What advice would you give to newlyweds?

Gretchen - posted on 08/17/2009

Hi, Live on your husbands income only, put yours in savings.. In doing this you are able to stay home with your baby and other children, when the time comes and there should not be a financial hardship to deal with.



My husband and I did this and it made the transition to staying home after our first child was born soooo much easier.

Olivia - posted on 08/15/2009

never put your head down on a row the longer it goes om the harder it is to sort!

Kathi - posted on 08/14/2009

I'm always reminded of a scene from "Forces of Nature" with Sandra Bullock. She was giving relationship advice to Ben Affleck and she said something like this... "remember when she does something to bug you that there are a thousand little things about you that she overlooks..." not a direct quote, but you get the picture. I often think about it when I am ticked off at my husband and it helps give me perspective.

Tiffany - posted on 08/14/2009

when you first get married you are looking at the person as a whole & looking past the little imperfections they may have. once you're with them for a while you may start to loose that and look past the person as a whole (which may still be fantastic) to focus on the little imperfections. once in a while take a moment to reset your focus back onto the good person they are as a whole because it really isn't THAT big of a deal if they don't always rinse their beard clipping off of the counter.....take those kind of things in stride because there may be little things you could always improve on too:) good luck & don't forget it's as important to listen as it is to share & be honest. you are a team & need to work together.
also, wanted to compliment the other comments i've skimmed past.....they are great and seem to ring the same over all theme.....you've just gotta keep trying & don't give up:)

Chantel - posted on 08/14/2009

Be best friends with your spouse, laugh together as much as possible, and be very picky about what you fight about. When I got married, I told my husband I only had two issues that were worth fighting about - money and how my kids are raised. Once we figured out how to manage our finances together, that one went out the window. Everything else, I blow off and won't argue with him about, so we COMPROMISE. We've only been married 8 years, but so far this has worked for us. Congratulations and best of luck!

Kate CP - posted on 08/14/2009

Oh, I thought of something else: marry your best friend. You will fall in and out of love...so you better enjoy their company when you're not head over heels.

MARIBELLE - posted on 08/14/2009

EVERYTHING CAN BE SETTLED THRU OPEN COMMUNICATION. FINISH FIRST THE FIRST ISSUE BEFORE GOING TO ANOTHER PROBLEM. TRY TO COMMUNICATE AS MATURED PEOPLE. DO NOT BE TOO CRITICAL WITH EACH OTHER AND DO NOT FORGET THE THRILL DURING THE DATING PERIOD

Yvonne - posted on 08/14/2009

I like Danielle Palmer's analogy of two rough stones. Thank You

Anna - posted on 08/14/2009

Definitely make up your mind right now that divorce is NOT an option.If your not a born-again child of God,the first thing to do is ,get saved.Nobody can have as good a marriage as a man and wife in love with each other and the Lord.Pray for your husband,if there's things you'd like to see changed,ask God to change it;because when the Holy Spirit brings conviction to my husband and shows him areas that need change,the Lord changes him.He can't change himself,so naggin won't do any good.Learn to love him the way he is and rest in God to change the things you'd like to see different,remebering that you also have things in your life that need changing.

Terra - posted on 08/14/2009

There is going to be hard times, but that doesn't mean that the grass is greener on the other side. Talk things through, appreciate each other, and always put your family first no matter what. Main thing is always find time for each other.

Keola - posted on 08/14/2009

Communicate open, honestly, and frequently about your needs, wants. Never stop dating/spending quality time together. Always be willing to compromise/Don't practice selfishness. Respect each other. Understand that love is a feeling and can change based on circumstances so always choose to love and remain committed to your marriage.

Yvonne - posted on 08/14/2009

Post a reply! There's a reason why there is a honeymoon period, but It is only a period,.. a time at the onset of your married relationship to prepare you for the rest of your life together. In case you have lived together, don't expect that you are immune to the process that usually affects newlyweds. In fact you're marriage could be more vulnerable because of it. Marriage is NOT the same as living together. Yes, I know I'm probably in the minority camp with this opinion, but my own four year experience of cohabitation with my former husband tells me so. Marriage is a life journey of personal growth and development. If you're normal and emotionally healthy you'll cont.to grow...sometimes in the same direction and sometimes not. Remember that you chose to live your lives together for a reason. Hopefully, you have a strong common base to begin with. That's critical. Both of you are only a portion of who you will become. Stay close. Be faithful. TALK TO EACH OTHER. LISTEN, really. Don't lie to each other. Don't expect the other to fulfill your every need or be able to get it right all the time. If you are marrying your partner with some hope of turning him/her into what you want or hope he'll/she'll be, then think before you take the leap. That's not loving your partner for himself/herself. That's selfish and usually leads to broken hearts and pain.. Be aware when your conscience throws you a reminder. Stay clear of those things (including people) that distract you from your commitment. Don't forget it's WORK. My marriage ended abruptly and without a loud warning, after 30 plus years and grand children, crushing both family and friends. I take advantage whenever I can to encourage newlyweds from my vantage point. Your marriage will be as strong and enduring as you will it to be. It's a wonderful thing.

