What do you do to discipline in public?

Dana - posted on 02/16/2009

Love and Logic "Painless Parenting for the Preschool Years" - it's on DVD (I got it from my library for free!) and it was a total lifesaver.  Now all I have to say is "Uh Oh" and my boys straighten right up.  :)

Good Luck!

Deborah - posted on 02/16/2009

That's what I said - get on your child's level - I've worked in child care for 23 years - it works, believe me - but you do have to be consistent and that is another trick. If you threaten it, you have to go through with it or they won't believe you next time!!

Jennie - posted on 02/16/2009

I might sound a bit crazy. Eye level. You hear about it so many times on tv shows about nannies and the "tricks"they use in getting children to listen. When a child is misbehaving the first thing you should do is get down to their level to speak to them. Eye to eye...and then give them an ultimatum. Every time they look away remind them you are talking and they should be listening. But don't just do that when you are out...do it at home. It is sometimes amazing to me what I hear my 5 year old say when I am at his level. Not to mention how he and my 7 yeard old will both talk a little more calmer when I am giving them the appropriate attention. There are so many other things you can do before entering a family function...alot that they teach in elementary schools now. We have listening ears and inside and outside voices. My boys have their walking feet. Ans sometimes when they have no patience...as crazy as it sounds...I ask them where they put their patience? Alot of times I find it right in their pockets...LOL.



I believe in discipline but the right kind of discipline. Children at every age are testing boundaries and that is what he is doing. Try the eye level thing and let me know how it works but remember...do it at home too in those stressful situations.

Margo - posted on 02/13/2009

We have the store figured out, thankfully. He wants to walk and the condition of that is he has to behave or sit in the cart. That works for him. At home we have our groove and he is very good, considering he is 3. :) Thanking him for good behaviors works well and he hates time out and is learning fine. However, it is when we are in a large crowd that he gets "crazy" because he likes being looked at by other people, and me as well, even when the mean mommy look is applied.



The hard thing today was I knew it was so important for his sister to have my support, and when it was her turn to do her thing I had to chase him around. Which doesn't help, because he thinks of that as play time. (A lot like a puppy. )



Thanks everyone for responding, it has really helped to get a fresh perspective. I will take your advice to plan ahead and have games for him next time.



What an amazing resource this has been.

Holly - posted on 02/13/2009

With me its just the "LOOK" you always have to have control especially in public, if they are gonna have a meltdown in the store, let them and don't even blink an eye because they know when they get a rise out of you, sometimes i bribe with a pop if they are on thier best behavior they will get a pop. Definately no physical in public, at home is a different story, im a spanker if it gets too out of control, spank in control of your emotions not when your last nerve has been stepped on...in your situation having your 3 yr old in control probably ment that there were going to be some squawking and a talking to when he/she gets home with your favorite show cancelled for a day and a reminder daily why he/she doesn't get to watch TV etc or something that the child dearly loves or plays with daily taken away but at that age you really have to harp on the reason why they lost it in the first place, Maybe the TIMEOUT corner when you get home...

Lisa - posted on 02/13/2009

Well fear is instilled in my child but if she needs a reminder I usually speak softly with clinched teeth until we get home since society has told me that I cannot discipline the way I was disciplined.....but it works....

Sarah - posted on 02/13/2009

Honestly I am just starting to think that 3 is one of the worst ages ever! My youngest son is 3. He is a terror and I have been hard pressed to find any discipline method that woks with him. I think that there are some things that you just can't expect from kids and myabe sitting through a play was too much for him. Good luck!

Alma - posted on 02/13/2009

Just take him and sit him for 5 minutes and you will see a difference...

Sharon - posted on 02/13/2009

hi uni

as it was not me this happened to sorry but i find it funny ..........but children feed on reaction. your reaction.......try to ignore bad behaviour whilst you are out  when you get home axplain you where very upset with the way they miss behaved whilst you where out and sit them on a naughty chair naughty step or naughty mat and do this each time they miss behave weather u r at home or out but u must also reward good behaviour do a chart and puts each time they do something good and when they have say 10 starts get them a treat take them to the park or something works i promise.

sharon

london

Julie - posted on 02/13/2009

Keep a pot holder in your purse or diaper bag... no matter where you go you have a time out spot. It can be placed anywhere for them to stand or sit on. Works great!!

Brandy - posted on 02/13/2009

Also if my children are being a little outrageous when were in public (including the teenagers) I ask "if they need to come be my best friend?" That means they have to hold my hand like they are little for the remainder of the time we are wherever we are. It works great on school fieldtrips too. I use to help chaperone school fieldtrips for elementary classes...

