What age to try for #2?

Coty - posted on 08/25/2011 ( 200 moms have responded )

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What is a good age (of your first child) to start trying for the second? Will having another baby help my daughter have more to focus on besides misbehaving? Yes, I understand that it will not make her behave, but will it help occupy her since she is the only child right now? Any opinions appreciated :))

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Patricia - posted on 08/29/2011

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When I studied this with the same question, 3 years separation was recommended so that the older one has already begun to establish her own identity.

Michelle - posted on 08/29/2011

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I think it is a good time to have your second one now. I have mine almost 2 years apart. Like Monigue said pros and cons. Right now in the beinning it is a lot of work and you have to make sure you give the oldest child attention too. You need to keep them on there schedule and put the baby the same schedule. I was lucky that my oldest loves his brother and doesn't seem to be to jealous of the baby. I give them both attention one on one time for both.

Stephanie - posted on 08/29/2011

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My girls are 2.5 years apart. If I had it to do over I would've had our second daughter sooner. My neighbor had her boys 17 months apart and while she admits the 1st year was harder, she says she's more than reaped the benefits of it now that they can play together for hours and like to do the same things, etc. My older daughter wants to play with her baby sister NOW and it's hard to know she'll have to wait about another year before she'll be able to play with her. I've read that it's not the best for the kids to have them more than 4-5 years apart because then they feel like only children and don't have as many opportunities to learn how to get along/share etc. Speaking from experience, if they're always in a different age group it'll be hard for them to be close friends until they're both adults.

Kitty - posted on 08/29/2011

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well for me it was a long 8 yrs i waited to long usually it supposed to be within 2 yrs give ur body time to heal and then try again some get preg within months after1 is born lol

Carmel - posted on 08/29/2011

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Around 3 years unless you're getting on in years, in which case you wouldn't want to wait much longer. But please don't have another child just to make the first one behave - it will make matters worse. Better to find out why she is acting up and try and sort the matter out before adding another child (and responsibility) to the mix. It's a bit like when some people think about having another baby to save a relationship. It's better to sort out the problems first.

Cecilia - posted on 08/29/2011

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do NOT have a second child to 'help' your daughter!! my opinion is, if you have a 'needy' or high maintenance 1st, a second too close will only exacerbate the problem. But it's a very PERSONAL decision, as it should be. My kids are 7 years apart. One of the reasons i waited so long was because i KNEW that i would have no patience for the bickering i observed in others. My kids are now best friends in adulthood, which was what i had hoped for.

Holly - posted on 08/29/2011

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You never know how long it will take. Start trying now. When it is meant to be, it will happen. Good luck!

Amanda - posted on 08/29/2011

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We never "tried" - we just let whatever happen - happen. I breastfeed so my cycles didn't start until 10 months or longer after each birth. I usually got pregnant when the youngest was between 12 and 14 months, making them just about 2 years apart. None of my 5 children have ever had jealousy problems (at ALL). It could just be the way that we parent, but I love that they are all so close in age. It is harder when they are young because you have toddlers at the same time, but as they grow, they are all older at the same time! Definitely a personal preference!

Diana - posted on 08/29/2011

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It is definitely a personal preference. My girls are 2 years apart. Our second was "a little souvenir" from my husband's first trip to the Rocky Mountains. LOL. I have to say that while it was a lot of work at the beginning having a baby and a 2-year-old (potty training), it was worth it by the time they were 3 & 1 and started playing with each other. Each year has gotten better. They are 11 & 9 now and just started their first day of school today. My older one started Middle school. It was so sweet to see my 9-year-old hurry to get dressed this morning 45 minutes before she had to so she could see her big sister off to school on the bus this morning. She came out, give her sister a big hug, wished her good luck, told her that she loves her & to have a good day. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. :) It is also nice that they are close enough to be able to enjoy a lot of the same friends. Oh, sure they don't always get along, but it doesn't matter how close or far apart siblings are, they can always find something about each other that annoys them. LOL.

My brother is 4 years younger than me & my sister 7 years younger than me. She was 11 when I was 18. I was graduating & working and didn't see them that much. I can honestly say that I didn't really get to know her until she was about 16. Now we are both in our 30's & she is my best friend. :)

Regardless of the age difference siblings are one of the best gifts you can give your kids even if they don't think so when they are little. :)

Claire - posted on 08/29/2011

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My son was just turned 7 when I became pregnant with #2, my partner wanted a closer age gap but I was never ready. I really wanted our first (Rhys) to have our undivided attention to see everything from him crawling to first day at school. Eventually when he got to 5 1/2 I stopped my contraception and let nature take it's course. I think it has worked out brilliant just after Aidan was born Rhys turned 8 and it has been like having another pair of hands around! He is old enough to understand why the baby needed so much attention and that it didn't mean we loved him any less. When the screaming or toddler (Aidan is now 20 months) tantrums start Rhys goes to play out with friends.they get on really well and Rhys is a very patient brother. I do think the personality of you first should play a hand in deciding.