Jean - posted on 08/14/2009

Communicate!!!! I have been married for 5 years and we barely talk. It feels so hard to really share with my husband because we never really opened up to each other properly. We have a "blended" family and we all just sort of moved in together without setting and ground rules or being on the same page. It is extremely difficult to feel close to him because we are barely on the same page. Usually one doesn't know what the other is doing and that is so hard when trying to care for or discipline kids.We are trying to work on it now so that it doesn't end in disaster, but please since you are brand new, open up and share with each other.

Helen - posted on 08/14/2009

talk about everything - have no secrets

Leesa - posted on 08/14/2009

My advice would be to simply treat each day like it is the first day that you have met your spouse. Many of us forget that there are new, exciting and interesting things that we can learn about each other, if we are just willing to take the time to do so. Also, as a mother of 4, I can tell you that you intimate time becomes very restricted once the children start coming along. Many people mistake the term intimacy for something that requires sex. This is a misnomer, because intimacy is as much creating and sharing just an emotional connection as it is involving the physical. My husband and I have been married for 16 years, and each and every day, our hands are intwined when we are together. The simple act of compassionate touching, whether it is just rubbing his shoulder while he is driving or resting my hand on his leg, shows that I am there and interested in his condition and well-being. My last bit of advice is to remember that the two of you are a unit, and that you have to let go of personal, selfish interests in the quest for harmony and unity. In 16 years, my husband and I have never fought, never argued, and rarely disagree. We chose before we were married to make the promise that we would always hear each other out, and value one another's ideas and opinions. This is not to say that we agree upon everything, because men and women do not always see things from the same angles, but we are both willing to discuss and debate, and resolve our disagreements with the intention of accepting the most positive choice for our family. I wish you all the luck in the world, staying married in today's world is difficult, and the increasing divorce rate just serves to prove that. Make the efforts together, and you will have a much greater chance for success. Lastly, be honest in all that you do. Your spouse can be both your greatest ally and comfort, keeping secrets only serves to drive a wedge between you.

Shawn - posted on 08/14/2009

divorce is not an option, therapy works, try with all your might not to fight in front of the kids or undermine your spouse in front of the kids when it comes to disciplining the them. be affectionate, however, in front of everyone. don't allow each other to clam up and not discuss problems...even if you have to write an email, note (not a text)...going to bed angry w/ one another happens - if you can prevent it than that's great, but allow yourself and your spouse to be angry even for a day and then try to talk about it later...and even if you aren't wrong, sometimes concede defeat (to yourself) and make up however you see fit...men are easy. be what each other wants in a partner and at the same time allow your man to be your man, your woman to be your woman WHATEVER that means in your relationship...do what works. stay healthy and TAKE GOOD CARE of each other...just go with it and do the best you can by each other. GOOD LUCK and ENJOY!

Kim - posted on 08/14/2009

Be patient with the logistics. It made my husband and I crazy just figuring out the day to day stuff for running a household together. The obvious answer for you will not be obvious to him so you have to communicate a lot and listen. Also try not to get pregnant for the first couple of years. Get the basics down before adding little people.

Danielle - posted on 08/14/2009

Just because it's different, doesn't mean it's wrong. This is something my parents told me when I got married and it's stuck with me ever since. We grew up in different homes, with different parents, and different traditions. We live differently- meshing those things is what making a home together is all about. Just because your spouse does things a little different from the way you are used to doesn't make it wrong- try to keep an open mind and you will find sometimes your way isn't the best way.

The other things I like to see marriage as is this: two rough stones rubbing together to become smooth and perfect. You each have faults and flaws and it can be a painful process, but as you rub together you can each become more and more smooth and perfected. Just let go of those flaws- even if it's hard, it's worth letting them go. It gets easier and easier.

