what do YOU do when your 2 yr old has a meltdown in a shopping center??

April - posted on 01/30/2009

Well don't do anything really cause that's what that want!!..but what I do is I pack a bag of toys and things and when I go in the store I pick up a small milk and get there fave snack and open it in the store and for the most part it works!!! I have 4 kids so I know it can be really hard to go any where with you child!

Nicole - posted on 01/30/2009

I've got 3 kids and the only thing that worked was walking away, leave them there!

Obviously don't completely leave, you'll only need to walk away a little and ignore him, I don't think they can believe you've done it!

Jodi - posted on 01/29/2009

you have to learn to turn off, turn off to the tantrum and turn off to everyone around you like they are not even there. i wouldnt be embarrest im sure most people in there have experienced it befor themselves. What ever you do, dont leave untill you are finished and you are ready to go home, if you give in now your child will think they have it over you and do it again and again to get what they want. let them throw the tantrums and cary on with what you are doing. remember a guy does handle things different to women they are more inclind to get imbarrest, just remind him what long term challenges lay ahead if you start giving in now. by taking your child home they think they have one, because you are not doing what you set out to do.

Nikki - posted on 01/29/2009

I have a 21/2 year old girl, she has chucked the biggest tantrum in a shopping centre to the point I was holding her while she was kicking and screaming in my arms.

My advice is to not give in to there tantrums no matter how embarressed you or your partner get...... If you give in to your child they will continue to through tantrums because they know they can break you this way and therefore get what they want.

I went into the parenting room untill my little girl carmed down which took about 2 hrs, but she has been great since. Now if she starts tantrums I head straight to the parents room and she stops, then I can continue my shopping. As for the judging eyes just ignore them, your child is very normal.

Rachel - posted on 01/29/2009

If nothing seemed wrong with the child (fed, not nap time, diaper dry/clean) then I just kept on shopping. It was embarrassing, but if I was shopping with the kids, it was bc I HAD to and bc my husband wasn't home to keep the kids.

Whatever you decide, being consistent is the key!

Crystal - posted on 01/29/2009

I have this problem. I have a 20 month old little girl that will have break downs for whatever reason. I push the cart about two feet forward just so she can not reach me. I act if I'm not seeing her but I don't take my eyes off of her. then I tell her mommy is not going to move until you stop. I get looks but anybody that has had kids knows what it is like. She has been better lately. I then if she is good then I tell her she can have a snack. I put gold fish in a little baggy for her, or buy her something like that. I don't like always giving in with treats but I use healthy food. My son gets carrots. I hope I helped a little at least you are not alone!

Estelle - posted on 01/29/2009

I think it is really important to know that whilst a child might choose to throw a tantrum they do not have the emotional experience to cope with it. It may scare and overwhelm them. I found that if I acknowledged to my son that I knew he was angry and gave him a hug he would calm down quite quickly. I would say to him through his red fog "Gene I know you are angry/upset" etc. Try it ,you might be surprised but just remember these tantrums are scary for our little people as they do not know how to calm themselves. Don't be embasassed by what others think as your child is your priority not others or your shopping. Good luck

Shanna - posted on 01/29/2009

I put everything down and calmly walk out of the store and to the car. My son sits in his car seat until he is ready to go back inside. If he is not, then we drop it and go home. It is not worth it. But don't give in!!! They will remember forever and the fits will only get worse! We just had a meltdown at the photography studio in our mall, this is exactly what we did and his fits get shorter and shorter!

Gelaine - posted on 01/29/2009

Well I would say that if one of you can manage without the other in the shops to have one take him outside til he calms down. If that means sitting in the car, then I would do it. If you are alone, then ignoring it is really the only option you probably have. Because if you give them attention, then it will encourage it next time.

Brenda - posted on 01/29/2009

Usually, ignoring the action is the best solution and finishing what you need to do and removing them from the situation.  I know with my son, he went through that phase when he was tired and hungry especially.  I would try to make sure he was rested and full when I took him places.  Sometimes they just get bored with where they're at.  I used to take several toys and snacks in his diaper bag to occupy him while I was shopping.  And depending on the store, I'd give him something to play with while we were walking around, a new book or a toy, and then remove it before we left so he didn't think he was getting the toy he'd been playing with.  This worked pretty well until he was old enough to realize that he didn't have it when he got to the car...lol.  But by then we were out of the store and I didn't have to worry about him throwing a fit anymore.

Paula - posted on 01/29/2009

You know what I did!!................

 

My daughter did that same thing at 2 yrs old.  I realised that she wasn't a baby any more because her demands in the supermarket were getting rediculous.  So when she used give a massive big tantrum in the shopping aisle, I would ignore her and walk off, I would say, when your finished I'm around the corner.  It seemed to work, I only had to do it on 2 occassions and she stopped.  All the shoppers would look at me, but I didn't care.  It's better to deal with the situation right there and then than to let it happen again and again.she is now 7 yrs old and she knows that I won't tolerate any behaviour like that, I always try to praise her more that criticise her when I can. 

