What do you want from your husband or partner on Mother's Day?

Amanda - posted on 04/20/2012 ( 70 moms have responded )

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A lot of my friends think I'm wrong about this, so I want other opinions, too. Do you think husbands should be planning Mother's Day stuff for you? My husband gives me a card and maybe takes the kids somewhere so I can sleep in a little, but I guess I don't think it's his job to give *me* the perfect Mother's Day. I'm not his mother, after all. :-)

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Pamela - posted on 04/21/2012

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For me the best Mother's Day gift is when those who are recognizing me ASK me what I want. Since they generally don't.....I tell them....this is what I would like.

You are the MOTHER of his children so he probably feels that he is obligated to do something like remove the kids and give you a break. On Mother's Day I preferred doing something with the children....after all that's the reason for the celebration...being a mother.

My children all live thousands of miles away from me and hundreds of miles away from each other, so we don't get to celebrate the holiday together, but if we were closer I would love to spend the day with all of them.

Michelle - posted on 04/21/2012

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In my opinion, it's up to you. What do you want him to do for you for Mothers Day? If you think he is doing presently is good, then great. If you think he should do more, then tell him so. No one should expect someone else to know what they want unless they have told the person what they want. We should all know that husbands, especially, are not mind readers! And if you've told him what you'd like on Mothers Day and he doesn't give it to you (within reason, of course), shame on him for not honoring you on this special day!

Krista - posted on 04/21/2012

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Yes, I definitely believe that husbands should do Mother's Day stuff. It's a day to honour the mothers in your lives, not just your own mother, I think. I get cards and flowers for my mother, and a card for my MIL and for my sister (who is a mother).

Men who cop out with "you're not my mother" piss me off. Would it frigging kill them to get their wives a damn card and show some appreciation for her being a good mom?

What do I want from my husband on Mother's Day? Alone time. At a spa. :)

Sarah - posted on 04/20/2012

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Someone convinced my hubby the year my son was one (my second mothers day) that he didn't have to do anything for me cause I wasn't his mother. I was very hurt when I got nothing. The way I see it, I'm the MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN. My kids are still young and can't plan things themselves yet. I think it is his DUTY to make it a special day for me. I make sure father's day is special for him. I told my husband after that bad year how I felt, the next year was better!

Patricia - posted on 04/21/2012

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I will have to disagree with you Amanda. I do understand that he is not your father; which in fact should mean a lot more to you. He is showing you not only the love he has for you but the appreciation of being his child or children's mother. A lot of men take for granted all the hard work a wife does to take care of the family. My circle of mom friend, try not to have negative thought, and enjoy whatever or however your husband wants to show his love for you!!! and another thing that I think is very important.
If you want your children to grow appreciating you and your husband as parents, you have to teach them by example. So by your husband doing little things like that for mothers day, or your B-day or just because day...lol, it will teach your child as he is growing up how your role as a mom is so important to the family. Of course you should do the same for your hubby, you do not want him to feel left out. hehehe Hope this helps!!

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Michelle - posted on 04/25/2012

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So I wonder who organises the socks and jocks on Father's day? But is gift giving just not what your husband is comfortable doing? Are their Grandparents who might like to take the Grandkids out shopping instead, Hopefully when your husband sees the enjoyment that your children have in giving you a special day then he may see the error of he's ways

MARSHA - posted on 04/25/2012

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ooops that was suppose to be WIFE'S DAY not wire's day even though you may be "wired' after caring for him and the kids...LOl

MARSHA - posted on 04/25/2012

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he is the reason you area mother, he is actually representing or standing in for his children. and oh yeah sometimes you have to be his mother too. until they have a WIRE'S DAY, Mother's Day will do just fine!

Liz - posted on 04/25/2012

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Where I come from, the only people who give cards and presents (usually homemade) on Mothers' Day are children gifting their mother. This is how the holiday arose, as 'Mothering Sunday', the Sunday where the servants got the day off (otherwise very rare) to go and spend time with their mothers. I don't want to receive anything from my husband on Mothers' Day, because I'm not his mother! For me, the only involvement I want my husband to have is in helping my toddler with anything that she wants to do for Mothers' Day, when she's too young to be able to plan and execute by herself.



I find that Mothers' Day is one of the Hallmark Holidays, like Valentines' Day, where the original spirit of the holiday is frequently overridden by rampant commercialism. It isn't - or shouldn't be - about what presents you get, but spending the day with your family...with them thankful that they have a mother and that YOU are the awesome mother they got...or with you thankful for your amazing child or children.



Anyway, since I wasn't supposed to be able to have children at all, I find that my husband has already given me the best gift possible by helping me to make our daughter. :)

[deleted account]

I have no one. However I do like little things from my son. Except 4 years ago, we had the best Mothers' Day ever. He saved his allowance and took me to breakfast (he was 11) and then we went to Lasertag. We were the only people there so the staff let us have the run of the place. I will cherish that day forever.

Kimberly - posted on 04/25/2012

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Sleep in. What is that???? I am luck if he even remembers. Hell I would love a card.

Michelle - posted on 04/25/2012

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I agree with Sharon. I am going to take my mother and my great aunt out for lunch and my aunt was never a mother but he is like my grandmother i never met plus it helps she is my grandmothers sister. You don't have to be his mother but you are the mother to his children and that is his day to beable to say thanks for all the pain you went through to give him the beautiful children you have.

Teresa - posted on 04/25/2012

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He is doing it for the mother of his children! It is the man's job to plan a day for his wife!

Donna - posted on 04/25/2012

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I think they should do something because we are the mother of his children. We should be top priority. Of course it should be from the kids but hubby has to help them.

Wanda - posted on 04/25/2012

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No, you are not his mother but, you are the mother of his children and he should have a part in helping your children plan a perfect Mother's Day for you. You need to ask yourself this question? Do you make a Great Father's Day for him? If so, then just explain to him and your friends that even though your not his mom and he isn't your dad you two still have children together and you should help them make a special day. It will make you feel good and make your children feel good.

Jenni - posted on 04/25/2012

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We don't believe in Mother's/father's day, it was an invention by hallmarks card to make sales $$$$$$$$$. We believe that it is stupid that you can only spend ONE DAY with your mum or dad to say I love you! Where is the sister/brother/cousin/aunt/friend/etc etc etc day??? It's is just commercialism and a waste of money. I don't even know when mother's day is or nor do I care - it is no different to any other day. If I get a homemade card from my child well bully for me! If your happy with what your kids and hubby do then stick to it, if your friends ain't then they are commercially brainwashed! SAY I LOVE YOU EVERYDAY NOT WHEN SOMEONE ELSE TELLS YOU TO!

Elizabeth - posted on 04/24/2012

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All I ask my husband to do for me (our daughter is only 2 so she can't do much now) is to take our daughter for 2 hours in the middle of the day so I can take a shower alone for once and write a little or read a book by myself. I love alone time now that I never get it :)

Amy - posted on 04/24/2012

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We have a blended family as well. My husband takes my daughter to get stuff for my birthday, Christmas.,and mother's day he is her step dad but since we have been together he has been the only father she's really known and part of that is honoring using as mothers

Chantelle - posted on 04/24/2012

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thats an awesome hubby! i dont think husbands should go over the top taking the kids out for a family day with the kid,s breakfast in bed is a great way to spend mothers day i think after all its not about material things it is mothers day its celebrating the fact that your a mother and your kids love you and you love them so i think thats the way mothers day should be :)

Alice - posted on 04/24/2012

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And I think you are right. You are not his mother--he should do that for her!!!

However, if he wants to do something for you on Mother's Day, I think it sets a

good example for the kiddos, so they will remember that Mother's Day is special.

The same applies for Father's day.

Well, that's my opinion anyway--I sorta like a little attention from my honey on Mom's day!

Kathy - posted on 04/24/2012

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My Mother's Day gifts are now our tradition. We go shopping for the plants for my garden. It's something we look forward to. I think every mother should be honored for what they do. Same goes for fathers.

Amanda - posted on 04/24/2012

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Thanks for all the responses. I should clarify that my husband wasn't the one who told me I'm not his mother. I'm not sure he would have lived through the tongue lashing that would have followed if he did! I was just trying to explain why I feel weird about his role in Mother's Day.

I think you're all on the right track about it being his responsibility to set an example and help the kids honor their mother. It's a little trickier in our house because he's stepdad to two of our kids (from my previous marriage) and bio dad to our littlest one (who isn't old enough to plan anything on his own).

He's raised my middle guy since he was a toddler, but came into our lives when my oldest was about 8. So, it gets tricky having him lead their Mother's Day, especially since their own father does everything he can to NOT honor me. *sigh*

I think holidays like Mother's Day, Father's Day and Valentine's Day are so commercialized that we almost set ourselves up for disappointment or create unrealistic expectations for our partners. I don't know....

DeeDee - posted on 04/24/2012

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With me being the Mother of my Hubby's children I kind of expect him to do something special. If you do want your sweetheart to go all out then that is fine. For me a great day is not having to do dishes or cook and maybe a nap. Gifts are nice but love shown me is better.

[deleted account]

My first mother's day was kind of nice. My husband bought me a new vacuum. Although I honestly think it was more for him than me. I think he was tired of hearing me complain about my crappy old one. A happy mother's day and a nice day out with the family is all I need. Sleeping in is great but honestly, I could get that most days if I just asked.



I don't get the mother's day with out the kids. They're the reason we are mothers. It seems so weird. I think this year, depending on my husband's work schedule and weather, we'll go to the science museum or if it is nice the zoo.

Sal - posted on 04/24/2012

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That's what my hubby says too and I'd believe him but he also hates birthdays Christmas valentines. Day Easter and wedding anniversary shopping so I think he is happy to ignor all special occations if it means he never has to shop again, I have my anniversary mothers day and my birthday all in 3 weeks of each other and he just doesn't cope, I usually get nothing or s gift voucher (often printed at home after buying on line) I sort of let it go as I am free to buy what I like when I like and last year I went on a girls weekend instead or gifts for anything, i have tried to get him used to the idea of taking our little girls to buy me something as they think it is important but I guess I'll just have to wait Znd see what happens this year.... I do need new slippers and dressing gown

Amy - posted on 04/24/2012

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Its not about being his mother. But that you are a mother and the mother of his children. Its a day to honor us as mothers and everything we do everyday. Its a day set apart to thank us. In my opinion its his job to teach your kids to honor you and do something special for you on that day. Just like we do for the fathers on father's day.

Amy - posted on 04/24/2012

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Its not about being his mother. But that you are a mother and the mother of his children. Its a day to honor us as mothers and everything we do everyday. Its a day set apart to thank us. In my opinion its his job to teach your kids to honor you and do something special for you on that day. Just like we do for the fathers on father's day.

[deleted account]

That's about all I get from my hubby, which is fine with me..He does ask (if we have some extra money) what I want to do. Last year we went to a park and had a picnic and we even invited my FIL and his oldest nephew to go with us, also we had our 3 y/o, and I was expecting our 2nd child.. Hubby took care of everything including me....

Cynthia - posted on 04/23/2012

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Of course he should...your a mommy...I feel very lucky having my hubby cuz it sounds like alot of mommys only get Mothers day or bdays to sleep in or have hubby take kids...my hubby helps out all the time he's very involved...i love that I don't have to wait for a holiday to get extra attention...but YES you deserve whatever u want...without Mommy households would fall apart...were the glue....

Katy - posted on 04/23/2012

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I don't expect much as Mother's Day and my birthday are usually only a few days apart. Last year he did forget to say Happy Mother's Day to me and the kids never said it either. I was in tears by the end of the day and he felt really bad. I usually do all the planning for his mom and my mom as far as gifts and everything goes. This year we are leaving for our first Disney family vacation on Mother's Day. I hoping that he remembers to have at least the kids say Happy Mother's Day this year.

I think that he should at least let you sleep in (if possible) and have the kids do something for you.

Stephanie - posted on 04/23/2012

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It's not about u being his mom, in my opinion it's about him appreciating all you do for the children you BoTH are parents to. He should want your children to appreciate you and sometimes taking charge for 1 day and explaining how much he loves and appreciates u is the least he could do. I have 3 boys and if they learn to love and appreciate a woman by example we are in trouble down the road :)

Mandy - posted on 04/22/2012

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Mother's Day is a celebration honoring mothers and celebrating motherhood, maternal bonds and the influence of mothers in society. It is celebrated on various days in many parts of the world, yet most commonly in March, April, or May. It complements Father's Day, the celebration honoring fathers.



Celebrations of mothers and motherhood occur throughout the world; many of these can be traced back to ancient festivals, like the Greek cult to Cybele, the Roman festival of Hilaria or the Christian Mothering Sunday celebration.

at the end of the day its showing a sign of respect and every thing that we do. Youe husband should plan a day to show ur kids that mothers are hard working in keeping the family and the house running togethe (even though some times it does not seem like that lol)

Renee - posted on 04/22/2012

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"You aren't my mother"??? REALLY??? ummmm, I think that is a cop out. So, does he go to his mommy's house and giver her breakfast in bed and giver HER a day off??? Or does he get to ignore the day completely? I'm curious...do you give him a special day on Father's Day?
My husband makes a big deal of Mother's day for me, because I am the mother of his children, and he finds that to be very special. He thanks me for such a beautiful baby all the time. I think all women should be so lucky, he is amazing. =]
My ex-husband did the whole not my mother thing, and after 12 years of that he had me convinced that I felt that way too!!! Now that I have a loving appreciative husband, I realize that I pretended not to care because it was too hurtful to face the fact that my ex just didn't care that much.

[deleted account]

I celebrate Mother's Day by taking the day off from being a mother. Ever since my dh gave me Mother's Day off by taking our 3 girls to the zoo for the day, I've spent Mother's Day alone to spend how I want. Then we go out for a family dinner. For the past 17 (I think) years (I missed one Mother's Day when our youngest was 6 months old), I have gone on a historical homes tour put on by our local historical society every Mother's Day with my sisters, our mom and dad. After the tour, we all go out for lunch or go back to mom's house for lunch. Then dh and our youngest take me out to dinner. When my fil died 18 years ago, we always included dh's mom in our Mother's Day dinner. This will be my 2nd Mother's Day without her. Mother's Day should be celebrated however the mom wants it celebrated.

Chris

Stifler's - posted on 04/22/2012

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I think damo has finally gotten the importance of writing me a card.

Nikki - posted on 04/22/2012

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I never ask for anything and I never get anything, well this year I have decided that I would like something, so I WILL get it lol. I want a pendant with my daughter's fingerprint and name on it, and I want a sleep in.

Elaine - posted on 04/22/2012

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No you are not his mother, however it is his responsibility to teach the kids how to respect you and make mothers Day a special one. I would assume you'd to the same on Fathers Day. My husband and I separated over 3 years ago when our son was 4yrs old. We still make that effort for each other on mums/dads day and birthdays. How could a 4 yr old do this on his own?

Deb - posted on 04/22/2012

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Husbands should definetly plan things for Mother's Day on the child/childrens behalf until the kids are old enough (in their teens) to be able to organise something themselves. I'm sure that on the kids behalf you organise something for them to celebrate Father's Day. It's a way of the parent to teach the child respect and appreciation for everything that is done for them by their parents.

Audrey - posted on 04/22/2012

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Yeah but you are the mother of his children. I want to be pampered by my husband after having 3 children for him.

Rebecca - posted on 04/22/2012

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Our Wedding Anniversary is May 1, so there is normally some celebrating the beginning of May - for our anniversary as well as mother's day. Mother's day was not celebrated until I became a mom - then husband started with getting me things from the kids as well as from him....letting me know how he sees me work and even struggle to be such a great mom.



I think mother's day is one of those holidays that not everyone will agree on who should be celebrating it - let your friends think what they want, and you think what you want - just make sure your husband and you are on the same page.....

Diane - posted on 04/22/2012

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There are two days a year that I would like my husband to plan something special for me --my birthday and mother's day. I don't expect or want gifts, and don't necessarily want to be alone. I enjoy spending those days with my family but would like it for someone else to think of and plan a fun surpising day at least two days out of the year. I make his two days special for him and make sure the kids make a card, cake or buy him something nice and show how much he is appreciated. It's showing my kids appreciation and respect. When they are old enough to do so on their own than I won't expect it from my husband. I'll probably expect it from them alone. Just because I am not his mother or he is not my father, should we Not show appreciation, love and respect for each other on those days.

Ruth - posted on 04/22/2012

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I think it's up to the husband to be a role model for the kids and to show them how to appreciate somebodies efforts. Mother's day might just be commercial hype to some but you don't have to buy anything to appreciate someone. Treating them to brekkie in bed or making a card or a present are all exercises that will teach kids how good it can be to do something for someone else.

Heather - posted on 04/22/2012

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No. Husband's should NEVER plan mother's day stuff for me. I want to plan it. I want to plan where to go for brunch and an early dinner. He should give you a card, flowers, a gift or two. But it's not his job to give you the "perfect mother's day." That's never going to happen until your kids are teenagers or older, and leave you alone for the day.



Yes, I agree, you are not HIS mother! You are his wife and the mother of his children. As my husband puts it, it's mother's day, I should be spending the day with him AND our children.

[deleted account]

I don't "expect" anything from my husband on Mother's Day. Normally, I don't get a gift. I'll get to sleep in and he'll probably make breakfast and bring it to me in bed. Beyond that, I just try to appreciate the things he does for me year round. Now, if he were to forget it altogether and not even say "Happy Mother's Day" to me? Yeah, I'd be a little hurt.

Julia - posted on 04/22/2012

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In our family, mother's day and father's day are days to celebrate as a family the mother and father in the family. We call our parents to wish them happy mother's day. We spend time as a family. My husband gets me a card and we have a nice dinner. its to show that he understands the work that goes into being a mother, and that he appreciates me as the mother of his children. I do the same for him on father's day. As our children get older, we will teach them to be grateful for their parents every day, but on Mother and Father's day, its a time to step it up a little, to show your parent's how much you appreciate all that you do for them.

Jennifer - posted on 04/22/2012

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If it makes him happy to do it and I get to be pampered a little than I see it as a win-win situation. He is also teaching the kids what mothers day is all about! It would be nice if it didn't need to be "mothers day" for this to occur but I'll take it!!

AMBER - posted on 04/22/2012

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I do think husbands/boyfriends should plan stuff for mother's day. You became a mother & he became a father & it was because of each other. You should celebrate each other on mother's day & father's day. There are cards that say "To my wife on mother's day" for a reason! I'm sure I will not be celebrated or appreciated on mother's day so if your husband wants to do something nice for you, you should let him!

Bonnie - posted on 04/22/2012

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It's a day to honour mothers that are close to him, I would like to think. I would be happy just having a family day and going out for dinner.

Natalee - posted on 04/21/2012

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I've worked every single mother's day since I was 9 (family restaurant) it seems a lo tof families just go out for a big family dinner and small gifts. I thinkb mother's day is really just a reason to get together as a family (even extended) family and honor and celebrate our moms. But I don't think it has to be on mothers day. My perfect mothers day would be sleep in, shower (without interuption) and a relaxing meal where I didn't have to worry about cooking or cleaning the house. My real mothers day will be managing 20 servers, 6 cashiers and 2 busboys while serving about 3000 people. Yea...not exactly relaxing lol

Terrie - posted on 04/21/2012

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My husband usually takes my son shopping to get me something for Mother's Day and then they take me out to eat and yes it is all my husband's idea. But then my son is Autistic and if my husband didn't do this my son would never think of it himself. He doesn't know what day it is unless you tell him. I do the same thing on Father's Day. I think it is important that each parent be lifted up and that parents remind their children to do that. And sometimes that means by example.

Jennifer - posted on 04/21/2012

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my father never used to buy my mother something for Mother's day - as she wasn't his mother. I believe he should have done something as she is the mother of his children. my ex only had 2 mother's day's to deal with before the divorce and never did much, then again - I planned everything anyway.

I think the father should do something for the mother - even if just a flower for each child or something - just as I think the mother should do something for the father on father's day...they are their childrens other parents and they should be grateful and told so

Elfrieda - posted on 04/21/2012

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This year I told him, "Hey if you want to get me a present for Mother's Day, you can get me "Mennonite Girls Can Cook"." (a cookbook) I don't know if he will or not. He'll mean to, but he's kind of forgetful.



I made a picnic last year for Father's Day, except we had it in August. He got slippers. :P I wouldn't mind a picnic, if he wants to copy. There should be *something*, in my opinion. Not just "Well you're not my mother".

Amanda - posted on 04/21/2012

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Every year... I ask for one thing.... an hour extra to sleep in. My husband gets up with the kids and they make breakfast. That's all I want... I don't need the ideal mother's day... just a day with an hour more of sleep and to spend time with my family. Which by the way is the same request for my birthday.

Diane - posted on 04/21/2012

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i agree its a cop-out. at least until the kids are old enough to honor you, he should be doing the honoring with/for them. and vice verse on fathers day.

but most importantly its whatever works for you both and is agreed upon.

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