 p.a!! How are we supposed to pay off a mortgage, our car (used), rates, electricity, gas, water, insurance and then when rego comes around.. all that plus food! I work to, I pay for the bills. Brandon pays for the house, car and food.

We have cut corners in every possible way we can think of to have extra money, including the car! except when we got it we had nothing else to think of except paying for it alone. Now we have to pay the rest of it off.

Our one luxury.. the internet! I pay for it.

I work as a carer at a nursing home. I have no qualifications. I didn't even finish high school (not because I am a mother).

So I may be young I may not have as much life experience (I beg to differ) but I am human, a mother, a partner. I want to know how I can become rich? not have worries.. these days it isn't fair... for ANYONE!

Candice - posted on 02/28/2010

10

36

0

In deciding to stay home or not, you must also consider what it costs for you to go to work in the first place. When our second child was born, I did not have the option to go back to work because my boss could no longer afford me. We were flung from a 2 income into a 1 income family with no warning. What Sharon is saying is that where there is a will, there is a way. Way your pros and cons and decide what you are and are not willing to live with or without. When considering how much it costs for you to work you must remember:
Gas
Car repair: the more you drive, the more wear and tear and more maintenance/oil changes.
Do you and your husband brown bag or buy lunch?-Do you buy that extra cup of cofee or donut?
Cost of work clothing/dry cleaning/ washing and drying
Cost of possibly buying food on the way home so you don't have to cook.
Cost of daycare or afterschool arrangements for children until you get home.
Consider how often you stop at the grocery store because you're in town and need something vs one weekly trip with a strict grocery list.

When my husband and I weighed these costs we realized I was coming home with about $30 a week. To me, it wasn't enough to find another job. You can find things to make up for that by babysitting, offering house cleaning or consider going into business for yourself. It all depends on how willing you are to find a way. I suggest looking into the Dave Ramsey budget plans, budget like crazy and pinch every penny towards savings and debt snowball until you can comfortably come home. I currently clean, babysit and am an independent distributor for Reliv nutrition products. I come home with more than when I was actually working. With today's technologies and a little motivation anything is possible.

Johnny - posted on 02/28/2010

8,686

26

318

@ Vicky,

Wow. It is quite impressive how much you know about the original poster and others who have returned to work. I'd love for you to do an analysis of my life and show me how I can stay home full-time, because I would like to. Please let me know.

Krista - posted on 02/28/2010

12,562

16

842

@Vicky:

Are you sure you come out ahead in the end. I know your kids aren't.


Know her kids well, do you? Have you spent time with them, talked to them? Figured out how they're doing? Lived in an alternate reality where their mother DOES stay at home so that you can actually compare how they'd do with her at home, as opposed to how they're doing with her working?

No?

Then pray tell...how on earth would you know whether or not her kids are coming out ahead?

Oh, wait...you were just assuming, weren't you? You were figuring that what works for your family is the Ultimate Perfect Way To Parent™, and thus, any other way of doing things is detrimental to the kids.

Never mind, then.

Kathy - posted on 02/28/2010

32

0

3

@Vicky - not sure which post you are responding to, perhaps the original post; however, not knowing all the situations discussed in this thread, your comment:

"...Are you sure you come out ahead in the end. I know your kids aren't..."

is not true. It is impossible for you to KNOW. oh so judgmental...

I suggest you be careful of that, the old saying, what goes around comes around, comes to my mind.

There is NOT one perfect way to parent. Please keep that in mind.

Melissa - posted on 02/28/2010

1

0

0

I am so very blessed ! I am a stay at home mother of three boys 16 and older now. I also am a foster parent of 4 children. I love to stay at home with the children and am very blessed my husbands income is enough to break even. But yes it is hard to manage sometimes on one income !!

