what do I say to my parents about the baby's dad?

Kaylihia - posted on 01/09/2012 ( 71 moms have responded )

36

0

0

I'm 11 weeks pregnant. I was curious how to tell my parents who the dad is. He's 22 and they could press charges on him. I wouldn't really care if he were. He's been horrible to me. He called me a whore and told me to abort. I never told him no and actually wanted him to do it but the whole situation and everything he did. But I don't want to make it worse with him in prison. Maybe at some point he'll come around and say he's ok with it and maybe he could be more help. I only have a little support. My sister is giving me her money from school to make it work plus we're stocking up on food from charities. And I still don't even know where it'll stay for the month before my sister leaves. I don't want my bd in jail also. It'll just cause more trouble. I'll never get a chance to have him involved. Also he's biracial. I don't want my parents to know so soon. And I think they'll force me to abort if they find out I'm pregnant from 'rape'. I don't know what to say. They might think it has to do with child abuse I sustained but I'm too early for that. I don't know what to do I don't know what should I do? Advice? I don't want to make my situation worst....

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Wendy - posted on 01/09/2012

285

29

59

There is a group on here that may be some support for you as well as this one...teen/young moms.....As a mother of a 15 year old and a 22 year old daughter and being a pregnant teen myself at one time....Omg! i wish i could help more however i must restrain myself......like i stated in first post you need support first and formost....as for talking to mom and dad they cant make you have a abortion if you dont want one....This is where im restraining myself beacuse thats the direction i would want my 14 year old to go in for many reasons.....but alas i would support her decision and so should your parents. Sit them down and be honest thats always the best way to go. Speeking as a parent honey no way in hell should a 22 year old man be having sex with a 14 year old girl. You need to talk to your parents they are there to protect you and guide you allow them to do this. Another thought if you plan on stepping up as a parent and keeping this child then you need to make resposible adult decissions talking openly and honestly with parents and allowing there guidance is a step in the right direction. hope im helping some

Amber - posted on 01/10/2012

3

10

0

I would like to tell you my story and I hope this helps you make a decision with the baby daddy issue. My mom was 16 and my father was 24 when she found out she was pregnant. He immediately wanted an abortion. He already had another girl of the same age pregnant too by this time.My grandmother refused to sign for an abortion and forced them to get married she thought he would come around. He beat my mother the whole time she was pregnant. Luckily I survived and a short time later he left. For 15 years I never seen my father. When He decided he wanted to get to know me he was severe alcoholic. He raped me repeatedly. Is this something you want for this child? I wish my grandmother would have pressed charges and I never would have had to met my sperm donar of a father. I would love to tell you things will change but I am proof they don't. I am also proof that a child born of "rape" isn't doomed. I had a really good life being raised by mother with the help of my grandmother. I am a published poet. I've been to collage and I have a wonderful little boy of my own. Your parents will do right by you let them help you make the hard decisions about the bd. You just love that baby and everything will come out just fine.

Tarina - posted on 01/10/2012

192

50

13

I think at this point, you really have only one option as far as your parents go. Be honest with them. If you don't think you can face them head on without emotions getting the better of all of you, write them a letter. Explain that you understand you messed up, the thoughts you have had about it, the decision you came to (keeping it) and how you really appreciate their love and support. Then tell them you want to be completely honest, because there really isnt another way for you all to get through this together. Tell them how you met this guy, the events that led up to you conceiving (like, we dated for 3 months, or we were at this party, or... whatever really happened). Now here is the hard part. You need to understand that this man honestly has no intention of helping you. As much as you may want him in your life for the sake of your child, he won't come running back to be the love of your life, and ANY man who demands an abortion will never be the kind of father your baby deserves. You and your child are 100% better off without him. You may not want him in jail because its cliche' to have a "baby daddy" behind bars, but leave that decision up to your parents. Being a parent is being a grown up, so think of it from a grown point of view - what happens to the new 14 year old girl he's seeing, and the baby she ends up with? Something needs to be done to stop him from doing this again, and if a statutory rape charge gets him to re-evaluate the way he is acting... then good. I really wish you the best of luck. I was 18 when I was pregnant, and it was hard enough for me, I can't imagine the different challenges you will face being in school. From this point on, these decisions you make arent just about you though - you need to think about how it affects your baby too. Good luck.