:)

Inbar - posted on 08/14/2009

Newlywed or not, the same facts hold true. Respect each other's differences, it's what makes life interesting. Feed off each other's strengths, and use that work on your weaknesses. My husband and I are married fro 11 years and have 2 kids. We've had really great highs, and extremely low lows. But our determination to make the best of things using what brought us together in the first place, got us through. I may not always agree with him, and he with me, but we always seem to find some common ground to work with. Secondly, don't get lost in your marriage. Just because you are married does not meet that you stop living your own life. Keep your friends close...make it a point to hang out with the girls or guys w/o your spouse. You never know, sometimes that friend can get you through things better than anyone else. Plan a date night (especially after kids). If you can't afford a sitter ask a friend to watch your kids, and you watch hers when it's her turn to go out. You must be able to play different roles in your life. Lastly, enjoy the time you have...it goes by fast!

Connie - posted on 08/13/2009

Don't take each other for granted. Say nice things to each other everyday. Don't forget you love each other.

Sandra - posted on 08/13/2009

i don't quite agree with the first year is the hardest. I feel that the TEHTH year was. By then, everyone seems to think they made it over the hurdles. NOT TRUE. . THERE ARE TOUGH TIMES AND YOU NEED TO ALWAYS GIVE 125%. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 37 YEARS NEXT WEEK. WE ALWAYS REMEMBER OUR DATING YEARS AND THEN HOW MUCH THINGS HAVE IMPROVED SINCE THEN. WE DATED FOR 7 YEARS BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED. MY ADVICE IS TO MAKE SURE YOUR SPOUSE IS YOUR FRIEND FIRST ! HANG IN THERE THROUGH ALL THE TOUGH TIMES AS WELL AS THE SMOOTH SAILING. NOW THAT WE ARE OLDER, THERE HEALTH ISSUES, THAT WITHOUT THE DEVOTION TO EACH OTHER, WOULD HAVE DONE A MARRIAGE IN. BUT , IF YOU TRULY LOVE EACH OTHER, THERE IS NO REASON YOU CAN'T WEATHER THOSE TIMES AS WELL ! HAVE FAITH AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE INTO A CONTRACT WITH THE SPOUSE AND GOD !

BOTH ARE IMPORTANT , SO KEEP TRUE TO YOUR VOWS !

Jessica - posted on 08/10/2009

There will be ups and downs. Try to make the best of every situation. Right now my hubby and I have hit a rough spot but we're "trying" to make the most of it

Michelle - posted on 08/10/2009

don't think that just because you have met the one you don't need to work at it....you still do but getting through the tough stuff makes you stronger....stay friends...at the end of the day, no one will stand by you no matter what like a good husband will

Laura - posted on 08/10/2009

Wait before you have kids. Take a year or two to get to know each other and have fun!!! You have the rest of your lives to build a family. Why rush it? But if you have a baby (ies) on the way, then have fun with it. Enjoy the pregnancy and try to stay level headed (mom)

Rebekah - posted on 08/10/2009

Additionally, one of the best pieces of advice a friend gave me during a difficult point in my marriage was this: "You made your own happiness before you were married, what made you think that it's his responsibility now?" It was a good wake up call to not buy the "happily ever after myth" that its all beautiful sunsets and breakfast in bed. Being happy in or out of a relationship is a choice :)

Céline - posted on 08/10/2009

I like to tell my husband " thank you" for helping me do the dishes or cleaning or anything he does for me. It gives him a sense of belonging and worth therefore needed. Men usually have a feeling to be needed so each time he does somehting....even every day things like taking out the trash or just clearing off the table after diner.....a simple thank you makes his day. |To us....it;s the little things that count. The communication is always open and we promissed each other to not hide anything...even if we think it might hurt the other. At times it does but at least we know we can trust each other to say what we feel therefore forging a trust between us that will be hard to break. Kiss each morning before work and each night before bed and always end the day with I LOVE YOU. It works miracles.

I never tried to change him as he would not be the same man i fell in love it otherwise.

Rebekah - posted on 08/10/2009

Take time to enjoy yourselves. Without fun your relationship will wither. Also keep your friendships alive outside your relationship, with guys/girls nights that give you time and space away to appreciate each other as well as to blow off steam.

Stevie - posted on 08/10/2009

um probably the best i can really think about right now that has helped us is to never ever go to bed angry with each other and always find the time to talk even if its just a hello how was your day and then you get back to doing whatever you were and i love having dinner at the table it takes time away from everything its a room strickly for sitting and talking and or relaxing

Jennifer - posted on 08/10/2009

Always be honest to each other. Especially about how you feel. Never hide and keep things bottled up inside. It will eventually catch up to you.

