What do you think about letting baby cry to sleep?

Carrie - posted on 12/10/2009

Quoting Leanne:

Quoting Sara:

Quoting Leanne:

Quoting Sara:

Quoting Renae:

Quoting Sara:

I don't use it. Make sure you research both sides. CIO has been linked to attachment issues, ADHD and other things. When you do CIO your baby learns that you will no longer respond to their cry (leading to the attachment issues). I, personally, will never let my daughter feel alone or scared even if I have to sacrifice sleep.

Here's a link of some info on CIO
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-...

Hi Sara,

The methods you are referring to here are the graduated extinction and parental presence methods.

There is another method of CIO that does not cause the baby distress. The baby does not have to feel alone or scared to use a CIO method. The important thing is to understand cry interpretation so that you know what your baby is crying about and what they are feeling.

If a baby is crying aren't they in distress??

Sometimes babies cry because they are tired and they just want to sleep, they are not necessarily distressed as such.

This was the case with my baby when she was 7 months old. We very successfully used controlled crying methods with her. I wont go into these methods as they are very similar to what other people have posted but I am very happy for you to message me if you would like more detail.
I originally was very against controlled crying.... before I had actually tried it and really knew what it was!!! Now that I know how quickly it worked and how much happier and healthier our family unit was after using it I happily reccomend it to people.

I think some posters here need to reread the original post...

For those of you who let your babies cry to sleep, how do you do it exactly and how long did it take til your baby was able to sleep by themselves?

The poster is asking for advice from people who have used this method and how to do it. Not peoples opinions as to whether they agree with the method or not.

Good luck Abigail and again please feel free to message me if you would like some further advice.

Actually, if you read her post the title is: 'What do you think about letting baby cry to sleep?' Regardless of why they cry research that was posted here shows what happens in their brains. Makes me sad all of these babies that just want their mommies. 

 

Apologies Sara. Yes the title asks that question but the detailed content asks for advice from mums who have experienced this rather than opinions from people that haven't.

However, I have to respond to your statement "....these babies that just want their mummies...."

Sometimes babies cry because they are overtired and are unable to (for differing reasons) fall asleep. Sometimes it is not because they want their mums i'st because they want sleep. My first daughter slept through the night from 9 days old until she came down with severe tonsilitis at 5 months. She then began waking through the night more and more until she was waking hourly. Although I did not realise it initially, she had basically unlearnt how to put herself to sleep.

I dont know about other people but i need a good nights sleep to function effectively and safely. My husband and i tried varying methods to settle her and get her to sleep for 2 months. After finally trying contolled crying (I really did not want to do it - I thought it was cruel) she cried the first night for 45 minutes with us going to her at intervals to check she was ok, reassure etc... After falling asleep she slept the whole night and did the next and the next and still is (she is now 4).

To me this is a much more positive experience and outcome. Ok she cried in her cot for 45 minutes but for the last 2 months she had been crying in our arms while we rocked, walked, patted, fed her etc..... We tried everything and were there for her and she was still crying! It finally dawned on me...She wanted to sleep!!!!! She didn't want me, she didn't want me rocking, patting, holding her. She didn't want to be in our bed. She wanted her cot and she wanted to sleep.

As a parent now for nearly 5 years controlled crying was the hardest thing i have done. Mainly because so many mums out there who have not experienced similar situations make these blanket statements... your baby needs you.... you are damaging your baby etc... So as a mum you feel terribly guilty. All mums want to do the best for their babies. What works for some may not work for others but we should be supporting each other not making each other feel bad.

In my opinion and my situation it was the kindest thing I could have done for my daughter, myself and my husband. I only wish I had done it sooner and not listened to people who told me it would harm my daughter. In my opinion my daughter was more harmed by me trying to comfort her when all she wanted to do was learn how to fall asleep on her own. Not to mention trying to care for a baby while surviving on minimum sleep.

 

amen to that! 

Gwen - posted on 12/10/2009

I don't believe in it. Especially w/ a 5 month old infant. They are just tiny babies.

Leanne - posted on 12/10/2009

Quoting Sara:

Quoting Leanne:

Quoting Sara:

Quoting Renae:

Quoting Sara:

I don't use it. Make sure you research both sides. CIO has been linked to attachment issues, ADHD and other things. When you do CIO your baby learns that you will no longer respond to their cry (leading to the attachment issues). I, personally, will never let my daughter feel alone or scared even if I have to sacrifice sleep.

Here's a link of some info on CIO
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-...

Hi Sara,

The methods you are referring to here are the graduated extinction and parental presence methods.

There is another method of CIO that does not cause the baby distress. The baby does not have to feel alone or scared to use a CIO method. The important thing is to understand cry interpretation so that you know what your baby is crying about and what they are feeling.

If a baby is crying aren't they in distress??

Sometimes babies cry because they are tired and they just want to sleep, they are not necessarily distressed as such.

This was the case with my baby when she was 7 months old. We very successfully used controlled crying methods with her. I wont go into these methods as they are very similar to what other people have posted but I am very happy for you to message me if you would like more detail.
I originally was very against controlled crying.... before I had actually tried it and really knew what it was!!! Now that I know how quickly it worked and how much happier and healthier our family unit was after using it I happily reccomend it to people.

I think some posters here need to reread the original post...

For those of you who let your babies cry to sleep, how do you do it exactly and how long did it take til your baby was able to sleep by themselves?

The poster is asking for advice from people who have used this method and how to do it. Not peoples opinions as to whether they agree with the method or not.

Good luck Abigail and again please feel free to message me if you would like some further advice.

Actually, if you read her post the title is: 'What do you think about letting baby cry to sleep?' Regardless of why they cry research that was posted here shows what happens in their brains. Makes me sad all of these babies that just want their mommies. 

 

Apologies Sara. Yes the title asks that question but the detailed content asks for advice from mums who have experienced this rather than opinions from people that haven't.

However, I have to respond to your statement "....these babies that just want their mummies...."

Sometimes babies cry because they are overtired and are unable to (for differing reasons) fall asleep. Sometimes it is not because they want their mums i'st because they want sleep. My first daughter slept through the night from 9 days old until she came down with severe tonsilitis at 5 months. She then began waking through the night more and more until she was waking hourly. Although I did not realise it initially, she had basically unlearnt how to put herself to sleep.

I dont know about other people but i need a good nights sleep to function effectively and safely. My husband and i tried varying methods to settle her and get her to sleep for 2 months. After finally trying contolled crying (I really did not want to do it - I thought it was cruel) she cried the first night for 45 minutes with us going to her at intervals to check she was ok, reassure etc... After falling asleep she slept the whole night and did the next and the next and still is (she is now 4).

To me this is a much more positive experience and outcome. Ok she cried in her cot for 45 minutes but for the last 2 months she had been crying in our arms while we rocked, walked, patted, fed her etc..... We tried everything and were there for her and she was still crying! It finally dawned on me...She wanted to sleep!!!!! She didn't want me, she didn't want me rocking, patting, holding her. She didn't want to be in our bed. She wanted her cot and she wanted to sleep.

As a parent now for nearly 5 years controlled crying was the hardest thing i have done. Mainly because so many mums out there who have not experienced similar situations make these blanket statements... your baby needs you.... you are damaging your baby etc... So as a mum you feel terribly guilty. All mums want to do the best for their babies. What works for some may not work for others but we should be supporting each other not making each other feel bad.

In my opinion and my situation it was the kindest thing I could have done for my daughter, myself and my husband. I only wish I had done it sooner and not listened to people who told me it would harm my daughter. In my opinion my daughter was more harmed by me trying to comfort her when all she wanted to do was learn how to fall asleep on her own. Not to mention trying to care for a baby while surviving on minimum sleep.

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 12/10/2009

Quoting Leanne:

Quoting Sara:

Quoting Renae:

Quoting Sara:

I don't use it. Make sure you research both sides. CIO has been linked to attachment issues, ADHD and other things. When you do CIO your baby learns that you will no longer respond to their cry (leading to the attachment issues). I, personally, will never let my daughter feel alone or scared even if I have to sacrifice sleep.

Here's a link of some info on CIO
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-...

Hi Sara,

The methods you are referring to here are the graduated extinction and parental presence methods.

There is another method of CIO that does not cause the baby distress. The baby does not have to feel alone or scared to use a CIO method. The important thing is to understand cry interpretation so that you know what your baby is crying about and what they are feeling.

If a baby is crying aren't they in distress??

Sometimes babies cry because they are tired and they just want to sleep, they are not necessarily distressed as such.

This was the case with my baby when she was 7 months old. We very successfully used controlled crying methods with her. I wont go into these methods as they are very similar to what other people have posted but I am very happy for you to message me if you would like more detail.
I originally was very against controlled crying.... before I had actually tried it and really knew what it was!!! Now that I know how quickly it worked and how much happier and healthier our family unit was after using it I happily reccomend it to people.

I think some posters here need to reread the original post...

For those of you who let your babies cry to sleep, how do you do it exactly and how long did it take til your baby was able to sleep by themselves?

The poster is asking for advice from people who have used this method and how to do it. Not peoples opinions as to whether they agree with the method or not.

Good luck Abigail and again please feel free to message me if you would like some further advice.

Actually, if you read her post the title is: 'What do you think about letting baby cry to sleep?' Regardless of why they cry research that was posted here shows what happens in their brains. Makes me sad all of these babies that just want their mommies. 

Carrie - posted on 12/09/2009

Quoting Sara:

Quoting Renae:

Quoting Sara:

I don't use it. Make sure you research both sides. CIO has been linked to attachment issues, ADHD and other things. When you do CIO your baby learns that you will no longer respond to their cry (leading to the attachment issues). I, personally, will never let my daughter feel alone or scared even if I have to sacrifice sleep.

Here's a link of some info on CIO
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-...

Hi Sara,

The methods you are referring to here are the graduated extinction and parental presence methods.

There is another method of CIO that does not cause the baby distress. The baby does not have to feel alone or scared to use a CIO method. The important thing is to understand cry interpretation so that you know what your baby is crying about and what they are feeling.

If a baby is crying aren't they in distress??  

 

I took that to mean hurting, stuck, etc not temper.  I let my youngest cry it out and she is a well developed, happy, mirthful, little girl.  It did not hurt her in any way, if fact it taught her independence from me, which she needs to have.

 

Carrie - posted on 12/09/2009

I think it's really tough to do but it works and generally it doesn't take that long. Some kids, like mine, are stubborn though. My youngest needed me to rub her back for every nap and bedtime till she was 11 months. Dayhome looming she needed to be able to self soothe! It took about 2 weeks (1 hard week of her crying A LOT) and then the other was just reinforcing the rule of "fall asleep by yourself". Now she goes to bed on her own and generally sleeps through the night. My sister just sleep trained her 5 month old (who needed to be rocked and held or fed to sleep) by letting her cry as well. She spoke to her dr first to make sure her daughter was ok to start, meaning she didn't need to eat at night because her weight was good. At nap time she puts her in the crib, says "it's naptime, I love you goodnight" and then doesn't go back in for 2 hours (unless of course there is something wrong, aside from temper). At bedtime it the same routine and they don't go in. If she wakens through the night they let her cry for 15 min and then go to the door, say the "bedtime love you goodnight" and then leave her. Obviously they make sure she's safe and can't hurt herself. She's in her crib so she's fine. It only took a week and now she is sleeping 10.5 hours a night and usually 1.5-2 hours for her naps. If she is sick or when she had her shots they bent the rules and nursed her at night or took her into bed with them. You have to use your instincts. The first 3 days are the hardest and I am told (now ;-)) not to start with naps but with bedtime. Do the bedtime routine, tuck him in, say goodnight and leave him to cry. Buy kleenex if you need to cry too. Good luck!

Leanne - posted on 12/09/2009

Quoting Sara:

Quoting Renae:

Quoting Sara:

I don't use it. Make sure you research both sides. CIO has been linked to attachment issues, ADHD and other things. When you do CIO your baby learns that you will no longer respond to their cry (leading to the attachment issues). I, personally, will never let my daughter feel alone or scared even if I have to sacrifice sleep.

Here's a link of some info on CIO
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-...

Hi Sara,

The methods you are referring to here are the graduated extinction and parental presence methods.

There is another method of CIO that does not cause the baby distress. The baby does not have to feel alone or scared to use a CIO method. The important thing is to understand cry interpretation so that you know what your baby is crying about and what they are feeling.

If a baby is crying aren't they in distress??

Sometimes babies cry because they are tired and they just want to sleep, they are not necessarily distressed as such.

This was the case with my baby when she was 7 months old. We very successfully used controlled crying methods with her. I wont go into these methods as they are very similar to what other people have posted but I am very happy for you to message me if you would like more detail.
I originally was very against controlled crying.... before I had actually tried it and really knew what it was!!! Now that I know how quickly it worked and how much happier and healthier our family unit was after using it I happily reccomend it to people.

I think some posters here need to reread the original post...

For those of you who let your babies cry to sleep, how do you do it exactly and how long did it take til your baby was able to sleep by themselves?

The poster is asking for advice from people who have used this method and how to do it. Not peoples opinions as to whether they agree with the method or not.

Good luck Abigail and again please feel free to message me if you would like some further advice.

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 12/09/2009

Quoting Deborah :

I can asure you CIO has nothing to do with ADHD I am a product of a mother who never let me cry and so is my husband and we never ler our children cry themselves to sleep and my 10 year old son has ADHD. ADHD is inherrited by genes not whether or not your mother let you cry yourself to sleep. ADHD is not a disability is not a disibility it is the ability to process information at much greater rate of speed and on multiple levels. My husband and I run our own business I have 3 children all who are homeschooled and one is 7 months. I am floored by this claim and would love to talk to the resarchers on this one.

From http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handou...

"One study showed infants who experienced persistent crying episodes were 10 times more likely to have ADHD as a child, along with poor school performance and antisocial behavior. The researchers concluded these findings may be due to the lack of responsive attitude of the parents toward their babies. " Wolke, D, et al, Persistent Infant Crying and Hyperactivity Problems in Middle Childhood, Pediatrics, 2002; 109:1054-1060.

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 12/09/2009

Quoting Renae:

Quoting Sara:

I don't use it. Make sure you research both sides. CIO has been linked to attachment issues, ADHD and other things. When you do CIO your baby learns that you will no longer respond to their cry (leading to the attachment issues). I, personally, will never let my daughter feel alone or scared even if I have to sacrifice sleep.

Here's a link of some info on CIO
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-...

Hi Sara,

The methods you are referring to here are the graduated extinction and parental presence methods.

There is another method of CIO that does not cause the baby distress. The baby does not have to feel alone or scared to use a CIO method. The important thing is to understand cry interpretation so that you know what your baby is crying about and what they are feeling.

If a baby is crying aren't they in distress??

Amber - posted on 12/09/2009

ME and my sons father let our 5 month old cry himself to sleep every now and then... I get him to where hes half awake and half sleeping, then i put him in his bed with a bottle and ussally within 10 mins he's out for a good 8 hours.. but some night that don't work so we let him cry for like 10 mins.. i go and lay him by me for a little bit get him calmed down or daddy takes him for a little bit and then we lay him back down again...

Sarah - posted on 12/09/2009

hey, its been a while since my little one was that young, but crying for no more than 5 mins is fine unless they are completly distressed, you can purchase these bears that are great for little babies, the inside of the bear there is a speaker that produces sounds similar to the ones made in the womb.it calms them down and helps them sleep you just place it in bed with the baby, makes them think mum is near by, i think you can get them from most baby shops and target perhaps, mine was givin as a gift, but good luck, can be very stressfull

C. - posted on 12/09/2009

Quoting Kelsey:

Quoting Christina:

Quoting Renae:

Quoting Sara:

I don't use it. Make sure you research both sides. CIO has been linked to attachment issues, ADHD and other things. When you do CIO your baby learns that you will no longer respond to their cry (leading to the attachment issues). I, personally, will never let my daughter feel alone or scared even if I have to sacrifice sleep.

Here's a link of some info on CIO
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-...

Hi Sara,

The methods you are referring to here are the graduated extinction and parental presence methods.

There is another method of CIO that does not cause the baby distress. The baby does not have to feel alone or scared to use a CIO method. The important thing is to understand cry interpretation so that you know what your baby is crying about and what they are feeling.

Doesn't EVERY mother know their baby's cries? I have yet to meet a mother so out of touch with her own baby that she doesn't know the difference between a hungry cry and a dirty diaper cry. I'm so confused.. All this about the different cries should be common sense for mothers.

My daughter has the same cry for everything. Im not "out of touch with her" Im a stay at home mom and I do my best. Some babies just dont have different cries. The only difference I have noticed is she cries a little louder when shes hungry.

I'm sorry if I have offended you. I have known a lot of babies (used to babysit, do nursery at church, I have 1 niece and 3 nephews, my son and my cousins baby that just turned one year). I have never known those babies to have the same cry though. But you said your baby cries louder when she's hungry, so it's not necessarily the same exact cry, since it's not the same in volume. But anyway, like I said, I am sorry if I offended you. I just never knew babies that had the same cry for everything.

Kelsey - posted on 12/07/2009

I dont let her "cry" herself to sleep, but I do let her "whine" herself to sleep. She sleeps 12 hours through the night no problem but has trouble falling asleep. I cuddle with her, put her pjs on, give her a bottle, and when she starts rubbing her eyes I put her in her crib. I make sure shes ready to sleep and if she starts whining I know shes just being stubborn. But if she starts actually crying I try to feed her again, cuddle her for a few minutes, and try again. My main point is, I always make sure shes actually tired when I put her in her crib, then she is less likely to protest.

Kelsey - posted on 12/07/2009

Quoting Christina:

Quoting Renae:

Quoting Sara:

I don't use it. Make sure you research both sides. CIO has been linked to attachment issues, ADHD and other things. When you do CIO your baby learns that you will no longer respond to their cry (leading to the attachment issues). I, personally, will never let my daughter feel alone or scared even if I have to sacrifice sleep.

Here's a link of some info on CIO
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-...

Hi Sara,

The methods you are referring to here are the graduated extinction and parental presence methods.

There is another method of CIO that does not cause the baby distress. The baby does not have to feel alone or scared to use a CIO method. The important thing is to understand cry interpretation so that you know what your baby is crying about and what they are feeling.

Doesn't EVERY mother know their baby's cries? I have yet to meet a mother so out of touch with her own baby that she doesn't know the difference between a hungry cry and a dirty diaper cry. I'm so confused.. All this about the different cries should be common sense for mothers.

My daughter has the same cry for everything. Im not "out of touch with her" Im a stay at home mom and I do my best. Some babies just dont have different cries. The only difference I have noticed is she cries a little louder when shes hungry.

Deborah - posted on 12/07/2009

I can asure you CIO has nothing to do with ADHD I am a product of a mother who never let me cry and so is my husband and we never ler our children cry themselves to sleep and my 10 year old son has ADHD. ADHD is inherrited by genes not whether or not your mother let you cry yourself to sleep. ADHD is not a disability is not a disibility it is the ability to process information at much greater rate of speed and on multiple levels. My husband and I run our own business I have 3 children all who are homeschooled and one is 7 months. I am floored by this claim and would love to talk to the resarchers on this one.

Deborah - posted on 12/07/2009

I do not let my daughter cry herself to sleep. I know this is what people say however I have two older children 14 and 10 and I never let them cry themselves so sleep. I only ever let them cry for no more than 10 min. when they were past 1 years old. My reason is babys need you they need there momas to hold them and be wiht them. If you must get some sleep it would be better for you to nurse him in bed and let him sleep with you. Also have you tried giving him cereal? Try that because that mey be why he is waking up two or three times in a night. My daughter goes to bed at 12midnight normally so she can see her daddy and she gets up at 9am

but sometimes she doenst go to bed until 1 or 2 so it is very hard. those are the nights I let her sleep with me so that I can get some sleep. I just would maybe recommend tht if you do this place the child in his bed before morning if you can so that he doesn't get used to it. good luck

C. - posted on 12/07/2009

Quoting Sherri:

I am a mother of four children and I have worked in childcare for over 20 yrs.I would never reccommend letting a baby cry themselves to sleep at this age, your baby is way to young. Until they can eat solids and have no chance of vomiting and choking, don't do it. I have seen 1 yr olds cry so hard that they vomit so violently that they almost choke themselves. I know it seems like a huge sacrifice now, and it is, but if you sacrifice now then you will have a lot happier child in the future who is well adjusted and content and will sleep through the night. Start by making sure he is feed, full changed, maybe give him some gas relief drops, just in case he has gas. Then make sure he is warm enough or not to hot. while he is in the bed, feel the sheets around him, if they are cool then he is probably waking himself up by moving onto the cool sheets. maybe a flannel sheet to fit the crib or cradel. I had two children born int Dec. thats what I had to do. And then sooth him by putting your hand on his back and patting very slowly and gently. Try not to say anything, your voice will stimulate him. It may take a few day to a week. But you can do it! And you will have a sense of accomplishment in the end.

I completely agree. Until the baby is fully on solids, they shouldn't be left to cry at night or any other time of day. 

C. - posted on 12/07/2009

Quoting Renae:

Quoting Sara:

I don't use it. Make sure you research both sides. CIO has been linked to attachment issues, ADHD and other things. When you do CIO your baby learns that you will no longer respond to their cry (leading to the attachment issues). I, personally, will never let my daughter feel alone or scared even if I have to sacrifice sleep.

Here's a link of some info on CIO
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-...

Hi Sara,

The methods you are referring to here are the graduated extinction and parental presence methods.

There is another method of CIO that does not cause the baby distress. The baby does not have to feel alone or scared to use a CIO method. The important thing is to understand cry interpretation so that you know what your baby is crying about and what they are feeling.

Doesn't EVERY mother know their baby's cries? I have yet to meet a mother so out of touch with her own baby that she doesn't know the difference between a hungry cry and a dirty diaper cry. I'm so confused.. All this about the different cries should be common sense for mothers.

C. - posted on 12/07/2009

Heck no.. I didn't let my baby cry himself to sleep until he was about 9 months old!!! I think 5 months is too young to do that. They'll feel abandoned if you do. I understand that you are tired working long hours. At the same time, you shouldn't let a 5 month old sit there and cry the whole night until they fall asleep while you snooze away. You should go in there and comfort them, no matter how tired you are. It will be tough, you will be tired, but you need to let your baby know that you are there when they need you. They don't understand at 5 months old, and until they DO understand when bed time is, you shouldn't just let them cry.

Hilda - posted on 12/07/2009

Whats important is for you to remember that every child is different. It took me only a few days to train my then 4 months old son to fall asleep on his own. I guess it was a bit easier as I stopped breastfeeding him at aroun 4 months and thats the time he started sleeping through the night from around 7-8.30 pm until the next morning around 7am ( yes almost 12 hours). The first day he cried for half an hour which I was told is the maximum to let a baby cry at one time. The second night around 10 minutes the third night not even 5 minutes, by the fourth night not a sound!!
With my second son whom I breastfed until he turned 2years, did not sleep through until around a year and half, I tried the same "cry it out" trick, did not work out with him. Until today he is almost 3 years and a half still have some sleeping issues.
I will tell you though, its worth a try. Prepare your self to shed a few tears for the first few days while he/she cry it out.

Sherri - posted on 12/07/2009

I am a mother of four children and I have worked in childcare for over 20 yrs.I would never reccommend letting a baby cry themselves to sleep at this age, your baby is way to young. Until they can eat solids and have no chance of vomiting and choking, don't do it. I have seen 1 yr olds cry so hard that they vomit so violently that they almost choke themselves. I know it seems like a huge sacrifice now, and it is, but if you sacrifice now then you will have a lot happier child in the future who is well adjusted and content and will sleep through the night. Start by making sure he is feed, full changed, maybe give him some gas relief drops, just in case he has gas. Then make sure he is warm enough or not to hot. while he is in the bed, feel the sheets around him, if they are cool then he is probably waking himself up by moving onto the cool sheets. maybe a flannel sheet to fit the crib or cradel. I had two children born int Dec. thats what I had to do. And then sooth him by putting your hand on his back and patting very slowly and gently. Try not to say anything, your voice will stimulate him. It may take a few day to a week. But you can do it! And you will have a sense of accomplishment in the end.

Jessica - posted on 12/07/2009

i had to do this with my daughter. the first night was the worst..i think she cired for two hours but every night after that the time she cried got shorter and shorter. I think it took about two week before she was fully adjusted and she's been sleeping through the night ever since and she's almost three now. good luck :-)

Crystal - posted on 12/07/2009

I think my son was about 5-6 months old when I first let him cry. By then I had gotten his cries down to a science and his personality was coming into full circle. i went by how old he was and would do it by minutes. 6 months=6min. I would listen in and make sure I took all the appropriate methods first before I started though. I would give him his feeding, change him, and give him warm baths to soothe him...then when I knew all was done, I would let him cry a bit. It really only took about a week of doing so and he was sleeping thru the night. Some may disapprove, but when it works, it works. And my son is very well-adapted and is very social. I have had no problems due to a lil crying when he was young. They do have to learn to soothe themselves at some point or you will have major problems in the future. But thats my opinion. Everyone is different. Take care and good luck!

Melanie - posted on 12/06/2009

Hi Abigail. In my head I don't like the idea of letting my son cry myself to sleep...but my husband and I have actually started this with him this past week. He is 4 1/2 months old. He is still exclusively breastfeeding and bottle feeding with breast milk. We add rice cereal to all bottles he takes to help satiate his appetite. The first night was tough...he cried for around 45 minutes, then fell asleep. The next night he cried for 5 minutes before he was out. We've been going 5 nights I think, and he cries for around 5-10 minutes before he falls asleep. A couple of nights he has gone all night without waking. A couple of nights he has woken, and we could hear him moving around, but no crying, and he was able to fall back to sleep on his own without our going to him. He is still very happy during the day, and if anything it has helped to move him into a more consistent napping pattern during the day. I only went into his room on the first night, and that was seriously more for my comfort than for my sons. We haven't gone into his room since, and he has been getting to sleep fine. He sleeps later into the morning too. It has made for a much happier household. I think you'll find that your son probably doesn't really need to nurse that often at night...the night before we began this we were probably up with him 4 times...so we have definitely seen success with this...oh, and we still swaddle our son too...he doesn't really like it when he's awake, but it helps keep him asleep since he doesn't flail himself awake in the middle of the night. Good Luck!

Dana - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Renae:

Quoting dana:

I would never do it but, I've heard that you're not supposed to even try it until your child is 6 months old.

This recommendation refers to control crying. The inventer of control crying actually says this himself (though I haven't read his latest book so who knows what the latest he says is).

 

In my earlier post I explain why the crying method I recommend is different to control crying or other forms of parental presence extinction.

So at what age do you think you can begin then?

Renae - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Sara:

I don't use it. Make sure you research both sides. CIO has been linked to attachment issues, ADHD and other things. When you do CIO your baby learns that you will no longer respond to their cry (leading to the attachment issues). I, personally, will never let my daughter feel alone or scared even if I have to sacrifice sleep.

Here's a link of some info on CIO
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-...

Hi Sara,

The methods you are referring to here are the graduated extinction and parental presence methods.

There is another method of CIO that does not cause the baby distress. The baby does not have to feel alone or scared to use a CIO method. The important thing is to understand cry interpretation so that you know what your baby is crying about and what they are feeling.

Renae - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting dana:

I would never do it but, I've heard that you're not supposed to even try it until your child is 6 months old.

This recommendation refers to control crying. The inventer of control crying actually says this himself (though I haven't read his latest book so who knows what the latest he says is).

In my earlier post I explain why the crying method I recommend is different to control crying or other forms of parental presence extinction.

Renae - posted on 12/06/2009

Crying methods are the most effective sleepthrough methods, they have the highest success rate and work the fastest. However there are other options if you do not want to use a crying method.



First you absolutely must have a bedtime routine well established (min 2 weeks) before using any sleepthrough methods.



If you do use a crying method you need to know how to interpret your babies cries so that you know if he is in distress #I say never leave a baby in distress# and you know when to go into him. Crying methods properly implemented are more than 95% likely to work within 3-6 days.



If you use a crying method, it is usually best to choose one where you leave him and not go into him at all unless he is doing a distress cry. Methods where you go in, then leave again, then go back in again, then leave again are very distressing for most babies, as each time you leave they go through the initial distress all over again. Most babies settle quicker if they are left to calm down on their own.



You can expect between 20 and 60 minutes of crying the first couple of nights, most babies cry for 45 minutes. After 3-6 nights the crying will reduce to little or nothing. Day sleeps take longer, a few weeks, but the crying reduces significantly after the first week. When he wakes during the night he will cry for half the time he did at the start of the night.



There are many different cries, but all distress cries have one thing in common that you can listen for. You identify a distress cry by listening for pauses in his crying. If he is not distressed, he will pause for 3-5 seconds every 30-60 seconds. If you do not hear any pauses for a few minutes then he is in physical or emotional distress and you need to go in.



Other options you have are "gradual withdrawal" (google it or private message me for instructions or this post will be massive) or Tracey Hogg's "pick up / put down" method. Both of these are "no-cry" methods.



Lots of people swear by the book Save Our Sleep by Tizzie Hall, her method involves a little bit of crying (the amount depends on the age of the baby). There is also "No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley, her methods take from a few weeks to a few months.



Hope this helps. You are welcome to private message me for more information about anything I have said.

Helen - posted on 12/06/2009

You need to buy a book called "Save Our Sleep" by Tizzie Hall - it only lets your baby cry for a certain amount of time (p.s. it's only a protest cry - they're not in any pain or suffering, they're just protesting the fact that they have to go to bed). This book saved my sanity!

Christine - posted on 12/05/2009

I wouldn't suggest it until older to let them cry themselves to sleep, but I would suggest if you know they are crying because they want to be held or tired that letting them cry for a few minutes is not only good for them physically, but it will help tire them out. I personally try to let my kids fall asleep on their own so they will have a bit of independence, but some days they just need to be rocked.

Charlene - posted on 12/05/2009

I definitely am against CIO as well, especially at such a young age.

Dana - posted on 12/05/2009

I would never do it but, I've heard that you're not supposed to even try it until your child is 6 months old.

Katherine - posted on 12/05/2009

Quoting Sara:

I don't use it. Make sure you research both sides. CIO has been linked to attachment issues, ADHD and other things. When you do CIO your baby learns that you will no longer respond to their cry (leading to the attachment issues). I, personally, will never let my daughter feel alone or scared even if I have to sacrifice sleep.

Here's a link of some info on CIO
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-...

I agree, I myself am totally against it, but research it yourself.  It's great to get advice but it's not always in the best interest of your child.

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 12/05/2009

I don't use it. Make sure you research both sides. CIO has been linked to attachment issues, ADHD and other things. When you do CIO your baby learns that you will no longer respond to their cry (leading to the attachment issues). I, personally, will never let my daughter feel alone or scared even if I have to sacrifice sleep.

Here's a link of some info on CIO
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-...

Lydia - posted on 12/05/2009

Try offering him water in abottle at the night feeds tomake sure he is genuinely hungry or if he is just comfort feeding. If its just a comfort thing it will help to break the habit - if hes hugry then give him a feed.

If he has trouble going to sleep you can comfort him without picking him up - rest a hand on his back until he is almost asleep so he has the security of knowing you are there without getting used to being picked up if he cries.

I havent had to let her cry to sleep very often fortunately - but there have been a couple of occassions where nothing works and all you can do is let them cry themselves out.

Eboni - posted on 12/05/2009

IDK at 5 months i wasnt feelin the whole let my baby cry thing the child is still a baby now what i do for my daughter is give her a warm bath them a warm bottle now u said u was nursing so maybe pump your milk before down time and then feed the child cause maybe he just sucks to go to sleep or if u have a nuk that will help to but i kno i have to put cereal in my daughters bottle because of reflux.

Crystal - posted on 12/05/2009

I did not use CIO until my son was on solids at 7 months. At that point I was comfortable with the fact that he could happily sleep through the night. I based the crying on how old my son was. So I let him cry for 7 minutes and would go in and cuddle him, calm him down then place him back down again. My biggest thing was finding a comfort item and making sure he was warm enough in his bed. We usually had to go in between 3-7 times per night, for just over a week. I did wait until he was 7 months old though. Hope this helps!