Leslie - posted on 01/11/2012

6

27

0

lorraine.. what you dont understand is that she didnt make a decision. she is not old enough to. Stop reading whats in the papers and make an informed decision before you make an uneducated response like that. Its not that she didnt love herself.. she was probably raised by people who didnt give her enough love to begin with. She was not properly supervised and was left with a 22 year old man who was able to gain her trust and manipulate her... its not about her keeping her legs open or not, its about someone who was giving her attention that she desperately craved and has not gotten from her parents and family. And in terms of the welfare system. I dont know your particular situation, but what would you do if you suddenly lost your income and had to turn to the social services system for help? I paid into the system and now have lost my job. I have three children, I am a single mother because my husband decided other things were more important than a family. I didnt ask for this situation but I am happy the us goverment is there to help me with health care and food stamps when I am in need. Tax payer shmax payer.. where else is the money going to come from. People dont realize that our tax money goes right back to us in the form of healthcare, roads, and so on and so forth..Stop whining about people being on welfare and deal with your own life. This girl is asking what she should do.. not asking to be ridiculed.

I believe she should go to a school counselor whos mandated to report sex crimes, they will guide her on how to deal with the situation. None of us are psychologists and really truly know what she should do, she needs to see a professional

Penny - posted on 01/10/2012

1

0

0

ABORT. The soul and spirit of the child currently within you will come back to you again in a new body when you are ready and able to raise children. You are not ready now. It's OK. The baby you are currently carrying should not come into this world at this time, because neither you, the father, nor your respective parents are in the right place to deal with the practical matters of caring for it ....but there WILL be another time when you can welcome his/her spirit in your life! The ancient philosophers taught us that each one of us is a part of "the whole" -- that our souls are always moving in and out of the greater whole, and in and out of any singular "one." That little spirit is just coming down to earth a little too soon! If you care about that baby, say "goodbye for now" and invite him/her to come back to you again in a few years.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

71 Comments

View replies by

Michelle - posted on 01/11/2012

8,383

8

3223

*******Mod Warning*******



OK Ladies,

I'm locking this thread. The OP has made a decision and the comments are getting way out of hand. Please remember to be respectful in your posts and keep in mind the original question. No need to go and debate topics that haven't been asked.



Michelle,

WtCoM Mod.

Roper - posted on 01/11/2012

3

10

0

I do not agree with some of these woman telling you to abort. almost 4 years ago i was 19 and pregnant and EVEYONE told me to abort. Now i have my amazing 3 year old son who is everything to me. I agree with adoption but i understand that its hard to make that choice especially with this baby growing inside you. Personally if you know 100% you will not have an abortion wait til you are too far along to have one before telling them about the 22 year old. Its not being immature its keeping your baby safe. Even if you want to raise the baby - i would suggest going to see an adoption cousillor because they will show you the options just so you can feel comfortable with your situation. Just remember you are 14 and have the rest of your life to look forward to. Once you have your baby its no longer about you at all. When you turn 19 (or 21 as i dont know if your canadian or american) You'll have a baby at home and you wont be able to go out like all your friends. Your parents will eventaully support you know matter what. Because they are your parents and regardless they love you. I hope all works out for you. I know how hard it is to be a young mom ♥

Good luck!!!!

Jacqueline - posted on 01/11/2012

2

0

0

11WEEKS-PREGNANT:

I hope you will read this post.I know you will be helped in a very positive way if you follow my advice.



First of all, you need to ask Jesus to come into and take full possession of you and your life.

If you do you will have a tremendous source of power to sstrengthen you, help you, uphood you, give you the counsel and assistance you need from within!

The second step I suggest is to find a Bible belkieving Church in our area and ask for help.

Many churches will give you support and guidance that God wants for you to have. They will be able to stengthen you and provide for you adequately with all the other needs you may have-This will be God using them to fulfill your needs. you mightily and assign someone or others to meet other needs. You won't be ashamed or confounded and they will pray for you regularly as well as perhaps get the child adopted if you choose to have it-I hope you will not abort.

11WEEKS-PREGNANT: I hope you will read this post for I know you will be helped in a very positive way if you follow my advice.

First of all, you need to ask Jesus to come into your being (spirit, soul and body) and take full possession of you and your life and ask Him to fill you with His Holy Spirit too. God is a mighty and awesome deliverer to those who trust in Him. I have proven Him as an awesome God-even taking me from death several times! He wants you and your child to live and be greatly blessed-been happy and victorious.

You will then have a kind and loving God who cares for you and the baby you are carrying. He has provided people to assist you in His Church so the next step is to contact a church in your area which can assist you in having your needs met- they will give you help financially as well as spiritually and psychologically.

They will support you in prayers too!