Joy - posted on 08/28/2011

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By the time another comes along now, she will be 3, toilet trained - hopefully? and possibly at preschool? good luck with whenever you decide :D

Lynn - posted on 08/28/2011

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I started trying for the second one when the first was 17 months, I wanted them close together. I waited 8 years to have number three.

Shawika - posted on 08/28/2011

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My boys are 17months apart...a bit close but I would say spacing them at least 2yrs apart gets each kid to not only focus on themselves, but have a sibling close in age to grow up with.

Vicky - posted on 08/28/2011

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It all depends on when you and your Partner are ready. My son will be 21 months when our 2nd will be born. And I know many people who have had kids 18 months apart and say they found it worked well, and others that had 2-3yrs and found that worked best for them. If you think you are ready and can handle it, I say go for it, if you don't feel comfortable about it just yet, I'd say wait :-)

Karen - posted on 08/28/2011

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age 2 or 3 would be good because the first one will be out of diapers and you won't have to buy two sizes of diapers at the same time, also they will be close in age and play together. OR you could wait til the first one is about to start school so you have more time alone with the new baby while first one is at school.

Rosey - posted on 08/28/2011

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around the age of 3. this gives you the chance to enjoy their firsts without another child around and also, they are old enough to understand that mum needs to give the baby attention.

[deleted account]

I think the personalities of not only the parents but of the children are important factors. My sister and I are 4 1/2 years apart and fought so badly that my parents almost seperated to keep us apart. We are now both adults and get along great, but there are still a lot of scars from when we were children. I have two older siblings that are 16 and 18 older than me. They were like having another set of parents. They were always there for me when I needed them.

I've heard of families having issues with children being really close together (2-3 years) in the same way my sister and I were. Then there are those that found that to be an ideal age.

We decided based on my own health and my daughter's personality (she's very independent helper) that about 2 years would be ideal.

Melissa - posted on 08/28/2011

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I have three kids - 22 months between the first two and then 4 years between number 2 & 3. I found the two year age gap fantastic for the kids - they had a playmate and a fantastic time growing up together! This gave me down time when they were playing but I was very very busy -was like having two babies really but loads of fun, my second son was very ill with reflux and food intolerences, I would have had a bigger age gap if I had of known this in advance but now they older none of it matters anymore!. Then nature decided to take a long time for number 3 and it has turned out wonderful (inspite of my tears not being able to get pregnant!) I have lots of time with baby and find the older two a very good age to toilet themselves, grab nappies for me etc etc. They are both wonderful with baby - I would recommend a 6 year age gap too!. There is a lot to be said about age gaps. I think money, your availability to your family and how sociable your wee girl is really matters, her personality. If you can afford and you have the time without other major committments like sick parents etc then have close age gap. My first son was so playful and needed a brother - my second son could very well have happily been an only child but loves his brothers dearly and gets a lot of enjoyment from them and my third son is so loved by his two older brothers he has no choice! Money is the key also, no point struggling financially in a major major way with kiddies adds too much stress to the whole family and parents relationship. You know deep down in your heart, your gut is telling you - get pregnant when the time feels right. I was obsessed by it and now I feel good as I can get on with life. :-) Whatever you decide enjoy your kids and the little years - once they hit school they grow up so fast!! All the best - I have always mainteined there is never a right time to have kids so just do it at an okay time!! It wont kill you having a close or large age gap - whatever way you will muddle through and come out the other side! All the best :-) In hindsight - three year age gap between each child would be good if you could choose.

Tracey - posted on 08/28/2011

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Physically, research shows it's best to wait at least 18 months before getting pregnant again in order to replenish your own nutrient stores. Not just calories (like we have any trouble there!) but minerals, enzymes, vitamins etc.

I really think you'll know when the time is right. I was 2.5 years apart from my brother, and that seems to be a good age difference for many: close enough that they can play, but far enough a part the first will be out of diapers, talking, and able to feed himself. As they grow they'll be close enough together to play together and both pretty much enjoy it. Those were my criteria. My parents both had that age gap between siblings as well, and my older two are that far apart, too.