User - posted on 02/28/2010

2

0

0

I don't know how you can afford to go to work. Your gas bill must be huge, then there is the babysitter, clothes for work, housekeeper. Are you sure you come out ahead in the end. I know your kids aren't. I stayed home with my kids until the youngest was 16. I had a small home business which helped and when the kids were small I took in some after school care, I also had an evening job twice a week. There are ways you can stay at home. We didn't have a lot of money, we always went camping in the summer, I was a girl guide leader, my husband was a scout leader. I volunteered in the school. My kids have never been embarrassed by me being around because all their friends new me. When I look back on family pictures I am amazed at how much we did together as a family and the kids didn't even know we didn't have much money. I hope you can work something out because the kids really need a parent and not a babysitter.

Ashley - posted on 02/28/2010

858

17

40

jennifer what are you talking about?? reread my post...i didnt say anywhere there that you were ripping off the system...i said atleast i'm not ripping of the system..me not you.....why would i say you are ripping of the system when i dont even know who you are??...i know lots of stay at home moms that rip off the system..nowhere did i say all do. you know it's rediculous for people to say such harsh things about mothers who work. the sad part is if you are on welfare and stay at home people will look down on you but yet if you dont want to be that mother thats on welfare and go out to work you still get looked down on. it's rediculous......i love what i do and that's that..i shouldnt have to explain myself because i love my job and i shouldnt have to defend myself. my family is happy my children arent monsters because i work..my children dont misbehave in public because i work and my children are smart. daycares can do wonders for some kids. they teach them a lot more than i could ever teach them on my own. when it comes to this subject ppl really need to grow up and realise it's 2010. the economy is shit..prices for everything is high and sometimes both parents need to work. where i live a 2 bdrm apartment is 1000 a month. that's just rent alone..not including food, bills or whatever else we or the kids may need. so yes we both do need to work to get by...

Krista - posted on 02/28/2010

12,562

16

842

One thing I can't seem to cut back on is fruit though, it's expensive, we can not grown our own (except apples and strawberries) and the canned stuff is just junk. So if anyone does have any suggestions....


What zone are you in, Carol? I could do some digging around (no pun intended) and PM you with some suggestions.

Krista - posted on 02/28/2010

12,562

16

842

I just read your other comment, Jennifer:



And just a firther comment I think it's great for those who can have mother or father staying at home raising the children but if that isn't possible then that's unfortunate. It's nice having a parent around, I had my mam home until I was at school and it was great, but if you can't do that it doesn't mean your children are going to be any different from any other child. I'd like to retract my statement that women who love their career too much shouldn't have children. But they should have a healthy balance between their career and child.




Thank you for that. I appreciate it. I agree that everybody needs to find that healthy balance between career and child -- and it really depends on so many factors, that it's impossible to have a "one size fits all" approach to things.



I do have to address this, however:



And also to have someone judge me for having children young and insinuating I have no qualifications is also upsetting. But I know I have made something of myself even if I am 19 years old. I have 10 excellent GCSEs, 4 A-Levels and a diploma in IT so they should also think before they speak!




My apologies if I came across as judging you. That wasn't my intention. I simply meant to point out that because you ARE so young, that you obviously haven't spent a decade or more, post-graduation, establishing your career, working your way up the ladder, and developing your professional reputation. (Not unless you started at age 9, and I think there are still laws about that! LOL!) Hence, I was pointing out that it would be difficult for you to put yourself in the shoes of women who are in their thirties, have over 15 years of post-high school education and work experience, and aren't keen on just walking away from that forever.

Cassey - posted on 02/28/2010

17

3

1

I am able to stay home with my two kids because my husband works very hard to make that happen. When we had our first we discussed if I was going to go back to work or not and we decided it would be better for me to be at home with our kids and I wouldnt trade it for anything.

Holly - posted on 02/28/2010

1

0

0

It all depends on your worldview. Who or what are you living for? Yourself? Your kids? God? The Joneses? Success? Pleasure? Yes, we should have the freedom to choose our path in life and that for our children, but we must ask ourselves WHY we are doing what we are doing. "What is best for our kids" will depend on what we value most. Not everyone will be right on this issue because there can be only ONE truth (unless you believe in Trekky alternate timelines ;) and it may take awhile for you to figure it out. We must be careful too, not to judge harshly because things are not always what they seem. Give each other the time and grace to work it out.

If you believe in God and an ultimate standard of right and wrong, then you will have to live according to this standard.

