What do you do when your 15 year old daughter tells you she pregnan? abortion and adoption is out.

Wendy - posted on 08/08/2009 ( 363 moms have responded )

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What do you when your 15 year old daughter tells you she is pregnant? abortion and adoption are out of the question so please don't suggest that. the father of the child and his parents are supportive and do want to be part of the babys life. but I am just reeling and my daughter is just very non-chalant regarding the whole thing...she has broken up with the babys father which is ok..but again I am in shock!!!

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Leeza - posted on 08/08/2009

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Right now My family is going through the same thing. My niece is 15 pregnana. she lives with us off & on somewhat. Her mom can care less what she does cause she just got out of doin 8 months in Jail. Her father is the same way. Her so call bf & his family are jumping with joy but he dont have an job & he already asking her mama to talk to her about the way being & she ain't be like 2 or 3 months along. His mama is talkin about takin over & we are just in shock but knew it was going to happen cause she talked about a month before but her mama did nothing about it. that the sad part. she just let her throw away her life. All I can tell u to do is be there for her and let her know that u will alway be there no matter what. I know u gotta be upset but ur her mother & u gotta let her know that no matter what that will never change. Let her know that once the baby get here that she has to pretty do on her own or she will never learn. I am not sayin dont help but u know what I mean. I hope and pray that things look up for u

Stina - posted on 08/08/2009

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She's non-chalant? I really don't know what to say if that truly is an accurate measure of her feelings. I'm guessing that will change as the pregnancy progresses.
I was not 15 when I got pregnant- 21 still in college, not married and in a very new relationship. I was scared and it took a lot of courage to tell my parents. So While I don't know what it would be like to be 15 and pregnant, I do remember what it was like to be pregnant before I wanted to be... and to be very ashamed at becoming pregnant. (abortion also out of the question for me my son will be 5 in september)
The most important thing my parents did when they found out was support me emotionally. The first thing out of my stepdad's mouth was actually "You must be so scared"
How far along is she? my guess is that as the pregnancy goes on, reality will become more real to her and she will need your continued support. As we all know on Circle of Moms, becoming a mom changes everything. I know in some communities there are groups of teen moms that you could find/let her know about. it helps to know others who have gone through the same thing. Wonder if there is a group on Circle of Moms for teenage mothers?

Samantha - posted on 08/08/2009

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I have to say that unplanned pregnancies are hard at any age. I'm 28 and when I found out I was having a little one, it was the biggest shock and excitement all at the same time. It takes a few months for the full effect of it to really set in. The best thing you can do is just be supportive but make sure that she takes care of things herself. She's this little ones mom. While she'll need your advice and assistance, you have to make sure you don't take over. The biggest worry for me was my families reaction to my unplanned pregnancy and while it was a shock and their initial reactions weren't exactly as I had hoped, their ultimate support and guidance has been exactly what I needed to make it through these last 8 months.

Jeannie - posted on 08/08/2009

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Supporting is obvious, but there are other things to do which are supportive and long term. Plan out a college option. I know that lots of people say you can't finish school, and college is out, but that is not the case. There are abundant scholarships and education programs for teen mothers, and most of them start well before your daughter is ready to graduate. Planning her education will help set her path for her future and the baby's future. Depending on where you live there are high school options with day care programs and work programs to help with responsibility and education together. Chances are good that she is only calm on the surface. Establishing a plan that is more than just the next nine months will help both of you.

Sharon - posted on 08/08/2009

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15?? her body isn't done growing yet. how will she support the baby? Who is going to watch it? School?

And nonchalant about it too. huh, you've got your handsfull in seeing to it that she learns that there is a lesson here.

And you, woman I feel for you. A grandma and your baby isn't even grown up yet.

I have always told my husband - if any of them bring home a baby - its yours to raise. I've raised my kids and I've taught them better. If they go against our teachings and land themselves in hot water like that - they figure their own way out.

If they want advice - i've got it. I understand you can't put the yolk back in the egg once the shell is broken, but there are consequences for thoughtless actions.

I guess everyone is hunky dory about this but statutory rape comes to mind.

Rach - posted on 08/08/2009

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Gosh what a change is going to be in all of your lives... Of course you have to support her. There is still time for her to finish her education too. It sounds like she needs a little bit of a reality check. She is going to have to grow up very fast now and she also needs to take some responsibility for the decisions she has made. At least she has come forward early and told you she is pregnant and not tried to hide it from you. Take some deep breaths and take a day at a time at the moment. My best wishes to you all. What about looking for something in your community regarding support for young mums????