Amber - posted on 01/11/2012

3

10

0

Kaylihia, I am sorry you had to here some of these horrible things not only about yourself but your parents. None of us have the right to judge you regardless of your age. I respect you for standing up to these people and for making the decision to keep the baby. it also took a lot of courage to even ask this question on here. To me those are signs of maturity. I have a few friends who had babies at your age when I was growing up. All of them graduated school. Two are nurses and one is a stay at home mom. When I was 15 I lost my virginity to a 21 yr old man ( in away I am glad I did since my father raped me shortly after) but my point is I understand why you don't won't to cause any more drama. In my situation I should have let my mom press charges. He later slept with one of my much younger friends and got her pregnant. He beat her all the time, cheated on her and got her severly addicted to drugs so she would sleep with his friends for money. I'm glad I was able to help her get out of that situation but I still feel responsible because I should have pressed charges. I hope you do consider this but work with your parents and do what you feel is right. Good luck.

Elaura - posted on 01/11/2012

16

0

1

First off be honest, you both knew what you were doing when you were doing grown activities. Let your parents know that you knew what you were doing. I wont be negative because now you have to take care of a child, so you might as well fess up it will make you feel better, as well as less stress, and when your hiding the baby its missing must needed prenatal caring. In time the father of the child will make emends or the courts will def make sure he pays, im wondering how old you are since he will go to jail. Anyways to late for that, just be real and open it helps in the long run, u can hide what uve done in the dark for so long, cause the baby will come. What I tell my fam is you made it so you might as well take care of it, should have thought of the responsibilities before hand, if you dont want the child they have great adoption places in your state. Forget what hes called you, and the mistreatments you have had, that baby needs all of you the less stress, for you the less stress for the child. Girl lol well you will be having a bi-racial baby this is your bi-racial baby so time to grow up. :) we all have to some sooner then others. He is the father so if he comes around he will have the choice to be involved, but right now think of the baby.

Dorothy - posted on 01/11/2012

18

13

0

It was asked if those that are pro-life actually put their money where their mouths are. I do. I give money to Birthright. An organization with the primary goal of getting babies from conception to birth safely. They do this by meeting the physical and emotional needs of the mother. They help mothers who are keeping their babies and mothers who have chosen adoption for their babies.



So yes I DO put my money where MY mouth is.

Niki - posted on 01/11/2012

321

2

30

You need to be honest and forthright with your parents, regardless of this man's age. There is a baby on the way and focusing on the baby is more important than pressing charges. IMO.

Kaylihia - posted on 01/11/2012

36

0

0

I was never manipulated. And I never really chose either way. But thanks loraine for the assumption. I never opened my legs. I never did anything. Yes I know I should have said or done something but to say I didn't love myself that's why I didn't say anything is farfetched I was embarrassed sorry people feel different from others. But truth is I wasn't groomed I didn't even really have a friendship with him. I wasn't groomed and I didn't really choose either way. I just let things happen I should've dealt with the consequences as they were then.

Lorna - posted on 01/11/2012

2

0

0

I think others should not be so judgmental. This girl is only 14 years old and has made a huge judgment error. Many of us have around that age. It may not be as severe, but we've made mistakes we wish we could go back and change. She doesn't need to be constantly reminded of what she already knows, she needs help on how to go forward. She needs positive advice on how not to continue to make the same kind of mistakes and learn from the ones she's already made.

I'm sure none of us want to think aout abortion, but at 14 it is not the end of the world. The "right to life" people kill me. They're always out there protesting against abortion, but are any of them coming out of pocket to assist mothers-to-be with any financial or emotional assistance should they choose to keep the child? I don't believe in using abortion as a form of birth control, but under certain circumstances, I think it's a viable choice. Bottom line is there is no easy answer for this young lady. No matter what route she takes it is going to initially be a painful choice. We should all be praying for her instead of chastising her. She is going to get enough of that from her friends, family, and most of all herself.

Lucy - posted on 01/11/2012

7

0

0

gosh, if you even manage to scroll down this far I would say don't listen to anybody on this site as its all too confusing for one person....go find a professional counsellor who is not trying to sell you a particular view point. discuss with them and then do what you think is right for you. whatever you choose...good luck!

Lorna - posted on 01/11/2012

2

0

0

Honey, unfortunatly, at 14 you really NEED to be upfront and honest with your parents. Unless they're physically abusive, they will support you eventually one way or another. It is always hard for a teen to confront her parents with pregnancy, but it sounds like you did the hard part already. Just sit them down and tell them you really need to talk to them. Or, you can do like my kids do when they're afraid to talk to me about something. Write them a letter.

Tell them you are terrified to talk to them, but you really want to have an honest relationship with them and want them to be there for you and your baby. We all make mistakes. You are not the first and certainly won't be the last.

However, it really sounds like the "sperm donor" is a real jerk. Sounds like he was only after one thing and when the sh!t hit the fan he showed his true colors - doesn't matter what his nationality is. I'll tell you like my Mom told me with my first son - just know that if you plan to keep this baby you will pretty much be on your own. You will have many nights when you will lie in bed and cry your heart out because it is not easy - especially at 14. But, as the child gets older you will have many wonderful experiences as well. No one can tell you what to do, it is totally your choice. Just know that in these difficult economic times it is harder than ever to be a single mom - especially a teen mom.