Abbie - posted on 08/10/2009

I would tell them; you better like the person that you married because nothing will change them; espeically you nagging on them to change. Aslo you don't always have to like the other person but you darn well better love them.

Johnny - posted on 08/10/2009

Have as much sex as possible. Even if you're mad at each other, do it anyway. It's way to easy to let the intimacy slowly disappear from a marriage, especially after kids. Getting it on gives you that connection that no one else shares, but you & your spouse. And it's fun and keeps the "happy hormones" flowing. No matter what, there's always time for knocking boots :)

Arwen - posted on 08/10/2009

Never go to bed angry, and the same person can't win the arguments every time.

Say, "I love you," everyday, and remember that the first year of marriage is the hardest.

Don't change after that ring is put on your finger. They need as much respect and love as before you were married.

No nagging! You won't be able to change their habits anyway, and it'll only start a fight.


Not really emotional, but...
You will see a different in your electrical bill if you keep things like microwaves and toasters unplugged when not in use. You normally could use every cent that first year!

--- - posted on 08/10/2009

the most important classic piece of advice ever. never go to bed angry and say at least 1 thing everyday to make your partner smile, even on a bad day.

Michelle - posted on 08/10/2009

Say what you feel and mean what you say! If I am feeling really in love with my hubby I tell him, and I never say things I don't mean! I might think them, but they don't slip out!!

Christine - posted on 08/10/2009

Continue to "date". I have been married 23 years and my husband and I still go on dates. He opens the car door for me and orders for me. I love it, we also try to talk about things that we don't have time for otherwise. Divorce has never been an option for us, we may not always agree and sometimes a few hours away helps to clear the head. Remember it takes two for a marriage.

Leanne - posted on 08/10/2009

Don't let kids come between you and your spouse. You and your spouse need to maintain a positive, loving relationship in order for your kids to receive that love and positivity!

Melissa - posted on 08/10/2009

If Your Having A Fight, Give Your Selves Some Time To Cool Down, Then Calmly Talk About It...

Desa - posted on 08/10/2009

Always make time for each other. Life can get stressful! Don't ever let life get in the way of each other or your family for that matter. Always share what's on your mind. You made a vow to stick together. So cherish each moment and don't look at the bad. Remember the good times will always outweigh the bad. Oh yeah and never hold out on sex. Even if you don't want to do it in the first place! lol

Jennifer - posted on 08/10/2009

Appreciate and communicate!!! Life gets crazy so make time for each other.

Jennifer - posted on 08/10/2009

Appreciate and communicate!!! Life gets crazy so make time for each other.

Candice - posted on 08/10/2009

the best advice i ever heard was from an old couple who had been married since like highschool. they said "never fall out of love at the same time". lol

Robin - posted on 08/10/2009

no go to sleep without resolving an argument!

Jodi - posted on 08/10/2009

Learn to compromise, fight fair (and only when you are calm), respect one anothers opinions even if they differ, support one another through the bad times - be a team, trust each other and don't do anything to lose that trust (not just talking about cheating, it includes personal comments, and being able to confide in one another without judgement,etc).



I could make a list a mile long, but in addition to loving one another (and expressing that every single day) and maintaining intimacy, these are the things that work for my marriage. We rarely fight, we discuss issues. There are probably raised voices in our house once a year at worst, and they stop pretty quickly because one or the other of us takes time out so we can discuss it rather than fight about it.l

Kate CP - posted on 08/10/2009

What I tell all my friends who are newly married: If you're fighting about money, the chances are the real problem probably isn't money. Get to the heart of the real issue.

Angie - posted on 08/10/2009

Don't allow divorce to be an option in your marriage. As Kayliecia said, you made a vow to be married - keep that vow. There will be ups and downs but after 20 years of marriage, I can say that the good FAR outweighs the bad.

Betty - posted on 08/10/2009

To respect each others habits. I think it's awful when couples try to 'fix' eachother or tell eachother who they can be friends with.

Also, treat eachother like you would a boy friend of girl friend. Go on dates, kiss eachother everyday, always say I love you when ending a phone conversation, that sort of thing.

Kayliecia - posted on 08/10/2009

I would have to tell them that, you will have hard times, you will have breakdowns but you just gotta get right back up, and stick to your partner..you made a vow to love and stand by them..and you need to do so.