 

   Quoting Kellie:

what do YOU do when your 2 yr old has a meltdown in a shopping center??

my 2 yr old has taken to throwing rather loud tantrums at the shops, my husband gets so embarrassed he wants to leave i want to get done what needs to get done ....??!! what do u think?

Lana - posted on 01/29/2009

i have never had this problem with any of my 3 kids i have always told them what we r going to do and make it fun 4 them too ie make a shopping list up with pictures  then let the little  ones help works 4 me aslo they know if they compleated the list there in 4 a treat afterwards  my kids love shopping  i hope i have give u some idea

Mahalia - posted on 01/29/2009

It is a little tricky with 2 year olds as their minds are still developing. A two year old can behave badly without any prethought into the consequences, as compared to a three year old who is more aware of outcome of bad behaviour. I strongly recommend 1 warning only, if the child continues to misbehave, follow through with your chosen form of dicipline. It may take a couple of tries however consistency is definately the key.  Hope this helps.

Kristy - posted on 01/29/2009

Hi kellie my daughter once done this in the middle of a shopping centre when she was bout 3 so i chucked one back at her. it was so funny she didnt no what to do, and every time after that i when she started to do it i reminded her about it and threatened that i would do it again..let's just say she never did it again

Julie - posted on 01/29/2009

When my kids were little, and my husband was with me at the store, we gave them the rules before we went in and what the reward would be for being good. If a tantrum was thrown, my husband would just pick either one of them up and walk straight out to the car and I would finish shopping. If I was alone, I would pick them up and leave, yes, leave my cart wherever it was and walk out. Tantrums are not to hbe tolerated and if they don't have an audience to perform for, they won't "perform."

Charmille - posted on 01/29/2009

My mother states she used to leave me and keep going. Continue shopping watching me but not letting me have the attention I wanted until I realized she was not right there then we would leave. Isn't pay back something? Cause of course I see that my son has my ways!! Regardless of what other people think about it at the time, as difficult as it is you cannot let the people watching in amazement influence what you do for your child. Each child is different. You are the parent so as much as it is frustrating sometimes you have to be cool even when they are not.

Sam - posted on 01/29/2009

hi im a single mum and i have a son who is now 5. when he was a baby up to the age of 2 he was an angel after this however the terrible 2's began and i soon learnt why they called it this i too used to get embarrassed by the tantrums but once i got over my embarrassment i started to ignore him and just carry on with what ever i was doing and gradually the tantrums were over alot quicker. i know its hard but try and ignore anyone looking at u your not a bad mum and if everyone is honest every mum has been through this. i am pleased to say my son is a loving happy little boy.

Morag - posted on 01/29/2009

My son  (25 months) had a bad tantrum this week, I was mortified, I took him home never got shopping done. Everyone was looking at me like I was the worst mum ever, does not hlep that he has a cough & have PMT. I am not going shopping with him as even food shoppping is stressfull.  I find it hard to get anyone to look after him though the day. I just wait till hubby gets home in the evening then I go out.  I should not wish his life away but cannot wait till this stage is past.

Christine - posted on 01/28/2009

To get my 2 yr old daughter to stop her tantrums at the store, we would show her 2 quarters and put them in her pocket or in our pocket when we entered the store.  We would tell her that if she cries and is bad, then no prize or ride when we leave.  It took ONE time of her not getting her ride and she never had a tantrum in a store again.  If she would start to get cranky in the store, I would ask her if her coins were still in her pocket and that would remind her to be good.  But, if she were to continue her tantrum in the store, I would quickly finish my shopping.  Your child won't be the first or the last to throw a tantrum, so even though it can be embarrassing, just remember that every parent in that store has gone through it.  

Angela - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Kellie:

what do YOU do when your 2 yr old has a meltdown in a shopping center??

my 2 yr old has taken to throwing rather loud tantrums at the shops, my husband gets so embarrassed he wants to leave i want to get done what needs to get done ....??!! what do u think?

 

It depends....why does he throw the tantrum? I have a newly turned 3 year old and I got her into the bad habit of always getting her something when we are shopping. So when we go now, I let her pick out something cheap, and she knows that if she is not good in the store, she will not get it.  And my husband also gets fustrated, he has no patience, so he doesn't come shopping with us.  I also let her gelp me shop, like when we go food shopping she enjoys putting fruit in the bags and picking out her snacks, the trick is to keep them busy and occupied.  And don't feel bad people are going to stare, that's just how they are, but just remember they are babies and they are learning, it doesn't matter what other people think, because the people that have kids understand the pain!...Good luck, hope I helped at least a little...Angie

Edie - posted on 01/27/2009

You leave the cart and you take them out and go sit in time out in the car tell they settle down. Then you tell them what you what out of them and If they can do it then you go back in. Then when you go in a they do it a again then you go back out to the car. It is a pain but they will get sick of it stop. because they don't think you can do any thing out in public. Let them know you All ways have a time out!

Michelle - posted on 01/27/2009

My kids both tried this once or twice and that was the last time I let it happen.  Here are some of my suggestions: 1) If hubby wants to leave, and you want to finish up your shopping, have hubby take baby to car, and you stay inside and finish up your shopping. 2) Leave. I found that , as much as it sucked, leaving right then and there to save your sanity ( along with everybody else's in the store) and to teach the child that they CANNOT do that in the store, is to leave right there and then, as soon as the tantrum starts. 3)  When baby does behave well in the store, treat him some way. A small toy, some sort of candy, etc. The more you reward the better behavior, the more they use it. You just have to be careful with that one because they will try to milk you for it. " See mommy....i was good. so can I have a treat now?".   Kids, no matter how tiny they are, they have a mind of their own and they are great manipulators! lol! I hope for the best during your next shopping experience and hope you were able to find some of these suggestions helpful! Take care!

Martie - posted on 01/27/2009

I need to say a few mor things.I work in a store, and yes people look.It is very unnervering to people to sope and keep their head stright on geting what they came for. It is NOT the other shopper falt that your child is acting up. Plese be kind to the other shoppers and the workers. Take your child out side Leave your cart  tell a worker or manager that you intend to come back if you can get your child clamed down. They will be glad to keep your things until you return. If you see you can not go back in long enough to tell them.

Then if your child is good where ever you go don't buy their love , brag on them . When you go to some ones house tell them in frount of the child how proud of them you are.

Stephanie - posted on 01/27/2009

I always make a point of talking to my daughter about what we are about to go do. I talk about the different things that we are going to buy. I then ask her to repeat them back to me. I talk about whether she'll ride in a carraige or not. I try to ask her what she thinks we should buy. I let her chose a snavk to bring (once she chose elbow noodles and wanted them in a ziplock bag. We received odd looks that day.) I also ask her what we should do when we're done. I'll let her put things in the carraige or bags in the produce area of the grocery store. I tell her how she's doing a good job behaving multiple times, and that I'm proud of her. We even talk about it later in the day. It does take more time, but it's worth not having a tantrum.

This all helps me prevent the tantrums, but every once in a while, it doesn't work. Usually when I'm in a hurry, and she doesn't feel she's getting enough attention. During the tantrum, there's no reasoning with them. Unless she's doing something dangerous (like lying down in a parking lot), I just do my best to ignore her and get my stuff done. We always talk about them after she's calmed down. I think tantrums happen because children at that age get so frustrated with things and do not know how to talk about what they are feeling. I ask simple questions like "you were mad earlier, weren't you?" She'll eventually agree. I then make sure to tell her that it's okay to get mad or upset, and that everyone gets mad sometimes, but it's not okay to act like that. I use specifics for the actions, and try to give alternatives, like deep breaths. Try and remember how you felt as a teenager when you thought no adult understood you. I want my daughter to learn how to talk to me now, so she'll be able to when she's a teenager.

I've been doing all of this since my daughter was 18 months. I know some people think that kids this age are too young to understand, but just because they cannot express themselves with the right words, does not mean that they do not understand you.

Martie - posted on 01/27/2009

I am not going to brag , but my son was very good when we went out , but on some days he would test me. So at that time I myself or my husband would take him to the car, or we would leave and take him to someone to watch him. I never spanked him in the store, EVER.

I thank you are good parents or you would not have asked for help.

Before you go any where, Eye to eye contact and tell him that he better be good or he can not go along. Be furm

Never ever count Dumb thing cause they learn that they can still push you to that number.

I would look at my son and say, I'll give you the count to nothing.I did not yell, but a furm voice.

If you know my son he would tell you fast I knew better. He is now 35 and I well Jokingly say I'll give you the count to nothing.

He uses it with his son, and it works.

Good Luck

Mary - posted on 01/27/2009

walk out, send a clear message to you kids that it is not appropriate and

they are not in control.

Diane - posted on 01/27/2009

I just do my best to ignore mine.I stick her in the cart and she can have a meltdown in that.After she realizes she not bothering me she stops.Yeah people look.The only ones that do are the ones without kids.It dosnt bother me. If they realize your getting upset they just do it more.Good luck.This too will pass.

Samantha - posted on 01/27/2009

when my daughter has a melt down in public I wait untill she is done and then i point out all the people staring at her not me. and I stay very calm and in control. I always carry a snack in my pocket because tantrums in my daughters case is because she is hungry, or tired and bored I found it I keep her actively engaged in what ever i am doing she has no melt downs. I try to stay one step ahead of her. I always have something we will do after we are done if she is a good girl like speical mommy jordan time reading a book or doing a puzzle i give her something to look forward to. some days i feel like an events cordiator but it works for me and we have only had a few melt downs. Kids just want attention yes but attention is helping mommy or dasddy with what ever you are doing. I love shopping with my daughter it is fun mom and jordan time.

hope this helps

Samantha

Stephanie - posted on 01/27/2009

I have twins and me and my husband do the shopping together since we only have one car. When my boy starts acting up and yelling we go and sit in the car. After a few times he has gotten better. When grocery shopping we use those huge carts that are cars for the kids to pretend they are driving. They work wonders.

Angela - posted on 01/27/2009

Pick him up and take him to the car. Toddlers get stressed and need to know that their parents are still in charge and will take care of them. It's like that book, Mama do you love me, the little Inuit girl wonders if her mom will love her even if she turns into a fearsome creature, your son wants to be scooped up and reassured that he is still the little boy. If he is stubborn, you may not be able to go back into the store that day, but most children will stop their tantrum and be ready to listen to reason before you even get to the car. I am really jealous that your husband is with you on these trips, you two could spilt up and attend to your sons needs while still getting your errands done, beautiful.

Emmy - posted on 01/27/2009

It's different for each CHILD, but keep in mind you are doing whatever it is you're about to do...FOR THEM. Not for the public around you.  My son, at 2, had a terrible "meltdown" after visiting a Science Museum and it was time to go - good luck telling an over tired little boy it was time to stop touching the goop at the science table and leave to go home for a nap. He threw an absolute fit and I mean THREW.  He started with the typical yelling and crying but it escilated in no time to hitting, thrashing, blood curtling screams, face turning red, biting, ect.  I then started to take his hand and walk him out. He would NOT leave.  He went limp, kicked, fell to the floor, thrashed around some more and held on to the door jam so we couldn't even get out of the door.  I tried to pick him up and physically carry him out. Other mothers were starting to help - it was embarrassing. He just wasn't having it. Now that Jaxon is 6yrs, in hindesite - this blow up could have been avoided by just taking him out the minute I could tell he was upset. No coaxing or bargining.  The moment oppposition starts and you can't get it under control, get them out and let it run its course.  Pick them up immediately, leave your groceries, take them outside or to the car and let them do whatever it is THEY need to do.  I believe they have "meltdowns" for the same reason as we adults do.  They however, do not have the skills or knowledge on how to handle them calmly.  Give them the opportunity, in private, to release their frustrations.  Crowds or onlookers may give your child an audiance to perform to if they notice people are starring.  Who cares about the milk in the basket or the clothes you put on the wrong hooks to get out the door fast.  Someone will take care of it.  This is for your child!  You can always go back to the store after a quick break in the car or a little nap at home. 

Melanie - posted on 01/27/2009

If I am with my husband, one of us takes our 2 year old daughter to the car. Better for her to have a tantrum in the car rather than in the store.

Kellie - posted on 01/27/2009

unfortunatly i dont drive and he works 6days a week i work 1 so we get very little time to do shopping, we get there just as the shops r getting ready to close!! he has to drive me there !! other wise that would be great !!!

ive got my learners so not long now!!

Donna Marie - posted on 01/27/2009

When I tell my daughter that we're going to leave and go outside, she straightens right up 'cause she doesn't want to miss out on the fun and/or doesn't want to be outside in the cold air.

If she doesn't straighten up, I take her outside, and usually, she's ok by the time we get all the way to the door.  But if not, that cold air is a big help and reminder that she's not in control and the world doesn't revolve around her.

Also, I try to give her incentives to be good before we even get to the store.

A chant I have all of my kids to say is "Good kids get treats; but disobedient kids get beat."

Some other tips:

1. never take them shopping if they're hungry or very sleepy; give them a snack/nap before you get out of the car

2. make sure she knows the ground rules before you even get to the store; at 2 years old, she can understand the things you're telling her now...don't be afraid to have a discussion with her while she's still at home and calm...don't wait until she's in a tizzy to talk to her

Natalie - posted on 01/27/2009

Just carry on with what you need to do! My daughter used to do this but if I left the shop thats what she wanted so I just used to carry on like nothing was happening if people look at you so what, if they are a mum thay have probably gone through it aswell. If your partner cant cope why doesnt he stay at home with your 2 year old and you can shop in piece! Hope this helps xxx

Jessica - posted on 01/27/2009

My son dose the sane thing i ask him if he wants to go to bed if he dosnt stop but most of the time they are just doing for the attention or they want to walk around