I wish you the best and hope you have that talk with your parents ASAP, if you haven't already. Bottom line is they will find out sooner or later. Better for them to find out sooner from you than elsewhere. If no other time than the birth of your child - they will come around. I didn't say it's going to be easy, but you played with fire you are going to have to find a safe way to extinguish it.

Take care. :)

Kaylihia - posted on 01/11/2012

36

0

0

my parents are supportive and actually I was at home when it happened. He was there because he's my brother's friend. So yea it wasn't my parent's fault. But I plan to do all the parenting. I've had experience with kids. I have 3 younger siblings.

Tricia - posted on 01/11/2012

10

5

0

First of all the 22yr old belongs in jail. If you don't press charges he will just ruin some other girl's life. He clearly does not have the maturity or common sense to be a good parent since he was sleeping with a 14yr old so not having him around will not be a loss for your child. Also filing charges for rape will terminate his parental rights and then you and you alone can deside to keep or give the baby up for adoption. I don't mention abortion because that is wrong no matter what your age or situation is. The baby you carry is a human being and deserves a chance to live. That being said being a teen mom would be extreemly hard on both of you so I would suggest adoption. I know the decision is hard but your baby would get a far better life that way and you could still be involved if you had an open adoption. Its the best of both worlds, you get to have a child who knows you loved them so much you were willing to sacrifice your own feelings to give them a better life and the child gets a supportive family who is desperate to have a baby to love, plus they will pay for your medical expenses and likely all your living expenses while you are pregnant. That should allow you to stay in school and hopefully stay away from older men (and boys for that matter). Hope it all turns out ok.

Zipporah - posted on 01/11/2012

11

14

0

I was pregnant at 16 and I kept my baby. It is hard to do by yourself but it is possible. You can ask for all the advice in the world and get it but ultimately the decision is yours. And as for telling your parents, it's a hard situation but you have to tell them. Make sure that you are prepared for what happens next. They are going to be disappointed and upset and things might be crazy for a while. Just follow your heart. If you can work hard and show your baby love you can do it keep your head up even during the tough times. If you want to give it up for adoption that is understandable too. You have your whole life a head of you to have kids and get married to Mr. Right. Don't let other people influence you do what you want. I am now 24 and have 3 beautiful children and number 4 on the way, due in Feb :) My first was at 16 my second was at 18 and my third was when I was 21. I am now happily married and doing well for myself. My husband has adopted my two older girls who are not biologically his. So just know that there is hope for you and your baby. It is your choice!!! I wish you the best of luck with everything and if you need to talk I have two ears.

Leslie - posted on 01/11/2012

6

27

0

the parents should definately have their finger on what their child is doing then. and yes I agree the child should be put up for adoption.. i dont disagree with you there.. and you are right.. she does need to look at herself and like what she sees,...agreed.. tough love aside... she still was manipulated by an adult..its not easy to say no to someone you have been manipulated into trusting..shes a BABY herself.. she does not have the ability to truly reason.

Lorraine - posted on 01/11/2012

14

1

1

Leslie,
I am a single mother...don't blame the parents you don't know them. My advice to a young girl was give the child up for adoption that way it has a better chance in life. She is 14 and deserves a better life not one on welfare. She can go to school get an education not have to depend on a man. At the same time telling her to close her legs is tough love. Maybe next time she can look at herself and like what she sees so she don't NEED a man.

Leslie - posted on 01/11/2012

6

27

0

ps. she wants to protect him because she has been groomed and manipulated.. the reason people who are raped and abused want to protect their abusers is because those are the very people giving them the attention they want.. good or bad attention aside.. its attention and this girl is probably not going to report him..he did a good job on her apparently. kahlia.. you have to report this man.. he is a sex offender point blank. he does not love you.. he has issues with his own life.. depression and unhappiness with his own life are what brought him to you.. id like to know how you met him and how he gained your trust....He needs to be in relapse intervention for sex crimes programs....he needs help and you need to be around people who care about your well being.

Wendy - posted on 01/11/2012

285

29

59

Wow! how did this post go to hell in a handbasket?? This post is probibly no longer helping this young lady. Confused and crying i would assume alot of you should be ashamed...

Dorothy - posted on 01/11/2012

18

13

0

I'm sorry for falling into debate mode. Kaylihia, here are the most important facts: YOU want this baby, the dad is NOT a good guy.

