what do I do when my ex-husband bad mouths my husband to our child?

Liz - posted on 10/30/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I am constantly hearing my son tell me about the bad things my ex says about my husband. I try to talk to my son about it but he is only 5 and I'm not sure he is understand what I tell him. I say things like my husband loves you, I use his name not "my husband", and things like sometimes people say mean things and those things can hurt feeling....and then remind my son that we have to be nice to everyone and we don't say mean things about people. I have tried to talk to my ex about this stuff being sure to stay calm yet confront him about it at the same time but he says he never said anything about my husband and I know he is lying. For one because he lies all the time about everything and I believe my son. What should I do?

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Lolo - posted on 10/31/2012

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its so sad,but be strong they are like that ,one thing for sure is he still loves you and he is trying to ruin your relationship ,just sit down talk to your son one day he will see the truth

Jessica - posted on 10/30/2012

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Oh my I remember those days!! Not fun! Well when my husbands ex wife bad mouthed me to my step kids I called her up and called her out on it. I wasn't rude, I just said "you bad mouthing me hurts them and I'm not going any where so we can either hate each other and make life more difficult for the kids or we can just suck it up and pretend to like each other in front of them". No matter what the worse thing hr can do is to talk bad about his dad in retaliation (easier said than done I know). The kids will see who the bigger person is! Good luck. Ps, it gets easier:)

Janelle - posted on 10/30/2012

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I wouldn't try to reason with the X. Obviously he's an x for a reason. I think your doing the right thing by telling your 5 year old we don't say mean things that can hurt feelings. That's about all we can do. Keep it positive. Say lots of nice things about your husband and your x. Get in the habit of looking for nice things to constantly say. Soon that will be habit for your son and it will reflect in his own self image. He will only see the positive about himself just like his mama sees. ;-) Good luck.

Liz - posted on 10/30/2012

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Yeah I was going to talk to my lawyer about it tomorrow I have an apt with him. Thank you so much for all your help

Holly - posted on 10/30/2012

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i would think taking away time from his son so that he can quit harassing him as much about it, would make him stop. i would hope so anyways... i would definitely talk to your lawyer about it. see if there is something he can draft up saying that he needs to quit trying to alienate your son from his step father... some judges actually are beginning to see this as a form of child abuse, and some parents have been known to lose custody of their children because of it.

Liz - posted on 10/30/2012

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our weekends is friday-sunday so he has him monday and tuesday and EO friday-sunday. so it is equal. I just dont know what else to say to him or my son about this stuff. It needs to stop.

Holly - posted on 10/30/2012

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wait you have your child EOWE and Thursdays and Wednesdays and so the father has him more than you do, even though he has a very unstable life? yea, i would definitely get that changed!

Liz - posted on 10/30/2012

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Our schedule is so messed up I hate it, I have him EOWE and Wednesdays and Thursdays. His father is mad at me because the judge said my house hold was more stable and has gave me the right to choose where my son goes to school since his father and I live 45 minutes away. He hasn't had a job for the last 2 years and is behind on child support so he is going to court with child support and he isn't doing anything to help his situation. He is constantly being evicted for not paying rent so he is moving around like crazy 3 different houses in 4 years and he says his long term plans are to live in his mothers basement if he has to, instead of getting a job and supporting my son and himself. I have the worst judge ever. This has been a court battle for the last 4 years. My husband and I both have well paying stable jobs and own our home. We had just recently gotten married and the judge said I can choose the school on a temporary order pending our marriage., We have to go back to court in December and right now I'm dreading the judge taking my son out of the school he has come to know and love for the last 2 years. My gut says my ex is fighting for my son so bad for the extra money from welfare. We have 50/50 now but i would really rather have it were he is at his dads only on the weekends. I have been looking into counseling for him, in hopes he can talk out the problems he has been having, he gets aggressive if he cant have what he wants and so does his father. His father is back with his ex gf who has put a restraining order on him a few years ago for domestic abuse but the judge wont even consider anything that has to do with her because they aren't married even though they live together.

Holly - posted on 10/30/2012

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that's awful.... if he is actually sending his kid to his room for standing up for a parental figure, that's just awful. what is the visitation schedule? I would suggest changing the order so that your son sees his father at the minimal required time so that he doesn't have to put up with this harassment. My stepdaughter is with her mom full time and we have her EOWE and thursdays... and BM is ALWAYS bad mouthing me. we are going to try for as close to 50/50 as we can.

Liz - posted on 10/30/2012

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Thank you for replying. My son has also told me that he has tried to tell him to stop because my son gets upset about it then his dad tells him to stop arguing and sends him to his room. He has sent my son to his room for telling him he has a step-dad now. I am simply at a loss with this.

Holly - posted on 10/30/2012

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this is JUST like my fiancee's Ex. She bad mouths me to my step daughter as well... the best thing to do is to tell your child that when he says mean things about your husband that he tells him to stop saying mean things. nothing like your little child's sweet innocence to make you snap out of it.

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