If you don't believe in God, then there is no real "right and wrong" and you will make up your own standard and live according to that.

Once you have identified which worldview you are looking through, then ask yourself how determined you are and what you are willing to sacrifice for that end.

User - posted on 02/28/2010

2

22

0

I used to live in the city, I spent an hour getting to work. My baby grew up in child care. When he was 3 yo we had lots of tests done on him because he didn't talk. We moved to the country, houses are cheap, we had 2 more children, people are friendly so have a great network of friends to help out. I have a part time job, my husband and I are able to look after the children most of the time ourselves. Best move we ever made, they grow up way to quick - we didn't want to miss out. Its easy to move, you just need to make the decision.

Jayne - posted on 02/28/2010

19

17

2

Wow, not sure I really want to post anything but I do both. I am a family day care mum and I have 3 girls that come to my house 4 days a week for child care. I have 2 sons of my own. I do housy stuff after hours and during child care hours provide lots of activities, routine and fun for all the kids. My eldest son goes to school so he is a part of our daily routine as well. I am an excellent carer and in a home environment. I have a very strict procedure and rules to adhere to. A co-ordinator comes to check on us every 3 weeks as well we go to playgroup once a week. I think I am very lucky and cannot afford to not work. I have really big days of 10+ hours 4 days a week. I love what I am doing. I am 14 weeks pregnant with another baby as well and about to do further study for returning to main stream work one day in future years. When that will be I have no idea at this stage. What ever we all do I think the most important thing is to love, teach and care for our children the best that we can. I live in Far North Queensland Australia.

[deleted account]

Yes Carol, some of my friends had their mam stay at home and others had to be put into daycare but I don't think of them differently for it and they are the same as everyone else! Yes sometimes I am too quickly to jump the gun and make a point but then to be told by someone that I'm a stay at mam who sits on my ass raking off the state is total plop to be honest. And also to have someone judge me for having children young and insinuating I have no qualifications is also upsetting. But I know I have made something of myself even if I am 19 years old. I have 10 excellent GCSEs, 4 A-Levels and a diploma in IT so they should also think before they speak! This is just a silly internet discussion board and I'm actually getting really upset by people being so judgemental...silly I know!

Johnny - posted on 02/27/2010

8,686

26

318

Thank you Jennifer. Hopefully some others on here will read your posts and perhaps think a little bit about what they have been saying.

I agree that it is nice to have a parent around, my mom stayed home with me, and it was great. Most of the kids I knew growing up didn't have that, it has always been very expensive to live here,. For the most part, they are all well-adjusted, successful people. I was always glad (except around the age of 15/16) that my mom was able to be there for me. I consider myself lucky. But not because I wouldn't have turned out just fine if she had been working, but because it is nice to have your mom around cooking lunch and supervising you in your own home. My friends seemed just as happy in daycare though, and none of them were "badly behaved" or "stupid" because of it.

Just a comment on the garden plots, that is a great money saver isn't it! I have found that it has really cut down on our grocery bill since we started our garden. It isn't huge, but I focus on growing the produce that tends to be more expensive here, and canning it for winter. One thing I can't seem to cut back on is fruit though, it's expensive, we can not grown our own (except apples and strawberries) and the canned stuff is just junk. So if anyone does have any suggestions....

Kathy - posted on 02/27/2010

32

0

3

Jennifer, your comment

"...I think it's great for those who can have mother or father staying at home raising the children but if that isn't possible then that's unfortunate..."

is insulting. it is not necessarily "unfortunate".

but i do agree - ALL parents "should have a healthy balance between their career and child" .....SAHM's should have a balanced life (other than their children) too. adult conversation (unlike what is going on in this topic) is good for the sole.

[deleted account]

And just a firther comment I think it's great for those who can have mother or father staying at home raising the children but if that isn't possible then that's unfortunate. It's nice having a parent around, I had my mam home until I was at school and it was great, but if you can't do that it doesn't mean your children are going to be any different from any other child. I'd like to retract my statement that women who love their career too much shouldn't have children. But they should have a healthy balance between their career and child.