I take it your parents already know you are pregnant. It's time to fess up about the dad. I'd start out with "you know I'm keeping this baby, but, there is something else you need to know. Then tell them who the dad is. I can imagine a case where you and dad were all kids at the same time and HOW he could see you as an equal. However, it seems from your posts that it isn't the case. It seems that a grown man who barely knows you gave into his lust for a girl.

I know 2 people who were in similar situations one was actually and statutorily (is that a word?) raped. She gave her baby up. As a grown woman, she reconnected with her daughter and met her grandchildren. The other was dating her "boy friend." It was statutory rape and no surprise he "helped" with the abortion. She still regrets the abortion.

Neither reported. It was found later that the 1st rapist abused others. The 2nd stayed with her abuser and the cycle of abuse, physical and emotional, continued for well over 10 years. Finally, she got away and he still plays abusive games toward her and their children.

I can't recomend enough telling your parents and letting them help make the decision of wether or not to report baby dad.

Lorraine - posted on 01/11/2012

14

1

1

Layla,
It is a rape a 22 year old sleeping with a 14 year old. I'm not being creul. You need to read her question again. 1. She wants to protect him. 2. She gave it up. 3. She should give the baby up for adoption so the baby has a better chance of life. I have daughters and they respect themself enough not to be ignorant, my eldest has a great job and is 28 with no babies...my 2 little ones laugh at the stupid girls that are 14 and 15 with babies. My girls love and respect their body.

Layla - posted on 01/11/2012

2

21

0

wow...that's cruel. nor is it truth. just an attempt to make yourself fell superior by picking on someone who is obviously in crisis--a pregnant raped child. Explain that one to Jesus, lady. I think this girl needs to find someone she can trust who does not have an agenda or a financial stake in her outcome. that kind of person can be hard to find. she will need a lot of help so that she can make the most of herself and set a good example for her child, not shaming. colleges have family housing available, many high schools have daycare available. there are people here who can offer advice. she deserves respect by making herself vulnerable enough to ask for help, especially considering the type of cruelty doing do leaves her vulnerable to from other mothers who should know better.

Lorraine - posted on 01/11/2012

14

1

1

Kaylihia,
Your 14 and sleeping with a 22 year old. Yes I do hope your parents press charges against him. It's a shame you didn't love yourself enough to wait to have sex. Now there will be another child put on welfare that we have to support. This is the problem with your generation you never think of the future you would rather throw it away so fast. I'm sure I'll get alot of flack but some needs to speak the truth here. Your best best for the child and yourself is give it up for adoption that way the baby will have a better chance and then perhaps you will go to school and graduate and hopefully keep your legs closed till you get married and can raise a family when you are GROWN up.

Leslie - posted on 01/11/2012

6

27

0

yeah layla.. understandable.. abortion and adoption can leave terrible scars.. but what about the unborn child in question? What kind of scars will be left on a child who innocently enters this world to a child (14 yr old) who obviously feels she cannot go to her parents for support? I assume the parents will change their tune once the baby is born, but the baby is now the first priority. I also believe the 14 year old isnt being properly watched or monitored by her parents, they should be reported to child protective services and run the risk of losing their daughter because of this situation. Should a brand new baby born a product of rape be raised by grandparents who cant even keep tabs on their own kid. How does this 22 year old even come into the picture? If shes not at home, she should be at an afterschool job or sports.. otherwise she shouldnt be out even in the company of older people.. shes got no business hanging around adults because shes not one herself... shame on her parents.. makes me so angry.. so in conclusion, yes adoption is scarring to the mother, but whats worse.. that or the baby being raised by people who obviously dont give a rats butt about what their daughter is doing. And you cannot tell me that the parents cant control their daughter.. if they were doing their job she wouldnt be around the 22 yr old

Layla - posted on 01/11/2012

2

21

0

giving up a child for adoption can leave terrible scars. there are even women who have killed themselves. check out exiledmothers.com for their stories before you decide to go that route. good luck to you; you can do this.

Leslie - posted on 01/11/2012

6

27

0

as far as im concerned.. your bd is a sex offender, its people like him that prey upon young girls like you because you are a child. You wont turn him in because hes groomed you and manipulated you into feeling bad for him and making you think you have feelings for him. Run from that man as fast as you can. Go to your parents.. they are idiots to turn away from their 14 year old daughter and not support you. I am not a fan of abortion, but I do think at your age you cannot raise a child by yourself. Its not possible. Unless your parents are supportive and will raise the child with you, you should take a hard look at life and what this new baby deserves.. Loving parents who can afford to give the best life he/she deserves. your bd is a creep and a loser.. a 22 yr old man knows better. I know this because I have been through sex offender classes because there is one in my family who got locked up for the exact same situation. He may not do a lot of time, but he will get the help he needs. Remember hes a SEX OFFENDER NOTHING LESS. lock his stupid butt up before he preys on another young girl.. dont be stupid.

Bernadette - posted on 01/11/2012

623

5

7

maybe you could write them a letter? That way you can put a lot of thought into what you want to say it, how you want to say it and not forget any of it in the heat of the moment. That way you can break it to them gently, and say everything you want to say without any interruptions. Interruptions (such as a shocked "WHAAAAT?") can make you get on the defensive, which can make you say things you didn't mean to say and it can turn into an all-out war. In a letter, you can say everything you want to say, including how much you really love them and need their support. You can also raise any concerns you think they are likely to have BEFORE they say "but what about...?" and address those concerns in the letter also. That way, they can see how carefully you've considered everything, and it doesn't leave them with much to say.

I'm not saying that you should be a coward about it though, by writing a letter instead of speaking to them face-to-face. There is no reason why you can't be there when they read the letter, but ask them not to comment until they've read the whole thing. They can't say things like "you've screwed up" if you start with "I've done something I probably shouldn't have done, and I'm not proud of myself, but here's what's happened and it's happened. Please don't lecture me about it or get angry or whatever, because I've already beat myself up enough about it, I know I've screwed up and I really don't need to hear it from you. I need to hear that you are going to be there for me, and that you love me because I really need your support right now." Then when they have finished reading the letter, and had time to take it all in (and make sure you include everything, about how it happened, why you don't want them to be angry with the guy or press charges), then discuss it. Don't be upset if they don't want to discuss it right away, it will probably be a lot for them to take in. But when they've absorbed it all they'll probably have a lot of questions so try to answer them rationally without getting defensive. And tell them that, even if this isn't the way they wanted it to happen for you when it came time for you to have a baby, tell them that, regardless, this is their grandchild who will love them and need their love back.

Amanda - posted on 01/11/2012

2,559

3

365

You are 14, my daugther will be 14 in 3 months. My god! How did you even have time to sleep with a 22 year old?



You and him are NOT ready for a child, you are a child. The worse thing you can do for yourself and this child is keep it. You need to speak to a professional, to figure out why you felt it was ok to sleep with a grown man. You have as many issues as the grown man who enjoys sleeping with children. And YES THIS IS RAPE, even if you didnt said no. You arent old enough to say yes to sex, and hes a prevert who likes little girls. I hope you parents throw the book at him.

Melysa - posted on 01/11/2012

171

19

13

I have been a young mum (still am) I had my first at 17 and now have 5 at 26 my youngest is 2 my eldest is 9, and as hard as it may be it is also the most rewarding thing I have ever done this baby is not going to mean you have to spend the rest of your life in any particular way it is not ruined or screwed up just slightly changed, the comment stsating that all young mums leave their children to be raised by the grandparents is obviously bitter, my kids my responsibility
yes it will mean no late night parties or nightclubs etc but I am living proof that having children does not stop you living a great life. I am now a full time nursing student my children are excellent my husband is loving and supportive of my every step as he should be! although we were in a serious relationship before our first and have been married almost 8 years this makes me one of the lucky ones I guess but I know many young mums that found mr right after they realized they had been with mr wrong the only thing you need to worry about is that you stay strong and fight for your and your babies rights to make sure that just because you are young that doesn't mean you are useless you can do it and the donor doesnt get to make you feel less than amazing because any woman that fights for her child's best interest and makes it happen no matter what she has to do is exactly that amazing, as for the bd issue I would tell mum that as the decision was joint you would prefer if they could ignore that issue and support you let them know you need them that you are not with him and that you would like to avoid any unnessessary stress if you can that you know life will be hard and that you would like to be able to lean on them to help get you through this starting chapter in your life because you don't know how you'll get through without them
as another woman has posted some "fathers" (used very loosely here) will do anything to avoid paying for their actions and if he did that I would want the satisfaction of knowing that he had paid in some way ah least but that is just me, I hope you can get through this with as little stress and tension as possible and from here grow stronger for all involved :)

Elisha - posted on 01/11/2012

3

5

0

without the father's name on the birth certificate you may not be able to get child support and if his name is on the certificate the authorities can go after him legally even if your parents dont. i realize that puts you in an even harder spot. honestly, i would tell you to consider adoption more. there are many couples that want children but cant have them. you're only 14 you need time to be young otherwise you may resent the child.

Michelle - posted on 01/11/2012

8,383

8

3223

*********Mod Warning*********

Can we please stick to advice here and not start a debate. The OP isn't asking your opinions on abortion.

Thanks,
Michelle.
WtCoM Mod.

