what do you do when a man is willing to walk out on your child and his unborn because he finds out your bipolar

Kerry - posted on 01/21/2009

its time for you to focus on YOU and YOUR children.  Once you get the bipolar sorted you can work on your own way to deal with it.  There are good people out there, jsut thank god that idiot used whatever excuse he could to get out! that would have been another baby to deal with and he probably wouldnt have handled the pressure anyway!

There are caring males out there, if you feel you really need one, women are strong and we can live without men, wo dont need them really.  Men are a bit like an accessory you think you need that new killer pair of heels but when you wear them you can wait to take them OFF.  Wait until you find a pair of flattys that are always comfortable.

tell you a story about a friend of mine, she has bipolar and is rather eccentric, her fist husband was a fool and treated her badly and managed to turn the children against her telling them she was crazy.  She left him. a few years later she met a lovely guy who helped her sort out her behaviours, took her for doctor visits, learned all about bipolar with her when she got a diagnosis.  he wanted her to marry him, she made him wait 15 years until she was sure she was under control and he knew what he was getting into. They have a lovely home and live happily in their small circle of friends who dont care tht she can have 'off' days.  Her hsuband gauges her moods and removes himself and the children to fish or something when she is having trouble controling the bipolar, he can pick when this is happening and suddenly says "hey kids how about we go fishing and do boys things". 

There are amazing people out there, leave yourself open to possibility and sort your own problems out, get your children off to a healthy start, before worrying about adding a boyfiend to the mix. You have plenty of time take it easy and learn to enjoy life without a man. (and hey the good thing is there is no one to argue about how you choose to parent your children, and no grunting male expecting dinner everyday! that is a bonus!!)

Lisa - posted on 01/21/2009

Let him go! You don't need him.....he's so clueless.....and you want someone that's with you for the long haul....not just when it's good for him!! Wishing you the very best

Jessica - posted on 01/20/2009

Sorry to hear that. It's nothing to be ashamed at. I had very bad depression while I was pregnant with my second one. The crazy things that would pop in my head were unbearable. I wouldn't eat or sleep. I had alot of support from my parents and hubby, it's alot for them to handle also. But talk to someone, and your be in my prayers.

And yes just like Keri Callaham said "You are a woman and women are the strongest people on earth! God made us this way for a reason! He doesn't give you anything you can't handle". My mother said that to me while I was pregnant, dealing with depression. And I will never forget those words. You will get over this, just do it for you and the kids. God Bless you and the family.

Tracee - posted on 01/20/2009

Listen to Laura Foster!!! Laura you are amazing and so intelligent. Your reply was very well put. Terra, she is a woman knows what she is talking about. You have been given such good, heart-felt advice. You are lucky. Look at how well you did already just reaching out to other women as you have. You are lovely. And I really like the way you spell your name. Terra is a favorite name of mine anyway. You are going to be just fine.

Erin - posted on 01/20/2009

I agree with these ladies, if you had a heart problem would he be treating you differently? Bipolar disorder is just as real of a disease. You do not need someone like that in your life, you're family is better off without him. I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what pain you must be in. Follow the treatments, go to therapy, find a good support group and be a better mom for it! Good luck and God bless!

Laura - posted on 01/20/2009

I breastfed three very healthy babies with meds, get a drs advice

Laura - posted on 01/20/2009

First of all there is nothing "wrong" with you.  You are exactly the way God made you.  I was diagnosed with cancer in 1995 and no one thought anything was wrong with me or walked out on me. Then in 2003 I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and treated with very different set of rules.  I have handled it with my own set of boundaries and it has been very freeing to me.  I had suffered for years.  A label only gives answers and a path to the future.  It should not limit you.  You should not allow it or others to use it to limit you.  For 14 months I have been a single mother to a 15 month old, 4 year old, and 13 year old.  You can do it.  Trust God, Have faith, Seek answers.

Cyndi - posted on 01/20/2009

What do you do?  You thank God the loser's gone and focus on your health and your baby!  :)

Sheila - posted on 01/20/2009

Move on, He is not worth it!!! 

Heather - posted on 01/20/2009

if he couldnt be supportive then you are better off with out him. you dont need anyone dragging you down when you are in a time of need. hold on to those that will be there for you regardless. those are the ones that really count and matter. be strong and keep your head up.

Tracee - posted on 01/20/2009

I agree with Kelly about getting competent treatment and consistent as well. I need to ask if you are sure he was ashamed of what is wrong with you. Did he say that? Or is that how you feel? Terra, I grew up with a mother who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder and now I know people in relationships with them. While I understand Borderline is very different from Bi-Polar and I almost wish it was Bi-Polar I was dealing with, it takes a strong person to stay in a relationship with someone who has this disorder. That said, forgive him and do as Kelly suggested. Your focus now needs to be on being the best mom you can be because that will be the big issue. The right man will come along and I know that is not what you want to hear. I will add that maybe even this fella will come back and stay once he sees you are committed to building a competent life for you and your child. There is nothing more attractive than a woman who is capable of surviving with or without a man.

Lisa - posted on 01/20/2009

Stand Tall, be strong. Surround yourself with positive people. You can and will live a happy life, with support from doctors and support groups. Search things in your area. Look for the doors opening and leave the ones that have closed. I wish you good luck.

Angie - posted on 01/20/2009

If he is dumb enough to walk away then be smart enough to let him go.

Yvonne - posted on 01/20/2009

there's nothing you can do about him. it's his choice. however, your responsibility is to yourself and your child. get yourself healthy, get a good support system in place and take care of you child. :)

Stacy - posted on 01/20/2009

I'm bipolar and have children and am married. Find someone else. There are men out there that will love you and your children for who you are. Make sure you get the help you need and take your medication correctly!!! Join a support group. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. It's not any different than having diabetes or hypertension.

Melissa - posted on 01/20/2009

I would have to say that I firmly agree Stacey as I am also Bipolar.  I understand, and agree, that you need to move on in your life.  That you don't need any toxic relationships.  But I also know that you can't just flip the switch.  You obviously love this man and are hurt by his actions.  Take the time to mourn the death of that relationship and then pick yourself up and move on.  I agree that you need to "just forget about this guy", but who among us could really do that right off the bat.  You need to know that you are NOT crazy!!!  You have a chemical imbalance that requires medication.  No different than a diabetic.  You will find that once you are on the medications that work best for you, you will feel like a stronger person.  You will probably think more clearly than you have in a very long time!  I am a more settled and peaceful person today, but the key is to get to the right psychiatrist who you see on a regular basis( I see mine every other week), get on your meds and don't get off of them for any reason and go to the support groups.  You are worthy of respect .  Surround yourself with only people who will lift you up!  I hope this helps in some way!

Melissa - posted on 01/20/2009

I would have to say that I firmly agree Stacey as I am also Bipolar.  I understand, and agree, that you need to move on in your life.  That you don't need any toxic relationships.  But I also know that you can't just flip the switch.  You obviously love this man and are hurt by his actions.  Take the time to mourn the death of that relationship and then pick yourself up and move on.  I agree that you need to "just forget about this guy", but who among us could really do that right off the bat.  You need to know that you are NOT crazy!!!  You have a chemical imbalance that requires medication.  No different than a diabetic.  You will find that once you are on the medications that work best for you, you will feel like a stronger person.  You will probably think more clearly than you have in a very long time!  I am a more settled and peaceful person today, but the key is to get to the right psychiatrist who you see on a regular basis( I see mine every other week), get on your meds and don't get off of them for any reason and go to the support groups.  You are worthy of respect .  Surround yourself with only people who will lift you up!  I hope this helps in some way!

Paula - posted on 01/20/2009

well I know that it hurts terribly but if he doesnt care or love u enough to support u then find someone that does be better for you.

Jenesse - posted on 01/20/2009

I think you have to realize that he is not worth your time and he is not a man. Anyone who walks out on his children and the mother of those children is a coward. The best thing to do now is surround yourself with people who love you and will help you. Also, be certain you a seeking professional help during this difficult time.

P.S. don't let this man back into your life until he has sougt counseling and you are sure that he is in it for the long haul. For better or worse.

God Bless You.

Stacey - posted on 01/20/2009

First, he is an ignorant schmuck! Lose him--it is not worth the trouble. That being said...get a good psychiatrist now (if you don't have one already). Have this doctor communicate with your OB. There ARE anti-depressants that are safe with pregnancy...Celexa is one, Lexapro another. Take it (or whatever you are prescribed) without fail!!! Once the baby is born, get on mood stabilizers...don't breastfeed--GET ON THE MEDS! A mentally stable mom is far more important than breastfeeding--My kids are both Formula babies with excellent health and high IQ's! Get into therapy, learning how to live life with this diagnosis can be a struggle, as can being Mommy. Have a network of friends you can rely on...and stay strong! I will pray for you!

Keri - posted on 01/20/2009

If he was ashamed of you, then he is not worthy of you!  We all have problems or issues and he is going to have to realize that.  I am so sorry that you are having to go thru your pregnancy alone.  You need to lean on family and friends right now.  You also need to take care of yourself so you can have a healthy baby.  You will be ok.  You are a woman and women are the strongest people on earth!  God made us this way for a reason!  He doesn't give you anything you can't handle.  God Bless You!

Stacey - posted on 01/20/2009

I'm so sorry you're having to go through all of this.  I'm also bipolar.  I hate to have to say it, but your ex-boyfriend is not worth the extra grief and stress he's putting you through.  If he can't be around just for the simple fact that you're bipolar, he won't be around to love and help care for you or your baby.  You need to make sure you find a good doctor, if you don't already have one.  It's extremely important that you stay on your meds (however, I'm not sure of what meds you're on or the safety during pregnancy, so check with your doctor and make sure you both stay on top of things).  I can't stress how important it is to stay on your meds and stay in treatment.  This is not just important for you, but the baby you are still carrying now and your future family.  Keep yourself surrounded with people you can talk to and will help support you through all of this.  I didn't find out I was bipolar until right after my third child was born.  The 10 years or more before that, my doctors just thought I had depression.  They took me off my meds during all three pregnancies and turned me loose.  It was horrible.  Not only for me, but my children and friends.  Once I was finally diagnosed properly and treated, a new world opened up for me.  However, if I stop taking my meds, even for a day or two, it takes it's toll on me and everyone around me.  So, it's extremely important that you take good care of yourself, try to keep stress at a minimum, as that will trigger episodes for you, and find a good support group.    And don't worry about your ex....from my personal experience, sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you finally find your prince. 

I hope this at least helps just a little bit.  I'm here if you have any questions on bipolar disorder, as well.

Kristina - posted on 01/20/2009

you lost one of your children ( i am sorry to hear that) and you are depressed? anyone that loses a child would be. it is a hard thing to lose a baby. and your ex should understand that.

how long after the baby passed were you diagnosed with depression?

i have been suffering with depression for 3 years now and in my opinion, a man that is willing to walk out of his childrens lives isnt worth the time. my husband has stook by me even in the most unbearable moments.

as for the depression, by the sound of it you are still pregnant with the other baby, so it wasnt that long ago that you lost the other one and was diagosed with depression. i know that you can get through this. time will heal this pain you are going through, but for right now concentrate on the baby and your other child. dont worry about the guy that gave up on you because he was ashamed of you. you are a woman and we are stronger then guys seem to think and give us credit for. if this man knew anything he would know that pregnancy alone takes a toll on anyone. and that added stress of losing a child is unbearable.

like i said in time the pain lessons, and you can get back to being yourself. it takes time and patience and understanding.

Amelia - posted on 01/20/2009

Hey Terra. If your ex-boyfriend wasn't strong enough to support you in whatever you went through with this pregnancy and left because of something that you have no control over, then he wasn't worth your time anyways. What you need to focus on is supporting yourself and those children. (From the way I understand it you have 2?) But none the less, if he doesn't want to be there for you then get your mind off of him.

Kelly - posted on 01/20/2009

be sure you get adequate, competent treatment for your BPD and depression. Get some CLOSE friends/family to make sure you STICK with your tx. Find a church so you can surround yourself with people who will care for you and support you during this time. Whatever you do, don't hop in and out of therapy-as is typical of BPDs-your child will need a consistent, stable home. Forget the boyfriend.



Find some stability.