Brandy - posted on 02/13/2009

I ask my children "if they need to go to the bathroom" in that stern mommy tone. They know that means your in trouble. If they have to go Potty, I say POTTY and that means to use it for it's intended use...

Ronda - posted on 02/13/2009

I had this happen twice when my son was 2. I even left a cart full of groceries once because he would not behave. Since then, I always set expectations prior to any trip or outing. I also let my kids know what the consequence will be if my rules are broken. This works....now, do they step out of line once in awhile? Yes, but I have found their "currency" and I use it. Also, I let them know a "time out" can be anywhere. They will sit on a step in front of everyone if they choose the wrong behavior. My kids are 7 and 4. Good Luck! I have heard my son tell my daughter to stop doing what she is doing because she will blow it for everyone. It works.

Deborah - posted on 02/13/2009

My son had ADHD and often champed at the bit to run around in public. He responded wel to touch and I used to sit him on my knee and play with his hair or rub his back...was lovely for him and me and used to work 90% of the time. You also have to get over worrying about what other people think...get down on his level, look him in the eye and tell him his behaviour is inappropriate, my son is now 22 and often tells me how sick of inappropriate he was!

Karissa - posted on 02/13/2009

The "look" never worked for my boys. I always take them into a bathroom and a spank to re adjust their attitude. We don't leave the bathroom till its understood what is to be expected. It even works with my 22 month old. They know if we head to the bathroom they are in trouble. I also will sit them on the counter will speaking to them so they are at eye level. I think the key is to be consistent.

Melissa - posted on 02/13/2009

Have you read 1-2-3 Magic.  It talks about discipline using counting, and how to do it while in public.  The book also covers rewarding good behavior, and all of the how to and how not to's when using counting.  This book has really helped me with my 3 year old.  I hope you find something that works for you and your little one.

Mary - posted on 02/13/2009

I'm reading Love and Logic books right now and they had a simular story. It takes a bit of preparation, but it would really pay off in the end. Take your 3year old to the next school function, but before you do, call a friend and line them up to come pick up the younger sibling in the event that they do not behave. At the event for your other child, only tell the younger one once that they need to behave like a big kid because you give ice cream to kids who behave. More than likely, they will not behave. So with a lot of sympathy, you say, "So sad, I am going to have to call a sitter now" and make your phone call. When you come home with the other child, be eating ice cream and do not share with the younger one. Then have the babysitter ask the kid how they plan on paying them. You can suggest them paying with a favorite toy or helping with chores around the house. This is supposed to get them to think more than just being told to be good. I used the ice cream part on my kids at a church function I was at. They did not listen at all, and my friend and I enjoyed a large McFlurry while they got ice water :D

User - posted on 02/13/2009

I have been in this exact situation. We I took my 3 year old to the bathroom for his warning. With all of the people around, he was very distracted, and not really listening when I told him to sit and behave. Taking him to a quiet area for a few minutes to really get his attention and let him know that I meaned business really seemed to help. My daughter didn't mind me missing a few minutes of her program. I think she was just as embarrassed as I was. If it makes you feel any better, we all have obviously been there. It is embarrassing at the time, but you are not the only one with a child that gets a little rowdy.

Laura - posted on 02/13/2009

i think when going out to something planned like this try and organise some thing for the younger one to do. weather you take colouring in books, snacks, some matching cards...it might keep him occupied and he can quietly play beside you. If they start misbehaving i would give them 2 warnings to behave or i will to throw the toys/cards/snacks in the bin...if they dont listen i would literally throw one thing at a time. Most kids that age arnt going to be perfect when you take them out and most people understand this. Maybe if you can arrange for another adult to come with you to events like this, if he misbehaves you can have them take him home and he will realise that he misses out and you got to stay with their sibling and have fun. will take time to sink in but might work

Claudia - posted on 02/13/2009

I totally understand you...my 31/2 yrs old's behaviour is out of control as well...lets see what suggestions we might get, good luck!

Melissa - posted on 02/13/2009

I haven't been in a situation like that (where you can't just leave).  I'm sure I have plenty ahead of me!

Margo - posted on 02/13/2009

The problem I have with this particular situation is that I was there to support my daughter too. I didn't feel as though I could just leave, not without hurting her feelings. Thank you all for your suggestions I really appreciate your insights.

Melissa - posted on 02/13/2009

Like Angie, we also have a "look".  We use a stern tone.  We warn.  We follow through.  If it's just too much, we remove from the situation.