However, there is a 5.5 year gap between my next two, and the reason, plain and simple, is my older one's personality. She has a super strong will, and it just took that long to figure out how to deal with her. When she was 18 months old, there was just no way I was going to add one. I was also still recovering my strength from having pneumonia the entire pregnancy with her.

I know other people that have that much age gap, and sometimes more. Their kids aren't playmates, and the older one usually becomes something of a role model and mentor for the younger one/s. Sometimes the gap is so great they barely know each other. I do know one mom who told me that her girls were 10 years apart, and at 17 and 7, they would squabble and bicker, and she was really surprised at her 17-year-old. Now that they're 22 and 12, it's not a lot better and she wonders when they'll both be grown up enough to treat each other better.

Karen - posted on 08/28/2011

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When your 1st is about 2, coz by the time you go through pregnancy and maternity leave, when you return to work, your 1st will be eligible for the free 3hrs a day child care, so you won't have to pay as much for child care for both of them then. But seriously, it's up to you and your partner when's the best time, there are pros and cons to having children close together or further apart, but having another isn't a solution to any mis-behaviour, it would make you two as parents less patient, coz you'll be knackered with the older one and a new born! Only you and your partner can make that decision as to what's best for you and your family. Good luck luv x

Ntseliseng - posted on 08/28/2011

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It depends on your health status. If you delivered by operation (c.section), it's always advisable to wait for a minimum of 2 years. Having a 2nd child may help your child to stop playing up but its not a quarantee. You have to be careful not to put too much strain on yourself with having two less than 2 years-olds; mothering might be a nightmare!

Crystal - posted on 08/28/2011

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I always said I wanted my 2 kids to be 5yrs apart. I changed my mind as it got closer for my oldest to start school. I didn't want to be up all hours of the night with baby and then have to get up with my son (Keagin) to get him on the bus for school. So we tried when my son was 2.5yrs. My son and daughter (Larkin) are exactly 3yrs & 9 days apart. I also planned that I wanted her to be due Feb or March. My siblings and I are 3yrs apart as well. My hubby & his sis are 6 yrs apart. Good luck.

Pamela - posted on 08/28/2011

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Psychologist say that the best age between children is 3 years. I suppose they say that because if you wish to give undivided attention to each child, by 3 years of age the major growth has been accomplished, ie teething, potty training, beginning speech, etc.

In my opinion it is when you personally feel ready or for those of us who don't try and simply allow nature to take it's course, whenever that sperm finds that willing egg! LOL! If you have 2 super fertile people that can be often.

Brooke - posted on 08/27/2011

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my son will be 16 months on the 7th, and i just had my Mirena taken out on the 26th and now we are just waiting and on a period and then we are going to start trying for a little baby! :)

Sabrina - posted on 08/27/2011

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I have 27 months between all of my children,they are grown now, that seemed to work.

Tracey - posted on 08/27/2011

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try around 18 months old. they will be over 2 years apart. it gives a year between them in school but not too far apart to play together.

Lyndsey - posted on 08/27/2011

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I think that if you are thinking about it more and more than you are ready.

Heather - posted on 08/27/2011

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my 2 boys are less than 18 mo apart and they are great buds but help each other get in trouble. But they will also always have a best friend around. It wasntreally plnned but worked out great.

Karen - posted on 08/27/2011

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My first two are 22 months apart (son almost 4, and daughter is 2), and they play so well together right now! My third child (son) is 14 months younger than my second, and she plays well with him, too. We want ours closer together, though, so they will be friends growing up, and it's working so far! :)

Emma - posted on 08/27/2011

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My son will be 5 in a couple of weeks and I am 3 and a half months pregnant with my second. I think this is a good age to have another one as he will be starting primary school next year, so I will have all day to spend time with the new baby without feeling guilty that I'm not spending enough time with my first born. Also it is probably a bit full on for an only child to become a sibling so him going to school every day will give him a bit of time away too. I don't think there is a "right" age to have another baby, it all depends on each individual.

Julie - posted on 08/27/2011

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My boys are about 2 1/2 years apart and I love it. Perfect for hand me down clothes and the crib and all the baby STUFF. Don't want to have to pack it all up for 4-5-6 years. By the time my Son was 2 we moved him to a big boy bed just in time to give his new baby brother the crib. Also nice for their grades in school being so close in age!!