Karen - posted on 01/10/2012

7

31

0

If you have been the victim of a crime and don't report it. Then you are letting your attacker continue to take advantage of you. And he will only repeat the offense on the next unsuspecting person. If he isn't punished for what he did he won't feel any responsibility he already told you that he plans to leave. Don't let him do this again to someone else. You should tell your parents the truth. You don't realize yet how much work it is to be a parent up all night with a colicky baby. I am not telling you what to do I just think what if the next girl he dated were your best friend wouldn't you want her to stop him from letting this happen to anyone else you know. Maybe your parents would understand better if you told them yourself. B e honest don't hide it it isn't safe for you, if they expect you to use household cleaning chemicals or if you are in hi impact sports. good luck to you and remember the decision is yours to make.

Jennifer - posted on 01/10/2012

19

30

0

Being a pregnant teen is really tough. I worked for a maternity home and I give you a lot of credit for being concerned for your child. That is very mature of you and I know of many adults that sdon't show your level of concern. As far as getting suopport and housing while you are pregnant check for maternity homes in your area or close by. Many of them offer housing, alternative schooling, and counseling for the mother and family members. I wish I had another suggestion, but I saw many girls come in to our home and grow to make the decisions that were right for them- everything from schooling, parenting, and work. Best of luck with everything.

Heather - posted on 01/10/2012

2

20

0

Just talk to your parents, open and honestly. Let them know the truth. They are your parents and should love you no matter what. Don't worry about what is going to happen to BD. He is an adult and needs to act like one, consequences and all. When we make mistakes, there are consequences. You made a mistake and the consequence is your baby. The baby can be a blessing. It depends on how you respond. It is time to grow up a bit and do what is right. Talk to your parents and ask them to help you do right for you and your baby. You might be surprised at their response! One day, you will understand how a parent wants what is best for their own child.

Dorothy - posted on 01/10/2012

18

13

0

Regardless of what the ancients taught, the reality is that there are plenty of women who are INFERTILE after abortion. Some because of the abortion, some because of another issue. Also, it is fact that the DNA of a person is set at conception. Therefore, it stands to reason so is their soul. As DNA is unique, except identicals and even they have unique souls, so do all persons at their unique conception. Persons souls due to their unique relationship with their body can not be transferred.

I personally would rather not look to the ancients, most of whom practiced slavery and considered women chattel. And many of whom practiced human sacrifice. I'd rather go with science. Science says that baby had a heartbeat by about the time mom peed on a stick. Science says she had arms and legs about a week later. Science says within a month of those arm and legs forming that baby will look human. However, I KNOW from getting weekly u/s early in pregnancy, that a baby has visable arms and legs by 6 weeks and is visably human at 7. Which is less than a month give or take from when mom peed on a stick.

Crystal - posted on 01/10/2012

4

0

0

Oh and another thing, I'm sure some will disagree with me, but do not abort!!! You will hate yourself, your heart is already set on this child. Be strong. If you don't start now then things will get real hard.

Crystal - posted on 01/10/2012

4

0

0

I am a young mom and I use to worry about telling my parents things like that. My parents were always harping at me about things. I was worried they were going to call the cops on my ex for hitting me. Instead they told me what was right and wrong and what they felt I needed to do. Knowing all to well I wouldn't listen. I found when I hide stuff it made it worse, and that is the last thing that you need being pregnant. When u r stressed the baby is stressed. Remember that. When you have this baby your life becomes all about the child. I had my first child at 17 and I am now 28 with 4, with a man who is almost twice my age and my parents couldn't be happier. Yes it will be rough but remember they are just looking out for you, they know that you will need them. Good luck

Lesa - posted on 01/10/2012

8

85

1

Oh honey you need to tell your patents like yesterday.... Just sit them down and tell them at one time not seperately. Together maybe you will come up with a planfor care..... Kids ate Ooobber expensive...and if you cant

Alexandra - posted on 01/10/2012

581

24

1

I dont think you should keep this baby because you are too young. I am sorry if this is not what you ask, this is just my opinion. This guy should go to jail. Just think about it: he is not going to do anything for you, he was already disrespectful to you and he is a disgusting human being. Can you see he used you? PLease don't be mad at me, I am so mad at this guy that I don't even know what to say. Talk to your mom. If she is mad, too bad. She will knwo what to do, as an adult. And you might be surprised and she actually might be a good shoulder to cry. Good luck.

Amber - posted on 01/10/2012

3

10

0

By the time your 18 he'll be out of jail. I do believe you can sue for child support at any age once DNA proves he's the father. But if he is anything like my father was he moved out of state and worked cash jobs so he wouldn't have to pay. It's ok to be a single parent. My mother was the mom and dad in my house. You don't have to have a man to raise a baby just a good support system and lots of patience. For many years I was a single mother and soon I will be marrying a really great guy who treats my child as if he were his own. Don't think you have to do everything alone no matter what people tell you. Don't stress about the situation talk to your councler and come up with a plan to talk to your parents. I wouldn't talk to them alone. Tempers flair more easily that way. Follow your heart you'll know what to do.