[deleted account]

Krista I didn't say just the woman should stay at home I actually said it's important for one parent to stay home whether that's the man or woman. And for your information I have 10 excellent GCSEs, 4 A-Levels and a diploma in IT so stop judging me for not having worked my ass of in education. And as for judging me for having a child young get a life. I'm married, my husband and I have our own place and my husband works full-time so if I'm that much of a waste of space then I dunno how.

Tancow - posted on 02/27/2010

1

0

0

Everyone makes such great points. Me personally I have stayed w/ my 3 kids for almost 7 years now. The choice to do this was mutual. Thank god my husband brings in an income that is almost like that of an average wage of a 2 person income. Growing up my sister and I were latch key kids. We were never able to do any extra curricular activities. I was the oldest and grew up very fast. One good thing is I learned to cook a lot from scratch. I never wanted my kids to have to grow up that way. I am there for everything. They are all involved in various sports. I can volunteer at their schools and go on field trips. I would love to go back to work, but the way I see it, is my kids are small only once and I have the rest of my life to work when they are gone. I know that in this economy it is hard to live on just one income, but if you can, by all means do. If it means cutting back on luxuries (which yes I do) then you should. The way the world is now sometimes children need a parent there all the time. So I guess what I'm saying is whatever your choice it is the right one. Don't feel guilty about working, your kids will still love you no matter what. :)

[deleted account]

Ashley yes I do think women who like their job should give it up when they have children or the man should stay home. And for your information most stay-at-home mams don't "rip off the system". My husband works full-time and we recieve no benefits so as for people situations are different, you've just contradicted yourself by judging me when you dn't know the facts.

Lol - posted on 02/27/2010

51

24

0

Hi Sharon... wish I could have a large garden plot.... but i only have enough room for fresh tomatoes, beans, and herbs. Can't wait for the day we win the Lotto big time and buy acreage (even just 2 acres) where i could have a fruit orchard, and a larger vegie patch. But to sell up where we are and move to a larger (healthier) plot of land would actually 'cost' us too much. I am quite comfortable with my choices... SAHM, studied, was in the workforce for ten years, minimal mortgage (less than $40k) and have a lifestyle we are happy with. :)
And Krista E... THANK YOU for being the one to say about the spelling errors! That is one of my pet hates when people get on their high horses... and then prove they are either uneducated... or getting lazy... by having multiple spelling errors. How the heck are those kids going to survive the workforce? Rely on Spellcheck?

Johnny - posted on 02/27/2010

8,686

26

318

Hmm...

Well, I'm happy to raise an imbecilic, rude, uncooperative heathen as long as I've got lots of nice pairs of Manolos, a big screen LCD Plasma tv, a new Lexus, and the latest Coach handbag. And heaven forbid that my child is seen in public, even without me and behaving like an animal, if she isn't wearing the latest Gymboree ensemble and drinking a Starbucks strawberry creme. I mean, why else would I even bother going to work?

Krista - posted on 02/27/2010

12,562

16

842

But I would not trade it for anything in the world my 3 year old has the inteligence of a 5 year old and if it wernt for me being hear all the time to teach him everything he wants to learn I know that wouldn't be the case, and my children are so well behaved another thing that they wouldn't get in a public situation.




Yeah, comments like this aren't really productive, as you're implying that those of us whose children will need to be in daycare will suffer, both in intelligence and in behaviour. I'm certain that any reputable child-minder or daycare would do a perfectly fine job of teaching children anything that they want to learn. Many of these people have taken extensive courses in early childhood education, so it's a bit insulting to them for you to imply that they'd do such a terrible job.



At the very least, they could teach your child the difference between "hear" and "here".

Sharon - posted on 02/27/2010

11,585

12

1314

So Amanda are you trying to say to that children whose parents work are untrained monsters?

WTF was the point of that little um... we'll be nice and call it a post... little post about? You keep telling yourself your 3 yr old is "special" we'll all agree, >

So daycare and childminders don't do anything positive for children either?

I think you're wrong. I think your kids will grow up insular and ultimately insecure because they've never had a minute to themselves to GROW.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms