What can I do?

Latrice - posted on 12/29/2012 ( 17 moms have responded )

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I am 22years old. Me and my mom got into a horrible fight, she put here on hands on me but i didnt swing back because she is my mother. The reason we got into this situation because she doesnt like my boyfriend/baby's father and I got him an iphone 4s for a christmas so she got mad nd left me and my son at the mall. She wants me to talk to her about everything but when it comes down to alot of things I have to talk 2 her about, everything that comes out of her mouth is negative. So I told her the reason I dont talk to her about things because its always negative and I know how she feels about the situation, she doesnt have to keep reminding me. But after all the fighting she took my baby and told me to get out of her house but I couldnt take my baby with me. I have custody of him, Is that called kidnapping? Can I call the police to get my son? Because she wont let me get my son. Please help, I need some answers asap!

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Robin - posted on 12/29/2012

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I am an older mom. but have 3 kids. I l put my parents through a lot when I was 19 and 20. Your mother simply does not like your boyfriend. She cannot have your baby. Yes that is illegal. you can call the police. Listen that happened to my mother in the 1950's my mother's mom took her baby. My mother never got her baby back. My mom cried until the day she died for that baby. My grandmother gave baby Connie to her brother. It was a backwoods adoption. Nowadays grandmother's cannot do that. You need to get some help. I would go to the court house. I know when I was 19 I would not listen to my parents. I took off with him. but I left him about 2 years later. I would get some help. It was cruel she left you and your son at the mall.

Mari - posted on 12/29/2012

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I'm a mother of a 20yr. old and she has a son and I will never hurt my daughter by taking her baby a way how can she do that to u she should be there for you when you need a mom not to hurt you, what you buy for our boyfriend that's or business not hers and yes call the cops that's or baby not hers don't wait get or baby back mom's like that really gets me mad they should love there kids not hurt them

Karie - posted on 12/29/2012

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It appears to me that your Mom wants to be in control and since she isnt, she is punishing you by keeping your son. Dont talk to your Mom about your relationship, her mind is made up. Keep saving and move out with your son peacefully:) Tell her you love her very much and that this just isnt working out. Your son can feel the anxiety and tension of it all. God bless!

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Sharon - posted on 12/31/2012

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Go to the police and inform them that she has taken your child from you and wont let you have him or her back unless there are court orders she has no legal guardianship over your child and the police will assist you in getting your child back. If she has hit you or physicaly hurt you then you need to tell this to the police. No one has the right to hit you or physicaly threaten you no matter what the situation. Although she is your mum maybe some distance between you could be a good thing. I hope it all works out for you chin up you have a baby and that is where your responsibility belongs.

Latrice - posted on 12/29/2012

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My boyfriend doesn't live with me. Yes I do help her pay rent, put food in the house, and etc.

Diane - posted on 12/29/2012

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I'm gonna jump in here again, hopefully briefly. Find a vocational program that you can get yourself into, or you will spend the rest of your life jumping from low paying job to job, fighting with your mother over who controls what. Let your child see, as he grows, that you had the gumption to improve your life and be able to support yourself. And you can do this while you have custody of your child. But, since his belongings, toys, food, etc., is at your mothers, he may be in a healthy place right now until you can get things together. He may suffer anxiety if he has to leave to a worse situation, and have a babysitter he's not used to.

Diane - posted on 12/29/2012

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You can indeed call CPS and the police to get your son back. Make sure you have adequate housing and care for him, if she's been the primary caregiver. Get your ducks in a row. I think this calls for mediation, and CPS can be a help in that situation. There shouldn't be any physical violence going on here. Your child's father should also be a part of this solution, negotiating and adapting when called for. You'll both have to give a little for the sake of the child. Have you been living with boyfriend and child with mom due to financial reasons? Could this be negotiated some way? I don't think you've told us all the circumstances here. I'd like to hear your mother's side as well, since she's picking up the tab. If you aren't in a place to do that, what provisions can be made to do that? Is your boyfriend working full-time and paying your mother rent? I'd be mad if that were the case and I was gramma. Are you working full time and paying rent? If you two aren't, you need to be. If you can get loans to go to school, that would be a negotiating tool as well, as it would serve you all in the long run. Any time someone your age is in need of her mother for support there's going to be trouble. If you won't call the authorities, find a family member or friend to negotiate a settlement concerning rent, behaviors, care of the home, care of the baby, etc. This can work in a really really good way, but you are going to have to get moving, and I mean like yesterday.

Dove - posted on 12/29/2012

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If she put her hands on you... that is when you call the police on her. Do you have a friend you and your son can move in w/ temporarily... and you can pay the friend the same way to live there that you've been doing for your mom?

Get your baby. Maybe talk to DHS about finding some temporary housing or something.

Latrice - posted on 12/29/2012

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I start school February 4. I can afford the phone but the thing is I am not paying the bill my son's father is paying his own bill.I am on the phone plan with her but me and my brother kept up the bill but I am soon going to get on the plan with my son's father, because when she gets mad she suspends my service so I cant use my phone and I just cant do that anymore. I don't live with my son's father because his living situation is no better than mine, so we both are saving up to get our own place. I try to talk to her but she doesn't want to listen to what I have to say if things aren't going her way. The same thing happen with my younger sister, so she moved in with her dad. The only difference between me and my sister, she don't have any kids. After the whole situation goes down she is calling everyone in my family making it seem like I am the bad person but she never wants to tell what she has done. So on that note I am sitting here getting different phone calls from family members I don't even talk to over the phone. Saying that I am wrong why do I treat my mom the way I do, but they never want to hear my side of the story. She just gets into other peoples head and just make me out to be the bad person I am not. I love my mom to death but I cant deal what her controlling ways when things aren't going her way.

Christine - posted on 12/29/2012

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Yes you should call the police. That is your son and your mom can't do that. It was wise of you not to fight back when you mother wanted to fight. You are a good daughter. It sounds like your mom needs some anger management classes. Do you live with your son's father? Can you afford an iPhone? Just trying to figure out the background. She shouldn't have left you at the mall with no ride. Have you tried to tell her that you want to talk to her, but she needs to listen as opposed to doing all the talking. Are you living with your mom? If so, it sounds like it is time for you and your baby's father to marry and get a place of your own. Did you go to college? If not, it would be a good idea to start going, even if only part time so you can work towards a degree and be able to support yourself and your son. Good luck to you.

Ashley - posted on 12/29/2012

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yes you can call the police to get your son. why havnt you called them yet?

Zhao - posted on 12/29/2012

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Here are some of my comments:
1. Your mom's response can be negative, but you can respond positively.
2. Who paid that iphone 4s is important, if you used your own money, it is ok; but if you used your mom's money, it's not ok.
3. You are 22. Are you financially independent? If so, then you are an independent girl, you can support yourself and your son, and you deserve the right to make a decision about your son. If not, .....
4. When things happen, everyone got involved. Not only you, but also your mom. You feel bad, your mom feel the same way as well. If you want to change her, change the way you react to her.

Our kids are mirrors that reflect ourselves. If the same thing happened to our own kids, imagine can we react differently? can we not get upset? We are humans, and we are imperfect. Try to think from others side, not just your own, you would probably make a different conclusion.

Michelle - posted on 12/29/2012

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I'm sorry but none of that was in your OP. I have no idea how the house is run, that's why I asked the questions.

If she is unemployed then no she won't be able to get custody.

Latrice - posted on 12/29/2012

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I give her money every month and I also put grociers in the house. And if she needs extra money she just ask. The phone was only $60 because I got a good deal on it. He is paying his own bill. I dont see how she can prove a judge she is a better provider because she doesnt have a job and no other type of income coming in. My brother and I are the ones who keeps everything up. Everything that my son has I provided that for him, I dont ask anyone for nothing, if they decide they want to do something for him thats because they are doing it out on their own free will. The only reason I was still at home because I was saving up to get my own place and another reason the cost of living is out the roof in Los Angeles.

Michelle - posted on 12/29/2012

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She can't take your son without a court order, you are his Mother.

On the other hand if you have no where to live and she can prove that she can provide a better life then a judge may give her custody but in the meantime you are entitled to have custody.

Maybe you should be saving for a place of your own instead of still living at home. You are 22 with a child, you need to prove to her that you can support yourself and your son. If that's what you're saving for then I would have a similar reaction to your Mother if you bought someone an expensive gift as well.

Do you pay your own way or does she pay for the bills etc?

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