Erica - posted on 02/13/2009

If he views as a fun activity, I would tell him that you're both going to leave if he doesn't behave. (And I agree with other mom's that you have to follow through.) Alternatively, you could put him in time out in the hallway. (I think that time out and spanking only work if they are immediate, otherwise the lesson is lost for a small child with a short attention span.)

Angie - posted on 02/13/2009

In a situation like yours where a behavior might disrupt someone else, I would leave the building and put my child in an immediate time out in my vehicle. If you wait until you get home, a 3 year old may not realize why they're being punished. I have been known to leave stores with full shopping carts. I kept my children very close to me and didn't allow them out of arms reach. By the time they started school I could take them anywhere. They learned how to behave and they even know to keep their hands in their pockets or behind themselves in stores - even my 16 year old still does this - LOL.

Yolande - posted on 02/13/2009

The kids usualy push and push to see how fare they can push you, and they also know you'll be too embaresed to spank them or disepline them just ther. So surprise them and throw your fit your ego wil surviwe, And next time they wil be to embaresd if they know you are not afraid to do your thing in public.

Kristin - posted on 02/13/2009

I have a spoon that I carry with me in my diaper bag.  My 2, 4, and 6 year olds know when I say " Do I need to get the spoon?" that they are not acting properly.  I do have to agree about taking the kids to the bathroom to discipline.  There are to many people eager to call Child Protective Services because you are spanking your child.

Pauline - posted on 02/13/2009

First of all I would explain beforehand what behavior you expect and what the consequences will be for not behaving.  I am very consistant with my 5 year old and do Not back down from following through with consequences, even if it embarassing to do so.  It has only taken a couple of times of leaving a restaurant or someplace he wanted to be so that he knows.  I also count and if I say 3 it will happen.  I do not spank or yell.  I do take away privledges. 

Ellie - posted on 02/13/2009

Before you go out, talk to them about the behaviour you expect and what the consequences will be - both good and bad! If it is for something like a play, tell them that for good behaviour they will get a reward - doesnt have to be big, a sticker, magazine, stay up later, trip to park! Let them know that you beleive they can do this etc. If they muck up at all, take the treat away - they will soon learn! Also, if the poor behaviour persists, then take them home!! Literally, 1 warning and I agree a 'look', then withdrawal of the treat unless it stops now, then under the arm and kicking and screaming home!! You do not have to do it many times before they realise you mean business . remember you make the rules and they stick to them - it may put you out having to take them home but is does work. Praise every little good thing they do when out - get them hankering for more of that and less of discipline! Hope all goes well.

Maggie - posted on 02/13/2009

Keep him physically near you so he can't get away if you need him close. And if he's too disruptive, you just have to take him outside the auditorium. Most children at age three would have a hard time sitting still for a play. Next time, you could do practice runs at home, saying that you're going to a fun, special play with sister and you need to sit very still. Also, you could bring alone something he could do quietly, like color?

Wendy - posted on 02/13/2009

If we are out somewhere, I will either threaten to take them home (esecially if we are someplace that they want to be) or I threaten them with a time out when we get home. Both my kids hate time outs so that generally stops the behaviour.........I ALSO have  a "LOOK". They know when I mean business!! :)

Rachel - posted on 02/13/2009

I absolutely agree with Jennifer on the consistant part, otherwise your son will test the limits at every opportunity. The best thing to demonstrate the seriousness with him was tell him if he doesn't straighten up, you are going to leave.You have to follow through though. Unfortunately as a parent, we suffer some of the repercussions of our threats. Best of luck!

Tracey - posted on 02/13/2009

If you tried the I'll spank you, or the LOOK and it does't work. Try telling the 3yr old that when you attend this type of function he/she won't be welcome to come, and have to stay with a sitter because the other people their don't think he/she is funny. That school activities are important and you must behave during them.

Jennifer - posted on 02/13/2009

if you spank threaten to take him to the bathroom (there are no cameras in there, it's against the law) anyhow, my twins are 20 months old and if i just say the word spank they straighten up. just be consistant with what ever you do.

Christina - posted on 02/13/2009

Quoting Angie:

I have a certain "Look". Both of my children know the "Look" My daughter, who is three years older than my son hipped him to it when he was about 2 years old. Now, I usually don't even have to day anything. The "Look" works! (My mom used it with us. Needless to say, we were WELL-BEHAVED!)

HA!!  I remember my mom's "look"!!  Yup.  Worked every time! 

Angie - posted on 02/13/2009

I have a certain "Look". Both of my children know the "Look" My daughter, who is three years older than my son hipped him to it when he was about 2 years old. Now, I usually don't even have to day anything. The "Look" works! (My mom used it with us. Needless to say, we were WELL-BEHAVED!)