Zojoho - posted on 08/08/2009

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{{GBHs}} to All involved.



My reply would be to support your Daughter. Give her all the love and support that she requires. I know (and I hope to god neither one of my Daughter's puts themselves in this situation) that that's just what I would do. Abortion (unless it was rape or handicapped) and Adoption is not an option I would consider either.



Your Daughter might be off with the fairies about it all at this minute, but Us Mum's know that once that Baby is here, there is nooo turning back and the reality will smack her upside the head like a lightning bolt from out of the blue..!!



It would be wonderful if you could keep your Grandchild's other Grandparent's in the picture too..as your Daughter's baby deserves that much..even if the baby's Daddy doesn't want to be involved.



Wow, what big news for your family hey?? good luck with it all Hun..and dare I say it? Congrats on becoming a "Nana-to-be"..{8~D}

Mari - posted on 08/08/2009

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This is one of those few moments in life when you as the parent have no personnel choice. You love your daughter and if you want to be able to love her and be a part of the grandchilds life you give your support and that is it. There is no use in trying to tell her what she should do in reguards of the father, they are connected and they will have to learn that lesson. Stay civil and open to his family, again if nothing else but to benefit the grandchilds life. This pregenecy is the hard part because of the range of emotion that you have time to think about. Once that child is here, there are no more regrets and everyone's focus should be what is best for the child to have a happy and emotionally balanced life.

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I was prego at 17 and my parents were very supportive and if they were not I may not have succeeded. I made my fair share of mistakes but i think that you have to make mistakes in order to grow as a person.. My oldest two kids come from one father and we broke up and I married my youngest two kids father a year later and we are very happy and all my kids are well adjusted. I think your daughter will be okay if she knows that you love her and are their to support her not only financially but emotionally. this is a difficult time for her although she may not show you. I know I hid my feelings from my parents. She needs you now more than ever. God bless all of you!

Beccah - posted on 08/08/2009

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Support her. She may make some decisions you do not agree with and its important that you let her know your opinion but don't try to force her to do something she doesn't want. Be there when she needs you and understand that she's going through a lot. I was 16 when I told my mom i was pregnant and I never loved her more than through pregnancy. Its amazing how just a little love and support can make a person feel much better about themselves.

Stevie - posted on 08/08/2009

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you will probably be in shock for awhile but im glad to hear you support her i think help her out the best you can but dont let her be slack its her baby so when he or she is born you are grandma and she is mommy...enjoy it the best you can the both of you and just prepare for it it will be a change yes but a beautiful one and a blessing it will come to you imagine you are 15 and just found out you are pregnant at your moms what would you want aside from adoption and abortion what would you do or want when keeping your child

Keri - posted on 08/08/2009

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The best thing you can do is to be there for her & support her. Make sure she is involved with everything that there is. I was a young mother at 20. It was very hard @ that age also. My father (single parent household) were there for support, but I was the one that had to raise my child. I grew up very fast while I was pregnant, due to I was involved in every aspect of my pregnancy & having my father involved too. He was very supportive!! The father of my child was not in the picture so there was no support there. I did the very best I could along with the help from my dad. My daughter is now 18 & very independent & strong young lady. All you can do is be there with the support & love & guide her the best way you can. She will always turn to you for your support. I hope this helps.

Marta - posted on 08/08/2009

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All you can do is give her a big hug and remind her that you are there for her but, that this baby is her responsibility. I was 17 when I had my first and my parents were besides themselves but, as soon as we could we sat down together and made a short term plan for how we would care for the baby and how we would work it out so that I could continue my education. I am now 21 yrs old, married with 3 wonderful children. My mom takes care of the kids while I'm at school and my husband goes to work to provide for our rent, utilities, food, clothing etc. Our children are well behaved and we wouldn't have done it any other way! I ended things with my oldest sons father when I was 5 months pregnant and met my, now, husband on the same day (it was truly an act of God). My husband was present at my sons birth and him and my mom shared the joy of cutting the umbilicus and a couple of weeks later he proposed 7 months after that we were married. What I'm trying to show you here is that she'll be fine, she won't realize the gravity of the situation until she feels that baby moving around and sees her belly growing. Just be glad that you get to share in her joy, strife, and the moment that she enters adulthood. Please feel free to message me if you need anything. I don't know where you are but I'm in Calgary, AB, Canada so if you're near by and your daughter needs someone to talk to who's been there done that I'm always happy to help.

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