Monica - posted on 08/27/2011

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I had my first two children 15 months apart & then our third child was born 3 yrs. & 2 months from her brother.
It's been a much easier journey raising my two that are farther apart in age. They aren't competitive like the first & second kids are & I enjoyed only having one baby at a time to care for! So,I'd say 21/2-4 years is great!!

[deleted account]

When to have another baby is such a personal decision. I know people who have a year (or slightly less) between kids... and other's that have over 10 years between. There are positive and negative aspects regardless of when you choose to have another.

For me, personally, I wanted about 3 years between kids, but when I got pregnant w/ twins.... there was only 5 minutes between #1 and #2. lol

Because of that I wanted about 4-5 years between them and #3. God had other plans though and there is 6.25 years between my girls and their little brother. It fits our family well.

Jodi - posted on 08/27/2011

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15 months. My 3 kids are all 2 years 13 days apart. They are great friends and play well together. Now that can make for a very busy 6 weeks for parties. I combined when they were younger. Good luck

Janice - posted on 08/27/2011

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Two years between children I have found is good. Raising two babies has it's drawbacks but for the children it is excellent. They grow together and become playmates and best freinds for life.

Pauline - posted on 08/27/2011

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I think on this one all goes down to your financial, physical and psychological position. Sibling friendship or behavior issues do not determined by age gap from my experience.

My grandma had 13 children one year apart. Grandpa was very rich but my uncles and aunties are not that close at all. And now thinking back why they do not care for one another I think to me they missed out that love from their mom. My grandma used to say "the hardest part was being pregnant only" after that they were all taken care by nannies.

Now back to us we are 4, 4, 3 and 3.5 years apart and my big sister who is almost 15 years older than me is my best friend.just as my other big sister who is just 3.5 years older than me..



My girl is 2.5 and still breastfeeding too...LOL...Still enjoy my baby before I decide to try for another one but that is just me and my opinion.

Gaby - posted on 08/27/2011

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I have 7 kids, ages now are 9 to 18.....
2 in elementary, 1 MS, 3 HS and 1 college. I had them all in nine years. It's really up to the parents, tiring at times but rewarding. Stil have dinner together every night.

Jessica - posted on 08/27/2011

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I always wanted two kids around 3 or 4 years apart. My youngest is 4 months and my oldest will be 4 in November.
I absolutely love this gap (3.5 years) my oldest is potty trained and easily amuses himself. He's in love with his little brother and always wants to kiss him and hug him. It's also handy when I'm trying to finish getting supper ready or finish cleaning up, baby starts fussing and big brother can always amuse him until I'm done doing what I'm doing. Also, baby feeds 3-4 times in the night, and my oldest sleeps 8pm-8am, rarely waking in the night (I don't know what I would do if I had 2 small ones to take care of in the middle of the night). The worst part was when baby came home from hospital, my oldest was a mix of emotions. Happy, mad, jealous. Going from the center of attention to not, was really hard on him. Just try to keep your routine with your oldest as much the same as you can.
Good luck!

Louise - posted on 08/27/2011

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I wanted to spend quality time with my first, ideally start trying just before they start school but it ended up being 6 years between them ! No regrets, when it happens, it happens !

Deborah - posted on 08/27/2011

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I believe it completely depends on the joys and challenges you desire for your family. Each of mine are a little more than 2 years apart for a few reasons and we are certainly happy with our decision, but if the Lord had other plans as to the spacing of our children (as He has had lately), we will have good experiences that way too. I agree with previous posts that there are certain challenges that you avoid with children a few years apart, but then there are others that are gained--they are just different in perspective. So, I think the best thing to do is decide on your priorities and go for it. I wish I knew a good answer for your daughter. I don't know how a baby would influence her or not. I hope you find peace in this and your decision on when to go for #2.

Tonya - posted on 08/27/2011

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I have 3 girls they are 1 year apart. they are close (fight as usual) but I would do it again.

Jaime - posted on 08/27/2011

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my husband and i are trying for our second...our son is 18 months old...and is non-stop!!

Crystal - posted on 08/27/2011

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i'd wait until she is 3 to begin trying i know from experience that having them to close together consumes all your energy i have 3 all 3 and under

Karen - posted on 08/27/2011

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Sounds like definate pros and cons. I have a soon to be 5 year old and due to financial circumstances we have waited. Hoping for next year, so mine would be about 5-6 years apart. A bit sad about it, as I would have liked a closer gap, but I have to say I have enjoyed my baby boy and given him everything he needs and wants. When having kids to close together and don't have the luxury of funds you tend to lack in education, outings, gifts, and sometimes even personal and emotinal contact. I'll see how it goes.

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