Cindy - posted on 01/10/2012

2

5

0

Kaylihia
You need to understand one thing and that this so called man is not worth the time or effort on your part. Now that you have decided to keep the baby that should be your only focus. As far a him being a father forget it! Down the road you will meet the right person and live a happy life. Focus on staying healthy and getting as much support as possible. You are young but as you mature I hope that this will have taught you to be strong. So stay away from this man he is bad news. And in the future your focus is this baby you will find out what true love really is. It will not be easy you know that but love yourself your situation maybe look scary now but it will get better. All the best to you

Kaylihia - posted on 01/10/2012

36

0

0

yea I know I got myself into this I guess I need to come clean about everything I just worry if it's not the best thing for the baby or if it is.

and I meant it was not rape I never said no. But just legally because if age differences...

Kaylihia - posted on 01/10/2012

36

0

0

I'm 14 not 16. They know I want to keep it and I know what that entails. They won't be the ones picking up the pieces. I know I have to grow up fast and I'm willing to do what I have to.

I know he doesn't want to be involved. But when I'm 18 I can order cs can't I? I mean if he's in prison I have no chance of that. Also I've known my cousin's dad wanted her aborted now she's his favored child. My parents know him. He's my brother's friend/co-worker. I never was looking for romance though I've had a crush on him. It was just a one time thing. I didn't think he'd care. But I mean wouldn't any father serve a better purpose outside of jail if he's a deadbeat?
also I am going to talk to a counselor eventually. I know I have to get something figured out...

Xiaoling - posted on 01/10/2012

9

16

0

The truth is always the best!!!, so tell your parents the truth and make sure you stop seeing such a person because he will forever bring you miseries .don't worry anymore for him, if he has to go that's mean he has to go, everything happens for a reason but you need to help yourself first before you think of others, tell the truth and if your parents accept it calmly then there are there for you forever, some parents doesn't but don't be sad or disappointed, the road is yourself to take and nobody else can help you accept yourself, so trust me, you can do it!!

Robin - posted on 01/10/2012

4

10

0

your post is contradicting on if it was rape or not. to me it sounds like it wasn't and now you have no idea what to tell your parents.

I was pregnant at 16 and due to the situatiion I decided not to have the baby. at 14 or 16 or even 18 you are not ready to be a parent. the grand parents end up being the parents to these kids.
everyone needs to make the choice thats right for them. but sometimes talking to your parents and doing what they suggest is the best option. yes there will be regrets and wonders but can you support someone for the next 18+ years by yourself?

Edith - posted on 01/10/2012

120

13

13

You have been given a lot of great advice. The only one that I disagree with is to abort the baby. I know there are a lot of people that will disagree with me but to abort is the same as killing a child. If you are thinking of doing that, please reconsider. There are a lot of families going out of the country to adopt. I know of a lot of people that have adopted babies and you would never know they were if you were not around at the time of adoption. Think of doing that because there are a lot of people that want babies and can not have one. You child will be a joy to others plus you will not live with the guilt of knowing you killed the baby

Tina - posted on 01/10/2012

1

26

0

I feel for you, and I don't want to sound harsh, but you really need to grow up. Everyone seems to be feeling sorry for you (on this forum), and I think it is about time that it stopped. I really do feel for you, but you said you wanted to have sex with this boy - if you decide you are old enough to have sex then you also have to be ready to deal with the consequences. If the guy is not someone you want to have a relationship with, then keep away from him. Maybe even go as far as to tell him you didn't keep the baby (although I don't condone lying). I agree with the other people who have posted that you should tell your mother/parents. If your parents decide to press charges against him, that is their choice. He does not sound like someone who is going to be a particularly stable father or provide much monetary support - so I wouldn't be worrying too much about potentially missing out on that. He made the decision to have sex (with a 16 year old), and similarly to you, he has to be prepared for the consequences. You have enough to worry about now without stressing about what may or may not happen to him - if your parents choose to take things further then leave it to them to deal with. Perhaps talk to a school counselor? You will need your parents support with this, so you will need to tell them as soon as possible, especially if it is likely that they will be upset and need time to come around. It will be important that you tell your parents the truth because if you lie to them they will be less inclined to be supportive. I hope that it all goes well for you - and I hope that you grow up before this child is born, because otherwise you are both going to be in a bit of strife. Having said that, I know a few 16 year old mothers that do a wonderful job. Make sure it is what you want and be committed to being the best mother that you can.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms